Disclaimer: I think you all know the drill by now.
Hey! It's Xero! And I'm not dead! It's amazing, right? I completely forgot about writing a Halloween story for this year until I was in the shower the other night. My laptop is getting fixed, so I'm updating this on my friend's computer. I really haven't been in the mood to right, so this might be a really shitty crack! fic. But I hope it's a little interesting. This is for lunatheblond, a fellow KH fan who I have many of my rants with. You'll understand a lot in this and I put some things in just for you. That being said, let the deadly tale begin!
A monotonous drone filled the Room Where Nothing Gathers, sounding as if Professor Binns from Harry Potter had made his way to the Castle That Never Was. The residents of the Castle, however, knew that Xemnas was just rambling on about Kingdom Hearts.
Kingdom Hearts. Oh, how they were sick of it.
Apparently Xemnas' voice has the power to put people to sleep. That would be the first impression of anyone who set foot in the Room Where Nothing Gathers during a meeting.
And this was certainly the case for this meeting. Lexaeus was snoring so loudly that I'm fairly sure that the lost colonists at Roanoke could hear him. Marluxia looked like he was going to fall out of his incredibly high chair because he kept leaning forward in his sleep. Roxas' eyes kept fluttering open, like he was trying to wake up and Axel was sending fireballs into the room at random intervals. Even Saïx had somehow managed to fall asleep and was now muttering something about eating his tuna sandwich in the fridge.
Xemnas was used to the attention (or lack thereof) he received at these meetings. But really now, this was the seven hundred ninety second time this month.
"Wake up!" Xemnas roared.
Instantaneously, all of the sleeping Nobodies jolted awake. Xion nearly almost fell out of her seat, but steadied herself just in time.
"Why is it whenever we have meetings, you all fall asleep?" Xemnas demanded.
"Because you're boring like that?" Axel yawned.
"So are we almost done, Superior?" Xigbar wanted to know.
"Is there anything else anyone wants to bring up?" Xemnas asked.
"Oh!" Demyx suddenly jumped a little in his seat and started waving his hand in the air like a five-year-old on a sugar high.
"Make it quick, Demyx." Axel glared at the Melodious Nocturne.
"Can we celebrate Halloween this year?" Demyx asked.
All activity that had started since the Nobodies had woken up ceased immediately. Twelve pairs of eyes (not counting Xion's) found themselves on Demyx, who was acting as if he was waiting for a new CD from his favourite band to be released.
Now you may be wondering why everyone save for Xion was looking at Demyx like he'd announced that the non-existent world was ending. The last time the Organization celebrated Halloween, well, let's just say that Ruin and Creation's Passage will never be the same again.
"Demyx, have you lost your fucking mind?!" Axel demanded.
"Has he ever had one?" Zexion didn't bother looking up from his copy of Why The Viking Era Was Completely Pointless.
"That's so mean, Zexy!" Demyx protested.
"Well, Demyx, have you ever had a brain?" Xaldin questioned.
"That's not the point!" Demyx yelled.
"Demyx, I'm not so sure about this." Xemnas said.
"I, for once, agree with the Superior." Larxene said.
"And that's a first." Vexen muttered under his breath.
"Don't you remember what happened the last time we had Halloween?" Marluxia asked the hyperactive Nobody.
"That wasn't my fault!" Saïx yelled.
"You went Berserk and destroyed the Hall of Empty Melodies!" Roxas exclaimed.
"That was only because Luxord gave me chocolate!" Saïx exclaimed.
"Luxord was drunk." Vexen said.
"When is he not?" Xion wondered.
"So what do you say, Superior?" Demyx asked, his eyes on Xemnas.
"Hmm…" Xemnas thought. "I don't see why not."
"What the fuck?!" Axel's protest echoed throughout the room.
"You can't be serious!?" Marluxia exclaimed.
"As long as you cause chaos and paranoia in the other worlds, I don't see why not." Xemnas said.
"Now why the hell would we do that?" Luxord asked.
"Because we have to do something to add to Kingdom Hearts." Xemnas said.
"So Xion and I will have to eliminate Heartless." Roxas wasn't at all pleased with this.
"Well, let's get a move on!" Xemnas yelled, allowing the Nobodies to vanish portals of sandy blackness.
"Roxas, open the damn door!"
Roxas narrowed his eyes in annoyance, trying to ignore the sound of his boyfriend banging on his door. Axel obviously wanted Roxas to go participate in the Halloween festivities, but the Key of Destiny was clearly against it. For one thing, Roxas still hadn't gotten his Cloud Strife cosplay outfit back from Xigbar, who had wanted to borrow it for one reason or another. And Roxas had just gotten a new video game and he really wanted to play it.
