Have you met Dr. Wicked? If you write, and if you have any issues at all with motivation or remaining focused (what with distractions like Twitter and email and research and "research" and hey what are the words to that song? and god I haven't watched the video in years thank godz for YouTube...not that I have any experience with this at all...except, well, I sort of didn't get through writing this a/n without pulling up Cee Lo Green on iTunes, just because I wanted to hear the song)...perhaps an introduction could benefit you, too. Dr. Wicked's "Write or Die" application (free online, $10 US for the desktop download) keeps you writing by "punishing" slacking with the most hideous noises you've ever heard. For more info, visit writeordie dot dr wicked dot com. I only just started using it in the last few weeks, and it totally keeps my ass going until my time goal is up, even after I exceed the word goal (and I've never *not* passed my word goal when using it). I couldn't recommend it more highly. I purchased the download and it's totally worth it. Thanks to BeCullen and dellaterra for Word War-ing me – and totally handing my ass to me in the process. :)

-o-

Jack

Sometimes it's almost impossible to believe that I met Jacey an entire year ago, that the day I flew out of Seattle on my way to watch two of my best friends get married, there was no Jacey in my life yet. The twelve months that have transpired have contained perhaps the most difficult times of my life. On the other hand, they've also brought moments of the greatest joy of my life, and I can say that with certainty.

Having called Edward and Jasper on their anniversary, it's reassuring to know that they are blissfully happy and in love. I'm so happy for them and a little envious of their rapture; but I'm hopeful, more optimistic than I've ever been, because every day Jacey and I are closer. Every time we're together I feel more confident in our renewed relationship and in our commitment to each other.

The first two weeks of November are crazy for Jacey, school-wise, with several major assignments due at the middle of the month. I only see him once during that time, for an hour when he comes to my office to share lunch with me. We talk at least briefly every day. The day after he hands in the last of his major assignments, he comes up to Boystown to have dinner at my apartment. Collapsing onto the couch after dinner, he groans, "I feel like I could sleep for a week."

"Maybe you should," I suggest. I'm glad he has a bit of a break in his schoolwork now, and not just for how much I've missed spending time with him. I've been worried about how hard he's working this month. In addition to his schoolwork, he's also made the decision to take on a part-time job to help with his expenses, taking a retail position in an art supply store a short distance from his apartment. I wish he'd allow me to help so the job wouldn't be a necessity, and I suggest this to him.

"No," he says flatly. "Thank you for offering, Jack. I know you mean well, but no. I need to do this for myself. Besides, I'm doing fine - there's really nothing to worry about. I just want a buffer, you know? Just in case."

"I understand," I tell him, with admiration for his maturity; but I make sure he knows that if he ever has a cash emergency, I'm here with open arms and an open checkbook. He gives me a 'yes, dear' reply that sounds an awful lot like he's only agreeing to shut me up.

With Thanksgiving coming up later this month, it's pretty well been assumed by both me and my mom that I'll be flying home to Fresno for the holiday weekend. Jacey hasn't been back to Texas since he moved here at the end of August. I ask him about his travel schedule for the holiday weekend, when he's leaving town and returning. "Oh. I'm not going Austin for Thanksgiving," he replies.

"Why not?"

"I traded shifts with Allie," he replies, referring to his coworker at the store. "She'll have the full weekend off and I'll get a week at Christmas, including the time the store will be closed. I'll go home then."

"Really? Are you okay with that? With not seeing your mom for Thanksgiving?"

"Well," he shrugs, "I'm not thrilled about it, but between the two, I'd choose Christmas. It's her favorite holiday and if I do this, I can stay a whole week instead of just a few days."

I nod in understanding. "Yeah, I see your point."

"You'll be going to California?" he asks, a little wistful.

"I always have, except my last year of college when I had the flu and was too sick to fly," I reply. "Otherwise, it's sort of a given."

"Yeah."

"What are you going to do for Thanksgiving dinner, if you're staying here?" I probe.

"Oh, I'm sure I can find someone to eat with, someone who can't get home for whatever reason," he replies. He sounds casual about it, but I can hear the underlying tone of loneliness. Outwardly, I nod; inside, the wheels are turning in my head.

