** Finding You **

-- Author Notes --

This is my first Recca no Honou fic, so please be kind. I haven't seen much of the series (actually, only one or two) so I made this into an AU fic, in hopes that I wouldn't be pummeled to death for totally wrecking the plot of RnH. (But by turning this into AU, I have "already" destroyed it. Gomen, gomen. This girl is definitely suffering form mental retardation.) I still don't know how I'm going to fit in their madougu and crap into this, if it even is possible. I'm thinking about forgetting about it too. *continually bangs her head against a wall* But I really, really wanted a try at writing an RnH fic because…well…I'm tired of the same old. (Actually, I wanted more of a try at writing a Tok/Fuu fic. XD!!) *sigh*

I kind of tried to stay within the characters' original personalities or whatever, but I really, really fooked up Mi-chan's and Fuuko-chan's. I only know of their personalities through other fanfics, so it goes by whatever I read, and I trust that those are pretty much in the bounds of their original personalities, but I still managed to mess it up. Oh yeah, and I'm really sorry if parts of this came out really sappy and corny as crap. ^-^;; I was listening to "With Coffee" when I wrote this. Stupid song. Oh, oh. And I didn't kill off Mifuyu in this fic. I need her alive~!!! Actually not really, but I wanted to know what it would be like if she were alive. ^-^;;

And thanks a crap load, J-anne! The help was deeply appreciated. *bows down a million times* She was the one who suggested the title. Twas supposed to be called "Fragments of Memories" but nOoOo~!! Oh great and mighty J-annie wannie just had to make me change it. Thanks. ^-^!! Hehe. Now on with the crummy story.


            "Fuuko, hon, are you feeling alright? You look a little pale."

            "I'm fine, mom. I just have a headache." A tall, slim girl with purple-pink locks slowly climbed into the back seat of the shiny, black SUV.

            "You know, your mother's right. You look more like you need to stay in bed. I'm sure Mrs. Kayden won't mind if you've missed out on one of her Christmas get-togethers."

            "No. Don't worry about it, dad. I don't want to miss this. This is going to be my first time to attend her formal gigs and I don't want to miss it." She buckled up and rested her head on the side of the car.

            Her father looked a bit skeptical but finally acquiesced. There was no arguing with his daughter.

"If you say so. Well, here we go." The vehicle slowly backed up from the snow-paved driveway and onto the road. "You'll have fun tonight." The girl's father looked through the rear-view mirror and smiled at his 16-year old daughter.

            For a while, the ride was silent and the only noise that could be heard were the sounds of the tires crunching against the crisp snow on the ground. The girl stared out her window, watching nothing in particular really, her eyes glazed over and filled with a sadness even she could not understand.

            "Fuuko, how do you like it here so far?" Fuuko's mother had decided to pipe in and break the silence as she flipped open the visor mirror and set to do her make-up.

            "I miss my friends," came the curt reply.

            "I'm truly very sorry we had to this, hon, but with your father and his acceptance at one of the top-paying companies in the world, it was simply an offer we couldn't back out of."

            "I understand, mom. We've broached this subject so many times."

I'm homesick.

            "Would you have been happier if you stayed back in Japan, Fuuko?" The brows of Fuuko's father were creased with concern and wonder.


            "No…can we please drop the subject?"

It really hurts.

            Her parents said nothing else after that and the rest of the drive through the maze of neighborhoods was silent.


As soon as Mrs. Kayden opened the large doors decorated with large wreaths and ribbons, she wasted no time in ushering them in and offering to take their coats and hang them.

"James, honey, the Kirisawas are here!" she called to her husband, who walked to the little lobby where they were standing, holding a glass of wine. Mr. Kayden wasn't really the social type and he didn't approve much of his wife's always throwing parties, but he always held a soft spot for the Kirisawas' daughter. She was very much like the daughter he never had, and when he had met her during his visit to Japan ten years ago with his wife, he was instantly drawn to the little girl. Mr. Kayden acknowledged the family with a slight nod and headed back into the hallway to the party room.

 Hugs and kisses were passed among the four before Mrs. Kayden went to embarrassing Fuuko. She enveloped the younger girl in her arms and held her out at arms length to scrutinize her some more. Fuuko just let out a wry smile.

