Practice Makes Perfection
Popping her gum as she walked down the long hallway toward David Rossi's office, Penelope Garcia gave herself a rare pep talk. This would work! This had to work. Failure was not an option. She was determined. She was powerful. She was freaking woman, hear her roar! Her best friend was due a good man. She was owed a man that would treat her to exactly what she deserved. And she deserved David Rossi.
Now, if she could just convince Rossi and JJ of that simple fact, she'd be in some serious business.
Emily and she had not spent the last six weeks planning exactly this little scenario to have it fail now. Will LaMontagne, aka The Rat Bastard, cheating on her little peach was, whether she believed it or not, the best thing that could have EVER happened to her little JJ. It had provided her two best friends the means to deliver her to the true man of her dreams.
Emily and she had come up with this plan over three pitchers of margaritas, granted. But that did not make it any less of an awesome plan, did it? Their girl was out of practice in the relationship department. Will's treachery and an almost year old baby had knocked their resident beauty off her game. So, her two bestest friends in the whole wide world had devised a plan. A plan for love. They'd ease her back into the wide, wide wonderful world of romance. Gently. Practice dates with her trustworthy co-workers. And David Rossi was their grand finale. Both she and Em saw the way his eyes gleamed when he looked at her. They both knew that look. And it wasn't lust. If it was lust, Rossi would have made a move. Nope, no, nuh uh! That man was in love.
Now, she just had to give that final push!
"Hello, SuperAgent!" Penelope Garcia greeted David Rossi as she bounced through his open office door and plopped into one of the leather chairs in front of his desk. "You and I have some plans to make, my favorite legendary profiler man!" she continued enthusiastically.
Raising a dark eyebrow heavenward, Rossi eyed the colors that made up Penelope Garcia warily. He never QUITE knew what to make of his woman. Her abundant energy and zest for life were two of her most attractive characteristics. They, unfortunately, were also two of her scariest. Because the lengths she would go to in indulging those two traits of hers were truly frightening. Deliberately leaning back in his big chair, Dave eyed the woman cautiously. "Not sure what you're talking about, Garcia," he said slowly.
"Oh, how soon we forget," Garcia chastised gently. "But that's okay! I'll remind you! It's your turn, Agent Rossi," she grinned widely.
"My turn to what, exactly, Garcia?" Dave asked carefully, eyeing the woman as she fidgeted in her seat.
"JJ's practice date, remember? We all agreed. And it's your turn," she babbled. "And quite frankly, you're the last hope for Emily and I, so, don't screw up, 'kay?"
Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Dave shook his head. "You two are still on that fool's mission?"
"Abso-friggin'-lutely!" Garcia exclaimed, her eyes widening just the right amount to convince him of her sincerity.
"Garcia, did you not learn anything from her so-called date with Morgan?" Dave muttered, remembering that particular fiasco.
"He's been punished, Agent Rossi," Pen sighed, shaking her head at the actions of their co-worker.
"He left her sitting at the bar while he went home with the cocktail waitress," Dave growled.
"I know, Agent Rossi," Pen nodded, appropriately.
"I had to go pick that poor woman up and take her home," Dave continued, his eyes narrowing at the memory.
"I'm aware, Agent Rossi," Pen said slowly, valiantly resisting the urge to grin.
"Then, I was treated to an hour's rant about the injustice that is men," Dave shuddered at the thought. "JJ may be little, but that woman can get some volume in an enclosed vehicle."
"She was a little irate," Pen agreed.
"She was furious. Rightfully so, I might add," Dave corrected as he narrowed his eyes.
"Well, I'm sure you'll do a much better job than your co-workers," Penelope smirked, shuffling the papers in her lap.
"Hotch and Reid have already taken their turns?" Dave asked curiously, knowing that he hadn't heard any horror stories from that front yet.
"Oh yes, with no better results than Morgan," Penelope laughed as she remembered the entire details from those little adventures.
"Where the hell have I been for this?" Dave wondered aloud.
