Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly, if I did, it would be more like Glee :)

"Oh, Benson's getting his ass kicked by Sam again."

"Dude, you are so Sam's bitch!"

"I heard Sam got bored and kicked you in the nuts for fun."

I am so tired of hearing all about the things about Sam and me. She relentlessly uses me as her punching bag in front of the whole school, and I'm tired of it. Sure she's my friend, sure she's a girl, but that's just the thing! She's my friend, so I have to deal with the harassment, and she's a girl, so I can't do anything about it!

I'm known as Sam's Bitch now. Seriously, the guys on the fencing team will not stop calling me that, and now it's caught on through the whole school. Even Gibby has started calling me that! When Sam heard, it took her fifteen minutes to stop laughing. Carly shook her head disapprovingly, and chastised Sam, but we all know Sam only listens to Sam.

Sam liked my nickname so much, that she told everyone on iCarly, and started giving me daily beatings after fourth block, so the whole school could watch.

It was cruel, even for her. But since she doesn't have that little voice that distinguishes right from wrong in the back of her head; she saw no problem with making my life a living hell.

I've tried avoiding her, but that just fueled the fire, making the insults worse. I've even tried hiding, but she always finds me. She actually dragged me out of the boy's bathroom.

So today, I will take this like a man…by calmly telling her to stop in a firm voice.

I walked to the English hall, were most of the fourth block beatings are performed and glanced at the usual crowd. I saw Sam smirking at me in the middle of the crowd, her hands crossed over her black Penny Tee.

My resolved falter at the look of her ferocious smile, but I tried to look confident as I strolled up to her, lying my backpack on the floor by our feet.

"Ready for the beating of your life, Bitch?" she asked saucily.

Some might say that was her seductive voice, but there's nothing sexy about getting your ass kicked by a girl-well…wait never mind, God, I'm such a freak.

"Sam," I said looking down at her, "I don't appreciate what you're doing to me and I'd like you to stop."

The other students laughed, as well as Sam, who rolled her eyes.

"Shut up, Benson."

"Seriously, I want you to-," I didn't get to finish.

She gave me a perfect right hook, right to the cheek. My head flew with her punch, and my whole neck seemed to spin around. There was a bright light in front of my eyes and for a horrific moment, I thought I was going to pass out. I didn't, though. I stood there with listening to everyone laugh with a horrid pain coursing through the left side of my face.

Red filled my vision as I saw the laughing Sam. The blond-headed demon who causes me hell. The one who gives me nightmares, who makes me not want to go to school, to make everyone think I was some pussy. Suddenly I saw nothing, heard nothing, just her. Then, I did something that I have never done in my entire life.

I hit back.

With a surprising amount of speed I took five steps forward and wiped that smirk off of her face, literally. I wanted to punch her, but…she is a girl, so I restrained some anger enough to backhand her instead of actually punching her.

Apparently that backhand was more powerful than I thought, because she actually fell to the ground. All laughter ceased, and I became aware of my surroundings. All eyes were on us, the mood changed from mocking to morbid. All these people here are about to witness a murder…

I was filled with dread, and guilt. I didn't mean to hit Sam! It just happened! Oh, God…

Her hair covered her face, so I can't see her reaction.

"Sam! I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me! I didn't mean to hurt you!" I stumbled over my apologies.

She flicked her head towards me, her blond locks angrily spilling over her shoulder. I expected murderous fury in her eyes, but…she regarded me curiously, and also a burning look that I couldn't quite place. Her hand raised to her mouth and she stared at the blood on her fingers. Oh, God, I made her bleed. I saw the blood trickling down the side of her mouth, and watched as her tongue licked at it. She licked her lips, too, but instead of cleaning the blood as she intended, but stained them red like a dark lipstick.

A shiver ran up my spine. That burn in her eyes intensified. It wasn't hatred or anger…what was it?! It was definitely not a look she used on me before.

She slowly rose to her feet, and I stood and said nothing. I deserve whatever is coming towards me…I'll take this beating like a man. There was an audible gasp as she lunged for me. I closed my eyes and waited for the pain, but the pain never came.

She did attack me, oh yes, but not with fists or kicks. Her lips connected with mine in a hurried fury. My head flinched away in surprise, but she grabbed my hair and roughly pulled my head down to hers. I didn't know what to do or think, I just stared at her, eyes wide opened and watched as she kissed the living hell out of me.

Her lips were moving so quickly and roughly that I had to respond, and when I did, I was caught up in her tornado of lips. My knees literally buckled. How is she a good kisser? How in the hell is she that good at this?! She hasn't had that many boyfriends! Oh, dear, Jesus. Some say she's the best fighter in the world, but oh no, she is the best damned kisser that ever lived.

As she was kissing me, her hands ran through my hair, her fingernails lightly scraping my scalp. I shivered and moaned into her mouth, letting her tongue gain entrance. I lost all train of thought there as her tongue massaged mine. I grabbed her waist and pressed her against me, so there was no space between us at all.