"Fuuko, look at you! You've grown into such a beautiful woman that I hardly recognized you. What happened to that spunky little 6 year old that I remember during my visit to Japan?"

Fuuko flushed a light pink at all of her gushing.

"Your hair's grown longer, and I just love what you did to your hair, hon. It's so nice." She gently touched one of the little ringlets down the sides of her face as if they were so delicate that if she weren't careful they would ruin.

"I wanted to try something new, Mrs. Kayden. It's nothing to get excited about."

"Oh, don't be silly. Of course it is. This is a big deal. I've missed so much of you that when I see yourself now, it's a shock. And oh my, you're wearing make-up."


"I figured. That was always Chika's department." She eyed Mrs. Kirisawa with a grin and turned back to Fuuko.

It was a simple knee-length rose-colored dress with thin straps, doing well to outline the contours of her body, and matching strappy, shoes. She had never looked nice in anything fancy; it always made her look like a ridiculous doll, but nevertheless she looked exquisite.

 She couldn't remember the last time she dressed this nice.

When Mi-chan asked you to go with him to the senior prom… He always admired you…even if you were his kouhai…

Fuuko's face suddenly turned paler a few notches, and Mrs. Kayden, a worrywart, immediately offered her drinks left and right.

"It's alright, Mrs. Kayden. I'm fine. I think I just need to sit down."

"Well, what are we doing standing here in the foyer anyway? We should go into the living room where the real party is. Come, you can take a seat on the sofa."

The small party made their way to all the noise in the house, indicating the area where all the guests were.   

"There." Mrs. Kayden pointed to the couch in the far right corner of the brightly lit living room.

"Thank you."

"You rest up and then have fun, okay? Don't let this night go to waste." Letting out a hearty laugh, she turned her attention to her other guests.

Fuuko dragged her legs across the room and squeezed through the many people to try and get to the other side of the room. When she arrived, she plopped down on the white leather couch and basked in its warmth. The scent of pine from the lavishly decorated tree beside her made her feel light-headed and before she knew it, she felt her eyes tire and soon she was fast asleep.


            The silhouette of two figures could be clearly made out in the now desolate park. The concrete was dark and cold with the tears of the heavens. Sad, gray clouds continually let thick drops of rain pour mercilessly down upon the earth, as if it were crying for the young couple below. No rays of the sun penetrated the skies, just like the situation before the couple held no hope. 

            "Gomen nasai, Mi-chan…gomen nasai." The words came out in forced whimpers as tears slid down the curves of the girl's face and plopped on the concrete, mixing with the puddles.

            "Fuuko, onegai. What have I done wrong?" He looked intensely at the girl before him, as if by doing so, it would allow this event to end and everything would just go back to normal. The young man gritted his teeth and clenched his fists until he thought his nails would penetrate his palm.

            Pressing her eyes closed, she mustered, "It's just not working out. Please forgive me." She waited for him to say something, anything, but he never did. She slowly cast her eyes upward to meet his but he just stood there, unmoving and silent, his head now in the direction of his feet. 


            "I'm sorry too, Fuuko." One last time, he looked into Fuuko's face and stepped forward to maybe touch her silken skin once last time, but she abruptly stepped back at his approach.

            "…please don't…"

            Tokiya's long silvery bangs hung limply, covering his baby blues, which were wet with tears mixed with the rain. "…gomen, Fuuko…"


            "Forget it." Slowly he turned around, not even bothering to open his umbrella, and walked out of the park, leaving Fuuko alone.

            "…gomen ne…but it would never have been the same…Mi-chan…" She watched as his figure slowly disappeared before dropping to the ground and drowning herself in her own sobs and regret. She didn't care how drenched she got or how sick she would get. She was trembling and shaking uncontrollably as she felt her heart being torn out of her chest and ripped to a million pieces, never to be put back together again. And suddenly the world went black…


            "Fuuko, hon, are you alright?"

            Fuuko awoke to see her parents' and the Kaydens' faces filled with concern and worry. She felt hot and she could feel a few beads of sweat slide down her face.

