Disclaimer : I don't own it.
Note : Collaboration with Gixxer Pilot . The idea was suggested by her, as well as who would (for the most part) attend the 'class'. *Snickers* Also the scene is taken from NCIS (I figured 'I don't own it' covered the whole thing, but then realized I should still make a mention).
Summary : Several Autobots are requested to attend a Sexual Harassment class, but in the end don't really end up learning all that much. Canon pairings, and some hints of Arcee/Sides. ONE-SHOT. COMPLETE.
Optimus watched as Sideswipe mock punched Sunstreaker in the arm, before hearing a quiet 'tsk' and looking down. Seeing a single human femme frowning at them, he tilted his head a little. The twins wrestled a little, before Chromia entered and wandered over. They spoke in Cybertronian as their leader looked on, joking around, before Sideswipe lightly clapped Chromia's shoulder and chuckled.
Another shake of her head, and the human femme seemed completely apalled at what she was seeing.
Kneeling down behind her, Optimus watched as the femme jumped and spun, facing the mech with a look of being startled on her facial plates. "I see you were watching my subordinates." He spoke, in way of greeting. Tilting his head a little further, he blinked. "Is there something wrong?"
She seemed to hesitate, before turning and looking over her shoulder. "You allow them to behave like that?"
He looked up, watching as Sideswipe lifted Chromia over his shoulder, causing her to squeak indignantly and growl out a warning to put her down. When he resisted, she kicked him where the sun don't shine, and he groaned, doubling over and allowing her to land lightly on her feet, where she glared at him lightly.
"That's sexual harassment!" The girl huffed, turning back.
Frowning, Optimus took a moment to look up the term 'sexual harassment'. He found numerous meanings to it, all of which only confused him. "I don't understand. This is hardly unusual for our behavior." Once again his optics lifted to his troops, who were now laughing once again. "How is this inappropriate? There have been no complaints."
"Not that you know of. What if they just don't feel comfortable talking about it? Have you never taken a sexual harassment course?" When the Autobot leader shook his head negative, the femme paused. "Well, you should. There's one going on, on the base. You should sign up."
She clearly didn't notice the utterly lost expression on his face, when he had very little in the way of knowledge of what she was going on about. Just what was a... Sexual Harassment Course?
She frowned over her shoulder at the younglings. "And maybe sign them up as well."
Nodding a little, he watched, fascinated, as the femme sighed, glared at the two oblivious mechs, and then stomped off down the hall, muttering something about 'oblivious men' as she went.
Standing up slowly, he took in how the twins wrestled with Chromia, the femme only too eager to show how strong she was as she fought back, all in good nature. He blinked again, taking in that things truly were different on this planet, and sighing as he quickly searched the worldwide web, found the base courses in hidden files, and signed his team up for it.
Chancing a look at the twins, he sighed again, wincing as he walked over. Wonderful. They're not going to like this.
(Two Days Later)
We're very lucky she took us in. Optimus thought, watching as a small portion of his troops seemed to sag in their super sized seats.
'And why exactly did we need to come?' Arcee raised an optic ridge, glancing briefly out of the corner of her optic towards where her boss bot hovered at the back door. 'The twins I can understand.' She smirked a little. 'Both of them.'
'We're not of this planet. It is best we attempt to learn their customs.' Optimus shrugged a little, before facing forward, where a middle aged femme stood at the front of the class. 'Now pay attention.'
"From the video presentation, it's clear that sexual harassment can take many forms."
'I'd like to 'sexually harass' you.' Elita purred over their private link, causing Optimus to swallow convusively, and switch on his cooling jets in order to cool down his suddenly overheating core. His spark pulsated longingly at the desire pushed over the link, and he tried not to groan. Shooting her a look, he poured his own desire, love, and regret through the link, before blocking the private line. He then winced when she pouted and looked away.
"A coworker with...'elevator eyes'...."
"Wait, what?" Ratchet suddenly sat up straight. "Isn't an elevator one of your creations that carries personelle and equipment to different floors of a building?" He frowned. "What does that have to do with a human's organic optics?"
Arcee giggled and looked over at him. "Not what she meant."
Optimus picked up on a faint ping over the internal lines and watched as Ratchet's optics dimmed momentarily before he nodded and came back. Smirking a little, the semi decided to remain silent.
Ignoring the banter, the teacher continued. "With elevator eyes... Looking you up and down." She raised an eyebrow when Ironhide glanced over and made a point of doing exactly that to Chromia. "A coworker shows you a cartoon or a photo of a sexual nature."
"If you're lucky." Sides muttered quietly.
'Like the 'nude' art I saw earlier?' Ratchet idly wondered. 'I didn't find anything sexual about that. '
"A coworker's hand 'accidentally' brushing up against you."
Arcee leaned forward and mock whispered in Sideswipe's audio receptor. "If you're really lucky." She smirked when he went rigid and seemed to shiver a little.
Watching all this, Optimus did his very best not to groan, realizing their attention was already wandering. He wondered if implimenting a 'pop quiz' promise for later this week would help them to remember all this, or if there was even any point in bothering.
"Physical contact can be divided into three categories." The teacher hit a switch and the projector behind her started back up again, displaying an image of a traffic light, as well as a brief description at the side. "Green light includes normal behavior."
'If it's so normal, why is it considered harassment? Are they trying to suggest 'harassment' is normal for humans?' Jolt tilted his head a little as he watched the teacher pace back and forth as she explained.
"Yellow light includes borderline behavior such as hugging someone-"
Jazz was up and out of his seat before she could continue, with a slightly horrified look on his face as he stared down at the teacher. "What's wron' wit huggin' peepz? I hug peepz all da time."
