We Like To Party
Note: It's time to do the old cover-your-ass disclaimer. Don't want any buses full of lawyers parking on my lawn, now. I don't own Kuroshitsuji, that honor belongs to Yana Toboso.
Warnings: Underage drinking, questionable party games, and PURE CRACK.
Oh, if his friends could see him now. They would all likely be laughing their posteriors off at the sudden change in his morals. He could hear his old friend's shrill voice shrieking with hilarity. "What are you worried about a little teenage partying for? I know for a fact that you were quite the wild thing in your younger years! Besides, you're a demon. You're supposed to encourage dissolution and debauchery!"
"Ahahaha! That explains so much about why you're such a lousy lover!" he just imagine his ex-girlfriend saying. "What a stick-in-the-mud!" But if you asked him, Sebastian Michaelis had enough reason to be concerned.
The trouble had started six months ago when on Ciel's sixteenth birthday, Prince Soma had arrived with a small entourage in tow in order to give Ciel "the best birthday present he had ever gotten." Sebastian had tried to refuse, but Ciel had stopped him, citing that he was old enough to make his own decisions. Sebastian had reluctantly agreed- Ciel was nearing adulthood. So it was with some trepidation that the demon let his young charge go.
But when they arrived back that night, Ciel and Soma were laughing raucously, tripping over their own feet. "I can't believe you agreed to strip poker, then chickened out!" Ciel had laughed.
"Hey, it wasn't my idea! Lady McMullins was the one who brought out the cards, and it was that Sutcliffe guy who suggested strip poker! I just went along with whatever everyone else did! And you were the one who went off with Ethel Pritchard for an hour!" the Indian prince had retorted.
"Ethel and I only went for a walk around the grounds! And we only did that because of Lord Hallahan's cigar that was stinking up the place!" Ciel exclaimed. At this point, Sebastian had to step in.
"Who is Ethel Pritchard?" the demon asked suspiciously.
"Oh, she's in town visiting her aunt," Ciel replied. "She usually lives in Cardiff, and I thought it was a good idea to make her feel welcome."
"Young master," Sebastian said sharply. "You didn't do anything to dishonor your family name, did you?" Ciel rolled his eyes.
"I already said that we only walked around the grounds. You must think I'm really stupid, don't you?" Sebastian had no response to that. Of course he didn't think the teenager was stupid. But he was a teenager. A teenage boy, to be exact. And teenage boys are not known for their extraordinarily clear thinking when it comes to interactions with members of the fairer sex.
"See you next week," Ciel had said, snapping his butler out of his thoughts. Next week? They intended to repeat this process?
Indeed they did. The first incident had taken place six months ago, on Ciel's birthday. Every Saturday since then, Prince Soma had showed up to take Ciel to some party or another. Even more worrisome was the fact that the number of party-goers seemed to be growing. In February, Lau had arrived alongside Soma, promising Ciel that he knew the best parties in the city. In March, a red-haired woman who looked suspiciously like a certain chainsaw-wielding basket case of a death god joined the group. Sebastian couldn't be a hundred percent sure, but he was very certain that "she" was in actuality that crazy, perverted Shinigami...
But Ciel had ordered him that he was not to interfere with anything. Sebastian was bound by the contract to stay at home and worry about his young master.
Much to his relief, however, Ciel was returned unharmed every time. As bad as it was, he was starting to let his guard down. Nothing terrible had happened to Ciel so far.
At least, that was what he thought until that fateful May night. The demon was dozing off in the parlor, when a loud shout interrupted his peaceable rest. "I'M KING OF THE WORLD!"
"Yes, yes, we know," Sebastian heard Lau say patronizingly. Then, "Grell, are you sure that you can't get the sombrero off? That made the demon sit up a little straighter. Sombrero? Grell? So that strange woman was the death god after all.
"You saw what he did last time," Sebastian heard the Shinigami reply. "If you want to lose a hand, then you're welcome to try. And at least he's wearing a hat and not the lamp-shade."
"Ciel," Soma said. "You're home now. Why don't you go up to bed and sleep this off?"
"NO!" Sebastian heard his young master holler. "I shall not stop until I have had my fill! So gird your loins and prepare for battle!" OK. That was it. Sebastian ran outside, running toward the cluster of people. What he saw made him stop in his tracks. Ciel was, indeed, wearing a sombrero. And an undershirt. And something that appeared to be a skirt made from floral curtains. Ciel seemed to have lost his mind- he was quoting Shakespeare at bushes, clinging to Grell, and randomly shouting at random things. Sebastian briefly wondered if post-traumatic stress disorder had finally manifested itself, but then he smelled it. His young master reeked like a brewery.
"Is he... is he drunk?" Sebastian asked incredulously.
"I tried to tell him!" Soma exclaimed. "I tried to tell him that pitcher wasn't full of ice tea, but he chugged the whole thing before I could stop him!"
"It was so ice tea!" Ciel interrupted, nearly tripping over a topiary as he approached the butler. "Lady McMullins said it was called Long Island Ice Tea. It was American!"
"Earl," Lau said patiently. "Long Island Ice Tea is alcoholic ice tea."
"Now you tell me!" Ciel groused. "But I drank coffee!" He sneezed, then continued to speak. "I should be sober!"
"No, Ciel," Grell replied. "You drank coffee liqueur."
"Are you all stupid!?" Sebastian screamed. He had heard enough. "How could you allow him to get drunk? He's only sixteen!" Ciel burped loudly, and the demon wrinkled his nose. "And what in the world is he wearing?"
"Well," he spilled coffee liqueur on his pants, and he made a cover-up out of some curtains," Lau explained. "We're not really sure what happened to his jacket, and he decided he was going to give Ethel Pritchard his over-shirt as a parting gift. Prince Soma tried to get it back, but she wasn't giving it up. He then decided that he was going to wear a lampshade as a hat. The sombrero was a compromise!" Sebastian glared.
"You all have ten seconds to get out of here," he said, his voice low and deadly. "I do not want to see you back here next week. GET OUT." The three of them scuttled off, leaving a very sloshed Ciel behind with a very angry butler.
"Didn't I tell you? I'm king of the world!" Ciel slurred drowsily, falling against Sebastian's chest. "I'm sleepy."
After his young master was safely ensconced in bed, Sebastian made up his mind. No more partying until Ciel was in his twenties.
The Next Morning
"Ugh..." Ciel moaned when he woke up. "My head is killing me!" He took a quick glance around the room, and his eyes widened. "And why is there a sombrero on my hat-stand?"
Originally, this was going to be Age 16 in the Ciel: The Teenage Years collection, but it ended up being a bit too mature for that (my beta-reader thinks that collection should be all-ages), so it's getting released as a oneshot, and as my 50th story! Congrats to me!
And yes, I know this story makes no freaking sense. This was written after listening to Parry Gripp's song Last Train To Awesometown way more than can possibly be good for anyone's health. Some of the things in this story have actually happened. My cousin once got ridiculously drunk and thought it would be funny to make a skirt out of curtains. It looked awful on him, but it was hilarious. A friend of mine didn't know what Long Island Ice Tea was, and drank a big glass of it, before getting sick. The sombrero thing was from something that happened to my beta-reader. He went to a party, and there was a big sombrero on the wall as a decoration. Someone got drunk, and decided to wear that big-ass sombrero all around. Oh, the things that can happen at parties...