            "You were shaking, Fuuko," piped in Mrs. Kayden.

            She was silent for a moment as she looked at the faces looming over her.

            "…Yeah…it was a nightmare. I'm sorry if I made any of you worry."

            "That's a relief. We thought you were running a fever."

            "Oh mom." She was annoyed at her mother's constant fretting about her, but she decided that it was all out of love and concern and she smiled.

            "Well, everyone else has gone well over an hour ago, so I guess this would be our cue to leave." Fuuko's dad tapped his watch and the others nodded.

            "You make sure to stop by more often, all right?" Mrs. Kayden stood by her husband and clasped her hands together. Sometimes, you would never think that she was a grown woman. You really wouldn't.

            "We'll remember that," replied Mrs. Kirisawa.

            They all walked to the front door as Fuuko put on her coat.

            "Take care, Fuuko." Mr. Kayden threw her a grin as he patted her on the shoulder.

            "Thanks Mr. Kayden. I will."

            A chorus of good-byes were sent across the snow-covered lawn as Fuuko and her parents headed to their car. The wind had definitely picked up and was now as harsh and caustic as ever. Rain was evident in the ominous thick clouds above, and soon enough a few sprinkles of water were dripping down. A bad feeling made itself present in Fuuko's gut as she climbed in the car, but she let it pass, thinking that it had something to do with her dream.

            Mr. Kirisawa drove down the twisting elevated trail that led to the Kaydens mansion as cautiously and slowly as it was possible for him for by the time they were halfway down, the rain was pouring down furiously, and it was hard to see clearly. All was silent except the cacophonous drumming of the rain on the roof of the car. Mr. Kirisawa was concentrating on his driving and Mrs. Kirisawa was already curled up in the front seat, fast asleep. Fuuko, all the while, just kept staring out in front of her, the dreaded feeling from earlier growing bigger and bigger. The next thing she knew, she felt the car swerve sharply around one of the curves going down the twisty mountain. At that moment, everything else was blocked out as she heard her own screech of sheer terror match the squealing of the tires on the concrete before she felt herself falling into a dark bottomless pit of oblivion.


            "Merry Christmas, minna!" The small spiky-haired boy let out a happy cheer in honor of the winter holiday as he caught a young blonde girl by the crook of the neck and tickled her.

            "Let go, Kaoru nii-chan," the little girl, Ganko, wailed in between fits of laughter.

            "Oh my. They're flirting at such a young age," commented Yanagi teasingly as she picked up scraps of wrapping paper and ribbons scattered on the ground from the opening of presents earlier.

            Kaoru blushed and abruptly let the girl go as he heard the sweet voice of Yanagi Sakoshita chime in.

            An older-looking version of Kaoru, though probably was at the same level of maturity as the boy, wrapped his arms around Yanagi and planted a feathery-light kiss on her cheek. 

            "Merry Christmas, Yanagi-chan."

            Yanagi just blushed as Domon, a very tall and very large man, let out a howl.

            "Yo. Get a room, you two," he snickered, Kaoru and Ganko piping in. Recca and Yanagi let go of each other and cast their eyes downward, their faces blushing hotly.

            "Hey guys, who wants hot chocolate and cake?" The sweet singsong voice of Mifuyu tinkled from the kitchen and in no time, the entire group of friends met in the kitchen and grabbed platefuls of cake and cups of hot chocolate, bringing them back out to the living room by the fireplace.

            When they were assembled in comfortable positions on the floor, they engaged in their own little activities or conversations. Recca was paying heap loads of attention to his girlfriend, Yanagi; Domon was engaged in a cake-eating contest with the two children; Mifuyu sat silently next to her brother, who hadn't said much of anything the entire day.

            "Tokiya, what's the matter?"

            "Huh?" The silver-haired boy turned his head up to look into the eyes of his sister who was seated comfortably on the arm of the chair he was sitting on, enjoying her cake.

            "You haven't said anything this whole night. It's supposed to be a time of cheer. So why the gloomy face?"

            "…I don't know…I just have a bad feeling…"

            "Penny for your thoughts?"

            "No. It's okay."

            She gave him a sour look before softening and shrugging. "Okay. Suit yourself, but remember that I'm here in case you need to talk to me, okay?"

