Don't own Kim Possible or Shego or any other character.. Hell I don't even own the freaking Pandaroo! Just the story ^^
This is what Shego really meant with her letter!
Warning.. cliché.. and fluff.. and stuff.. you probably won't like it XD
The meaning of goodbye.
Even though tears were clear in her eyes, Kim didn't quite understand the letter she was holding in her hands. She had read it over and over again while she tried to hold back her tears. The message of the letter was clear, it was goodbye. But it was the goodbye that confused her.
Did Shego leave her? Or did she take her life? Leaving everybody, the entire world, behind. It seemed so unclear to her even after reading the letter several times. She looked at the fine writing and the stains her tears had left. She sighed and folded the letter and tucked it back into a drawer. She looked out of her window, hoping to catch a glint of the woman who wrote her that letter. Her eyes saw nothing but raindrops and darkness beyond that window.
She sighed again and slowly lowered herself onto her bed. She grabbed her pandaroo and hugged it tightly as tears ran down her cheeks.
"Why did she have to leave?" She asked. She looked at her pandaroo as if it was going to answer. She closed her eyes as it remained quiet. She felt like crying her eyes out but she tried to stay strong. She eventually fell asleep hugging her pandaroo tightly, her cheeks covered with tear stains.
She knew that she wasn't supposed to feel heartbroken. She had thought about her feelings for Shego and even though she didn't want to admit it, she was falling for her. Reading that Shego was gone messed her up. She didn't sleep much and her appetite was gone. She felt hollow and only a certain green skinned thief could make her feel better.
The few hours she did get sleep she always ended up having a nightmare. She would wake up in the middle of the night with a racing heart and sweat covering her body.
It had been a week since Shego had disappeared and Kim was ready to break down. Yet she was determined to find the green skinned woman dead or alive.
Every day she would search a part of the city, hoping to catch a glimpse of Shego. Every day she got disappointed, never finding the one she searched. It was if though Shego had dissolved into nothing. Making it impossible to find a single trace of the green woman's existence.
She had to admit that she felt miserable. Her life seemed to be miserable, until that faithful night.
She had been wandering around town that night. The fact that she couldn't sleep was one of the many reasons she was out in the night.
Her head hung slightly as she dragged herself through the empty streets. Her face hidden by her fiery red hair, the escaping tears slipping down her cheeks and falling soundlessly. Her mind filled with thoughts about Shego and her vague 'goodbye'. There was hardly anything else she could or wanted to think about.
Somewhere during her walk she had ended up in a park. Seeing no reason for her to walk any further she settled down on a bench. Her head once again hung slightly and she let out a long sigh. She stared at her feet, her tears had stopped running down her cheeks. She felt like she had been crying for ages, her head thumping lightly because of the tears she had shed.
She sighed again and rested her head in her hands. She realised that she shouldn't have gone outside. Knowing that she'd never find Shego no matter how much she wanted to.
"Just another disappointment." She muttered to herself.
"Why are you disappointed?" A voice questioned. Kim's eyes widened at the sound of that voice. That voice. She thought. She quickly looked up and saw what she had been looking for all this time.
"Shego." She merely whispered. She got to her feet and walked up to said person. She reached out, her hand shaking visibly as she went to check if she wasn't dreaming. Her hand stopped on Shego's shoulder, feeling the fabric of her tight suit underneath her fingers.
"I'm not dreaming?" She questioned herself more then Shego.
"Princess." Shego started and she reached out and touched Kim's cheek. "This is real." She whispered. Kim's free hand went up to Shego's cheek and she caressed it lightly. She was still staring at her in shock, still not certain if she would wake up any minute now.
She softly squeezed Shego's shoulder before she let her hands fall to her side. She backed up a bit, shock being replaced with anger and fear.
"It can't be." She whispered. "You're dead."
"No, I never claimed to be dead. I wrote you a letter, telling you goodbye because I wasn't sure if I would ever see you again. I never said that I would die, I just told you goodbye." Shego replied.
"But you made it appear as if you were going to commit suicide." Kim said with anger clear in her voice.
"I was never planning to commit suicide. Yet I still saw it that way, because I knew that something inside of me would die if I left you."
"Why didn't you just tell me that?" Kim asked softly.
"I… I couldn't… I've pondered about what I had to write for days. Telling you was something I couldn't do because I knew I wouldn't be able to find the right words."
"But you did."
"It took me days to find the words to tell you what I feel. Even the words that I found don't reflect everything that I want you to know." Shego replied softly.
