A/N: This is it, the last chapter. It's a lot longer then previous chapters!

CHAPTER TWELVE

McKay- standing just inside the door of his lab- looked suspiciously around. "I swear I saw something yellow."

"This whole lemoner thing has made you even more paranoid then usual," Sheppard replied, walking past him into the lab.

"Paranoia is healthy," stated McKay, taking a cautious step forward and closing the lab door behind him. "It prepares you for the worst to happen. And I'd feel happier if I knew how many Lemoners there are."

Sheppard shrugged. "I reckon there's one more, they can't be too big a group or they'd never manage to have group meetings."

"True," said McKay. "But I think there are two or three more, this feels like a conspiracy of five or six people."

Sheppard rolled his eyes. "A conspiracy. Right."

Outside the lab standing to one side of the door were Lemoners 2 and 3. Lemoner 2 was listening to the conversation inside the lab, and trying not to snigger. Lemoner 3 had a computer and was finishing wiring it up to the lab doors control crystals. With a wire connected to each crystal Lemoner 3 gave Lemoner 2 a thumbs up.

Lemoner 2 lent forward and whispered. "What's the deal with the control crystals?"

"I can program them to keep the door locked for a minute and a half after my lemon activates," Lemoner 3 whispered back.

"Activates?" questioned Lemoner 2. "Come on, tell me what you've set up. You know you want to."

Lemoner 3 smiled. "It's-"

"GIANT INFLATABLE LEMON!" screamed McKay from inside the lab. "AND IT'S INFLATING! RUN!"

Lemoner 3 pressed a button on the computer and the control crystals went dark. Lemoner three started to disconnect the computer from the crystals.

Inside the lab McKay struggled with the control crystals on his side of the door. "It won't open!"

Sheppard stared open mouthed at the huge inflating lemon, it was beginning to float above the ground.

"Sheppard!" yelled McKay, this time getting the colonels attention. "The door won't open!"

"What the…?" Sheppard turned around to face McKay. "Why the hell not?"

Some giggling from outside the door became audible.

"Hey!" exclaimed McKay. "Let us out!"

"I think you can forget about that happening," grumbled Sheppard and turned to check on the lemon. "Oh, crap!"

McKay swung around. "Wha-? Oh no!"

The inflatable lemon was still inflating (McKay figured that this was because of some kind of chemical reaction inside it.) and was over-inflating, to the point where it was about to burst.

"TAKE COVER!" yelled Sheppard and he and McKay made mad dashes for different workbenches.

The lemon creaked softly and then burst with a loud 'BANG!'. It exploded into many pieces of stretchy plastic lemon, but from inside the ex-giant inflatable lemon flew at least twenty real lemons, a whole load of yellow streamers and a ton of yellow glitter.

McKay and Sheppard, who hadn't quite managed to 'take cover' behind the workbenches, were pelted with lemons, streamers and glitter.

"Arghh! Noooooooooo! I was hit by a lemon!" exclaimed McKay as the cloud of glitter settled.

"Rodney…" began Sheppard in exasperation, he was about to remind McKay that his allergy was extremely mild, then, anticipating the following argument, though better of it.

McKay ignored him anyway. "Have I got lemon juice on my face?! Have I?!"

Sheppard glanced over at him. "No, but you are coated in glitter." Sheppard lifted one of his own hands to check if he was just as glittery as his teammate. "Oh, damn, this is going to take weeks to get rid of."

"No kidding," grumbled McKay. "Jeannie always played with glitter when we were kids and, of course, she managed to get glitter all over me nearly every time. I'm telling you, washing it off doesn't work, it just sticks to you more! But that's not the point, I need to get to the infirmary in case there's lemon juice on me."

"Alright, see if you can get the door open," said Sheppard, trying to brush the glitter off one of his arms. It was a futile attempt.

McKay swiped a hand over the door's control crystals and the door obediently opened. "Huh? Why didn't that happened before?!"

Sheppard shrugged. "Don't know, and I don't care. I'm going to go get some of this damn glitter off."

Sheppard started to walk off when his radio activated. "Colonel Sheppard, Doctor McKay, we have a report of an explosion in Dr McKay's lab. What's the situation?" Woolsey asked.

"Nothing serious," replied Sheppard quickly.