-o-

He falls asleep on my couch that evening. I know he has a class next morning, but I also know that if I wake him when I get up he'll have lots of time to get downtown for it. I simply cover him with a blanket and let him sleep. He doesn't even stir when I turn out the lights and go to bed later in the evening. When I wake in the morning I'm surprise, most pleasantly, to find that he has joined me sometime in the night. He's sleeping on top of my duvet, but covered up by the blanket I placed over him on the couch. I lie there and enjoy the sight of his beautiful face beside me for a while before I gently wake him, stroking his forehead. The sleepy smile he gives me when he opens his eyes is like the sunrise stretching warm arms into my room.

"Hey...morning," he mumbles.

"Hey yourself. I see my bed grew an extra person in the night." I reach out to stroke his hair.

"Yeah, I hope that's okay. If I overstepped..."

"No, it's fine. You didn't overstep at all. I was worried you might be upset about me not waking you up last night, but I knew how exhausted you were and I just couldn't do it."

He rolls onto his back and stretches deeply. "Waking up next to you? Upset is really not the word that comes to mind."

"Well, I didn't know this would happen today, but I'm sure as hell not complaining." I give him a soft kiss on the lips before getting up to hit the shower.

We have breakfast together and then ride downtown on the train, reluctantly saying goodbye before parting. I spend all day feeling disconnected, a little out of it; but in a good way. I'm almost giddy over the fact that he felt comfortable enough to come sprawl out in bed beside me; and yet even in his bleary state he considered my boundaries by not crawling under the covers. I feel...well, as close to blissful as I ever have. Even in Austin in May, when we were together and I first told him I loved him, I wasn't this happy because I knew there was something going on with Jacey, something making him act not like himself. There were things we needed to talk about and were afraid to say; there were issues arising between us that we didn't know about yet.

Our relationship is so different now. There's nothing we can't or don't talk about. We've discussed what we did over the summer while we were apart; and no, it wasn't easy for Jacey to hear me talk about how Kathleen flew to Chicago to kick my ass back to Seattle for the fourth of July weekend. He listened anyway. It hurt like hell to think of him being so despondent over the mistakes he'd made, to think of him believing that I could hate him or could never forgive him; but they were things he needed to say and I heard him out. I feel like almost everything's been said on the subject of our breakup and our time apart, that needs to be. Almost.

There's one more thing I need to tell him about the situation's impact on me and the insight I gained from it. After that, I never - literally never - want to talk about it again.

Despite having a few days' reprieve from school work, Jacey has shifts at the store the next couple of evenings, so it's Friday night before I can talk to him about it. He comes to meet me at work at the end of the day, and spends a few minutes charming the shoes off my colleagues, just as he did when he met them in March (the shorter hair has only helped his cause in this regard, I can't help thinking). When I finally drag him out of there, we hit a restaurant nearby before taking a stroll around downtown in the unseasonably mild November evening. As we walk I gather my resolve and begin.

"Jacey, there's something I have to say. We've spent so much time talking things out and said almost everything we need to, which is why I'm ready to tell you this now. I know it'll be painful for you to hear, but it's important to me to articulate it."

He nods hesitantly, waiting for me to continue.

"It's been a few months that we've been seeing each other again, and we haven't really talked about that day. The day you left me..." I take a breath, steadying my voice before continuing. "The shock and the pain I felt when you told me you were ending our relationship, that you were doing it because you were in love with someone else...that pain was greater than anything I've felt in my life. I'd had some experience with heartbreak because of how I'd felt about Ashton. And of course, losing my dad – I thought nothing could be as bad as that. But being betrayed by you...I was completely unprepared for that. You didn't just break my heart. You broke me."

We've stopped in front of a store window. I'm looking at him and he's staring through the glass, but he doesn't see the holiday-themed array of kitchen gadgets in the window display. His thoughts are miles away to a June morning when we were torn apart.

"For the most part, I wish we'd never had to go through this," I continue. "I could have done without the two months of self-doubt and anguish. But, Jacey..." I reach out, placing my hands on his shoulders, turning him to face me. He finally meets my gaze, and I can see in his eyes the depth of his guilt, the raw emotion there. I'll be so fucking glad to put this topic to bed so I never have to see my sweet boy look like this again. "I can't help thinking somehow you needed to go through it, because it eliminated the doubts you had. You know now, with certainty, what you want."

"You didn't have any doubts when we were together before," he points out, despondency coloring his tone.

