Chapter II


Frank lowered the stapler farther down the wire.


"Uh, Dad… should you be stapling that close to a live wire?" asked J.T., pointing to the electrical wire no more than an inch away from where the stapler was currently pointing.

"J.T.," Frank began, "How much electrical work have you done in your lifetime?"

"Well…" J.T. stuttered.

"How much?"

"None," J.T. sighed.

"I rest my case," said Frank. "Watch…and learn." He pointed the stapler and Ka-zap! Several thousand volts shot through his body.

Chet Ripley, ladies man, pulled his shiny red convertible alongside the curd in front of the Lambert/Foster house. Staring in the rear-view-mirror, he combed his already-so-moussed-up-it-looked-like-he-had-spilled-a-can-of-Crisco-on-it hair. Then he hopped out of the car and walked around to the passenger side. He opened the door to let his passenger (Karen) out.

"I had a great time today Karen," he said. "And you look really cute in that dress."

Karen giggled. "I know."


"J.T., could you get on the ladder and staple this wire to the wall?" asked Frank. "I want to run it into the basement."

"Will you pay me?" asked J.T.

"Nope," said Frank.

"Ah man!" said J.T. "I wanted to make some money. I need new shoes"

"How could you need new shoes? You never leave the couch!"

"Har har," said J.T. He then got onto the ladder and held the wire against the wall. He positioned the stapler, and Ka-chung!

Frank and Carol's bedroom window collapsed in a shower of glass.


Dana came charging through the front door, having just awoken after her close encounter of the third kind. She crashed into the ladder on her way, causing it to topple over.


Karen got out of Chet's convertible. "We'll have to do this again," she said.

Her and Chet leaned in for the kiss.

J.T. fell out of the sky and landed right on Chet's car's hood, crumpling it flat. Glass exploded out in all directions, covering Karen, Chet, and the road.


"Ah!" shouted Chet. "Look what you did to my car, you little… little…" (Chet wasn't very good at insults.)

They were interrupted by Dana.

"Karen! J.T.! You'll never believe what I saw! They were these…these men! And they were green! And they…they…"

"GET OUT OF MY CAR YOU SON-OF-A-LAMBERT!" screamed Chet. He didn't care about men that were green. He yanked the son-of-a-Lambert out of what-used-to-be-a-convertible by his neck. "YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THIS!"

"Rrrrgghhh," uttered Dana, upset that no one was paying attention. She stomped off.

"Whoa, wait a minute," said J.T. "Are you saying aliens visited you? Yeah!" He loved reasons to make fun of Dana.

"Yes!" said Dana.

"Cool! I gotta put this in the school newspaper!" said J.T., who was getting all excited. He had obviously forgotten about Chet, who had definitely not forgotten about J.T. "And let me guess: someone in your fantasy fell out of the sky and landed right on top of the wicked witch."

Ka-chung! Ow! Whoa!" Frank shouted as he stapled his finger, then fell off the house.

"Kids," said Carol, who had just come out of the house, "have you seen Frank?"

Frank landed directly on top of her.