I heard an awkward cough, and one of my eyes opened for a second. I didn't really care about anyone else, I just wanted to get lost in Sam…Sam?!

Oh my God! I'm making out with Sam! Sam! What the hell am I doing?! She's my best friend!! Wait…no, she's kissing me! Didn't I slap her?!

What the fuck?!

I quickly pushed away from her before she could pull me back again. I stared at her in shock as her eyes fluttered open. She blinked and looked around as if she was just waking up, and then her eyes landed on me. Her mouth popped open in shock, like she couldn't believe what she had just done.

"What the hell, Sam?!" I yelled at her.

"I-I-I…" for once in her life she was truly at a loss for words. "I don't know why I-…I didn't mean too-…no one's ever-…" she kept shaking her head like this was some horrible nightmare.

Now I was confused. Didn't she want to kiss me? Didn't she kiss me? Why is she acting like she didn't want to at all? Was it that horrible, when I knew for a fact that was the best kiss I have ever received and probably will ever receive? Now I was kind of hurt.

"Just forget it," I said angrily walking away.

The crowd of students parted for me as I walked out of school. I walked home instead of taking the bus, using this as time to think. Why was I hurt? I didn't want to kiss Sam, either, so she shouldn't want to kiss me. No big deal. Then why did it feel like a big deal?

Why are my lips tingling, why am I lightheaded, why did I feel fucking fireworks when she stuck her tongue down my throat, why have I never got that reaction from another girl…ever?

It's just Sam! I can't be this obsessed with a kiss from Sam. I mean, it wasn't the first time we kissed. Yeah, we were like fourteen, and neither of us even moved our lips, but still, it was like the same thing.

Okay, it wasn't a thing like the first time. I didn't get so…ahem… "excited", over the first kiss.

I groaned at the uncomfortable feeling south of my belly button, this was getting worse by the second.

I hurried home and practically flew into my apartment, incase Sam or Carly miraculously beat me home. I ignored my mom's ramblings, and charged into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind me, knowing it was the only place she'd leave me alone. I grasped the sides of the sink and glared into the drain.

What the hell is wrong with me? One measly kiss shouldn't be affecting me this much! It was Sam, maybe it didn't mean anything, just another one of her ploys to embarrass me in front of all of our peers. But how would that embarrass me?!

It would actually knock me up on the popularity totem pole, making out with a knock-out like Sam. Oh my God, I can't believe I just thought that-aw, who am I kidding?

Any person with eyeballs and a brain stem can see she's drop dead sexy. Her slender body, long legs, nice…assets…she's like a model, well, a five foot five model. Her blond hair, unruly, wild, and beautiful, just like herself. Her fiery blue eyes that always held such emotion in them. The way she could kick your ass to tomorrow and back, verrry hot.

But, she's my best friend! Sure I can notice her hotness, but I shouldn't be affected by it! Well, it's hard not to be affected when she's sticking her tongue in my mouth. I blame my insanity on her.

I looked up at myself in the mirror, and groaned. My hair was sticking up in random places like I just woke up, her fault for running her hands across my head. My lips were red…I wonder why, she wasn't wearing any lipstick-oh dear Jesus…that was Sam's blood!

The blood that I caused that came from Sam is on my lips! Holy shit! I threw the faucet on and splashed water on my face. I ferociously rubbed at my mouth, trying to get the blood to go away, and try to ignore the stupid teenager in my head that was saying it was kind of hot that her blood was on my mouth.

I'm such a hormonal wreck.

I got rid of any evidence that what went down at the school…went down, and returned to my troubled thoughts, staring blankly back into the drain.

A knock on the bathroom door knocked me out of my thoughts.

"I told you to leave me alone, Mom!" I growled.

There was a pause, and I thought I actually might get away with yelling at my mom.

"It's me."


Holy shit.

It's okay, Freddie! Breathe! She's the girl you've known since you were like eight, who was a ninja turtle for four Halloweens in a row. She's just Sam, don't freak.

I took a deep breath, ran another hand through my hair, and opened the door.

Sam was staring at her feet in a sheepish matter. I awkwardly watched her, waiting for her to say something. She never did, and after about five minutes, I started to get antsy. My mom will walk by any second wondering why Sam was standing in front of our bathroom, and I'd have a whole mess of questions from her after Sam left.

"Come in," I said stepping back, allowing her to enter the bathroom.

She scrunched her eyebrows together. "The bathroom?"

I rolled my eyes, "Come on, Sam, I don't want my mom to see you!"

She shot me a glare, but walked into the bathroom; nonetheless. I shut the door behind her, and locked it…just in case. She leaned on the wall and I rested my hands on the sink.

"So…" she trailed off.

She became very interested in her fingernails. I watched her pick the black paint off of one…two…and then three fingernails before I got frustrated.