"Well, other than the fact that it took me two months to admit I was in love with you. Once I did that I was invested. But it was your first real relationship..."

"It was yours, too!" he retorts. "You were as new to love as I was."

"But I wasn't a neophyte in life," I reply gently. "I'm almost seven years older than you. I've done more, lived on my own longer, had different experiences. I've been around, and been alone for a long time. I knew what I was deciding against. I think maybe you needed to see what the alternative was. You're young, Jacey. Not everyone is ready to settle down at 21."

"Great," he replies bitterly. "So while I was on this mission of self-discovery, I put doubts in you - doubts where there were none before. You were already sure, and I destroyed your trust...and now you doubt me."

"I did doubt you." I take his hands in mine. "I don't anymore. I'm not telling you today because I want to upset you. I'm telling you because I'm ready to put it behind us forever. I'm certain now. I'm sure of you, and sure of us. And I want you to know that, now that we have talked about this and I've made my decision, I will never bring this up again. I promise you; never again for the rest of our lives."

"Really?" he whispers, hope visible in every line of his body. "You forgive me?"

"Aww, Jacey." I shake my head. "I forgave you the minute I laid eyes on you in Kingsland. I knew what I wanted. It was the same thing I wanted all along. I needed to give it time, so I'd never accuse myself of blind forgiveness, of rushing back in foolishly. I needed to trust you again before I gave you a commitment. But my heart? That's been yours all along. I told you...the moment you sang to me, I was all in."

He smiles, but his eyes fill with tears. I know my expression mirrors his precisely. "I love you, Jack," he says, his voice choked.

"I love you, too." We kiss, a tender, chaste kiss that lasts only a few seconds, then he leans his head on my shoulder and we hold each other for a moment. The city goes on around us; people laugh and talk with friends as they pass; cars stop and go at the nearby intersection; but we are the center of our own little universe. From now on, it doesn't matter what happens outside our atmosphere - inside, there exists love.

We finally pull apart and start slowly heading back toward his apartment. Though it looks the same, the world somehow feels different than it did a few minutes ago...as though everything shifted two inches and suddenly clicked into its rightful place, into a groove it's been out of for too long. Everything feels right.

-o-

Jacey works tomorrow until mid-afternoon, so I'll be heading home tonight and he'll be staying downtown. He reminds me, though, that the ice rink at Millennium Park has opened this week. Despite my reservations about trying skating again, we make plans to go after he finishes work tomorrow.

Naturally I make good on my promise and Saturday night sees us heading to the rink. We each rent a pair of skates and, clutching each other's hands, we venture out onto the ice. I have to admit, we make out far better than I expected. Jacey gets off to a bit of a rough start, landing on his bottom twice in under a minute, laughing each time I help him back to his feet. Pretty soon he gets the hang of it, his natural grace aiding him enough to at least remain upright. It's not long before we're slowly making our way around the rink together, Jacey enjoying it so much that he laughs out loud much of the time. I love how light he seems since our "final" talk, since I told him I've forgiven him and it's behind us. He's not even "the old Jacey" – he's far more confident, more mature, more vocal in his dissent – something I never knew I'd love as much as I do. And now, hell, he's got me back on skates, which I seriously did not believe I would do again (and for anyone else, I likely wouldn't have). Not only that, I'm enjoying it. His laughter and enthusiasm are infectious, and much of the time, I laugh right along with him.

After an hour, though, my ankles are absolutely screaming for me to give them a break, and after pleading my case I manage to cajole Jacey off the ice - though he makes me promise to return with him soon. Back at his apartment, we warm up our chilly fingers, wrapping them around mugs of steaming hot chocolate, still chuckling and teasing each other about our respective spills on the ice.

"Oh my god," Jacey says, massaging his cheeks with his fingertips. "My face hurts from laughing. We have got to do that again."

"Definitely," I agree. "Maybe we can go again next week, after the tree-lighting in Daley Park."

He frowns. "Oh...no, Jack, the tree lighting is the day before Thanksgiving. You won't be in town."

"Oh...didn't I tell you?" I reply innocently. "Yeah, I'm staying in Chicago for Thanksgiving."

"What?" he cries, his face lighting up. "You're not going away?"

I finally allow the smile I've been suppressing. "I explained the situation to my mom, and she totally understands. I'll see her at Christmas, but I just can't leave you here all alone on Thanksgiving, Jacey - not when you're the person I'm most thankful for in the world."

