A/N: So, after watching ''Juno'' for the first time ever and loving it, I feel happy enough to sit down and write again! (Don't worry, Terra's not pregnant or anything xD)
So I see I've lost quite a few readers during my hiatus. Before the break, I had around 400 visitors a month, now I'm down to around 180… *cry* I miss you guys! xD
! I really really really want opinions and reviews, or I might lose my inspiration again! I will confess that, due to the hiatus (caused by loss of inspiration and motivation) I have completely forgotten the plot of the story. I remember all the fun stuff I wanna write (like last chapter) and most of upcoming chapters (like, one big event coming up), but after that it's blank. Still, I will do my best to think up a good story so don't worry!
Warning: This chapter will be the first chapter to contain material not suitable for children below 15. I will not force you out of here, but neither will I force you to read it. If you are sensitive towards mature content I advise you to leave this story now. This story will contain some amount of blood, heavy injuries, lemons and descriptive violence. If you do not know what ''lemons'' mean in this context you are most likely not old enough to read them, in which case you should not read this story. After this chapter, this story will be bumped up to M-rating.
Do I have anything else to say? No? Guess that's it then. Wait! That's right:
REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!
Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership over anything related to ''Teen Titans'' nor do I gain any profit from writing this. This story is completely fictional and all the rights to the show ''Teen Titans'' belongs to their rightful owners. (Not me!)
Soft. That was the first thing that hit her. The second thing that hit her was the realization that she was lying spread out. Way to spread out to fit on her bed in the infirmary. She slowly opened her eyes to get an idea of exactly where she was, when she felt movement next to her. After adjusting her eyes to being open, she immediately froze as she realized the ''movement'' next to her was in fact Beast Boy. Sleeping. In the same bed.
''Oh my god what's he doing here?! How did we get here? Where is here?!'' She mentally panicked and blushed before the events of yesterday came crashing back.
She calmed herself down and realized something she had missed before. She was holding his upper arm firmly. Now, judging by how he was lying, and the fact that she was holding his arm, she realized that she must have dragged him down with her last night. She blushed even deeper. Before she could get any further in her trail of thoughts though, the movements became stirring, and as the stirring stopped, she realized with horror that he was waking up. She jolted into a sitting position, removing her grip from his arm, and tried to act as if nothing had ever happened.
Soft. That was the first thing that hit him. The second thing that hit him was the lack of pressure on his right arm. He slowly opened his eyes, only to be greeted by an angelic sight. Terra was sitting up in the bed. What made it even more angelic than usually though, was the fact that it was morning. Morning meaning: ''Sun shining in from the windows and hitting her frame perfectly from the side''. She looked so peaceful. If only he'd known the turmoil currently going on inside his friend.
''Morning'' he greeted sleepily.
''Morning'' she replied, equally sleepy.
Nothing else was said as Beast Boy slowly sat up next to his friend in a sleepy manner.
''So what's up?'' he asked jokingly.
''Well, I'd say your hair is'' she said with a smug smile, looking at his head.
''What?'' he asked confused before realizing what she meant.
''AH!'' he screamed in a manly (not) manner at the discovery before trying to fix it with his hands.
''How can I get bed hair when I haven't even moved!? Seriously!'' He mentally screamed.
Terra only giggled at his (failed) attempts at fixing his hair before reaching out to help her friend.
''Here, let me help you'' she offered and ran her hands through his hair to loosen up the mess and try to get it to settle down. That went on for about five seconds before she realized what she was doing, and the awkward position it had put them in. Her face was directly in front of his, with her hands still tangled up in his hair. Beast Boy had frozen the second she had initiated the act and was now blushing madly as he looked her straight in the eyes. Not that he had much of a choice in their current position, and neither had she, seeing as she was doing the same thing. They were locked in a trance for a good fifteen seconds before Terra came to and quickly looked away, still blushing madly.
''I-I think your hair looks great as it is w-when I think about it'' she stuttered, trying to break the tension in the air.
