Hi! Okay, so this is my first Gossip Girl fic. I've only just gotten into the fandom in the last week (mid-way through season two now), but I got hit by an idea and this came out of it. Hope you like! Reviews are love!
Disclaimer: If I owned Gossip Girl, it wouldn't have taken three seasons for Chuck to kiss a guy, but it did, so yeah, I don't own it.
Five years together and Dan's still learning. Chuck's been a mystery since the beginning, despite the act he puts on, but as time goes on, he's figuring out the little things that make Chuck Bass who he is.
He knows that when Chuck gets that distant, sad look in his eyes, it's going to be a bad day. All this time later, that look still sends him back to the night they sat in the jail cell. It hurts him to see Chuck look like that, so sad, so lost. Those days come without warning, but when they do, Dan just makes sure Chuck knows he isn't alone, whether it be by a touch or by fucking him so slowly that Chuck's unconscious by the end, thrown into a mindless oblivion where his mind can recover enough to make that look go away.
He knows that Chuck still cries for his father every year on the anniversary of the accident. Chuck tries to hide it, acts out in a vain hope that he can make Dan stop caring for those twenty-four hours. He always fails, because Dan isn't going anywhere and he'd hoped that Chuck would have realized that by now. There isn't much Dan can do on those days other than keep an eye on him while at the same time trying to let Chuck have his space to mourn. He doesn't know why, but every year when Chuck goes up to the roof to stare out at the city, Dan feels absolutely terrified.
He knows that Chuck buys Lily a gift for Mother's Day every year. He never gives it to her, never even says the words, but Dan's seen the credit card receipts and the carefully packaged gifts that get hidden in the back of the closet. Chuck's never called Lily anything other than her name, but everyone knows. Dan thinks it may be in a quiet loyalty to his birth mother that he doesn't say it, unwilling to give the name to anyone but the woman he never got to know. It never stops Dan from delivering the gift the second Chuck's back is turned. Lily knows who it's from and Chuck knows what he does, but they never address it.
He knows that Chuck drinks a little heavier on the anniversary of the day he and Blair finally fell apart. Dan's never jealous. He knows there's still a part of Chuck that loves the brunette, but he also knows that Chuck loves him more, even if he doesn't say it. He understands that it's hard for Chuck. She had been the first one that he'd actually fallen for, actually found a meaning with. They didn't work out, their lives much too different, but it doesn't discount the fact that they did love each other. They're still friends and Chuck spends that day with Blair, but Dan's never worried that he'll cheat. Blair would never allow it and he trusts them both to never take that step. It's a silent understanding that they all have, Blair has him for that one day a year, but Chuck always comes home to Dan.
He knows the idea of being with one person for the rest of his life scares Chuck to death. Since childhood, he'd been so used to being abandoned at a moment's notice. Even growing up with friends, there was still that part of Chuck that was alone, that part that was a scared little kid, desperate for someone to hold onto. Chuck still has a hard time believing that he has that in Dan and he tests him constantly, pushing his buttons to see if Dan will finally walk away like everyone else. Dan never does and he thinks Chuck's finally beginning to figure it out. They're still young and maybe he isn't the person that Chuck will grow old with, but he'll stand beside Chuck for as long as he's welcome.
"I'm not going anywhere. You know that, right?"
Dan's eyes fell away from the screen of his laptop as Chuck shifted in the bed. The other man was still somewhere between sleep and unconsciousness as he lay on Dan's stomach. It had been one of those days and Dan kissed the messy brown hair once as his right hand traced tiny circles on Chuck's back. His left was on the keyboard of his laptop, awkwardly typing for a moment before he closed the lid and slid the computer from its place on the mattress beside him and to the floor.
Chuck shifted against him again, this time somewhat awake as he blinked owlishly up at Dan. His brows furrowed as he looked up at him in that same confusion as always, as if asking what Dan was still doing there.
Dan didn't say anything, just smiled gently as his fingers threaded through Chuck's hair and he smoothed the crinkles with a kiss. He slid down, this time holding Chuck chest to chest as he murmured softly at the other man to go back to sleep.
"I'm not going anywhere, you know that, right?"
Charlie Trout smiled at his lover, nodding even though he didn't look all that convinced. "Yeah, I know."