A/N: This is my first fanfic story ever, so I hope you all enjoy it. Review's are always appreciated.

Disclaimer: I, sadly, own nothing but the story line.


0500 A month after the teams return from Somalia, in Ziva's apartment.

A screaming alarm bouncing off the bedroom walls pulled Ziva from the emptiness of sleep. Her body tensed instantly in fear of things that had passed weeks before. It took several seconds before she could force herself to relax, slowing her breathing intentionally and willing the tremors passing through her to stop. Surprise filtered through her as she realized that for the first time in months her alarm had woken her instead of the endless nightmares or worse.

With a sigh Ziva climbed out of bed and donned on her running clothes. Even from the warm safety of her apartment she couldn't escape the chill that came as she ran her fingers gingerly over the half healed scars on her stomach and sides. Each of them a haunting memory of long nights and endless days that she had spent in Saleem's company.

Almost a month had passed since her rescue, and yet she still had not uttered a word to any one on the team about what had happened to her there. She had tried to keep as much of the details of her physical injuries from them as possible. Especially from Tony, though she often saw him watching her, and suspected that he had seen the way she could not quite hold herself still in any position for to long with out that ache returning.

Perhaps it was, as her psychologist insisted, a mistake to keep something so painful to herself. Yet she could not bring herself to tell them. Part of her twisted in fear of their reactions, and part of her just wished she could forget it. That somehow she could erase the events of the last six months by keeping her unintentional vow of silence.

Ziva grabbed her keys and her sig on her way out, pausing only to glance out the window. The sky was still a deep grey, and the sun was no where to be seen. The heavy rain from the night before had slowed to a soft sprinkle. Yet she could see from the clouds that the rain would not end today. Strapping her sig to her side Ziva unlocked her apartment and headed down the stairs to begin her run. Her fingers brushed unconsciously across the sig that she never allowed herself to be without, not during her five am runs, not at work, and not in the middle of the night when she awoke from her tormenting dreams.

Once outside it took only seconds for the cool rain to soak through her clothes and onto her skin. The cold chill felt good against her flushed face and arms. These early morning runs were the last piece of her past that remained undamaged by the events of the last year, with the slight exception of her carrying her sig with her, they were as they had always been. Cool and calming. Now it was the only time that she allowed herself to relax. The only time that she felt free of all the things that she new she would never really escape.


0700 That morning, in the bullpen.

She was late again, and this time Gibbs just may kill her.

Ziva rushed out of the elevator doors the moment they began to open. She sighed in relief to see that McGee was the only one there. He looked up and smiled as she sat down at her desk, and offered her his regular sweet greeting. Ziva smiled and responded with the most pleasant and sincere "good morning" that she could manage.

With a twinge of guilt she saw Mcgee's smile falter slightly, if only for a second, before he began asking how her night had been. The scene was a repeat of yesterday and the day before. She always expected Tim to, what was it? Call her out? Yes, to call her out on her poorly hidden facade, but he never did, and for that she was greateful.

"Where is Gibbs?" Ziva asked carefully glancing around the room, half expecting for him to appear behind her as he often did. Mcgee chuckled.

"Don't worry Ziva, Tony is much later than you, and Gibb's has been up in mtac for almost an hour so he may not even notice."

"Notice what McGee?" Gibbs asked as he approached the bullpen holding a steaming cup of coffee.

"Um..." Tim began glancing up at Ziva.

"That Tony isn't here yet," Ziva finished for him, shooting Tim a small smile.

Gibbs lightly smacked Ziva in the back of the head as he passed her, and a moment later placed another slightly harder smack to Tim's head.

"Thats for being late again," Gibbs said simply pointing to Ziva, then turing to Tim added, "and you for trying to cover for her."

Mcgee smiled sheepishly over at Ziva who also wore a small smile.

The phone on Gibbs' desk began to ring and it ended all conversation.

"Tony went to get Abby," Gibbs informed them surprising both agents, as he hung up the phone.

"Where is Abby?" Ziva asked softly a strangled fear creeping up into her chest.

Gibbs hearing the change in Ziva's voice paused to look up at her. "She couldn't get her car started this morning. Tony is getting her from her apartment."

Ziva released a breath of air that she didn't realize she had been holding. She lowered her head to continue with the mountain of paper work spread out before her, ignoring the feeling of their eyes watching her carefully, weighing every movement she made.


1100 The bullpen and outside Abbys lab.

"Where are they?" Gibbs barked the moment he entered the bullpen.

Ziva flinched startled by his rather loud entrance. She glanced at Tony and McGee's empty desks and shrugged.

"I don't know...but i will go find them," Ziva added quickly seeing the dark look on Gibb's face.

Ziva paused outside Abby's lab, as Abby's rather irritated voice rang out. "Come on Tony."

"It's been a long summer." Tony said calmly his voice holding only the slightest trace of irritation.

"You can not tell me you havn't noticed, because I know you have." Abby insisted her voice softening slightly. "Something is wrong, but she wont tell us what it is."

"Its been a long summer," Tonny repeated.


"No Abbs."

"Tony, McGee has noticed it to, havn't you Mcgee?"

"Tony I hate to admit it but Abby's right, Ziva is still hiding something, she isn't acting like her." Mcgee said slowly and carefully, obviously trying to avoid irritating either of his compainons.

"She's being very un Zivaish."

"It has been a very long summer, especially for her," Tony snapped.

"I know, Tony." Abbys voice was suddenly very quiet, and all traces of irritation seem to have disappeared to be replaced by worry, "i'm just worried about her. She seems so.."

"broken," Mcgee finished for her.

Ziva sliped back down the hall unseen, and to the elevator, she did not want to hear anymore.


1300 That afternoon.

"Abby hasn't seen her boss." Tony said hanging up the phone.

"McGee!" Gibbs barked for the second time in less than a minuet.

"Almost...Got it. She is still in the navy yard." Mcgee said sounding surprised.

"Find her!" Gibbs snapped as they scrambled out of the bullpen.

Outside on a small bench at that moment.

The soft sprinkle of rain began to fall harder down on her, but she did not make any move to return to the warmth of the building. Ziva felt cold all over, inside and out, and she knew it had little to do with the chill of the Autumn rain and wind.

The tears that had been flowing down her face were mixed with the cold rain, now untraceable.

Tony let out a sigh in relief when he saw her. Even finding her sitting in the pouring rain was better than not finding her at all. As he approached he hesitated for a moment. She was almost perfectly still, and judging by her soaked clothing she had been sitting out here for a while. He had only been outside for a few minuets and he was already cold, he knew she had to be freezing.

"Ziva?" He said gently as he approached her not wanting to scare her.

She didn't respond, but as he came closer she looked up at him. Her face was pale but her cheeks were flushed. Her face was damp, and only her red eyes gave way that it was not just from the rain.


"McGee is right, Tony. I am broken."