''Yeah, thanks'' he hesitantly replied.
From that, silence ensued.
This continued until Beast Boy noticed something in front of the bed. A table with two trays on it, and a note.
''Hey what's that?'' he asked aloud.
''I don't know'' Terra answered, now getting interested.
''There's a note'' Beast Boy stated.
''Well, read it''
After reading it to himself first, he hesitantly replied;
''I don't know if I want to…''
''Oh come on'' Terra complained before snatching the piece of paper out of his grasp and reading it herself. In hindsight, she wasn't sure if she regretted it or not.
Couldn't find you at the infirmary. Found you here and left you your breakfast on the table when you were sleeping. Nice job man! Didn't think you had it in ya! W_(-.-)_W Cyborg-
She blushed madly at that last part. She made a note to kill Cyborg the next time she saw him. To hell with forgiveness, he's gonna die.
Snapping out of her thoughts, she realized Beast Boy had already begun eating his food. After hearing her stomach growl loudly she began eating herself. Egg and bacon, and lots of it. She always ate the eggs first. Mostly a habit more than anything. Tasty. She ate about half of the eggs and was going to start on the bacon, but realized she had no appetite for it. The image of green bacon flashed in her mind in the fraction of a second before she decided to leave it be for now.
They ate in silence. Well, Terra ate and Beast Boy stared at her since he was already done. Of course she pretended not to notice. Once she finished he offered to dispose of the trays and leftovers.
''I think I'll take a shower'' she declared.
''Cyborg cut off the water to your room when you left. You can use my shower though. Cyborg installed private bathrooms for all of us after we realized one bathroom didn't work with 5 people'' Beast Boy offered sheepishly.
''Sure. Where is it?''
''It's behind a door in my room''
''Okay, thanks!'' Terra said as she walked out towards his room.
Not long after she'd left, he realized too late that he still hadn't cleaned his room, and that she would see what a mess it was when she got there. Not much to do about that now though. He just hoped she wouldn't think of him as a complete pig after this. He picked up their trays and started walking towards the kitchen.
Once there he put them down on the counter. He didn't feel like doing the dishes right now, so he laid down on the couch and closed his eyes to get some rest.
Terra was walking towards Beast Boys room when something she did not want to happen, happened. She bumped in to Raven. She seemed to bump in to a lot of people now days.
''Sorry, It was an accident'' she apologized hesitantly after the impact with her head hung low.
''I'm sure it was'' Raven replied monotonously.
''I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to'' Terra tried again, now getting upset over the fact that Raven didn't believe her even with small things like this.
''If you say so'' the grey-skinned titan replied uncaringly and walked off.
''Raven, I really didn't mean-'' she started but stopped as the dark haired girl walked out of hearing range, knowingly ignoring the blond.
''I'm sorry…'' she whispered to herself and continued on towards Beast Boys room, now considerably more depressed than before.
She entered the green shape shifters room with her head hung low and a depressed expression on her features. She looked around his room to try and find the door he had mentioned, but discovered that the complete mess in there made it impossible to even see the walls of the room. She started searching through the mess to find a door, but had no luck. All she found was more junk. She was just about to give up when she found the door behind a mountain of clothing. However, before she reached it, she discovered something else of interest right next to the door. Beast Boys laptop. It stood on a rather short table next to his bed, which just happened to be just a few inches from the door.
She knew she wasn't allowed unsupervised internet connections and that she would most likely get sent to prison in a second if they ever found out she broke the rule, but curiosity got the best of her. This was Beast Boys laptop. This small device contained information on all his interests and all the things he liked. What he was thinking about, and what he enjoyed doing. If she could just find something about him that she could use to repay him for all he'd done for her, it would be worth the risk, right? Of course, the fact that she would give anything to know more about him was not affecting this in any way. Nu-uh. Never.
She hesitantly walked up to the machine placed on the table and tried to start it with as little sound as possible. She was sure no one was around to hear it but it felt better to be on the safe side. Kind of like how people tend to whisper to each other when they talk at night even though they are both wide awake.
