Title: Firsts: Starscream and Megatron
Author: Mirage Shinkiro

Rating: T
Warnings: mech/mech kissing, a.k.a. intimacy between androgynous and nonsexually reproducing but male-"pronoun'd" 'bots.

Disclaimer: Transformers is the property of Hasbro, and although I wish I could make money off the TF franchise so I could be independently wealthy, I am not. Alas, I remain poor and am just borrowing the lovely robots.

Summary: G1. Starscream discovers the human custom of Trick or Treating and decides to tease his leader about the Megatron Halloween costume. The little confrontation has unexpected results, however.

A/N, explanation: This is another in a series of one shots about various couples, all of them surrounding a first kiss. Inspired by Ariel-D's "Project Drive Megatron Insane" and dancinglemur's "On the First Day of Christmas." The odd use of italics is a reflection of Starscream's way of speaking.

For the many people who requested more 'Con "Firsts" or Megs/Screamer specifically. And yes, I decided to try it as Screamer/Megs for the challenge, if nothing else.

Firsts: Starscream and Megatron

Starscream had no use for humans. None at all. They were tiny, smelly, and squishy, and if you stepped on one, it took breems to wash off all the goo. They also believed all sorts of stupid slag, and stupidity was something Starscream had an extraordinarily low tolerance for, unless he was pretending to be an idiot in order to live another orn. Even then, it was all a matter of performance.

And so it was with great surprise that Starscream found himself staring at a gaggle of little humans rushing past his alt form, squealing and pointing with delight.

Granted, they didn't know who he was since he was disguised as an ordinary, boring silver jet, set out on display in preparation for an air show the following morning. And he knew no human could ever look upon his beautiful form without being awed, even if it were painted a hideous, uniform color. But what were odder than his disguise were their disguises: each little human wore an inexplicable costume, most red or black in color.

A normal-sized human crossed the grassy field, making his way past the B-52 Bomber, A-36 Apache, and F-4E Phantom. The security had been tight for humans, which of course meant it was easy for Skywarp, who had used his teleportation to help switch the F-15 Eagle with Starscream. Now, though, the humans seemed to be relaxing further, if the squealing small ones were any indication.

"There you are!" The adult human propped his hands on his hips. "I told you all to stay off the field. Keep this up, and I won't take you Trick-or-Treating."

"Sorry, Daddy!" The biggest mini-human grabbed onto the man's arm and tugged on it. "We just thought the planes were neat and wanted a closer look."

Finding himself suddenly, terminally bored, Starscream continued to stare at the poorly disguised mini-humans. Were those bat wings? The littlest human thought he could disguise himself as a bat? And wait, wasn't one of them dressed up as Superman? Such a stupid, goody-goody character, Starscream thought, disgusted. Just another instance of humans imagining themselves as something other than pathetically weak.

His attention returned to the whining mini-human whose father seemed displeased with him. Starscream was trying to figure out what the sad little costume was when he did a second, third, and fourth take. What the frag? He paused to look, really look, at the white helmet and boxy white chest piece. Impossible. But no, the boy's arm confirmed it: he had a fake fusion cannon strapped to his right forearm. Megatron? The little flesh creature is dressed up as Megatron? Surely not! Starscream marshaled every ounce of his considerable but little-used willpower not to laugh his aft off.

What is this all about? he wondered as the gaggle of humans made their way off the field. I must discover the meaning of this. He wasn't sure why humans would bother disguising themselves, even if he found it predictable that they would do such a poor job if it, but if it was something that would irritate Megatron, he would put his superior research skills to use. And he already had his first clue: the odd term 'trick-or-treating.'


The buzzer to his office went off one, two, three times, and Megatron glanced up with a scowl. Starscream, of course. It had to be. No one else could be so annoying. Schooling his face into impassivity, he activated the door. "Enter."

Starscream strutted in. That was really the only way Megatron could describe it: the swing of hips, the flick of wings, a strange, graceful full-body movement that was Starscream's alone. Depending on his mood, it made him either want to pound him into the deck plates or 'face him senseless. The two impulses were contradictory in a way his processor couldn't resolve, and instead he found himself staring at the arch of silver and red paneling. "What?" he barked.

"I do believe we've made quite the impact upon human culture," Starscream said. He handed over a data disc. "The intel you requested." He flicked one wing in an offhand manner, almost as though his mission and its success were of little importance. "I observed something most odd yesterday."

Megatron accepted the disc and inserted it into his terminal, scanning the contents to make sure he had, indeed, received what he'd asked for. To his surprise, all was in order. "And what would that be?" he asked, his boredom and inattention unfeigned.

"A human disguised as you."

Megatron's gaze snapped to Starscream's smirking face. "Disguised as me?" It didn't compute, and Megatron found himself focusing on his SIC's face. He had rather full lips for a mech, and every time he noted them, Megatron wanted to defrag his central data banks. Why did he even notice such things about a career traitor?

"Apparently humans in many countries celebrate some ancient holiday." The smirk on Starscream's face was bleeding into a mischievous smile. "In its current American incarnation, human children are expected to dress up as various things, most of them 'scary,' and terrorize human adults for candy."

If their conversation was headed anywhere, Megatron would have been surprised. "Scary? A human?" The bulk of his attention had moved to Starscream's wings, which were faintly flicking and flitting as he spoke. Frag if Seekers were unintentionally sexy without even trying. Maybe that's why I keep them around even when they prove to be stupid or inept, he thought, only half-serious in the privacy of his own processor. Then it occurred to him he really might not have a better reason, especially for the Coneheads.

