Super Mario Sketch show Episode 6
Announcer : And not it's time for……
If Mario was much more realistic!
Announcer: Can anybody imagine what would happen if Mario was much more realistic? Let me tell you this, it wouldn't me a very fun game. Let's take a look at the things Mario does, and see the humourous things that would happen if there was more logic put into his actions.
Example 1 – Mario hits a block with his hand or his head.
Let's hear what would happen if he or anyone else attempted this in real life.
Mario: Hey, coin blocks, I think I'll hit them with my head.
Mario jumps up and hits a block with his head. He then comes down, the top of his head covered in blood.
Mario (in shock): Gaaaahhhhhhhhhh! I'm bleeding! Quick somebody, call an ambulance!
Mario falls down and dies, from the tremendous damage to his brain.
Example 2 – Mario can jump six times, his own height in Super Mario Bros. Don't ask me how, maybe he has some sort of magic shoes.
Mario: Hmmmm…..better jump to get over this hole.
Mario makes his first jump.
Mario: Whoa! Arrrggghhhhh…….this is way too high……help!
Mario makes it over the hole.
Mario (panting) : Wheeze I almost broke my legs! Well screw this! I'm going home.
Example 3 : He's a plumber and he's relied on to rescue a princess, what do you think the beginning of the story in the old Super Mario Bros game would go if it was realistic?
Toad: Mario, help! Our princess has been kidnapped!
Mario: Well what the fuck do you want me to do about it? I mend pipes for a living, you stupid cunt! I don't even know who this princess Peach is!
Example 4 : He takes on an army of turtles all by himself. Keep in mind, he is a plumber and these turtles are probably trained soldiers of Bowser
Mario: Alright, koopas! Prepare to die.
About six turtles come and violently beat the hell out of Mario, instead of just walking back and forth senselessly. The goombas just eat his remains, and Mario stays dead for good.
Example 5 : He can carry a huge amount of coins without any struggle, and I may like to add, just one of the coins is half the size in his bigger Super Mario form
Mario: Ach…goddamnit! I can't even fit one of these in my pocket and they're so heavy!
Mario manages to fit the coin in his pocket and walks extremely slowly.
Mario: Ahhh…oh man I'll never rescue the princess at this rate.
Example 6: He eats over a hundred mushrooms in a game. Putting aside the illegal drugs joke I made in an earlier episode, there may be another reason why he may become ill.
Mario runs to the bushes and throws up.
Mario : Bleeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Oh why did I eat so many of them!
(Also isn't it fascinating he never needs to go to the toilet?)