"Buried in those book edits of yours, I guess," Pen shrugged, leaning forward in her chair. "But believe me when I say, you very may well be our last hope."
"Okay, spill it, Garcia. I want details," Dave demanded, settling back in his chair and steepling his fingers.
"Well," Garcia said, settling back to dish the dirt, "Hotch decided to take her to a documentary…on the apprehension of the most psychotic minds of the twentieth century. JJ fell asleep twenty minutes into the film. Our boss apparently received a so-called important call in the middle and stepped out to take it, then when he came back into the theatre, he completely forgot that he'd brought her. Sooooo, Mr. I'm Always Perfectly in Control found an empty seat, finished the movie, and when it was over, he left."
Pausing for effect, she then added, eyebrows raised, "Without JJ, I might add. He left her asleep in the theater downstairs. When she woke up, it was midnight and she was stranded."
"Jesus!" Dave groaned, making a mental note to slap Hotch in the back of the head the next time he saw him.
Warming to her topic, Penelope took delight in watching Rossi's face as she then said, "And our little resident genius didn't do much better. He drug her to D.C.'s version of ComicCon. In full Trekkie regalia. Insisted that she couldn't go without being in character. She said he abandoned her half way through and she spent her evening fending off Vulcans and Klingons."
Dropping his head into his hands, Dave rubbed his face. No wonder the tiny blonde dynamo had sworn of men. His co-workers were definitely giving love a bad name.
"So you see why Emily and I are concerned," Pen went on. "You are our last best hope. You don't wanna watch our Buttercup turn into a bitter old maid, do you?" she added for emphasis. "She's too pretty to become a dried up old prune!"
"Sounds like she might also be dealing with a few abandonment issues," Rossi growled, leaning back in his chair. "And with these idiots…."
"Exactly, my fine feathered profiling friend," Garcia said with a flourish. Peering at him over the tip of her glasses, she added, with a touch of warning, "And I'm sure that YOU will not fall into the same category as your co-workers, correct? YOU will show my little JJ exactly how a woman deserves to be treated, correct?"
Sighing, Rossi pushed back his chair as he stood. "Garcia, it's not that I don't want to take JJ out, but are you sure she wants to do this again? I have a feeling that she just might have reached the end of her proverbial rope."
"Ah, but that's why we saved the best for last!" Garcia said with a tinkling laugh, pointing at Rossi. "All of those previous non-starters will fade into oblivion after JJ experiences the magic that is David Rossi!"
Chuckling in spite of himself at Garcia's hopeful expression, Rossi muttered, "Not much pressure there, is it, Garcia?"
"Pressure, shmesure," the technical genius said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "This should be a walk in the park for you. You take her out, you treat her like the queen she is, and," she paused for emphasis as she then added, threateningly, "Here's the important part. YOU BRING HER BACK HOME!"
"Yeah, I figured that out earlier," Rossi mumbled. With a shake of his head at the stupidity of his male co-workers, he turned his attention back to Garcia, asking, "Is it safe to assume that you might have picked out a few appropriate choices for our dating entertainment?"
"You assumed correctly, my prolific profiling fiend," Garcia said cheerfully as she stood, slapping a two page type-written list in his hand. "Study this well, and please stick to this list."
Glancing down at the paper, Rossi said with a sarcastic chuckle, "Gee, I don't see ComicCon anywhere on here. Did Reid get this same list?"
"Let's just say that our Dr. Reid is still feeling the effects of the ass-chewing that he received for his lack of proper dating etiquette in that little matter," Garcia replied cryptically. Flicking a finger at the paper, she said, voice suddenly going cheerful again, "Okay, that's it! Now it's all up to you, Agent Rossi. And this time, I expect YOU to hit a home run this Friday night. Capice?"
Mentally thinking that the blonde was truly the best mix of a mafia capo and a mother superior that he had ever seen, Rossi merely nodded as he said, "Game on, Garcia."