"Come on, Roxas!" Axel's yelling could be heard from the other end of the door.
"I'm not going, Axel." Roxas yelled back.
"And why not?" Axel demanded.
"Because I don't have my Cloud outfit back from Xigbar yet." Roxas said.
"He gave it to me to give to you." Axel said. "You know Demyx will be bugging the shit out of you if you don't go. And Xion's looking forward to it."
"Xion doesn't know any better." Roxas said as he crossed the room to unlock the door.
"And now she'll be able to see firsthand why Halloween is such a bad time for us." Axel said, opening the door, donning his Akatsuki cloak since he was cosplaying as Sasori from Naruto. "And I need you to spike my hair for me."
"Why the hell do you need me to spike your hair?" Roxas raised an eyebrow, looking at the pyro's crimson spikes in the back of his head.
"Because I can't do it myself." Axel said, setting Roxas' cosplay outfit on the bed.
"Then how do you get it spiked like that every day?" Roxas questioned, gesturing to Axel's spikes.
"It's natural." Axel explained.
"And you think this is?" Roxas questioned, pointing to his own hair.
"Is it?" Axel raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, it is!" Roxas exclaimed.
"Well, you can try it." Axel said, tossing the blonde a bottle of hair gel.
"Your hair's too long, anyway." Roxas said.
"Well, I didn't have time to get a wig, so Xaldin let me use his hair gel." Axel explained.
"He did?" Roxas frowned. "He never lets anyone do that."
"I have my ways." Axel grinned deviously. "So why are you so against Halloween, Roxie?"
"Because it's pointless?" Roxas' response sounded like a question.
"And why is it pointless?" Axel wondered.
"Because it's just another excuse for Luxord to get piss drunk." Roxas answered as he started to run the gel through Axel's spikes.
"He does that every day, babe." Axel looked up so he could see the Key of Destiny.
"And I don't really feel like destroying Heartless today." Roxas said.
"You got a new game, didn't you?" Axel grinned.
Roxas stopped and stared at his boyfriend. Axel really knew him, didn't he?
"Which one?" Axel asked, knowing that he was right.
"Lunar Knights." Roxas said.
"I should have known." Roxas could hear the smile in Axel's voice. "But that's no reason to skip out on Halloween."
"You really want me to go, don't you?" Roxas asked, now working on spiking Axel's hair.
"Hell yeah, I do!" Axel exclaimed. "This is our first Halloween since we've gotten together!"
"Most people don't consider that a milestone." Roxas said.
"Well, I do." Axel said.
"Okay, I'll go." Roxas sighed.
"Seriously?!" Axel looked at the blonde with disbelief.
"If you want me to go that badly, I'll go." Roxas said. "And you're done."
"Sweet!" Axel grinned. "So hurry up and get your costume on so we can go to Port Royal."
"Port Royal?" Roxas questioned, taking off his cloak and changing into his outfit.
"Yeah." Axel responded. "You, Xion and I are going to cause chaos. Got it memorized?"
"I've memorized it, but I still don't want to go." Roxas said, used to his boyfriend's catchphrase.
"But it will be fun for Xion." Axel said. "Now hurry up so we can get going."
"Okay, okay." Roxas said.
Axel left the Key of Destiny and went into Xion's room. XIV was cosplaying as Sasuke from Naruto, for one reason or another, and the neophyte was having some problems with her outfit.
"Do you need some help there, Xion?" Axel asked, noticing how she was trying to jump into Sasuke's jet-black outfit.
"Nah, I got it." Xion shook her head as she managed to put on her outfit. "So is he going?"
"He's going?" Axel grinned.
"Yes!" Xion exclaimed. "I knew he wouldn't say no to you."
"He did, but I convinced him to go." Axel corrected her. "Come on, we'd better get going."
"Why's that?" Xion wondered.
"I don't want to see Saïx before I leave." Axel said.
"You two have to start talking eventually." Xion said, knowing full well why Axel and Saïx weren't speaking to each other.
"Eventually, but not now." Axel was well known for avoiding situations.
"So let's get going!" Xion grabbed Axel and dragged him off to Roxas' room so they could start their reign of chaos.
One usually doesn't associate Agrabah with giant tidal waves, but that changed when Demyx was around. The Melodious Nocturne was in the desert city with Xigbar, who was having a high and mighty time shooting at random objects. No, Xigbar wasn't shooting at Heartless. He was just destroying random buildings and other monuments.
