Crap I'm on a roll here. Let the crack pairings continue! I'm sure if you haven't noticed already, this one is IchigoxLisa! Remember, these stories will only continue with adequate reviews and feedback. Therefore, Lemme know if it should just be a oneshotter, or a multi-chap! Next crack pairing is IchigoxHiyori!
"Smash, Haguro Tonbo!"
With this command, Lisa's nōdachi transformed into a exceptionally large spear reminiscent to that of a Shaolin spade with a fanned out blade with a silver edge on one end and a heavy ball on its other end.
"Chop Cleanly, Kubikiri Orochi!"
With this release, Hiyori's katana became a large cleaver with a serrated saw-like blade. They circled him now, knowing they possessed the advantage of numbers, but warily, not willing to forfeit the privilege of the first strike.
Ichigo eyed the two lieutenant's carefully, waiting for either to make the first move.
Ichigo made to pull Zangetsu free-
But instead ducked, just as Lisa's blade whizzed overhead.
"Oi! Lisa, watch it!" Shouted Hiyori. "He's up to something!"
She landed, grunted in frustration, and started attacking with a spin kick, the same one that had nearly broken his neck during vizard training. This forced him away and smoothly, she transitioned from that, to an upward slash into a horizontal sweep. From there on he was forced into defense, blocking a nasty combo of stab, stab, slash and kick, all the while stepping forward into his swings and hopping back when snapping into position.
Hiyori uttered a string of curses as she fought to get free, pulling the rods out of her arms.
But what Lisa had in speed, she lacked in power, he could see that now, after being endlessly beaten by the same move, over and over again. By increasing his spiritual pressure, then wrapping it around his body for defense, he found himself able to match her move for move, then for some reason, she began to slow down.
Ichigo noticed this, and stared down over his smooth, emotionless mask at her.
"Hey, what's this?" He asked as Lisa chopped away at him, but her movements suddenly seemed so slow compared to last time. Right now, it looked as if she were wading through quicksand. "Where's the fun in your eyes, where'd your speed go? You are a vizard, aren't ya?"
"Shut up." She answered in grunts. Ichigo made one last move, shifting from a block to deliver a powerful low blow with his arm wrapped around his neck and his whole body twisting to whip the air apart with his sword. Though she sprang back, Lisa could not entirely get away from it, and the blade sliced through the tendon in her Achilles heel, just as he planned.
Crying out, she fell to the ground, her zanpaktou falling through her fingertips. He'd changed since they'd last fought. His movements, his techniques, they were nothing like the raw instinctual attacks of before.
"I win." Ichigo grinned. "Looks like that bet of yours is off-
"Sajo Sabaku." Lisa muttered under her breath, and moments later, Ichigo collapsed to the ground, bound by the winding binding chains of the bakudo spell.
"No, she replied, tending to her wound. "It isn't. You have to buy all of us drinks tonight."
Which would explain the sour look Ichigo now wore.
"You're late." Lisa's voice greeted him before he even sat down at a table. He turned around and felt his breath taken away. For this evening, she had chosen a stunning black dress that left her shoulders bare and sleeveless, yet plunged at the neckline to expose her ample cleavage. At this moment, she was so lovely, that even her frown, directed at him, couldn't run her beauty. "And couldn't you wear something....decent?"
Somewhere along the past month, the vizard had begun to see these two as a couple. Ichigo would swear up and down that this wasn't true, and Lisa would fall eerily silent at his protests, only to violently attack him during the next training session.
After all, fating was a word Lisa never, ever used.
She preferred the term...
Friends with benefits.
"Sorry." He, clad in sand brown khakis and a red island shirt emblazoned with palm trees winced at her piercing glare. "I got held up and I didn't know you wanted to wear something formal so-oh."
The reason for his 'oh' was that, for even as he spoke, Lisa reached down to the hem of her dress, and tore it off at the knees so it could serve as a makeshift shirt. Thankfully she too had a pair of khakis on under the dress, to which Ichigo scratched his head in confusion.
"Erm...you had this planned, didn't you?"
"As a shinigami, we should always be prepared." She replied blandly, sitting down at the bar and ordering a drink. Human whiskey always tasted better than that bland stuff they had back in the bars of Seireitei, and after all that paperwork he'd been forced to sign as a new captain...
Well, let us just say that he could use a little break. "Wow." He blinked in genuine surprise, calling for a drink of his own, Irish liquor, then taking a sip, blanching as the warm, burning liquid rushed down his throat. "You really sounded serious for a moment there."
"As you were when you achieved the second hollow form?"
He lurched back in surprise, eyes going wide, then narrowing in ire. Only Shinji knew about that!"Eh?! How do you know about-" He received a few stray glances from some of the more surly patrons, and wisely quieted down.
"How did you-
She shrugged, tossing back the shot glass, draining it in one gulp, then giving him a sly smile as the alcohol warmed her belly. Yeah, a few more shots like that and she'd reallybe able to unwind after a long, lethargic day of reading erotic manga.
"I have my ways."
He felt something soft across his lips.
