Another collection of one shots, oi oi, but unlike the other that takes place in an AU and is mainly focused on Canada and Prussia this one has no true focus and takes place in the actual Hetalian universe.
Okay, I was bored due to no internet access the other night and it was waaaay too early to go to bed when it set in so I did this little meme thing instead. So how it works is you take your three favorite pairings (Mine are PrussiaxCanada, GermanyxItaly and AmericaxJapan) from your favorite anime and you put your iPod or what have you on shuffle. The first three songs that come up are the ones you use (you can choose which couple to use on what song if you so wish) So yeah, since Canada and Prussia is my favorite pairing they are up first, next will be Gerita and then Ameripan.
He was drunk to put it lightly. The nation out with him was not quite as so but he was getting there. The albino man stared at him as if he were a piece of meat next to him instead of a person. Soon that blonde boy began to seem more like a woman to him. Sure, he could believe it if his inebriated brain tried hard enough. He hadn't had a lay in sooooooo long… He shook his head out, that boy was Canada, he couldn't do that, nope, never.
"Pruuuusssiiia! You're-hic-scary when you-hic-look at me like that! Stoooooop!" The blonde sure whined like a bitch at times… Prussia just chalked it up to the amounts of alcohol he had ingested, unless America drank with him more often than he thought the Canadian probably close to never drank.
Lightweight. The Prussian thought fuzzily as he looked back to his beer glass. "Cahn'd helf det 'm schcary, ya liddle pansy." He drank the last half of his glass and continued. "Ya know, you're lookin' hodder den I doughd you voult efder… 'Ow many's id been now?" His sozzled brain produced no number and he wasn't even going to try counting the glasses by his arm so he gave up.
Canada giggled like a little girl before answering. "Oh weawy eh-hic-?" Prussia turned to look at Canada as another drink was sat in front of him…
Sooooooo looooong… Canada at this point was starting to look like a mighty fine fuck, why, if he just imagined he could see boobs and perhaps he could forget about the whole, you know, cock thing between his legs. Yeah, he could see it now. "Yeeeep." He popped his p at the end of his sentence whimsically. The boy next to him giggled and made the popping noise too for his own amusement.
"You're schmascht, gif me your keese." Prussia held out a less than coordinated hand to take the boy's keys but only found himself dropping them. "Dammid." He leaned down only to lose his balance and fall flat on his face to the floor. "Gah!"
"You're both soused." The bartender sighed and walked around the table, picking up the keys from next to the Prussian. "I can keep your keys for you until you come back tomorrow if that's alright." He asked the wavy-haired one.
Canada seemed to give it serious thought, but his pickled head was giving him no end of trouble so he merely nodded.
"Gimme your cell phone." The bartender then stuck out his hand at the boy.
"Callin' you and your buddy here a cab." He looked down at the completely bombed man as his make-out session with the floor continued.
"Oh!" Canada giggled for ever doubting the man. "Thank you." He handed the bartender his phone. The tender didn't have to look up cab phone numbers anymore, he had long ago memorized most of the book.
After the cab had been ordered, the bartender looked down at well-oiled man on the floor and looked to Canada. There was no way in Hell that tiny guy was going to lift a man like him out to the cab. He knelt down and poked the Prussian's shoulder.
"Geh ov me you baschdart!" Prussia shoved the man face-first away and shakily bolted to his feet.
"Giiil he's trying to be niiice!" Canada whined, leaping from his stool to cling to the man's arm. "He-hic! He even-hic-called us a cab back to my house-hic!"
"Oh he dit dit he?"
"Vell, vhat iv I don'd vand do rite in a cab vhat iv I vand do drife!?"
"Gilly don't-hic-do that!" The bespectacled nation tugged at the much older one's arm, towards the door, Prussia already had a running tab here anyway, they didn't have to pay now.
"Kesesese, call me 'Gilly' again."
"Cooome! Ooooon!" The bartender watched the two interact some more before shoving them both out the door, thankfully the cab was there and ready. After ordering the cab to drive to Canada's street he looked at the two. He shrugged, if they didn't have the money it was no concern of his. As long as he got his money in the end. The door was slammed on the two and the cabbie drove off.
"Oh, shit." He still had the Canadian's cell phone…
The back of the cab was a writhing mass of two bodies, the smaller of the bodies pinned beneath the larger.
"Led me invate your vidal regions!" Prussia growled into Canada's ear and ground their fronts together.
"Hey! Don't neither of you be claimin' nobody's 'vital regions' in the back of my car got it?!" The helpless cabbie yelled, he could try to boot them out, but they obviously weren't human… He could just feel it in his bones.
"Prussia!" Canada moaned and leaned into the pressure on his front, adding to the grinding motion.
"P-P-Please!!" The frustrated man yelled back at the two as a sloppy kiss ensued and there was the clumsy clinking of belts. He slammed on the breaks at a stoplight, throwing the two forward and onto the floor of the taxi. There was a loud moan from the back seat but the driver could no longer see what was happening.
"Ah! Ah-aah!" Sang a high-pitched voice, there was a guttural growl as a higher yelp escaped the first voice. The cab driver, eager to put this nonsense to a stop stepped on the gas pedal and sped off towards the described destination. All the while dealing with the incessant squeals and growls from the back seat.
"Victory!!!" The Prussian roared as Canada beneath him squealed his highest. There was the sound of a body collapsing and heaving breaths from the driver's point of view.
"My backseat!!!" The cabbie yelled in horror as he gripped at his hair and skidded to a stop in front of the nation's house… Wait the nation's house?! His country was being fucked by someone in the backseat of his cab?! Suddenly he didn't feel as bad… But he still had to get the two out of his car….
I know, sucky ending, but I wasn't sure how to XD Somehow I feel that perhaps the story became more about the humans dealing with the nations than the nations screwing in the backseat of a taxicab.
Be tee dubs, in my dictionary alone there are thirty-one different ways to say "drunk" and only two of them are formal XDDD
Also, I know of bartenders that take keys and are rather honest about returning them here.
Next up! Germany and Italy… Hopefully I won't get another song like just lust XD.