Remind me not to give him a grenade launcher.
"This wasn't exactly what I had in mind." Demyx said sadly as he destroyed a Fat Bandit.
"Well, the Grey Area isn't exactly the way I wanted it, but you don't hear me complaining." Xigbar said, shooting a Crescendo in the head with biting nonchalance.
"You know what I mean, Xiggy." Demyx said, glaring at the Free Shooter.
"Well, what did you want to do, Demyx?" Xigbar wondered.
"I was planning on watching Carrie with Zexion." Demyx replied as he jumped onto a canopy and sent a tidal wave into a large building.
"Oh yeah, that sounds productive." The sarcasm in Xigbar's voice was obvious.
"Well, what would you be doing?" Demyx challenged, sending a glare in the direction of II.
"Probably playing strip poker with Xaldin, Luxord and Marluxia." Xigbar replied.
"Didn't need to know that…" Demyx squeezed his eyes shut, as if he was trying to block out a very disturbing mental image.
"Well, you asked." Xigbar said.
"Yeah, but I didn't want you to be that specific." Demyx retorted.
"Who are you supposed to be, anyway?" Xigbar randomly changed the subject to Demyx's costume. The Melodious Nocturne appeared to be cosplaying as a hippie, but with Demyx, one could never tell.
"David Bowie." Demyx grinned.
"I shouldn't be surprised by this…" Xigbar rolled his eye.
"And what about you, gunman?" Demyx asked.
"Zaraki Kenpachi." Xigbar responded.
"How appropriate…" Demyx said, using his sitar to beat a Creeper Plant to death.
"And why is that, Demyx?" Xigbar wanted to know.
"Nothing." Demyx responded.
"Really." Xigbar wasn't convinced.
Demyx nodded and said, "That's right. Nothing at all."
Wonderland was usually a calm, soothing place to be. That is, when it hasn't been set ablaze by a certain pyro.
"So how the hell did we end up here?" Roxas demanded as he followed Xion and Axel into one of the many mazes.
"We found out that Saïx and Larxene were already in Port Royal, so we decided to come here." Axel told his boyfriend for what seemed like the millionth time.
"So couldn't we have gone to Hollow Bastion?" Roxas questioned.
"That makes a lot more sense." Xion agreed.
"Which is why we didn't go." Axel said.
"Yeah, heaven forbid we do something that makes sense." Roxas rolled his eyes.
"That's what you said after I threw the GameCube out the window." Axel said, sending his chakram in the direction of an unsuspecting Driller Mole.
"Well, why the hell would you throw it out the window?" Xion wondered.
"Because I was mad." Axel said. "Must I have a reason for everything?"
"Obviously." Roxas said, slicing a random tree in half out of sheer boredom.
"Hey, I'm not as bad as Saïx when he's Berserk." Axel pointed out.
"No one's as bad as Saïx when he's Berserk." Roxas said, using the Keyblade to destroy a Yellow Opera.
"I dunno." Xion said. "How about Demyx when he's on a sugar high?"
"Yeah, that's a pretty bad thing." Axel nodded in agreement.
"Seriously, why did he even suggest this?!" Roxas exclaimed.
"What, this Halloween thing?" Axel questioned as he chakram sliced a Shadow in half.
"No, the execution of Mary Queen of Scots." Roxas said, words dripping with sarcasm.
"That's completely irrelevant." Xion said.
"I was making a point!" Roxas exclaimed.
"And what point is that, Roxas?" Axel wondered.
"Never mind…" Roxas said. "So how long do we have to be here?"
"Who knows?" Xion shrugged. "Until we decide to go back, I guess."
"But Axel won't want to go back." Roxas pointed out.
"Hey, we have to go back to the Castle whether we like it or not." Axel said, peridot eyes now on his boyfriend.
"Well, I know for a fact that I don't want to face Demyx with a sugar high." Roxas said.
"I pity Zexion this time of the year." Xion said.
"I seriously don't know how they got together." Roxas said.
"Well, they tried to hide it for a while." Axel said.
"Then how'd you guys find out about them?" Xion asked, hurling her Keyblade towards a Crescendo.
"I found them having sex on top of the Lab Table." Axel replied with complete nonchalance.
"Interesting…" Roxas said.
"Wait, why were you in the Lab?" Xion wanted to know.
"Xemnas wanted Vexen for something and I figured he'd be in the lab, seeing as that's where he is all the time." Axel said.
"Let's just hurry up so we can get going." Roxas said.