She jumped when it started working at full engine, sounding way louder than she would have wished. She quickly looked around just to ensure no one else was there. No one was of course.
She let out the breath she had been holding and focused back on the task at hand. The starting screen was nothing special. His background however, was. It was a picture of her. She blushed at the knowledge. Trying to focus on her goal she started looking around for things he liked or things she could do to make him happy. Sometimes, she felt like the world hated her more than usually. She found nothing what so ever, and was about to give up when she realized she didn't check his favorite sites. She clicked up ''Internet Explorer'' and the little icon saying ''Favorites''.
Jackpot. It was full of saved links.
''Let's see, what does he go to the most?'' she thought to herself.
Most visited sites:
KingOfPranksters, home of Pranking
Free Forum Teen Titan's Forum and Fun
Watch Naruto Episodes Online
Watch Bleach Episodes Online
Watch OnePiece Episodes Onine
''Well, this doesn't help me at all'' she thought with disappointment. She was about to turn off the computer and take her shower when her eyes landed on one of the sites.
According to the computer, it was often visited, and it was the only link on the list he had written in capital letters.
''That has to be special'' she thought hopefully and clicked on the link, praying it would help her.
It did not. In fact, the site was not something she had expected at all. Ever. The screen was now filled with various links, movies, previews and pictures of naked women in various positions. Terra sat in shock. Not because of the discovery itself, more from surprise than anything. Every guy had their ''interests'', and she knew Beast Boy would most likely not be any exception. Boys watching this stuff was pretty normal, and by no means horrible to find out about. No, what hit her was not anger or anything like that. It was a feeling of hopelessness.
''This is the kind of girls he likes?'' she thought with a painful stab to her chest.
''This is the body he likes?'' she was now close to tears. She looked nothing like the girls on this site. There wasn't a single one of them with breasts smaller than a C, and their perfect curves were completely out of her league.
She looked down on herself, her flat chest and her thin body that was bordering to anorexic, and felt nothing but dread as she couldn't help but compare herself to the girls on the screen in front of her. Her ribs weren't visible anymore thanks to all the food she had gotten the last month, but she was still far thinner than the average girl her age. She knew that she could never hope to get those perfect curves, and that perfect chest or that special sway on her hips. That had never been a problem before, but Beast Boy apparently considered it attractive. She had never wanted it before, but now she could do nothing but long for it.
She quietly turned off the computer and went to take her shower, now more depressed than she could ever remember being before in her life.
Beast Boy awoke by the sounds of the TV. Rubbing his eyes sleepily and looking around, he saw that Robin was the one to turn it on. In fact, he was sitting not far away from Beast Boy, just zapping through channels.
''Tired?'' The leader asked in a friendly manner.
''Sort of'' came the answer from the green elf.
He stood up to go fix the dishes from earlier and found Cyborg at the counter, crying in a cartoonish fashion. You know, that comic cry when a cartoon character cries for a completely trivial reason, like a glass of spilled milk? That silly cry added for comic relief.
''Uh… What's up dude?'' Beast Boy asked carefully.
''What's up? WHAT'S UP? LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE! I swear to god your contagious!'' the cyborg whined, pointing at the leftovers from this morning.
''Uh… What'd I do?'' the green titans asked confusedly.
''Look at Terra plate. Do you see anything special?''
Taking a look at the plate of the resident geomancer, he found nothing but some half-eaten bacon.
''I don't get it''
''Just look at it! Last time, she could haul this stuff down in less than a minute and still want more! You've contaminated her!'' Cyborg accused him.
''What are you talking about dude?'' Beast Boy asked now more confused than before.
''The Bacon! Look! All the egg is gone but she's barely even touched the meat!''
''Aren't you overreacting a little? Maybe she just wasn't hungry'' Robin interjected from the couch.