            "Thanks, nee-chan."

            She squeezed his shoulder before hopping off of the chair and heading back into the kitchen for another slice, while the rest of the gang enjoyed the rest of the Christmas night. Tokiya just concentrated his light blue eyes outside the window where the puffs of snow were dancing gracefully downwards onto the pillows of white on the ground, not being able to shake away the sick feeling in his gut that something was definitely out of place.


            "I demand that you let me see her this instant!" came the shrill demand of Mrs. Kayden.

            As soon as Mr. and Mrs. Kayden heard of the accident, they rushed down to the hospital, worry most evident on their usually calm faces. Mrs. Kayden took it the worst as the medics, who tended to the accident, informed the couple about everything that had happened.

            The Kirisawas had skidded on black ice as they went down the mountain and, unfortunately, Mr. Kirisawa no longer had control over his black SUV as it spun in circles and crashed through the barricade of the cliff, sliding down the mountain and violently crashing into a giant pine. At that point, tears were already rolling down Mrs. Kayden's face uncontrollably, but after she heard of the devastating fate of Mr. and Mrs. Kirisawa, she was already fighting the nurse to get into the room where Fuuko was.

            "No, I'm sorry, but she is in critical condition right now and shouldn't be bothered. It's the doctor's orders." The nurse was trying to hold back the now hysterical Mrs. Kayden.

            "James, do something! Tell them to let me through!! I want to see Fuuko! The poor child." She began to tremble and fell to her knees, not caring about the spectacle she was creating for others to see.

            Mr. Kayden crouched down and picked up his sobbing wife and carried her over to the waiting room and tried to calm her down, but she just bawled harder.

            "Let's just wait, alright? We'll stay here and wait until the doctor says we can see her." He hushed her and stroked her back all the while, trying to comfort her, while trying to tell himself that everything would be fine at the same time.

            God, please let Fuuko be alright…please…


            Fuuko awoke in a state of confusion, her head throbbing with excruciating pain. She shut her eyes tightly and tried to make the pain go away, but it didn't work. Clutching onto the bed-sheets, she slowly brought herself to a sitting position and wearily looked about her surroundings. It was a blur and the more she tried to concentrate, the more her head banged.

"…where am…where am I…" came her voice, drained of its usual gusto.

            "Doctor! She's awake." A woman fully clad in white abruptly stood from her seated position and ran out of the room.

            Fuuko looked about her and found herself in a white-walled, musty-smelling box. Darkness engulfed the room except for the lone lamp on the far corner of the square room, and that didn't really help to brighten the room. She raised her right hand to massage her temples and found that she couldn't really move it. Shifting her gaze to her arm, she found that two different tubes were connected to her arm by needles, and all of a sudden she felt nauseated. Just before she felt like vomiting something out, she noticed the door open and a tall man in a white robe and glasses walked in accompanied by the white lady that just rushed out.

            "So I see you're awake. You've been through a lot, kiddo." He let out a sigh as he stood beside the bed Fuuko was on and pulled up a chair to sit on, a clipboard on his lap. He kept silent and just watched her, waiting for a while before gathering in some air and talking.

            "Tell me, child, do you remember who you are?"

            Fuuko looked at the stranger as if he were crazy. "Of course I know who I am! What kind of a question is that?"

            The doctor reclined in his seat and made himself more comfortable but made sure to keep a steady gaze on his patient. "Alright then. Would you care to tell me your name?"

            "Of course. It's…" Fuuko suddenly felt herself at a loss for words. What was her name? She could not remember. "Hold on. I know this. I mean, how can I not know my name, right?" The longer it took her to reply the doctor's question, the more scared she became.

            Fuuko let out a laugh, but the doctor knew she was trying to cover up her fear. "Well, what do you know? I don't know my name after all." Her voice came out in a shaky whisper. Fuuko stared down at her hands, her left arm bandaged from the shoulder down to the wrist.

            The doctor said nothing as he watched the girl with sympathy in his eyes. He silently stood up and walked out the door, quietly instructing the nurse to stay and watch the girl while he talked to the couple waiting outside.