It became quiet between them and Shego felt highly uncomfortable. Once again she didn't know what to say. She couldn't find the words and neither could Kim. Not knowing what to do Kim acted on instinct. She wrapped her arms around Shego's waist and buried her face in her shoulder.
To say that Shego was surprised was an understatement. The look of shock turned into a soft expression as she gently wrapped her own arms around Kim's shoulders. She rested her head lightly on top of Kim's head and even now she didn't know what to say or do.
They remained in their positions for several minutes. It seemed like they had been standing there for ages when Kim pulled back.
"I still can't believe you're here. Do you know how I feel?" She asked as she gazed into Shego's eyes.
"No." Shego replied.
"I feel…." She paused to think about it. "I feel pissed." Shego looked at her in surprise, not expecting that Kim was angry.
"W-why?" She managed to stutter.
"You left me. You left me and made me think you were dead. You didn't say goodbye personally. I've been disappointed so many times every time I went looking for you. I cried so many tears; I believe I don't have a single tear left. And here you are, alive and expecting me to just fall into your arms and tell you I love you too."
"I- I never said I expected... " Stop it, you've hurt me a lot and you don't even realise it. I missed you Shego, I missed you so much. I needed you and you weren't there. The one time I realise that I need you and you disappear." Kim cut through and she let out a bitter laugh.
"I didn't mean to cause you so much sorrow." Shego whispered and she took a few steps backwards.
"Well you did." Kim replied bitterly.
"I could just disappear again if that's what you want." Shego offered.
"I wouldn't care less." Kim surprised herself by saying that. She never thought she'd say something like that. The moment it had left her mouth she regretted it. She bit her lower lip as she saw a pained look appear in Shego's eyes.
"Sorry I ever came back." She muttered, she turned and started walking away. Kim felt her heart break all over again and this time it was her own fault. She knew she had hurt Shego, she could see it in her eyes. Something inside her had told her that she deserved it. Yet she couldn't help but think why her heart broke again if Shego deserved it.
You want her to know how you feel. But you can make it clear without hurting her. Her mind told her. She snapped out of her thoughts and looked at Shego's retreating form. The tears she thought she had run out of, slowly seeped out of her eyes. She felt like an emotional wreck and there was nothing she could do about it. She felt the sudden urge to pull Shego into her arms and tell her how sorry she was. She couldn't resist her feelings and ran up to the older woman. She quickly wrapped her arms around Shego and pressed herself against Shego's backside.
She felt Shego stiffen in her arms and tightened her grip slightly. She wasn't planning on letting her go and held on for dear life, afraid that Shego would disappear again.
"What are you doing?" She heard Shego ask softly.
"What I should've done years ago." Kim replied simply. "Why did you leave?" Kim asked.
"I… had to take care of my criminal records and I had to deal with some family problems."
"Why weren't you sure about coming back?"
"I was afraid that I couldn't hold on." Shego whispered.
"If you feel like you can't hold on, just hold on to my love and I'll help you be strong."
"I'm afraid I can't."
"You're so afraid to lose, that way I can't reach you heart." Kim replied.
"Believe me; you've reached my heart in many ways."
"Then why do I have the feeling that I have to face everything on my own?"
"I don't know what I'm doing." Shego admitted. Kim loosened her grip on Shego and made her turn around. She looked up at Shego and could see that she was telling the truth. Her hand slipped into Shego's hand and they both looked down at their entwined hands.
This small action reassured Shego that she had nothing to be afraid of. Even though she had never loved somebody like that, she knew that everything would turn out okay. It made her feel out of character but she didn't care. Nobody could tell her she wasn't aloud to love someone.
Kim noticed a look of doubt in Shego's eyes. She knew that Shego didn't find it easy to confess her feelings. She knew she could use some help and that's exactly what Kim was planning to give her.
"Don't be afraid, I'll help you with your feelings. Just promise me that you'll never leave me again." Kim said as she pressed herself against Shego.
"I promise." She replied in a whisper. Kim smiled as she leaned into Shego's warm form. Knowing that she wouldn't leave her anymore. Knowing that, from now on, Shego will be there for her. Just like she will be there for Shego. There to help her explore the feelings she knew Shego had never felt before. Finally she could stop searching because she found what she was looking for and she wasn't planning on letting that go.
Well! that was what Shego meant with her letter! that clears things up! Doesn't it?!
I certainly think it clears things up!
I hope you enjoyed it.. even though it was.. fluff and cliché and stuff..
thanks for reading it!