"Oh my god!" He jumps up to kneel beside me on the couch. "Jack, we're going to spend Thanksgiving together! And go to the tree lighting!"

"All of it," I promise. "Anything you want."

He flings himself into my arms and smothers my face in kisses. "Thank you, thank you," he says fervently.

"The pleasure will be all mine," I grin, returning any of the kisses that happen to land near my mouth. "I love you."

"Love you so much, Jackie."

OH. He called me Jackie. It's the first time since July, since that phone conversation when I asked him not to. My heart is swelling up at that, when he pulls back with a concerned expression. "Your mom's okay with this? I don't want to upset her..."

Look at him, interrupting his own happiness to be concerned for my mom. "She's fine," I murmur. "And you're the sweetest of sweet boys..." I pull his face to mine and kiss him deeply. I taste the richness of the chocolate and sugar that linger; I smell his shampoo; I feel his lips soft against mine and his cheeks pulling up into a smile beneath my hands.

He climbs slowly onto my lap, straddling my legs without breaking our kiss. My hands move down, sliding over his chest to his hips, where I grip and pull him a little closer to me. He shifts, the movement pressing his groin slightly against mine, and both of us gasp slightly. I cup his ass, feeling the firmness round and warm in my palms. Jacey flexes his hips slightly, pressing his ass back into my hands; I grip a little tighter.

"Yes," he hisses.

"Mmm, such a nice ass," I murmur.

He pulls away enough to pant, "Jackie...I want this so much...please don't say no..."

"I won't say no," I rasp. "I'll never say no again..."

A tiny moan escapes him before our lips meet again. I kiss his neck and the strong line of his jaw and lightly suck on his collarbone. He grinds against me, both of us trapped hard and painful inside our jeans, rubbing, pressing. My hands find their way under his shirt, sliding over his smooth skin, up his back until he lifts his arms, beckoning me to pull the shirt up over his head. As soon as it's off, he's tugging my shirt up too, and it's gone in seconds.

He starts to lean close again, but I put my hands on his shoulders, whispering, "Wait." He watches as I stroke his chest, down over his pecs and across the bare ridges of his abs. I lean into lick one nipple, and he lifts almost off my lap, gasping. One nipple, then the other – each slips into my mouth in turn as Jacey's fingers slide and clutch in my hair. Releasing his nipples I pull him close, humming in enjoyment when his bare chest presses against mine, skin so soft and warm. He leans down to kiss me again. For a long time we make out, hands travelling lovingly over skin and muscle, relearning and remembering. He grinds on my lap until I can no longer stand the two layers of denim that separate us, and I reach for the button on his jeans.

He watches me unbutton and unzip his jeans, but has to get up to remove them. He stands and pushes them down over the curve of his ass until they fall to a puddle on the floor. He reaches his hand out to me to pull me up off the couch, then unbuttons mine as well, urging me to get rid of them. When we're down to our underwear only, he whispers, "My bed...?"

"Yes," I murmur.

He moves to the ladder that goes up to the loft room, but turns back to me, looking sheepish. "Sorry about the ladder – I know it's a little ridiculous."

At this point I wouldn't care if it was stairs, a ladder or a fucking rope bridge that stood between me and Jacey's bed. I assure him it's completely fine, but stop him before he turns to climb. "Wait there," I tell him, and dig into the inside zipper pocket of my warm jacket, pulling out two condoms and a travel-size bottle of lube.

Jacey raises his eyebrows at me. "How did you know?" he asks.

"Um...actually, I've been carrying these around with me for two weeks," I admit. "Just in case."

He grins broadly, nodding. "Okay then." He turns back to the ladder and starts to climb up, and immediately I'm struck by one very distinct advantage of this ladder.

"Wait," I tell him, grabbing his hips when he's on the second rung, stopping him from ascending any further. "This puts your ass directly at eye-level...and Jesus, what a view." I squeeze through his briefs, cupping and sliding a finger along under the elastic at the leg. "I am so going to give you a rim job on this ladder sometime soon." He giggles, and I finish with a little swat on his bottom, telling him. "Okay, you may proceed."

He does continue up the ladder, but I swear he does it more slowly than he started out, exaggerating his movements to keep his ass on display just a bit longer. It's so fucking sexy.