"Urgh..." He grumbled, opening his eyes to see Lisa Yadomaru, his lieutenant, standing over him, her face a few inches from his own, her glasses resting atop her head, and serious as ever.
"Whuzzat?" he mumbled as he tried his best to pick himself up, and failed miserably.
"I said wake up." She replied simply, taking him by the scruff of his neck and slapping him a few times until he came too. And once he had, he looked around his quarters, which was an absolute mess, as compared to before.
That... couldn' be right.
He'd always kept his quarters spotless....
Blinking the haze away from his eyes, he looked to Lisa again.
And noticed the lack of clothing for both of them.
"Gah! Why are you naked?!"
"You're nude too."
"Don't be so surprised. You were pretty drunk last night."
"You-You took advantage of me!" He sputtered furiously, hurriedly throwing on his hakama over his boxers, then donning his shihakusho. Zangetsu lay in the corner of his room, and that could only mean one thing. "Please tell me we didn't-
"For the record," She had her back to him as she bent down to pick up her bra, seemingly heedless that he was red as a tomato and then some. "I was the one who brought you home last night. After I deposited Kensei and Mashiro in their quarters, you Kurosaki Ichigo, were the one who so brazenly kissed me and took my back to your abode. Therefore, there was no advantage to be taken off."
She now turned around, both arms crossed over her ample bosom, those perfectly ripe mounds of flesh....
A small smile played at her lips as he went pale and covered his eyes.
"I merely exploited an opening like any strategist would."
"Well, you were good in bed regardless, even if you were drunk...
"I was- Hey wait! Shut up you!"
"Hmm....maybe I should get you drunk more often." She surprised him with a sly smile, brushing her body up against his deliberately, as she reached for her shihakusho, and ever so slowly pulling away. "After all, it was rather... amusing to see you lose the calm and cool act, and act with your instincts for once, instead of your head."
"Urusai!" He snarled at the innuendo.
Much had happened in such a seemingly short period of time. First, he'd started out with a few shot glasses, and now, now he'd woken up in ned with Lisa Yadomaru, whom he'd apparently just screwed last night..
And apparently, much to his dismay, he'd lost his virginity at some point last night.
"Alright," Ichigo yawned, brown irises shining angrliy. "We gotta get outta bed before-
Too late, The bedroom door swung open as two member's of Kurosaki family loudly marched through.
Ichigo froze, swearing under his breath.
After a few excruciatingly slow moments, the two of them reacted. Yuzu's large brown eyes widened almost to the point of extraction. It was apparent that a gorgeous woman, curled around her brother, and in one of Ichi-nii's shirts was the last thing she'd expected to see when they'd opened the door. The look that had splattered itself upon her face was an indescribable mix between confusion and surprise.
Isshin, in extreme contrast to his daughter's reaction, looked absolutely delighted.
"Hello." Lisa raised a hand in greeting, sitting up in bed, not seeing anythingwrong with the situation. "Isshin-san."
And that's when the impasse shattered.
"My boy!" Kurosaki Isshin yelled out, extending his arms out from his chest. "You have finally become a—hey!" Ichigo immediately began shoving his father back through the still open door, halting the elder man's speech in its tracks.
"Finish that line and I'll fucking ruin you, old man!"
"Hmm?" Lisa just stared as their struggle carried the two men of the Kurosaki household out into the hallway, preceeded by a loud thump as another one of their customary brawls began. "Why are you two fighting?"
Moments later, there was a loud crash, indicating that someone had likely been felled, or in this case, tossed, down the stairs. The tumbling resonated with a loud crash, then all was silent.
"Jeez," Shooing a still perplexed Yuzu out the door, Ichigo swept himself back inside, his face still red with consternation as he leaned against the frame of the archway, before angrily slamming the wooden frame shut behind him. "He can be such a pain."
Only then did he return his gaze to the curvaceous beauty laying on the bed before him. "Damnit Yadomaru, do you have any idea how much of a pain in the ass he's gonna be now?"
"Nope. Now c'mon. We've got training." She stated simply, brazenly getting herself dressed in front of him, first slipping on her underwear, then her skirt, followed by the rest of her outfit, and lastly retrieving her zanpaktou from a pile of clothes. "You're still unused to your hollow powers, so we need to work on that today.
"Ah, don't do that." He asked as she pulled away.
He leaned in and kissed her then, sliding his arms around her waist and pulling her tight against him. She swelled with happiness at the feel of his lips as her hands reached up and held onto the sides of his neck. They broke apart, his brown irises shining down into her hazel eyes serenely.
"Well, I guess we're awake now, huh." He grumbled.
"Let's go." She grabbed him by the wrist, and mercilessly pulled him towards the door, but spun round at the last second, and surprised him by crushing her lips against his, so forcefully, that he was left speechless as she pulled away. "And not a word of what happened tonight, or I'll break your arm again."
"Easy for you to say." He grumbled as he resigned himself to be dragged to another dull day...
Or so he thought.
For the events of this day today...
Would change the rest of his life forever.