Hi my little love muffins! This is my entry for the "I Love the 80's One-Shot Contest". Hope you enjoy! I'd really love to know what you think of it because it's a possibility that I might turn it into a story after I finish "When I See You Smile", so please leave me some love and let me know what ya think!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or Stephenie Meyer or anything Twilight related.

I Don't Want To Live Without Your Love – Chicago

Thought it wouldn't matter
If we didn't stay together
And if it was over
Baby, it was for the better
I was thinking I'd be all right
'Til I thought it all through
Now I know that I ain't really living
If I have to live without you

I don't wanna live without your love
I don't wanna face the night alone
I could never make it through my life
If I had to make it on my own
I don't wanna love nobody else
I don't wanna find somebody new
I don't wanna live without your love
I just wanna live my life with you
With you

Guess I had to go away
So much I had to go through
Guess I had to lose you
To realize how much I love you
Can we make the fires burn again?
Burn a little stronger
'Cause I've been alone, and baby
I can't be alone any longer

I don't wanna live without your love
I don't wanna face the night alone
I could never make it through my life
If I had to make it on my own
I don't wanna love nobody else
I don't wanna find somebody new
I don't wanna live without your love
I just wanna live my life with you

If I had to make it on my own
My life would never be the same
My love would never be the same
And I don't wanna live without your love

I don't wanna live without your love
I don't wanna face the night alone
I could never make it through my life
If I had to make it on my own
I don't wanna love nobody else
I don't wanna find somebody new
I don't wanna live without your love
I just wanna live my life with you

I don't wanna live without your love
I don't wanna face the night alone (I don't wanna live)
I could never make it through my life
If I had to make it on my own
I don't wanna love nobody else (Don't wanna love nobody else)
I don't wanna find somebody new
I don't wanna live without your love
I just wanna live my life with you (Live my life with you)

"What am I doing," I thought to myself as I turned onto the familiar street corner. My stomach was churning as my car made a left turn and drifted though the giant iron gates and rounded the circular drive before I came to a stop. I peeked in my rearview mirror at the monstrosity of a house where I spent so many good times in the past. The last time I had come here, ivy vines had started taking over the brick and weeds were scattered throughout the flower beds, making the beautiful plants look hopeless and as if they had succumbed to a jungle. Landscaping hadn't been his number one priority during that time. But now all of the greenery, including the dominating weeds, had died and two inches of snow covered the ground.

I checked my lip gloss in the mirror and adjusted my sweater as I stepped out of the car and into the bitter cold. Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I headed up to the house. The door flew open before I could reach it, the entrance filled with that beautiful man that had torn my heart to shreds just six months ago. He looked much better. The shadows under his eyes that had once darkened his beautiful face had disappeared and his hair had been cut but still maintained the sexy disarray I loved. He wore a grey and red long sleeved jersey shirt and worn jeans. He looked delicious as always. His eyes were lit up in a way that I hadn't seen in a while, the jade color vibrant and glowing.

"Bella," he breathed. He walked swiftly over to me and gathered my body into a hug, his arms wrapping me in a solid cage. He inhaled as if he were trying to breathe me in. I pulled back wondering what had brought this whole meeting and subsequent exuberant greeting on. I looked up at him, studying his glorious, still grinning, face.

"Edward, how are you? You look fantastic!" I wiggled out of his grasp and stood back appraising him.

"Thank you, Bella. You look beautiful as always. Come on in." He waved me inside and I walked through the entryway with him following closely behind me. When we were inside, he brushed past me and led the way to the living room. There was a small fire lit in the massive fireplace. The faint smoky smell and the cackling sounds helped put my nervous insides at ease a little.

We walked over to the couch and sat down. I noticed that he didn't detour to the bar, which he normally would have done in the past. He jumped up as quickly as he had sat down. Obviously his nerves were on edge also, but I couldn't imagine what about.

"Would you like some hot chocolate?" I was shocked at the offer, expecting an offer of an alcoholic beverage, not something as innocent and June Cleaver as hot chocolate.

