A/N: -Credit goes to Javahna for the idea.-
Continuation of Javahna's "Incoming!" featuring Keira's internal left vs. right monologue that takes place each time Jak walks by. This time however, it's in Jak's point-of-view, and features his alter-egos (Light and Dark) and …himself all involved in the discussion. Essentially, Jak's pretty much talking to himself. Poor guy. :D
I have successfully applied to college as of last Friday. This is my reward to myself and to you for that. Strange how that works, isn't it?
Not the best chapter, I'll admit that right off the bat. But we'll see how that turns out. ...Um.
Dark and Light somewhere ('cause this timeline here is all screwy) in Jak X with Razer. As requested by Katia Monroe. c:
Dark: Jak, you dumbaaaaaassssssss.
Light: Oh just ignore him.
Kinda hard to. Considering the fact that he's in my head. And that he's me.
Light: Well, true, but he's just in one of his moods. Like he usually is.
Light: Of come off it. You're not doing much either.
Dark: Y'know, if I bought a brick, on sale, and named it Peter, it would be a helluva lot smarter than you.
What the hell? What did I do to you now?
Dark: You know what you did!
No! I don't! Enlighten me!
Light: Your mojo is slipping.
Dark: I know that you know that I know what you know you thought you know that you knew.
Light: … I don't even…
Dark: I CAN'T EVEN HEAR MY OWN THEME MUSIC ANYMORE!
I- Your what?
Light: …Well, I…
Dark: Got your attention, dinnit?
Well, yeah, but… What are you talking about it? What did I do to annoy you now?
Dark: YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW-
OH NO YOU DON'T. NO, NO I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IN THE HELL YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.
Dark: HOW DARE YOU NOT COMFORT A DISTRAUGHT WOMAN WHEN SHE NEEDS IT MOST.
What? You mean-?
Dark: You make me 'mm-hm' one more time and I will shave your head. And that puffy thing you try to pass off as a goatee.
You leave that outta this!
Light: Why, because you think Keira thinks it's sexy?
Dark: Light, I'll handle this. Go hide in a corner, cry to yourself, and YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DID.
Light: But I-
Dark: YOU. Corner. NOW.
Light: I truly never thought I would say this, but I think I'm beginning to hate you Dark. AND I AM THE PEACEFUL AND HAPPY ONE HERE, DAMMIT.
Would someone mind filling me in-
Dark: Can it, pretty boy.
Light: WE ARE ALL SUPPOSED TO BE ONE HAPPY, CHEERFUL, WELL-TO-DO BEING GOD DAMMIT. BE. HAPPY.
Dark: Aw damn Jak, look what you did now.
I hate you. Get out of my head.
Dark: Not likely. You see, oddly enough, I kind like it in here. Stop distracting me, I need to focus. Don't comment on that.
I—fine. Finish whatever the hell you were talking about. And for the record? Keira does think it's sexy. She told me once.
Dark: …Jak, man, she told you there was food in it once. Food in facial hair in not sexy.
All I'm saying—
Dark: And all I'm saying is chew before you swallow. Almost dying at dinner the other night is not the way to a woman's heart, moron.
Your lack of consideration is both astounding and duly noted.
Dark: Oh fine, Jak. Look, just let me tell you that while Light's off gallivanting and being all moody, maybe I and …sadly you could try to come up with a plan to…
…Who the hell…
Dark: What is…
Light: And that, my dear fellows, is what I think women deem as sexy. Even though he looks like he could probably kill you in your sleep if he so chose.
That….really doesn't help.
Light: It wasn't meant to.
Dark: Well damn.
Ugh, not you too.
Dark: I didn't mean it that way. All we need now is for Keira to see this and …well, we're screwed to put it delicately.
So what do we do?
Dark: You get behind him. I'll push.
Light: Let the real men handle this, boy.
Dark: Real men? REAL MEN? WHO IS THE ONE TRYING TO WOE A WOMAN? WHO IS THE ONE THAT IS TRYING TO MAKE SURE THAT OUR LIVES ACTUALLY MEAN SOMETHING? THAT'S RIGHT, ME. So if you'll excuse me, I'll handle this waste of gravity, boys.