''Oh I'm not! I've been checking it the entire month! Every day she eats less and less meat, and now she hasn't even touched it!'' Cyborg clarified. Beast Boy just looked stunned.
''You've made her a vegetarian!'' Cyborg pointed an accusing finger at the resident grass-stain. ''You've ruined her!''
''What!? I've not once told her to stop eating meat! I didn't even know about it until you just said it! And even if she did become a vegetarian, there's nothing wrong with that!'' The shape shifter argued back with heat.
''You shouldn't jump to conclusions guys. You should ask her before you assume things'' Robin pointed out, being the oh-so-wise leader of the group.
''He's right'' they both agreed and let it drop for the time being.
At that moment, Starfire came in through the door.
''Friends! It is a most glorious day, would you not agree?'' she exclaimed with a happy smile on her face.
''Yeah it is'' Robin agreed, to the amusement of both Beast Boy and Cyborg. They now had a common interest that would guarantee a truce for at least a little while.
''Too bad we don't have a fire-place, it would look beautiful at a day like this'' Beast Boy said teasingly, putting clear emphasis on ''fire'' and ''beautiful''.
''Yeah, but I hear it's gonna be a great night too. No clouds and lots of glittering stars'' Cyborg continued the joke, putting emphasis on ''star''.
Robin of course picked up on it immediately, but couldn't actually express his opinion about it due to Starfires presence. She had of course not noticed it, which only brought more amusement to the situation, and because of it, made it take an interesting turn of events.
''Robin, would you care to join me on the roof for the watching of the clouds?'' Starfire asked politely, unknowingly making the situation far worse for the boy wonder, and more amusing for the remaining 2 male titans present.
Since he knew that she was unaware of the situation and thought their two friends were merely making small talk, he couldn't turn her down without hurting her. Which left him no choice but to agree to the suggestion in front of both Beast Boy and Cyborg,
''Wonderful!'' The tamaranian girl squealed in joy before grabbing her ''boyfriend'' by the arm and started walking off with him.
''Oh, I almost forgot! Beast Boy, how is Terra doing? I have not seen her since the day before yesterday'' The orange-skinned alien asked with honest curiosity.
''She's fine, she's taking a shower but she seemed happy when she left'' he said with a dreaming smile on his face. If only he'd known her current situation.
Another drop of water hit the floor of the shower. Though just like many before it, it didn't come from the crane, but the eyes of a girl. One of the walls had a sort of bench-shaped form built out from it to provide a place to sit on if whoever took a shower would wish for it. However, Terra was not sitting on it. She was sitting up against the wall to the right of it with her knees brought up to her chest and her arms in a circle around them. Her hair was covering the top part of her legs as the water kept showering down on her naked form. The water was warm, but not too warm.
She had been sitting like this for half an hour, crying against her knees.
''Why does it always go so wrong for me? Everything I do goes wrong, and no one believes me when I try to be honest'' She thought to herself.
''Why do I deserve this? Why couldn't I just be born in a normal family with a normal life?'' she thought, but no matter how much she thought about that, she would never wish her life to be like that for real, because that meant she would never have met Beast Boy.
Beast Boy. The only person who had ever understood her. The only person that had honestly cared for her without demanding the same from her, even though she gladly cared for him in return.
That thought just brought her deeper into depression and sorrow, because she knew he'd never think of her as anything more than ''just another friend''. He would never like her like that. Her body was the complete opposite of what he apparently considered attractive. Her body was ugly. Her sickly thin arms and legs and her flat chest, and her curve-less stomach and butt. Everything about her was ugly. She wished she had another body. One with more curves, and more voluptuous breasts, a body that would make Beast Boy more attracted to her.
She raised her head a little to look at something she had been thinking of for the last twenty minutes. Something she had never considered before, and didn't get happy from thinking about. Yet she couldn't stop thinking about doing it. Beast Boys ability to turn into animals could sometimes leave him with a large amount of body hair, and as such, he owned several razors. All of which were located in this very bathroom. The urge to use them hit her, and even though she didn't want pain, the urge to do it kept increasing until finally she couldn't take it anymore.