"That would be nice," I nodded meekly. He gave me another brilliant smile, held up a finger to indicate he would return in a moment and headed into the kitchen. I took the opportunity to look around and notice the subtle changes he had made around his home. There was a beautiful Christmas tree in the corner decorated with various ornaments in gold and red and twinkling white lights, no doubt one of Esme's projects. Everything was in its proper place and the once dusty, neglected black grand piano in the corner was shiny and ready for use. Maybe he was playing again.

Tired of sitting still and wringing my hands, I rose off the couch and went to inspect the pictures in the black frames across the mahogany mantle. There were, of course, pictures of his parents, his siblings, his nieces and nephew, but the one on the end caught my eye. I stepped in front of it and instinctively put my hand to my throat, willing the sob wanting to escape back down. In the picture, Jacob, me, Edward and Leah all stood side by side, the perfect picture of friendship.

I remembered when it was taken. Jacob and I were blissfully in love and while Edward and Leah had only been dating a few months, things seemed to be quite serious between the two of them. We were all attending the annual tribe reunion at the Quileute reservation. Jake and Leah had grown up together, so when Jake and I started dating, naturally Leah and I became great friends after spending so much time together. Edward came into the picture when he took his car to the reputable body shop where Leah and Jake worked to have a dent repaired. He was entranced by Leah's beauty and they hit it off immediately. Our group of four started spending all of our free time together getting to know one another. Edward and I shared a special bond since we were the "outsiders" as Jake and Leah liked to teasingly call us. He was a great guy and we had a lot of things in common. It was nice to have someone to talk to while we hung out at the shop on our off days watching Jake and Leah fool around. Neither of us realized just how close Jake and Leah were and how much 'fooling around' was going on until the reunion.


"Bella, Jake and Leah went into the woods to get some more wood for the bonfire. Will you go see if you can help them?" Jake's sister, Rachel, sneered a little while she asked the question in a sickingly sweet voice. She had never liked me and made no effort to hide the fact. Trying to avoid confrontation in front of the Elders of the tribe, I just turned and walked in the direction I saw Jake head off in earlier. Edward fell in step beside me.

"Come on, I'll go with ya." He knew how I felt about Rachel. It was one of the many topics we discussed when he and I were together at restaurants, movies or other venues waiting for Jake and Leah to show up. He casually draped his arm across my shoulder and we headed down the path, talking about the vacation we all were planning in a couple of months. Cancun was just around the corner and I couldn't wait to go.

We walked deeper and deeper into the forest until we heard some rustling noises followed by moans coming from the right, off the path. Edward and I looked at each other with questioning glances and followed the noises. We rounded a particularly thick patch of trees and got an eyeful of Jake and Leah going at it like rabbits against a tree trunk. Jake was pounding into her and her head was thrown back in ecstasy, moans escaping her mouth in rhythm with his pumping. I gasped loudly and instantly tears welled up in my eyes. Jake's head whipped around and horror flashed across his face.

"Bella!" He cried out my name but I turned and ran back to the path and out of the woods. I could hear him calling me as I ran past Rachel, who was sporting a smug ass grin I wanted to knock off her face. She had set me up. She knew what I would find in the woods.

I grabbed my purse from the picnic table and dug out my keys as I continued to my car without glancing up. Tears were streaming down my face when I slid into the driver's seat and started the car. Jake was furiously running across the park to get to me, but I gunned the engine and spun out of the parking lot. I ended up at the place that calmed me the most – the cliffs. I plopped down on a rock and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. Jake and I had dated for two years. How could he do this to me now? Had it happened before? How long had it been going on?

My head was buried in my knees when I heard footsteps coming toward me. I jerked my head up just as Edward sat down beside me, a weary look on his face. He didn't look angry like I expected him to. He looked more hurt and maybe…relieved? We sat in silence for a few minutes before he spoke up.

"Do you want to know?" I nodded, knowing he had the answers to the questions that were burning a hole in my brain.

