The Severus Snape Fan CLub






"Potter!" Severus spat as he approached a child wearing a silky black wig.

The spawn turned slowly and smiled innocently. "Yes, sir?"

Severus gestured toward Potter's chest. "What the hell is that?"

The cheeky brat beamed at him! He was wearing a black T-shirt with yellow letters that read:

I Have a Thing for Greasy Potions Masters

"Do you like it? I patented the idea. Isn't it wicked? You can have one for free, if you sign my shirt."

"Idiot! I will never…in a hundred million years, sign your wretched shirt, Potter!"

The spawn shrugged. "That's cool. Hey, do you think in a hundred million years, you'll be able to recognize sonar?"

Snape spluttered. "What?"

"You know…if you're not going to sign my shirt for that long, perhaps your offspring will evolve into detecting sonar. That would be really wicked! That could be one of the quirks of your bloodline, kind of like Slytherin talking to snakes. You could talk to bats…and whales…and porpoises!" Harry chattered happily.

Snape pinched his nose. "Detention, Potter! Merlin, save me from inane Gryffindor chatter boxes."

Severus spun to walk away from the brat when he was startled by a whoop.

The Potter brat actually had the audacity to run into the Grand Hall, shouting. "HEY, EVERYONE! I GOT A DETENTION FROM THE SEVERUS SNAPE! GO, ME!"

Severus blinked twice. Then he spun on his heels, snarling.


Severus snarled angrily as he stalked into his classroom. Every seat was filled with detentionees.

"Potter!" He spat.

The whelp wriggled eagerly in his seat. "Yes, Professor?"

Snape sneered. "You will be dissecting Flobberworms."

Potter grinned magnanimously. "Anything for you, sir."

Severus groaned. "The rest of you will be rupturing bat spleens! Get to work!"

After twenty minutes of 'Wicked, I splattered Seamus with spleen' and 'Sweet, my hands are stained like a greasy potions master' Severus fought the urge to bang his head on his desk.

After ten more agonizing minutes…

"Clean up your stations, and GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

The twin Weasleys stared in with an awed expression. "Whoa. You're even scarier than Mum. Can you teach us?"

"Out. OUT! GET OUT NOW!" As the classroom emptied, Severus banged his head on his desk. "Happy now, Potter?" He asked the silent classroom.

"Not really. I still want that autograph, sir."

Severus lifted his head from the desk so quickly, he felt his neck pop. "Potter! What part of 'get out' do you not comprehend?"

"Um…the get part?"

Severus lifted his eyes in exasperation. "Leave, Potter! Now!"

The brat walked halfway across the classroom, spun, and said, "Do you think I can have a detention tomorrow, too? I can't think of any better way to waste my time than to spend it in a classroom with a famous potions master."

Severus pointed to the door. "Out, Potter!"

The cheeky brat grinned and billowed out of the classroom.

Snape stared. "What?"

"He stole my walk, Albus!" Severus snarled. "Insolent brat billowed right out of my class room like he owned it!"

"Calm yourself, Severus. It isn't that bad. I could think of worse people for Harry to emulate. Now if you'll excuse me, Severus, I have a meeting with Cornelius." The headmaster donned his silky wig and billowed from his office.

Severus pulled his hair and screamed.