She slowly stood up and walked out of the shower, picked up one of his razors, and walked back in.
She just sat there looking at it for several seconds, if not minutes, without moving an inch. Finally, she brought the razor to her left arm and pushed it lightly against her skin.
It hurt a lot. It hurt like hell, actually, and the razor hadn't even pierced her skin yet. She started to egt second thoughts about this, but the urge only got stronger despite the intense pain coursing through her arm. Finally, it pierced her skin. Not deeply, but not too shallow either. Despite the pain, she started to slowly move the blade down her arm and towards her arm. She was not stupid and had no intentions of dying, so she had wisely enough only cut the backside of her arm, and not the front where all the major arteries and veins were located. After a few inches, she retracted the razor from her skin, and started on another cut. After a while, her left arm had eight bleeding wounds, about 4 inches long, some of them even crossing each other. She cried even harder than before. It still hurt like hell, and combined with her mental depression, she literally felt worse than she had ever felt before.
Trickles of blood were now dropping onto the floor, mixing with the constant rays of water from the shower. It wasn't long until the urge returned, and she felt the need to begin on her other arm. She didn't want too, but for every cut, the urge lessened and she felt a little numb for every time. The numbness helped dampening the pain she felt, and drove her to cut another one. She didn't stop until she had almost identical wounds on both arms, and her blood was now dripping onto the floor from both her cut arms. She hugged herself as she tried to stop crying and find some sort of consolation, or something that would stop her urge to mutilate her body.
The image of that site flashed through her mind again, and she cried even harder. She firmly grabbed the razor once again and hesitantly started cutting shallow gashes across her stomach. Her imperfect stomach, nothing like those girls he looked at. After the third cut, she couldn't take it anymore and threw the razor on the floor in front of her and looked down on her now scarred body. She turned off the water, but didn't feel like getting up, so she just sat there and air-dried.
After a while, she slowly stood up and walked out of the shower. She stood in front of the full-body mirror and looked at her mutilated body. The wounds had closed enough to no longer bleed by now, but the marks would not disappear anytime soon.
''I look even worse than before…'' she thought sadly, though she was no longer crying, she still felt the pain and mental depression on the inside, and it hadn't lessened. She checked herself for any bloodstains and tried to erase any trace of crying as best she could before getting dressed again. She would never let anyone else find out about this. They would just think she's insane.
She slowly dried the few parts of her that were still wet – something that was very painful with her bruised arms and stomach -, and tried to get dressed in the least painful way. Luckily for her, the clothes she had brought to change into were long sleeved and long enough to cover both her arms and stomach in black cloth. She couldn't let Beast Boy see her like this. After looking at herself in the mirror one last time to make sure there was no trace of what she had been doing, she unlocked the door, and left the bathroom.
A/N: So, this chapter really hurt to write. I really really like Terra, and it's just so sad to write her in such pain *cry*. Anyway, I apologize if this was a bit to descriptive for some of you readers out there, but I personally believe that the more pain one suffers through, the better it will feel in the end once it's over with. Sorry for it being short. Only about 4000 words.
So, what did you guys think of this chapter? A bit too much? Not enough? Please, share.
EDIT: Just realized i forgot to mention something in this A/N. Terra is not stupid okay? Nor is she suicidal. She has no intention of killing herself and she is by no means stupid. As such, none of the wounds are that deep. Deep enough to bruise for quite a while, but not deep enough to be fatal.
Also, I'm glad to tell you that next chapter will be really positive. I'm not sure if I will add a certain dramatic part in it or save it for the chapter after that yet. All depends on what mood I'm in.
Anyway, This chapter has been absolutely unique for me to write. I have never written anything like it before, and as such I want/need your reviews more than ever to tell me if I did good or bad on it. So this chapter you need to review even more than before! I don't care if it's just:
''Great Chapter, can't wait for next!'' Just review!
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