"You're really set on going back, aren't you?" Axel asked.
"Hell yeah!" Roxas exclaimed.
"Hey, I have a question." Xion said randomly.
"Shoot." Axel said.
"With what?" Roxas asked.
"It doesn't matter!" Xion yelled.
"So what do you want, Xion?" Axel raised an eyebrow.
"Which is worse: candies or Heartless?" Xion asked.
"Heartless." Axel said instantaneously.
"I dunno…" Roxas said hesitantly.
"How is candy bad, Roxas?" Axel wondered.
"Demyx on a sugar high." Roxas said simply.
"Ah, I can see how that'd be bad." Xion said as she slew a Crimson Rock with her Keyblade.
"I'd take Luxord drunk over a sugar high Demyx any day." Axel said as the group started to make their way back to the rabbit hole.
"Are you out of your mind?" Xion looked questioningly at the redhead.
"I don't think so." Axel shook his head.
"Why in hell would you rather deal with a drunken Luxord?" Roxas wondered.
"Luxord passes out after a while." Axel explained. "Demyx doesn't."
Now you all know what happens on Halloween, right? People like Luxord get piss drunk and end up egging houses and go home to play strip poker. Apparently the Organization had a tradition of their own.
Roxas, Axel and Xion and returned from Wonderland late that night, each member worn out from causing general chaos and paranoia. Xion was a little disappointed because she couldn't go trick or treating, but what could she do? Go up to Xemnas and say, "Let me go trick or treating or I'll slaughter you in your sleep"?
That'd be interesting, no?
Axel had gone to take a shower and instructed Roxas and Xion to set up The Covenant on the TV in the Lounge That Never Was Part LVXI. When XIII and XIV walked into the Lounge in question, they saw something that would scar them for the rest of their lives.
What did they see, you ask? Bismark and Hitler playing Roulette? No. Aragorn and Legolas having a threesome with Frodo? Not quite. Marie Antoinette massacring Louis XVI in his sleep? No, but I'd like to see that.
Xemnas and Saïx having sex on the couch? Yes.
"What the fucking hell?!" Roxas yelled so loudly that the bats in Estonia could hear him.
Instantaneously, Xemnas sat bolt upright, sending Saïx flying off the couch and into the ottoman.
"What the hell, Superior?!" Roxas exclaimed.
"What are you doing, Roxas!" Xemnas demanded.
"Forget us!" Xion yelled. "What were you doing?!"
"Well, what does it look like we're doing, Xion?" Saïx yelled.
"I don't want to know what you were doing, Saïx !" Roxas screamed.
"It's not like you don't do it with Axel." Xemnas said, speaking the first sentence that doesn't contain italics.
"Yeah, but I don't want to see you two do it!" Roxas exclaimed.
"Oi, what's all the noise in here?"
All four Nobodies turned and saw Axel standing in the doorway, the crimson spikes a shade darker due to his recent shower. The peridot eyes were looking at I, XIII, VII and XIV in confusion, no doubt wondering why Saïx and Xemnas were missing several articles of clothing.
"Axel, make it stop!" Roxas yelled, retreating to his boyfriend.
"Saïx , what were you doing?" Axel asked the blue-haired Nobody.
"What you do with Roxas." Saïx replied nonchalantly.
"Why is that so scary, Roxas?" Axel looked down at the blonde.
"Because I don't want to see Saïx and Xemnas do it!" Roxas yelled.
"What do you all want, anyway?" Xemnas asked as he zipped up his cloak.
"We were going to watch The Covenant." Axel explained, wrapping an arm around a terrified Roxas.
"Well, I guess we can go somewhere else." Xemnas said.
"Like a hotel?" Xion muttered under her breath.
"By the way," Xemnas said, "did you go to Wonderland?"
"Just got back from there." Axel said.
"Good." Xemnas said. "We will be having a meeting tomorrow morning, so be prepared."
"Yes, Superior." Axel said as VII and I vanished.
"Interesting Halloween we're having here." Xion said.
"This isn't even half of it." Roxas told her.
"Seriously?" Xion asked, looking frightened.
Axel shook his head. "Nope. Not in the slightest."
Yeah, i know it was rather bad. I didn't have much to work with. I've been playing 358/2 like you wouldn't believe, which is another reason why this is so late. For my regular readers, I have a few oneshots I'm working on and D&P and ECHO are NOT dead! They are just sleeping.....for a long time......anyway, let me know what you think! flames will be given to Axel to deal with. reviews equal love! thanks for reading!