Rhetton Pike Bridge was the only thing on my mind. Make a right, a left, and once I pass the light I'll keep going straight to my destination. I clenched the stirring wheel a little harder and took a deep breath. The smell of musty cigarettes and a one year old car freshener filled my lungs. Normally, I would have the windows down, but tonight was cold. Fucking freezing and I swear if I didn't see snow fall from the goddamn sky, I would kick Mother Nature's ass. I made a left onto 24th and 2nd. With a hollowed sigh, I watched my own breath fade into the night sky. What I would kill to have working heater in this car. I considered pulling over and putting on my suite jacket hung up nicely in the back seat but I figured that if I slowed down my mind would catch up to my actions. The last thing I needed was a conscience telling me what I'm about to do is wrong because if jumping off that bridge is a mistake, then I sure as hell won't regret it.I could see the light shining red in the distance and for the first time today, I cracked a smile. I've been driving ever since I left the funeral and all the mileage I've made is finally paying off. I'm not sure if I've ever been happier, but smiling because I could see a blinking traffic light seemed pretty substantial at the moment. The big green sign towering over the city read: Rhetton Pike ½ mile and I knew I had to make a correction. Now, I was truly pleased.
I sat at the light and watched as it pointlessly flashed on and off. You would think living in the city of Chicago that at least one car would have drove by in my hour wait, but nothing. It was getting late and I knew walking through the streets by myself was completely absurd. I needed a ride. It was so cold out tonight that I'm sure my tears must have frozen to ice, but I had no longer had any control to hold them in. I shivered once more and held myself closer. My hands buried in my pockets and one hand clasped around the tiny bottle that would solve all of my problems.
It wasn't always this way. The pills used to be the issue themselves, but if I couldn't get a ride home, I knew these pearls of mine would take me away. Away from pain. Away from stress and now away from life. Because, when I get home tonight I'm let each pill slip down my throat and never hesitate; it's for my own good. My life has become just as useful as this traffic light directing a car-less street. He doesn't want me anymore. And I don't to be here anymore. Everyone wins.
After watching the snow fall from the sky and I immediately closed my eyes. I needed to think of something warm. My mind drifted of to the time that me and him went to the beach. Though my heart ached of the memory my body felt so warm.
He kissed my lips with a gentle peck and stared into my eyes as we lay in the sand. I remembered biting my lip to contain myself from giving a goofy grin, but from the sound of his laugh I knew I had failed miserably.
" I love you" he spoke the lies seeming so believable back then, but I found out the hard way that you can't love someone you aren't willing to forgive.
I tried my hardest to focus on the heat and not the past. The crash of the ocean, the feeling of the sun dancing on my skin. Things were perfect back then.