Upstairs he reclines on the bed and I kneel beside him, my fingers at the waistband of his briefs. I hesitate a moment, letting this sink in, the reality of what we're about to do. I spent so long believing I'd never have this again, that eventually the pain would fade, would settle into a bearable numbness. I figured my life would probably go back to a series of mechanical, meaningless hookups. I didn't allow myself to even pretend I was with him again - the aftermath of the fantasy would have hurt too much.

But this isn't a fantasy. The most beautiful, lovable and desirable person I've ever known is mine again. He's warm and real and willing...and he's waiting for me.

"Jackie?" he asks, rising slightly, his face concerned. "What's wrong?"

I smile and lean in to kiss him. "Absolutely nothing," I reply softly.

He grins and relaxes back onto the pillows, lifting a bit to allow me to slide his briefs down over his ass, off his hips. His bare cock is revealed to me and I drink in the sight, gorgeous and achingly arousing. My hands slide up his thighs, into the valley of his groin and up his stomach. He flinches a little, grinning. "Ticklish," he whispers.

"So sexy," I murmur. "So beautiful." He sighs as my hands continue too stroke up and down, from his shoulders to his knees. I watch his face, various shades of rapture passing over it. His cock, hard and flushed, taunts me with a droplet of moisture glistening on the tip and I have to taste it. My tongue swipes up the length and glances around the fleshy, warm head. He gasps, his hands clutching the sheets, and I take the head into my mouth.

"Jesus," he curses under his breath. Slowly, a little at a time, I take it further and further down my throat. I can feel him tremble beneath me, and his hips twitch slightly - it seems he's trying desperately not to thrust. Finally I slip the last inch in, my lips touching the base, and pull back enough that's it's just the head in my mouth again. He moans, his hands coming up to stroke my face and card through my hair. I take him down again, beginning a slow but steady pace. "Oh god...yes...Jackie...yeah..."

I look up a few times, trying to watch his face as I go down on him. His eyes are closed, his mouth open, his breath coming heavily. He's so sexy like this, so goddamn fuckable. "Oh Jack...stop, please - not yet."

I release him as requested but ask, "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," he replies and tugs on my arms, beckoning me to lie with him. "When I come, I want you inside me...where you belong." It's now his turn to roll me onto my back and divest me of my briefs. As soon as he's thrown them on the floor beside the bed, his hands go immediately to my cock. He touches me - the first time anyone's touched me in five months, the longest dry spell since I started having sex - and my body is instantly on fire. My cock, already hard and needy, strains and begs for the feel of him. I'm helpless to stop the whimper that escapes me.

In a moment I'm surrounded by the wet warmth of his mouth, watching intently as his lips - those impossibly plush lips - advance on me. One hand surrounds my balls, gently pulling down on the sac, and I moan, embarrassingly loud. "Oh my god Jacey...so good...you feel so good...sweet boy..." He sucks hard, the pressure almost painful with my cock being as hard as it is, but it's the most pleasurable pain I've ever felt.

It's been so long since I've had sex that I feel like I can give myself a bit of a pass for the fact that I'm so close to coming after only a few minutes. I have to ask him to stop, as he did with me, because I know if he doesn't I'll be shooting my load down his throat. As he said, I too want to come when we're joined completely.

He releases me and slides up beside me. We both cool down a bit, just kissing and stroking each other for a while. It's a challenge at this close range not to let our cocks touch too much - plus it feels so goddamn good when they do - but we try anyway. I grab the bottle of lube, pouring some onto my fingers. Smiling as he anticipates what's next, Jacey pulls his knees up, his feet lying flat on the bed. He takes a deep breath and exhales when my slick fingers find his ass. Knowing it's been a while for him too, he needs time and preparation. I press one finger inside, past the tightness, sliding my finger around the ring. He gives a contented sigh. This is the easy part; he knows it'll get more challenging the more fingers I add.

Within a minute I'm adding the second, and he hums his approval. I get a bit more lube and with those two fingers I fuck him, in and out, stretching and stroking him. I scissor my fingers in him and turn my hand to face the front of his body, curving my fingers a little, just grazing his prostate. He tightens, his hips thrusting a bit. A slight sheen begins to show on his forehead. "Jackie, more please," he rasps.