"So would you like to tell me why you jumped me after I hit you?" I snapped.

She didn't look up, her curly hair covering her face, but I noticed her fingers stopped moving. I heard a sigh and then she mumbled something.

"What?" I asked.


"What?" I asked louder.

"I get turned on when guys hit back!" she yelled.

Her head snapped up and the dangerous glare was back in her eyes. I was startled for a moment, and then completely flabbergasted. Did she just say…what I think she just said…?

I let out an astonished laugh. The red flush on her cheeks didn't go unnoticed.

"You do what, when guys do what?" I laughed.

"Shut up!" she growled, "I just think it's sexy when guys get all macho and aren't afraid of me."

"So you think I'm sexy?!" I spit out in disbelief. This was getting better by the second.

She growled at my amusement.

"No, even if you were the last monkey on earth I wouldn't find you attractive. You just found a major," she swallowed, "weakness of mine."

She looked down at her feet while I laughed. She suddenly looked up again and pointed a finger at me.

"If you tell anyone about this, you will die. And I mean die. I will cut off your body parts starting with your toes and then work my way up, so you will feel it all."

I don't know what came over me next. Maybe it was because I found all of this just so ridiculous. Maybe it was because she looked extra feisty with her black tank top, skinny jeans, blond locks bouncing around her face which was a mask of anger, and her fiery blue eyes. Maybe it was because she smelled like strawberries. Maybe it was because it's something that I've wanted to do for a long time.

I slapped her…for the second time today. My laughter stopped after her head swung to the side. I wasn't afraid, though. I wanted her to get mad. She looked back at me, more fire in her eyes than ever. But not the fire I was looking for.

"Are you fucking insane?" she growled, throwing her hands in the air.

I pushed her then. She looked at me in surprise as she stumbled backwards, and landed in the bathtub, hitting her head as she fell. I could say that I was getting her back for the years of torment, but in reality, I was wanting to do something else.

She stared at me in shock from the bathtub, her mouth cocked open in surprise. I crossed my arms across my chest and smirked. Then her eyes clouded over with that fire again. Not angry fire…the other one.

I heard a growl come from her as she stood up, and for a split second I was afraid she was going to actually kill me. She lunged, arms out, throwing me against the bathroom door. I was frozen in fear as she held me by the collar of my shirt. She snarled, "You are such a jackass," before her lips crashed into mine.

I was lost in the lust induced bliss as we ferociously fought in the form of a kiss. Once again her tongue found its way into my mouth and made me groan in pleasure. This time, I tried to do the same, and soon our tongues were in an all out war, fighting for dominance. It was grrreat.

Then she pulled back and before I had a second to think, she slapped me, sending my head to the left so hard that my forehead hit the door. Just as I was about to ask what the hell she was doing her mouth was on my cheek.

My cheek! She started nibbling, oh my God, nibbling! She placed kisses, licks, bites, and playful nips down my cheek, across my jaw, and her lips stopped right under my ear lobe, an incredibly sensitive spot that no one, no one has ever kissed before.

I couldn't breathe or think, all I could do was let out a grunt that was unable to be contained. Then…she started sucking. I all but blacked out, and I swear I saw fireworks, stars, flying hippos, something. I felt weak in the knees and I prayed to God that I wouldn't collapse and ruin the mood completely.

She stopped and I felt her lip travel to my ear.

"Don't you ever try that again, Benson," she whispered.

A shiver ran up my spine. She placed a kiss on my cheek, and before I knew it, I was falling backwards. I blinked and looked around, disoriented. I saw Sam standing above me, a smirk on her face. How had I fallen into the hallway?

Then it clicked. Mother effer. She opened the door and made me fall. I glared at her. She smirked and stepped over me, walking toward the front door.

"Be there tomorrow like usual, after fourth period, Fredhorny," she laughed as she left.

I sat on the ground on bemusement, not exactly sure what happened.

"Fredward, what are you doing on the floor? And what's that on your neck?" my mom asked appearing down the hall.

"My neck?" I asked reaching up to rub whatever was on it off.

My fingers brushed under my ear and I was instantly brought back to five minutes ago when a certain pair of lips sucked…oh no…

I jumped up and ran back into the bathroom and turned my head to look at my neck.

"Mother effer!" I said to myself.

A hickey. She gave me a hickey. Of course.

So when I went to school the next day, people laughed when they saw the bruise-looking mark on my neck. Sam had definitely found a new way to embarrass me. The usual crowd was there when I went for my daily beating, but…let's just say that instead of her kicking me in the nuts while everyone laughed like she used to, I like the making out with me while everyone laughs (her new form of marking me as her own) so much better now.

Yay! One-shot! Well, I was watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith and this little plot bunny was born. I don't know why, but like Sam, "I like it when Freddie gets all feisty". Review and tell me how much it sucked or how much it rocked!