Port Washington, Wisconsin

1994

The Lambert/Foster house. Home to chaos.

No, not the elite organization of evil. Chaos; as in, the Bundy household.

The newspaper boy tossed his newspaper onto the front porch from aboard his beach cruiser.

Bullseye! It was a direct hit on the biggest, most elaborate pot on the porch, which, in turn, knocked over all the rest like dominoes.

----

"I'm tellin' ya, Dana! Aliens are real!" said Cody, who had just finished reading "IWKBBEAFM". (I Was Kidnapped By Bug-Eyed Aliens From Mars)

"Yeah, right," replied Dana. "And Elvis is still alive."

"Duuude! *That's* who I saw at the Safeway the other day!"

Dana rolled her eyes. "Cody, this is nothing but mindless drivel," she said holding up the book. "Harry Potter contains more truth than IWKBECD...BS... or whatever this is called."

"Wow there Danaburger!" said Cody. "You can bash 'IWKBBEAFM' book all you want. You can bash *me* all you want! But I draw the line at Harry Potter!

"Dana rolled her eyes (again) as she sat down on the couch.

"Well, see ya later Danaburger. I'm gonna go see a movie." said Cody. "Hey, you wanna come?"

"What movie?" asked Dana. She wa unable to study this evening due to circumstances beyond her control. In short: heaven for a typical teenager. A nightmare for Dana. So nightmarish, in fact, that she was pondering of going to a movie. With Cody!

"Revenge Of The Saucer Men," replied Cody.

Dana was finished pondering. "I'd rather play ping-pong with my eyeball,"

"Uh, OK," said Cody, who wouldn't know sarcasm if it hit him in the nose. "I think I've got a spare paddle in my van, if you wanna borrow it..."

"Never mind," said a very annoyed Dana.

Cody left, leaving the door open behind him."Finally... some peace and quiet," sighed Dana. She started reading her book, then stared up at the door. "Yeah sure, don't worry about the door!" she said sarcastically. She started to get up to close the door, but it closed on it's own. Then it opened. Four little aliens ran inside from...outside. The aliens were green-skinned, around three-feet-tall, and had strangely-shaped heads. All three were wearing silver suits. It looked as if they were created by someone who had watched too many 1950's B-movies.

Dana bit her hand to keep from screaming.

One of the aliens ran over to the laundry hamper and started rummaging through the dirty clothes. Two of the others ran into the kitchen... and came back out with a handful of Twinkies. The third ran over and measured Dana's head with a Craftsman tape-measure. The expensive kind. One with a built in level.

Dana's hand started bleeding from being bitten too hard. The alien in the laundry found what he was looking for: Frank's socks. He called out something to his mates in a bizarre tongue. As they were all leaving, the head-measurer stopped and patted Dana on the head, then followed the rest out the door.

The door closed behind them with a soft thud.

Dana fainted.