"Not serious to you!" snapped McKay irritatedly, then activated his own radio. "It was the Lemon- I mean: the ninjas. It was the tame ninjas, only they're not as tame now."

Sheppard bit his lip as he tried not to laugh at the following silence over the radio.

"I see," said Woolsey. Sheppard remembered him saying something similar the first time tame ninjas had been mentioned.

"John, Rodney, report to the control room," ordered Weir, annoyance in her tone.

Sheppard and McKay looked at each other.

"Uh… now?" asked McKay.

"Yes, now," answered Weir.

"Elizabeth," started Sheppard. "Can we have, say, ten minutes. Then we'll report to the control room."

"You can have how ever long it takes you to get up to the control room," replied Weir. "Weir out."

"Uh oh," commented McKay and started desperately trying to remove some of the glitter.

Sheppard tried to get the glitter off his face then, realising it wasn't working because he had glitter on his hands as well, he looked at McKay, who wasn't having any success either. "It's not coming off."


Weir waited in the control room with Woolsey, she knew that Lemoner 3 had set up something that was an attempt to win the competition before McKay discovered who all the Lemoners were, but the reports of an explosion had been worrying. And of course McKay had to mention the 'tame ninjas', which had Woolsey pacing.

"Are you sure they're all right?" asked Woolsey, stopping his pacing for a fraction of a second to look at Weir.

Weir deliberately misunderstood the question. "John said it wasn't serious, I'm sure no-one was injured."

"I meant mentally," Woolsey replied.

"They're fine," Weir assured him. "Their team hasn't had any missions for a while, they're probably just feeling a bit confined."

Sheppard and McKay chose that moment to enter the control room. A dead silence fell over the room.

Woolsey turned to Weir. "'Fine'?"

Weir didn't reply; she was trying to convince her mouth to close. Two of her senior staff were covered from head to toe in glitter, even in another galaxy, this just wasn't mean to happen.

Sheppard and McKay walked over to her and Woolsey, trying their best to look dignified and ignoring the sniggers from the control room technicians.

Sheppard took in Weir's expression. "Don't look at me like that, you're the one who called us here."

Someone's camera flashed. McKay glared accusingly at the technicians. "If I find out who took that, you'll have cold showers for a year!"

"Care to explain yourselves?" asked Weir, managing to regain control of her mouth.

Sheppard tried to say something, but McKay got in first.

"You know what?!" he snapped. "I will explain! There was an inflatable lemon in my lab! A lemon! A giant exploding inflatable lemon, full of real lemons and streamers and glitter! In my lab!"

Even Sheppard looked slightly alarmed at this outburst, but Woolsey looked positively shocked. Weir suspected that he was wondering if there were any mental hospitals in Pegasus.

"Rodney," said Weir in what she hoped was a soothing voice. "Calm down."

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I will not calm down! I'm going to let everyone know exactly what I think of this!" McKay marched over to a control console and activated the citywide communications. "Attention everyone! I have something to say and you are going to listen! If anyone, anyone, puts a lemon anywhere I might turn up they can expect no power to their quarters, cold showers and anything else unpleasant I think up! You all know about the Mysterious Lemoners-" McKay glanced at Woolsey. "Or if you didn't you do now! And I assure you I'm thinking up creative punishments for them, so if a even glimpse another lemon, the nearest person is in serious trouble! Now, Carson, I'm coming to the infirmary as I could have lemon juice on me and me on the brink of an allergic reaction, so you'd better be ready when I get there!"

His massive speech finished, McKay turned off communications and stormed out of the control room, leaving a trail of glitter behind him.

Woolsey turned accusingly to Sheppard.

Sheppard held up his hands defensively. "Don't look at, I had no idea he was going to do that."

Weir sighed, McKay had made his citywide announcement, that meant Lemoner 3 had won the competition. Weir felt somewhat disappointed.


At exactly 9pm that evening the Mysterious Lemoners entered an old unused room on the outskirts of the city.

Mysterious Lemoner 1 started the meeting. "As you all know, Rodney made his citywide announcement. This means our competition to find who can annoy Rodney the most with lemons is over." Weir paused and looked around at her fellow Lemoners. "I'm sure we'll all be sorry to part with our lemon pranks, but with John and Rodney figuring out who we are- it's not bad timing. So I would like to announce Mysterious Lemoner 3 as the winner of the Silver Lemon. Well done Chuck!"

