Title: Ice Queen
Disclaimer: Do not own Naruto, or What Sarah Said by Death Cab for Cutie
Setting: Alternate universe, modern world.
Notes: This is actually for my friend, Sarah, and it's kinda just a weird coincidence that the song is called what sarah said, because I just really like that song and thought it fit well with this story.
Oh, and sorry that Sasuke's a little OOC...
- Ice Queen -
what sarah said
(And it came to me then, that every plan, is a tiny prayer to father time)
She got up, pulling her robe on as she walked out the bedroom door. He watched her go, wondering how she always managed to look like she didn't care about anything.
Maybe she didn't.
It was strange, he thought, how this time it was so backwards. Before, before everything had happened, before he left her, she had been effervescent and happy and carefree and so alive. He had been the cold one back then.
But now, when he was back and ready to love her, she just wasn't there.
He wasn't sure if she even could love anymore.
(As I stared at my shoes, in the ICU, that reeked of piss and 409)
And the saddest thing—and he knew this for a fact—was that—
It was his fault.
(And I rationed my breaths, as I said to myself, that I'd already taken too much today)
She took a sip of her coffee, and he watched her. He was always watching her nowadays, as if waiting for her to slip up and show that she was still human.
She looked up, seeing his gaze, "What?"
He shook his head, "Nothing, I was just wondering…what happened to becoming a painter?"
She shrugged, "It was a foolish dream. I decided I should choose a more stable job."
(As each descending peak of the LCD took you a little farther away from me)
"But you always said that no matter what, you'd become a painter."
(Amongst the vending machines and year old magazines)
She looked him in the eye, "I guess I changed."
He could hear the implied because of you.
(In a place where we only say good bye)
(It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds)
"I don't understand how someone could change so much. She's just so…cold."
"You know why she's like that, right?"
"I know. Because of me."
"Then how do you not understand?"
"She was just so…so strong. I never would have thought her to be the kind of girl to lose her head over some guy."
"Well, to her, you were never just some guy. You were everything."
"…I never wanted to be."
"I doubt she wanted you to be either, but she didn't get a choice, now did she? And she was the one who got hurt, so don't complain."
"This hurts me too, you know."
"Yeah, well maybe you should've thought of that before you left her."
"But I didn't know I loved her back then! I was young and stupid. Don't blame me for that."
"No one's blaming you for anything. Well, actually, I am, but she took you back, now didn't she? She's not holding it against you."
"Yeah, but, she didn't really take me back. We're together now, but she's just not really there, you know what I mean?"
"Uh, I guess."
"All I'm saying is, I want her back to the way she was before, when she was happy and was in love with me."
"It might be too late."
(But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all)
(Then I looked around at all the eyes on the ground)
This wasn't love.
It was lust, maybe, these times when they lay intertwined, bodies so close that they seemed to be one person, but not love.
(As the TV entertained itself)
These meetings of lips and teeth and hands moving everywhere as if they couldn't stand to be not touching for a second, this act that was supposed to be the most passionate of all, was completely devoid of emotion.
On her part, anyways.
Only she could make sex cold.
And in the times after, when they lay side-by-side breathing heavily and her hair was plastered to her forehead and he thought she looked so beautiful, and he forgot about the barrier between them and just reached out—
She would turn away, refusing to be held by him.
He wondered if it was a pride thing, like a "he hurt me and I won't give him the satisfaction of letting him know that I am his".
Or maybe if it was just that she was afraid to let her guard down around him.
He wondered if maybe she just couldn't, anymore.
Maybe she just couldn't love.
They were at the airport, waiting for her flight to come.
(Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room)
This time, it was her leaving him.
(Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news)
He had thought he could be strong about this and wouldn't say anything, but as it got closer for her time to go, he found himself unable to keep his mouth shut.
"Don't go," he blurted out, when she came back from the bathroom.
She looked at him, and he was startled by the complete dullness of her green eyes.
"I don't know what to say," she said.
"How about, I'll stay?" he said, even though he knew how utterly impossible this was.
She sighed, sitting down on one of the hard airport chairs, "I'm not going to lie."
"But," he said. This was so ironic, he thought, just like déjà vu. Except in reverse. "You always said that once you love a person, you never really stop. And you loved me."
She sighed again, "I was so young back then. You said yourself that I was too naïve." She shrugged, "And so I changed."
He shook his head, "You shouldn't have listened to me. I was an idiot." This was not him, he would never say anything like this. ...He really had changed. He looked her straight in the face, trying to convey his feelings through his eyes, "Go back to who I know you are."
Something flickered in her eyes, and he grew hopeful that maybe he was getting through to her.
(Then the nurse comes round and everyone lifts their heads)
"This is who I am now," she said softly.
"No," he said, "Somewhere, there's still that happy, free-spirited girl I once knew. You just have to find her."
"I don't think I can."
"Please," he said, growing desperate, "Please try to break that layer of ice around you. I know you can."
She grew silent, and looked at the floor. He wondered if maybe she was trying to break down the barriers she had put up, and silently urged her on. She looked up.
(But I'm thinking of what Sarah said)
He was confused, "What do you mean?"
She went on, "Why are you doing this now? I just don't understand."
He had thought this was obvious, "Because I love you. I realized that, and so I came back for you."
She grew silent again. He crossed his fingers, hoping…
"You're too late."
This hit him like an arrow, "What?"
"You're too late," she said again. In the background, he could hear them calling for the passengers of her flight to start boarding, "There's nothing left of me to give you."
(That love is watching someone die)
"But," he said, trying to find words that would make her stay, "I love you."
"And I loved you," she said, grabbing her stuff. She looked at him, "Good bye, Sasuke."
And he watched her walk away.
(So who's going to watch you die?)
Review please! :)