"It's been going on for six months now. Apparently the two of them discovered some underlying sexual tension while they were alone one day and acted on it. Jake loved you too much to tell you, but evidently he loves her more," he finished, disdain dripping off his tongue, before he turned to me, wide-eyed.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that." I held up my hand to quiet him.

"You aren't saying anything that isn't true, Edward." He nodded.

"They were planning on telling us soon, but could never find the 'right time'." I snorted and rolled my eyes, unable to cry anymore for my lost love. I felt so stupid.

"How could we have been so stupid? I mean the signs were there. They were always late to our dates, both of them conveniently arriving within minutes of each other. How did we miss it?" He looked at me, awaiting an answer.

"Edward, I don't know. I trusted Jake with all of my heart. I gave him everything I had. I just don't know how he could do this to me." My voice broke at the end and Edward reached over and pulled me to him. He had become such a great friend in the little time I had known him.

We continued talking, bashing our former significant others, me crying, him ranting at times, for the next three hours. Jake never did come after me although he most likely knew where I was. It was over.


Edward and I spent all of our free time with each other that next month. Neither of us had any other close friends because we spent so much time in our little circle with Jake and Leah. It probably wasn't the best idea at the time since being with each other reminded us of the betrayal we had suffered, but we just needed comfort. After the first month, we had fallen into a routine and had become quite cozy with one another. We went to dinner, went to movies, went to bars and never dated anyone else. I met his family and spent a good amount of time with them. We never classified each other as anything and were never intimate, but any outsider would think we were a couple.

I had slept over at his house a few times when we stayed out particularly late. Once we even slept in the same bed. I woke up in his arms, relishing in his warmth. He sighed my name in a passing breath while I watched him sleep. I knew then that I was falling for him and it scared me a little, considering what we had both just experienced. His reaction when he woke up startled me. His eyes fluttered open and he had a soft smile on his face. All of a sudden his eyes grew wide and he jumped up and away from me as quickly as he could. Things between us after that night were different, strained somewhat.

Edward's drinking habits had become more increased during that time also. It seemed as if he always had something alcoholic in his hands. He would have a drink before we left to go anywhere, a few drinks while we were out and when we would return to his house, he would head straight to the bar. I was trying to hold myself together while he spiraled out of control.

The last time I saw him, I had worked up the courage to talk to him about our relationship and his drinking. When I questioned what was exactly going on between us, he just laughed darkly and took a sip of the amber liquid in his ever present tumbler. When I said something about his drinking habits, that's when he snapped.

"Do you think I'm an alcoholic, Bella?" He spat at me with hate filled eyes. I was momentarily stunned.

"I-uh-I just think you should slow down, Edward." I stared at him in wonder, trying to figure out who he had become.

"I'm perfectly fine, thanks," he replied sarcastically. Even though he intimidated me a little at that moment, I wasn't backing down.

"Edward, you have been drinking a lot since everything happened with Jake and Leah and I'm just worried about you." He snorted into his drink and then looked up at me.

"Maybe you should have been worried about Jake a little more, Bella. Maybe if you had worried about him a little more and taken care of his needs, he wouldn't have run to my girlfriend to seek his fulfillment." His words were laced with venom and went straight to my heart, breaking it in two for the second time in four months. I flew out the door, my heart shattered from his words. He had tried to call several times over the course of the next few days, but I ignored his calls and sent them straight to voicemail. After hearing his fifteenth apology in one day, I started erasing them before even listening. The calls stopped coming after a week and I hadn't heard from him in the last six months until a couple of days ago when he called politely asking if I would come visit him at his house.

"Here's your hot chocolate, Bella." I was jerked out of my daydreams by the sound of his voice and whirled around to see him hold two mugs gingerly by their handles. He glanced over my shoulder and his brow wrinkled when he noticed the picture that had previously preoccupied my thoughts. He opened his mouth to say something, but quickly shut it without uttering a word. He turned and headed over to the oversized sofa and sank into it. I followed his lead and sat down beside him. He picked up a remote from the table and pressed a button before soft classical music filled the room. It was very soothing and slightly romantic.