"You may see it as friendly, but your coworkers might find it offensive."
Blinking a moment, Jazz looked around, a huge pout crossing his features and his optics wide with hurt. "Ya guys find it offensive when I hug ya?" He blinked again, sinking back down, only sighing in relief when every mech and femme in the room quickly reassured him it was ok.
There was a ping over Optimus' private lines, and glancing out of the corner of his optics, he saw Elita with her face turned forward. He couldn't make out her expression, and had a feeling he was going to regret it, but opened his private link. 'Yes?'
'Can I 'hug' you?' The tone was still a purr, and turning her head a little, Elita poured desire over the link, as well as amusement.
Shaking his head, Optimus' cooling jets switched on once again as he grew heated. 'Elita...'
'You don't find it offensive when I hug you, do you?' Her tone remained low and sultry, even as she faced back up at the front. 'What if I showed you an image of a sexual nature?' There was a small ping, and a file attachment was sent directly into his processors.
Hesitating, Optimus glanced around, before making what he knew was a bad decision. While he knew it was dangerous, he couldn't resist the sweet pull of desire from his mate, or his curiosity. Opening the file, he blinked rapidly and his cooling jets switched up several notches, until Ratchet and Jolt both glanced back, one in amusement and the other in concern.
'Do you mind? We can hear those all the way up here.' Ratchet smirked before turning back forward.
'Your core spark temperature has increased significantly. Are you damaged?'
Frowning, Optimus shuttered his optics and blocked the private line again, this time struggling not to up and jump his mate. It probably wouldn't go over too well if the Autobot leader himself interrupted a sexual harassment course to jump his femme. Shivering a little, he shook his head pointedly at Jolt, before mock glaring at Elita, who only giggled in response.
"And finally, there is red light behavior."
The voice startled Optimus back to the present, and he shot his quietly giggling mate another dirty look before filing away the attachment image and returning to the class at hand. He noticed, somewhat amusingly, that Arcee was leaning almost right against Sides, who was reclined in his seat and obviously only half paying attention to the class.
"Such as deliberate, unwelcomed touching-"
Arcee suddenly leaned forward and licked the side of Sideswipe's throat, causing him to yelp in startlement and jump up, causing most of the class to bust out laughing. As Arcee sat back, smirking to herself, Sides wiped the side of his neck, before looking around almost groggily, and pausing to glare at her slightly.
'Did he taste good?' Chromia snickered over the public internal communications, causing Sideswipe's cooling jets to switch on loudly, and everyone to crack up again.
Elita once again shot a look back at Optimus, not even needing to send anything emotion-wise over the link to cause his spark to increase energy output. She blinked, although it was more a fluttering of her eyes. 'Can I lick you?' She sent over their private lines once again, refusing to give up.
Optimus trembled minutely, overriding his cooling jets and blocking the link completely, even as he panted as quietly as he could. What is with that femme? He thought, dazed, as he struggled for control. Not that I'm complaining... He blinked and took a deep breath, holding it so he could pay attention despite his elevated internal temperatures.
"Another question?" The teacher's voice barely hinted at annoyance, although her eyes clearly gave her away.
Sideswipe hesitated, rubbing at his neck, before nodding. "Uh, yeah. What if you slap someone on the back of the head, like this?" He slapped Sunstreaker on the back of the head, then yelped as his twin slapped him even harder in the upper thigh. "Oof! Would that be considered inappropriate behavior?" He grunted slightly.
She raised an eyebrow and nodded. "Yes. That's extremely inappropriate. Are you saying that's actually happened?"
'YES!' Sides glanced around, locking optics on his brother, Ironhide, Ratchet, each of the femmes, and finally Optimus Prime himself. 'Uhhhh....' Swallowing heavily, he slowly sank back down. "No. I was just wondering."
Raising his hand, Ratchet slowly stood. "What if part of your job includes touching naked people?"
There was a very loud chorus of snickers from the group, and Ratchet even had to smirk as he stood at attention.
'BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH!' Sunstreaker screamed over the internals, sending a lot of the Autobots into hysterics, even as they winced at the volume. 'I need an adult!'
"That's inappropriate at any time." The teacher bit out, glaring at the twins and frowning at the rest. She sighed heavily, rolling her eyes, before turning back to Ratchet when she realized he had yet to sit. "Yes?"
"What if they're dead?" He blinked a moment, tilting his head a little.
Her jaw dropped a moment, and her eyes widened in horror. Looking at the Autobot in front of her, her eyes seemed to scan him a long moment, before she came back to herself. "What are you doing touching naked dead people?!"
'Can we say necrophiliac?' Chromia muttered quietly, already getting exactly what the teacher was thinking from the look on her face, and the apalled, horrified look in the big green eyes. 'She thinks you're into mating with offlined organics.'
There was another roar of laughter from the Autobots present in the room, and Ratchet sat down, his own optics going wide. "I'm a medic!" He almost shouted in self defence, sinking down in clear embarrassment.
A sudden ping on Optimus' emergency lines caught his attention, and opening the file, his optics widened. "Autobots!" He called out, causing the room to fall quiet. "We have an emergency incoming. Ratchet, you, Ironhide and Jazz are with me. Jolt, I need you to ready the med bay, in case they're injured, and the rest are on standby in case we run into trouble!"
Everyone was moving at lightning speed, more than eager to get out of the room. As she bypassed him, Elita's smirk never once faded and she scanned his form with her optics. 'Later, lover.' She purred, sauntering past him as she made her way off to Primus knows where.
Shuttering his optics briefly, Optimus shot the teacher an apologetic look before turning and chasing after the other bots. One thing was for sure, though... I'll never take this class with my subordinates, again.
Hope you like it.