Who needs to stop coming up with new ideas?
Oh yeah…that would be me…
Dedicated to Kalli-kins because this is totally the kind of thing she and I seem to inspire in me and if we were characters in a movie, this would be them.
"It smells in here!" Josephine exclaimed, covering her mouth.
Sabrina shushed her. "I told you, you could wait outside!"
"It smells like someone had beans for lunch and then blew everywhere!" Josephine replied, gagging a little bit.
"We have to be quiet!" Sabrina said, shushing her once again.
Josephine made a face. "I'm gonna puke."
Sabrina reached over and smacked Josephine's arm, losing her balance and falling over, landing in something smelly and wet. She started to make gagging noises herself and then started to whine a little.
"We're supposed to be quiet." Josephine mocked her, helping her up.
Sabrina whimpered. "Oh my God I smell like death!"
"Eww! Eww! I got it on my hands! What if it eats me?!" Josephine asked shaking her hands to get it off.
"I don't think we should have come in here." Sabrina muttered, gagging. "I'm gonna puke too."
Josephine made a face. "Okay you're the one that said we should cross the police tape to be all badass and I believed you!"
"I'm retarded!" Sabrina protested.
"So am I!" Josephine yelled back.
They both shushed each other when they heard a loud noise and neither of them wanted to be there anymore. They were pretty sure that as badly as they wanted to start a life of crime that they could get away with, this was not the way to do it. Sabrina and Josephine had wanted to be able to get what they wanted when they wanted since they were little playing with the Barbie Dream House and kicking Ken out, but now they were way in over their heads and they were beginning to be aware of it.
"If we die down here I'm blaming you!" Josephine said in a harsh whisper.
Sabrina rolled her eyes. "If we die down here you're going first, Blondie!"
"You hairist bitch!" Josephine exclaimed.
"You grudge-holding whore!" Sabrina responded.
Josephine gasped. "You—"
They both stopped and then took off running the way they had come in when they heard the noise getting closer to them. When they made it outside they both took deep breaths and then realized they were in desperate need of a shower and began the long trudge to the motel.
"Look…I'm sorry." Sabrina said.
Josephine nodded. "You should be."
"Josie…" Sabrina scolded.
"God, fine—I'm sorry too." Josephine replied and she smiled a little until Sabrina leaned in to hug her. "You touch me with your death covered clothes and I will slap you."
When they'd gotten themselves all cleaned off and dressed up again, the two of them pulled out their fake IDs and headed to the morgue. There was some seriously weird shit going on around here and they were trying to get their kicks doing things they shouldn't have been doing. There would be time to hustle and get money later, but for now there was a mystery to solve and for some reason they both wanted to solve it.
"Okay you're gonna have to be the one to touch the dead people." Josephine told Sabrina as they headed to the morgue.
Sabrina made a face. "What?! Why me?!"
"Because hello? They're fucking dead!" Josephine exclaimed.
"Fine! But if I get bodily fluids on me at all I'm wiping them on you!" Sabrina warned her.
Josephine glared. "You wouldn't dare…"
"Oh I would." Sabrina replied.
The second that Sabrina pulled the door to the morgue open, she and Josephine plastered smiles on their faces and flashed their badges, surprised when the woman said that the FBI department they were from had already been there. Josephine started to breath a little differently and Sabrina had to step in with a story before Josephine ruined everything and spilled her guts.
"We weren't contacted then. I swear is it so hard to just keep someone posted? Who the Hell is stealing our case?" Sabrina demanded.
"Is there a problem?" Came a male voice that neither Josephine nor Sabrina recognized.
They turned to see a tall man with brunette hair and a fabulous build, and a shorter but just as attractive man with sandy brown hair. The two men looked over the tall brunette with her pulled back hair and layered bangs, and the shorter blonde with small perfect frame and strategically pinned locks and the shorter one smirked. He knew if they were real FBI agents he should be upset, but the blonde was hyperventilating now, so he escorted them outside.
"What the Hell is your problem?" Sabrina demanded.
Josephine looked at the brunette man. "Please don't take us in! I'm too hot to go to prison and become some butch chick's bitch!"
"Josie I swear to God if you don't shut-up this time—" Sabrina warned.
"—you'll what? Beat me? That's assault and they'll take you in!" Josephine pointed out.
Sabrina rolled her eyes. "Who the Hell are you guys?"
"I don't think you two are in any position to be asking the questions around here." The sandy-haired man told them in an authoritative voice.
"Oh don't try and scare me! You aren't real Feds!" Sabrina countered.
Josephine perked up a little. "They're not?"
Sabrina shook her head. "Of course not! They're way too hot to be real Feds…I'd tap this one right here and now so obviously they're phony."
Dean chortled as Sabrina pointed at him and then nodded. "Hand over the badges."
Note: And that is the first part! This story is definitely more comedic. Feedback is always appreciated!