He sat back and glanced toward where we stood a moment ago, his eyes landing on the picture.

"I guess you are probably wondering why I have that out."

"Honestly, yes. It seems like it would remind you of pain too often."

"Actually on the contrary, it reminds me constantly of a road that led to discovery."

What an odd explanation, I thought to myself. I waited for further explanation.

"Bella," he started, "I asked you here for several reasons. First, I want to apologize. Those cruel words I said to you six months ago have haunted me endlessly. I can never express to you just how much I regret them. I just hope one day you can forgive me."

I looked at him and nodded, staying silent in hopes that my emotions wouldn't betray me. I didn't want to break down crying in front of him. I had shed enough tears for a lifetime in the past year. When I didn't respond he let out a long sigh and continued.

"I also want you to know that you were right about my drinking habits. I was quickly becoming an alcoholic. It was my way of dealing with everything I was feeling at the time. I thought I could drown my problems in liquor rather than face them head on. Emmett, being the subtle person he is, told me I was an idiot when I told him what happened and kicked my ass. Then he convinced me to go to rehab. I spent sixty days there and I am happy to tell you that I have been sober for one hundred and fifty-one days." I was so relieved by his confession.

"Edward, I am so proud of you. It takes a lot to recognize that you need help and pursue it." I leaned over to hug him and he held me tight while he laughed a little.

"Well, let's just say Emmett has a very powerful way of convincing people." I chuckled along with him, the easy laughter reminding me of happier times between us. He pulled away from the hug and sat back to look me in the eyes.

"There is one final thing I need to say to you." He cleared his throat and ran his hands through his hair, a habit he did when he was really nervous. I stayed silent, looking at him pointedly so he would continue.

"Bella, I came to the realization not too long ago that I never loved Leah. She was important to me and I cared for her deeply, but I never loved her. I honestly felt kind of relieved when we found them that day. In fact, I've never loved anyone like that. I've never laid my heart out on the table. I've never felt an urge to be near someone. I didn't want to let anyone get that close to me because I was too scared to let my guard down." His words made me pity him, but I knew he would get angry if I admitted that. Edward Cullen would not want anyone to pity him.

"But then, you and I started spending time together and I felt that urge to be near someone and I felt that urge to let my guard down. Bella, I fell in love with you almost instantly and it scared the hell out of me. I didn't want to need you. So I did the only thing I could think of and pushed you away."

I believe my body had turned to stone during his speech. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak. My brain was working overtime, though. This was what I had longed to hear from him for so long. He loved me. I think deep down in my heart I knew it all along. While my heart was soaring, my brain was telling me, "No. Don't let him do this. Remember how he hurt you? Don't let him in again."

"Bella, I know you are shocked and I will understand if you can never forgive me. But you have to know that I love you. I went to rehab not only for myself, but for you also. I needed to get you back. I needed to see you again and beg for your forgiveness and tell you that I have loved you from the start of all this mess."

I continued to sit in silence. I was trying to process everything. His apologies, his confessions, his profession of love. It was all overwhelming. But the one thought that stuck in my mind, of course, was, "He loves me."

"Bella?" He looked ashamed. "Please say something."

I realized at that moment that tears were streaming down my face. He was so close and I could see his eyes glistening also from unshed tears. He let out a deep sigh and leaned back.

"Bella, I-," He was cut off as my mouth descended on his. His lips were warm and tasted so sweet from the hot chocolate. His tongue shot into my mouth as we fought for dominance. I poured everything I could into that kiss-all of my hope, all of my forgiveness, all of my love for him, hoping he could feel what I felt. His arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me closer so that I straddled his lap. I had wanted this for so long. I could feel the wetness starting to pool in my panties which made me in turn grind against him. Even between the barriers of our jeans, I could feel him, ready and hard as a rock. Thinking about it made my hips roll again and he let out a small groan.

