Disclaimer: First and only time I'm going to say this for this fic. I don't own a single thing. Not one thing. Nope.

Breaking the Babysitter (In)

"We don't need a babysitter," Myles, the self-elected spokestwin, stated with all the composure of an attorney. His twin, standing exactly half a pace to his left, nodded enthusiastically as though to emphasize his brother's words. "We're five, meaning we're too old for babysitters."

"Perhaps," Artemis replied nonchalantly, while wondering exactly why he had ended up being the one the twins had taken their grievances to. Surely it would be better to petition to the parents, as it was their decision in the first place?

"So, no babysitters!" Myles repeated, frowning at the fact that his words were not getting the reactions that they deserved. They were five for crying out loud. Babysitter's were for babies, and he was not a baby any longer. Beckett, maybe, but not him.

"Alright. No babysitters." Artemis put down his pen. It didn't seem like he'd been able to return to his work anytime soon. "But Juliet is still to be your bodyguard."

"No!" The twins simultaneously protested.

"Yes," Artemis replied coolly.


"I am not going to argue with you two about this," the former criminal mastermind informed his pouting brothers as he leaned back in his chair. "If you are not willing to listen to me, then go to Mother or Father." Like they should have done in the first place.

"They told us to come to you," Myles told him, not sounding anymore pleased with that than Artemis himself felt.

Traitors. Artemis was beginning to understand exactly why most individuals his age were not on the best of relations their parents.

"I shall infer that they mean for me to put an end to this nonsense," he said, propping his elbow on the desk and resting his chin on top it. He looked more at ease than his little brothers really thought he had a right to be. "Juliet is to be your bodyguard. You have no choice."

Myles reached into the oversized briefcase that he had lugged into the room and pulled out a notepad. Even from his seat on the other side of the desk, Artemis could see that the pad was filled with rather childish handwriting.

"We don't need a babysitter," Myles repeated, flipping through his book in search of the page he needed. He stopped at a point about halfway through. "And I have good reasons why. Reason Number One: I'm old enough to take care of myself. Beckett is too, most of the time."

Artemis raised an eyebrow in interest. The twins were really taking this seriously weren't they?

"Reason Two: We don't need to be followed everywhere. We don't go anywhere, we stay at home almost all the time."

Point, but the twins seemed to have failed to mention just how much trouble they managed to get into by simply wandering around at home as well.

"Reason three: We're kids. No one is going to want to kill us."

The fact that they thought that only proved that they were kids.

"Reason Four: Juliet is a girl."

Just how many reasons did the twins have on their list? And just how many of them were even remotely valid?

"Reason Five—"

"Just one moment," Artemis interjected, rather rudely in Myles's opinion. "While I am impressed at how much effort you two have put into this, I just inquire as to how many reasons you have on your list."

Beckett, who had long since learned to filter out pointlessly large and fancy words that he didn't understand and get the gist of the statement, answered. "Lots."

"I see."

"You don't have to listen to them all if you make Juliet not be our babysitter." Myles attempted to bargain.

"Give me the short version," The former criminal mastermind replied with a smirk.

The twins gave identical scowls.

"Fine," Myles said, snapping his notebook shut and shoving it into his briefcase. "Beckett and I don't need babysitters. The only thing babysitters do is follow you around, make sure you stay alive, help you even if you don't need help, and ruin fun things. We don't need that, so we don't need a babysitter."

Artemis didn't reply right away. He reviewed the argument mentally several times before finally reaching the decision that he had not, unfortunately, misunderstood. "Well, according to that logic, Butler is my babysitter?"

He decided not to acknowledge the odd, strangled sound that came from behind to his left, where Butler had been silently observing the entire exchange. But it had better not have been a laugh.

Myles didn't answer immediately. Instead he took a moment to think it over and try to figure out how he could use that question to get his way. Beckett, however, had no time for such pointless measures. He brightly chirped out a "Yup!"

As Butler attempted to regain control of his facial features and Artemis mentally reviewed the reasons why he could not deal with the twins in the same manner he dealt with anyone else that dared oppose him, Myles clapped a hand over his twin's mouth.

"I'm doing all the talking," He hissed in what was meant to be a whisper. "'member? You just stand there and look cute and pathetic."

Artemis raised an eyebrow at that. 'Pathetic'? Where had Myles picked up that word? Did he even know what it meant? Beckett clearly had no idea as he merely nodded and mimed zipping up his lips and throwing away the key.

Satisfied that there would be no more unnecessary and uneducated interruptions, Myles turned back to Artemis. "No babysitters."

Artemis decided that he was done playing 'nice brother'. It was polite and all to indulge in his brothers, but he really needed to get back to work. "Juliet is to be your babysitter, I mean, bodyguard. End of discussion."

"But—!" Myles and Beckett started in protest, only to be cut off.

"End of discussion."

Artemis didn't flinch at how the door slammed on the twin's way out but, he had to admit, he did wince a bit at what Myles shouted just before the door closed.

"You can't tell us what to do! You aren't Mommy or Dad!"

Artemis sighed and massaged his temples wearily. The headache that had started to grow during the entire encounter was now pounding mercilessly. "Then why do I feel like their parent at times?"

"Welcome to the world of being the eldest," Butler said from behind him, amusement coloring his voice. "Once you enter, there's no turning back."

Artemis didn't bother with a reply.


Next Time: If Artemis wasn't going to make Juliet leave them alone, then they would just have to do it themselves.

Heard a rumor that Juliet will show up in the next book as the twin's bodyguard. So, of course, I had to write this. Why? Because that means the twins and Juliet will have a bigger role in the next book! Yay! Well, they better, or else I shall spam with more fics about them. :P

Anyways, please tell me what you think! If you don't like, then please be polite when saying so!