"Their disguises are usually nonhuman." Starscream waved one hand through the air. "Ghosts. Monsters." He snickered. "You."

For a moment, Megatron wasn't sure whether to be insulted that humans were attempting some no doubt pathetic mimicry of him or to be complimented that he'd struck enough fear into them to end up worshipped during a quasi-religious holiday. Starscream likely meant for him to be insulted, so he chose complimented. "Good to know they grasp the truth of my nature." He smirked when Starscream frowned. "I see you didn't find any young humans disguised as you. I suppose they understand your true nature as well."

Starscream lifted his wings faintly and then dropped them in the equivalent of a shrug. "Skywarp and Thundercracker saw three humans dressed up as our entire trine."

He was ready for that, Megatron thought, much amused.

Starscream simply smiled. "All hail the Decepticons: children's terrifying ploy to get solidified sugar."

It was insulting, Megatron admitted, to have his entire empire and his quest for universal domination reduced to some petty human game. But the longer Starscream grinned at him, the less sure Megatron became of his intentions. He seemed like he wanted to pick a fight, but he wasn't truly trying. When Starscream was out to slag him off, he would do so in two astroseconds flat and then they'd come to blows.

Megatron steepled his fingers and rested his elbows on his desk, tapping his fingertips against his lips. "You're in rare form," he commented, presenting himself as the picture of casual interest.

Starscream lifted one leg and sat on the corner of his desk, balancing himself precariously. He tilted up his chin, peering down at Megatron with a look of assessment. A strange gleam lit his optics, quite unlike any stare Starscream had given him before. His wings twitched, then lifted up and back from his body in a slow arc Seekers rarely employed. They generally kept their wings to the side to avoid stress to their transformation hinges and back strut. It was so engrained into them that Megatron'd had to threaten them before they'd folded their wings for their disguises as Autobots in their recent performance for the idiot Berger.

"I find myself oddly distracted," Starscream murmured, dropping his chin and leaning forward.

Resting his hands on his desk, Megatron raised one optic ridge. "I hardly find that surprising." He was barely paying attention to his own words. Although he struggled not to show it, his attention was riveted to those arched wings and the way the cabin lights shone off the silver edges. The fool knows he's handsome, Megatron lamented. Such a pity it's wasted on a traitor. He hesitated in his thoughts when he realized Starscream had leaned closer and was matching his stare. They had both become so distracted that Megatron wondered if Starscream even remembered why he'd entered the room in the first place. He knew he certainly wasn't reading the intel he'd been provided.

"I was tempted to laugh," Starscream finally said. "But now I'm thinking it's only natural that the humans should identify you as a genuine source of fear, even if it does get caught up into some bastardized religious ritual."

Megatron froze, the shock of the compliment actually rendering him motionless for an astrosecond. He tried to recall another instance in which Starscream had actually acknowledged his greatness in a sincere fashion, but no memory presented itself. What has gotten into your processor? he wondered, unsure whether to suspect glitch mice or a bizarre plot.

Apparently taking advantage of the opening, Starscream swooped down the rest of the way and pressed a kiss to his lips. Megatron jerked backwards, genuinely caught off guard. "What the frag?"

"'Frag' . . . yes, I do believe that would be nice." Starscream grinned and hopped off the desk. "Too bad we spend all our time fighting, is it not?" He turned and headed out the door, his wings flicking higher for a moment before settling back into position. He paused in the doorway and gave Megatron a slag-eating smile. "We truly would be the terror of the galaxy, if . . ." He paused, seeming to think better of it, and his expression grew poignant. "But I suppose that's impossible." He slipped out the door, leaving Megatron to stare after him.

Mentally gathering the scattered pieces of his processor, Megatron considered Starscream's strange behavior and words. "If you're pondering what I think you're pondering," he murmured to the absent Seeker, "I may consider it a plot with merit." Not that he'd ever admit it to Starscream. No, it would have to look like a conquest initiated by Megatron himself.

Would it be worth it? he wondered, turning back to the intel. Would it be worth it, after all?

The image of arching wings teased his memory banks, and Megatron found himself more intrigued than he would have liked.

Postscript: Yes, I am slowly writing the sequel to "Sound and Fury" ("Masters of Fate"). I basically have 2 chapters. I'll probably wait until I've written 5 until I begin posting though. I hate leaving people hanging, and I still have one story left to finish first.

Thank you to pl 2363 for beta reading and thanks to everyone who has been reviewing and/or faving my other "Firsts" stories. Here's the list thus far:

"Firsts: Prowl and Sideswipe"-posted
"Firsts: Wheeljack and Ratchet"-posted
"Firsts: Prowl and Jazz"-posted
"Firsts: Hot Rod and Sunstreaker"-posted
"Firsts: Mirage and Jazz"-posted
"Firsts: Optimus and Elita"-posted
"Firsts: Skyfire and Perceptor"-posted
"Firsts: Thundercracker and Skywarp"-posted
"Firsts: Ratchet and Sideswipe"-posted
"Firsts: Scavenger and Fireflight"-posted (yeah, you read that right)
"Firsts: Drift and Perceptor"-posted
"Firsts: Prowl and Bluestreak"-posted
"Firsts: Starscream and Megatron"-here
"Firsts: Red Alert and Inferno"-forthcoming

Rounding out the list (I think), but not necessarily in this order:
OptimusxHot Rod
Ultra MagnusxRodimus

If I've tracked it right, that leaves three I'll be unable to fulfill: BluexSunny, BluexTwins, and OptimusxGrimlock. I actually like the ideas, but my muse didn't generate anything I considered workable. My apologies.

Requests are now closed.