…We could light a match. Set him on fire. Make it look like an accident.
Light: Jak. Really?
Well he's already smoking! And like I said, we could make it look like an accident.
Light: What am I going to do with you people?
What? I've just been poisoned, I'm half asleep, I'm hungry, and I'm conversing with voices IN MY HEAD. Did I leave anything out?
Dark: You forgot 'not gettin' any,' but don't mind me.
THANK YOU. AND WE NEED NOT GO THERE.
Dark: Damn. You know what we need Jak? We need a suit. Like this guy's, but better. Spiffier.
Light: I agree. What?
Dark: Look, obviously this guy's got something going for him, and I personally think we could sum it up with the suit.
Light: Yes, because this suit totally does not scream "Hey look at me! I am a lecher! My life turned out great! I'm not living in my mother's basement sucking down cheap cigarettes and drowning my sorrows in re-runs of old chick flicks and sci-fi! Not at all!"
What the hell I don't even—
Dark: Jak, I don't think you were supposed to understand that. I didn't either. As such, I think you took a few too many good blows to the noggin'.
Light: And so, it speaks.
What the hell kind of voice is that?
Dark: SPEAK IN AN UNDERSTANDIBLE DIALECT THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE KNOWN AND UNDERSTOOD IN ANY ONE OF THE MISCELLANEOUS REGIONS OF THIS HERE WORLD.
Dark: Oh. Well. His suit's spiffy.
Dark: Yes. Spiffy.
Dark: I like the word. Is that alright with you?
Yes, actually. Spiffy.
Dark: You ruined it. Just…Just no.
Light: Ruined it?
Dark: Yes. Killed it. Under a landslide of failure and defecating Goobers and fluffy beings.
Light: Well excuse me.
Dark: What, did you fart?
Light: No I did not—! Why you just—!
Light just… Oh, crap.
I think this guy's been talking to us.
Dark: Hah—WHAT. Oh. Well then. That's his problem.
Am I supposed to say something back? Or just stand here and brood?
Dark: Both. Neither. I DON'T KNOW. You might not want to stand here and drool like you are right now. Just a bit. Left side. HA YOU JUST CHECKED.
Light: Just don't call him spiffy.
Hang on. Okay, so we'll just glare at him for a moment and –oh my god. My eyes. THEY BURN.
IT BURNS. GAH, SO MUCH.
Dark: Um, Jak? What the hell's your problem now?
FFFfffft—I'M BLIND. GOD, WHAT THE HELL. THIS HURTS.
Light: Oh geez, we do not just have cigarette smoke blown into our eyes, did we?
I CAN'T SEE!
Dark: Why I do believe we just did. HUH.
DAXTER! STOP STARING AT ME LIKE THAT.
Dark: Wow. So that rat's really not helping me. Can I eat him later?
Dark: Please? I said please, see? PLEASE? There, I said it again.
Oh god. What do I do?
Dark: Just breathe Jak! Light! Call a doctor! COME ON JAK, STAY WITH ME. WE ARE HAVING THIS BABY, YOU HEAR ME? YOU CAN DO THIS. COME ON! JUST BREATHE! BREATHE BREATHE BREATHE!
Light: I don't even…
DARK. I HATE YOU. I AM GOING TO CAUSE YOU PHYSICAL HARM AND MAKE YOU REGRET EVERYTHING.
Dark: Oh pssh, calm down pretty boy, I'm just reciting some lines for you to say to Keira somewhere down the line. Name the lil' snot after me?
Light: I think he's… Dark, I think you successfully killed him. That, or you've just shot every sentient and rational thought to hell.
Dark: Well, yeah. Besides, we all know that she's having MY baby anyhow.
Light: …One of these days, he's really going to kill you.
Dark: But at least he's not complaining about his eyes burning now is he? Is he? I didn't think so.
A/N: What is this I don't even…
Yes. Well. Carry on now. The next part should be up…Will be up…whenever I finish it. Let's go with that.
Cut-scene request moments are still being taken, and will be mixed in with whatever I come up with and decide to write in between. :D