Chuck grinned as he accepted his Silver Lemon. 'Thank you."

"I have to admit, hearing that giant inflatable lemon go off was one of the highlights of this," congratulated Lemoner 2. "That and having Colonel Sheppard tell Woolsey I was a tame ninja!"

"Yeah, Woolsey thinks he's crazy now, Lieutenant," said Lemoner 4, smiling.

Lieutenant Laura Cadman smirked. "It's his own fault."

Weir nodded. "Yes, I'd have to agree with you there. I have to ask, is there anyone outside this room, who's clued in to what's going on? Because if there is we need to tell them we've finished."

"There's Zelenka," revealed Chuck. "He downloaded my animated lemon on to McKay's computer for me while he was sending McKay some other research."

"He helped me with the MALP too," admitted Cadman. "Does Carson know what's going on?"

"No," replied Weir. "He was suspicious when I asked about Rodney's allergy, but I never told him what was going on. If it's just Zelenka who knows, that's good. Though Lorne, you should know that John said he was going to kick the person's ass who sent the lemons flying across Rodney's lab, so watch out."

"I got that when he and McKay came to tell me they knew I was a Lemoner," said Lorne.

"So it was you!" exclaimed Sheppard triumphantly as he opened the door to the Lemoners' meeting room.

The four Lemoners jumped and spun around to face Sheppard and McKay, who walked into the room.

"Uh…" replied Lorne.

"How-?" asked Weir.

Chuck and Cadman attempted to hide behind a broken Ancient machine.

"Competition!" complained McKay, glittering in room's light. "A competition!"

Sheppard (also glittering) looked at Chuck and Cadman. "We can see you y'know."

"Damn," commented Cadman.

"How did you find us?" questioned Weir.

"I put cameras around all the outskirts of the city a few days ago," said McKay, looking very pleased with himself. "Sheppard and I knew you had to have a meeting room somewhere."

"We saw you coming this way on a live feed and followed you," explained Sheppard.

"Now," continued McKay. "To announce your punishment."

Sheppard and McKay looked out the door expectantly. Right on cue, Carson and Caldwell walked into the Lemoners;' meeting room.

"What?" asked Chuck, confused.

"We've had a majority decision of the senior staff not involved," Sheppard told the Lemoners. "And we've decided that for a week you will have a new boss. You will be reporting to…"

"Me," finished McKay, looking triumphant again.

"Ohhhh no," pleaded Cadman. "Carson, tell me this isn't true!"

Carson shrugged. "I think it's perfectly fair."

"But," argued Weir. "I'm the leader of this expedition!"

"Not for the next week," replied Caldwell.

"It should be interesting for you," put in Sheppard.

McKay grinned evilly. The Lemoners exchanged suffering looks.


Weir, Sheppard and McKay stood in front of the active 'gate with Woolsey, who was about to leave.

"Are you going to include the Mysterious Lemoners in your report?" asked Weir.

Woolsey stared at her. "If I submitted a report containing 'Mysterious Lemoners' I doubt anyone would believe me. I would probably end up in a mental hospital. So, no, I think it's best if I leave that out."

"Good," replied Sheppard. "Now, Elizabeth has something to say."

Weir winced and turned to McKay, hoping he'd change his mind. McKay smiled and offered her a piece of paper. "Your speech."

"I," read Weir, deciding that all her senior staff were inwardly evil. (Though with Sheppard and McKay's still glittery appearance you certainly wouldn't expect it, "would like to thank you very much, Mr Woolsey, for coming to Atlantis, and I assure you that we enjoyed having you around. I would also like to apologise for the Lemoner incident. Next time you come Atlantis will be completely lemon free and I will happily introduce you to our tame ninjas who we regret that you have not met properly yet. Again, thank you for coming and enjoy your trip back to Earth."

Weir forced a smile.

Sheppard tried not to laugh.

Woolsey looked disturbed. "Er… thank you. Though I hope next time I come these will have been taken down, there's a lot of them around the city." Woolsey pointed at a wall.

The smiles disappeared off Sheppard and McKay's faces as they saw the picture of them coated completely in glitter stuck firmly to the wall.


A/N: Ah, writing long speeches, what fun! I'm sad that this is over, I had loads of fun writing it. Please review and tell me what you thought!