His hands slid up my back and tangled in my hair, slightly tugging on it. I whimpered slightly and it must have turned him on even more because before I knew it, I was on my back and he was between my legs and this time he was rolling his hips into me. The sensation was unbelievable and we moaned simultaneously. My hands moved from the place they were currently resting on his lower back, up farther, sliding his jersey shirt up with them. He sat back on his knees and ripped the shirt over his head, revealing his beautifully toned muscles. He resumed his position and started assaulting my neck before stopping at my ear.

"Bella, let me love you. Let me show you how much I need you," he pleaded in a seductive voice against my ear. It sent shivers down my spine and I nodded before covering his mouth with mine once again. He stood up suddenly and pulled me with him, grinning with an arched eyebrow. He shot off, pulling me behind him and running up the stairs to the master bedroom. I felt myself being scooped up as we ran through the door and he tossed me to the middle of his mammoth four poster bed. I propped up on my elbows and watched as he stalked toward me on his hands and knees. He crawled up my body, kissing various places as he ascended-my ankle, my knee, my thigh, but he completely bypassed the area where I wanted his mouth most. He pulled me up and quickly removed the cable knit sweater and camisole I was wearing. I was left wearing only my black lace bra and jeans.

"You're so beautiful, Bella. I'm so sorry that I have missed out on this for so long." I could feel the blush start to rise in my cheeks as he gazed unabashedly at my body. I tried to will it down by giving myself a mental talk to boost my confidence. He leaned over and placed his hands on my hips, rubbing circles with the pads of his thumbs. His mouth found mine once again, making me feel like a lost lamb finding its home. As the kiss deepened, his hand moved to the button of my jeans and he popped it open with a flick of his wrist. He sat back and stepped off the bed, pulling me with him. I stood up, barely coming to his chin. I took the opportunity and kissed his under his jaw, right where I could reach. He took a deep breath and looked at me, his eyes dark with lust and longing. He slowly, tortuously, worked the zipper down on my jeans and slid them off. I took matters into my own hands and reached back and snapped open my bra, letting it fall to the floor also. His hands made their way back up my body and each found a breast. He started kneading and teasing, his hands and mouth everywhere. I reached between us and popped open the button on his jeans and yanked them down, along with his boxers, wasting no time. He kind of looked shocked that I would be so bold, but I just smirked and gave him my best 'come hither' look.

I crawled back on the bed on my hands and knees, looking back to see if he was following. About the time I turned my head, I felt him behind me. He grabbed the top of my panties and snatched them down and off my body. He pressed himself into my back, gently forcing me down to the mattress. I had a feeling this was not a position either of us had planned on and definitely not a conventional position for a first time with someone, but I was ready, waiting for him to take me at any moment, so I spread my legs further letting him settle in between them. His tip fell to my drenched entrance and was begging me to let him in. I raised my hips a little showing him that I, too, was waiting for him.

He rested his chin on my shoulder and as he whispered, "Bella, I love you," he entered me, completely filling any void I felt in my life. We both lay still for a moment, letting my body adjust and his nerves to calm, before he started moving rhythmically. His strokes were long and slow. He sat up slightly, never losing his rhythm and started placing light kisses across my shoulder blades and spine. One hand ghosted up and down my back while the other held onto my hip for leverage. I fisted the sheets above my head, my world slowly starting to spin into a blissful oblivion. The hand moving on my back came around my body and he started caressing my bundle of nerves sending me over the edge while I cried out his name. His strokes became quicker and his panting heavier as I came down from my high. With one last deep thrust, he grunted and bit down on my shoulder blade.

As he collapsed beside me, I turned my head to look at him. His eyes were closed and he was still panting heavily and had a Cheshire cat grin planted on his face. I giggled at his expression and he snapped his eyes open. He leaned over, planted a kiss on my lips and pulled me to him. I buried my head in his neck and sighed, lost in my own personal heaven.

"Thank you for forgiving me," he murmured drowsily a little while later.

"Thank you for loving me and needing me," I replied. I pulled back and looked into his eyes.

"Oh and by the way, I love you, too," I said. He grinned even wider and kissed me, round two already starting.

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