"More," I agree. With another few drops of lube I push three fingers in. He gasps, his shoulders now lifting off the bed, as though a flight instinct is warring with him in the face of this intrusion.

"Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck," he swears. "That's so good."

"God, you're tight; but you're opening up so well, Jacey. Not long now – you'll be ready for my cock." When three fingers are buried as deep as they'll go, I pull out a bit and plunge back in, feeling the muscle relax through our mutual efforts.

"Yes, Jackie," he moans. "So good...want it so much. Please. "

I fuck him a few more times with my fingers before pulling all the way out. I grab a condom and roll it on, slicking it well with lube, and ask, "How do you want me?"

Already on his back, he pulls his knees up to his chest, exposed and open to me. "I want to see you," he replies.

I lean down so I can kiss him deep and slow. "I love you so much," I whisper to him, delighting as his face lights up.

"Love you too," he replies.

Straightening up, I put his feet on my chest and place my cock at his opening. Slowly I begin to press into him, pausing when I see him wince a bit at the pressure and the sting of penetration. The glisten of sweat forms into beads on his forehead. Despite his request to see me, his eyes are clamped shut; he pants and whimpers softly with each slow press. I withdraw only slightly before pushing forward again, each thrust a little deeper than the one before. The control I'm exerting, holding on desperately so I don't just plunge into him, is torturous; sweat trickles down my chest and my back from the strain.

Finally, finally, I am completely buried inside him. He is so fucking hot and tight – I can only imagine how intense this must be for him, stretched open and completely filled. I figure we could both use a minute to breathe and calm down just a bit. I relax my body, moving his legs so they're wrapped around my hips and letting my upper body fall a bit to rest on his. Finally opening his eyes, he smiles, a rapturous, open-mouthed look of awe. I capture his lips with mine before resting my head on his shoulder.

"You're mine again, sweet, precious boy," I sigh against his throat.

"I've always been yours, Jackie," he returns, hoarse with need and emotion. "Always will be."

Wishing to make this last as long as possible, I nuzzle deeper into his neck and simply remain there, lying atop him with our bodies joined so intimately. Devious boy that he is, he very slowly clenches and releases the muscles in his ass, tightening around the base of my cock with each squeeze. "Jaceeeey," I finally moan, "you're killing me."

"Then fuck me," he urges. "Let me feel you everywhere, feel you giving me the fucking we both want." Somehow I manage to hold off just a moment longer, thoroughly enjoying his increasingly dirty attempts to coax me. "Come on, Jackie...don't you want to feel me tight around you when you pound my ass? Don't you want to feel my hot hole squeeze your cock when I come? Don't you want to come when your cock buried is deep inside me?"

Yes I do, very much. All of the above, and thank you.

After a searing kiss I raise my upper body enough that I can start to move in and out of him. The look of rapture returns to his face; he keeps his eyes locked on mine as I take him. It goes on for hours...days...a lifetime in those few moments. All the time we wasted, all the time we have ahead of us...it's all floating out there, somewhere far away, and I'm with my beloved Jacey once more.

It's less fucking than it is a dance, really; a pas de deux, twisting, lifting, pressing, seeking. Murmurs and kisses, hands clutching, half smiles and eyes riveted. He comes first, keening long and low as he throbs and trembles in his pleasure...so beautiful. I'm right there, right behind him and it's the best ever, bubbles of pleasure bursting inside, wringing every ounce of strength from my body until I'm left panting and sweating and parched, collapsing onto his chest where his heart pounds love to mine. We remain wrapped together for hours, neither willing to let go.

There has never been anything in my experience to compare with this, the satisfaction I feel. I am replete; I have my love, my partner, and we are on the same page. Together we're forming the root from which our relationship will grow and flourish, to which we will return in times of crisis or uncertainty, and which will always be our first priority – everything else will be peripheral to our commitment to each other.

Home is where the heart is, the saying goes. Well, Jacey has my heart and for the rest of my life, he'll be my home.

-o-

(It's not over.)

I got a PM this week telling me that Jack, Jacey and Deep Dish have been nominated for the Original Character Awards; and that the judges have opted to list DD among the stories for public voting – there are various categories. I don't know where DD falls in the categories, but I am so grateful to those who nominated my boys. Thanks so much for all the love. :) The nominated stories are listed here: fanfiction dot net /community/Original_Character_Awards_Nominees/86249/14/0/1/