            "What do you mean she has amnesia!?" Mrs. Kayden was shrieking at the top of her lungs, about ready to pounce on the doctor, her eyes blood-shot from 12 straight hours of crying.

            "Dear, calm down. We should be thankful that she's alive." Mr. Kayden tried to restrain his wife from doing damage to the doctor's head. As he felt her relax beneath his hold, he slowly let her go and proceeded to talk to the doctor in a more civilized manner.

            "I'm sorry about my wife, doctor."

            "It's quite alright. I've seen worse."

            "Hmm…may I inquire how long this amnesia will last?"

            "That's not something I can accurately determine, but if it is at the least bit possible for her to regain her memory, I do know how that can be done."


            "She needs to go back home, to Japan. That is her native land, correct?"

"Yes. She and her family just moved here a month ago."

"She has no memories here. It will be very difficult for her to live here under her present condition. She will have a better chance of remembering bits and pieces, if any, of her past if she returns. Do you know of any relatives she can stay with?"

            "Actually, yes, we do."

            "Are you insane!?" Mrs. Kayden, who had been silent and listening bitterly to the conversation, finally spoke up. "When she remembers what happened tonight, she'll be heart-broken!"

            "That may be the case, Mrs. Kayden, but it would be better for her to remember a life before this accident than start over now. Right now, she's lost and she doesn't know what to do."

            "She can stay with us! What good would it do if she went to stay with her relatives? It would all be the same if she were staying with us. And many others have gone through what she has, not remembering anything and have done well with what little they knew."

            "I believe she does have a point, doctor," Mr. Kayden said, after listening to his wife's outburst.

            "I agree. If she does regain her memory and remember tonight, she will be stricken with grief, but there may be some things that she will remember that will make her happy. From what I know, memories are a human's most treasured possession, Mr. and Mrs. Kayden."

The doctor scribbled something down on one of the papers on his clipboard as Mrs. Kayden pulled Mr. Kayden aside to talk. 

"Doctor," Mr. Kayden cleared his throat a few minutes later, "is it alright if we go and see Fuuko?"

The doctor looked up from his scribbling and nodded, motioning the couple to follow him.


Fuuko averted her gaze from her palms to the opening door and gazed at the doctor and the two newcomers. She felt numb and just continued to look on and watched as the man and woman looked at her with wide, pained eyes.

Why are they looking at me like that?

She watched as the woman clung to the man tightly just a few moments after she entered the room. She was crying.

Why is she crying?

And the man, his eyes were glazed over as he hugged the woman tighter, whose sobbing had now turned into agonizing cries. As she scrutinized the man some more, a sudden, strange feeling washed over her, and she felt liquid trailing down her face. It was an alien feeling, as if she had never cried before. Slowly, she raised her bandaged arm to her face and let her hand brush lightly against the quicksilver that had fallen from her eyes.

Why am I crying?

** Final Notes **

Geez! I really hate it when some of chapters get a little too long because it makes the really short ones seem kinda cruddy. . Oh welpz. That's the price I pay for being overly descriptive. I'm really going to chop off some of my fingers to slower my typing pace therefore I'll be forced to cut down on the words. Grrr!!

But anyway, I know that Fuuko is way beyond OOC. Gomen, gomen. *bows a bazillion times* I didn't mean to. No wait, actually I did. *bangs her head on her keyboard* This is not working out. Don't worry. She'll be all genki and sharp-tongued again. I pwomise. And damn it! Toki-chan is all messed up too~!!!! I'll try and fix that. I really will…err…if it's possible. Hey, at least everyone else is still in character, ne? ^-^;;

And finally, yes, Fuuko's hair is long. And I'm gonna cut it off! Muahahaha~!! Just cuz I'm evil and all! *evil cackle* Err…but really…I'll have it chopped it off and back to like her normal short hairstyle. Geez! This is hard. Really. *sigh* Anyway, comments, criticisms, and flames are welcome. And of course, RnH doesn't belong to me, although I'd really love to own Toki-chan. Nyahahaha!! Too bad it's not gonna happen in this lifetime…or the next. Damn it! Oh well. Okay, well, that's it for my ramblings. I wuff you, buh-bye. ^-^!!