Please remember, first fic ever written. Before I knew any better about writing. (Still learning) So, don't laugh at me, only laugh at the humor I tried to convey through crazy characters. I just wanted to have fun. :)

Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight and I screwed the characters up :)

Dude looks Like A Lady – Aerosmith

Cruised into a bar on the shore

Her picture graced to grime on the door

She a long lost love at first bite

Baby maybe you're wrong, but you know it's all right

That's right

Backstage we're having the time

Of our lives until somebody say

Forgive me if I seem out of line

Then she whipped out her gun

Tried to blow me away

Dude look like a lady

Dude look like a lady

Dude look like a lady

Dude look like a lady

So never judge a book by it's cover

Or who you're going to love by your lover

Love put me wise to her love in disguise

She had the body of a venus

Lord imagine my surprise

Dude look like a lady

Dude look like a lady

Dude look like a lady

Dude look like a lady

What a funky lady

She like it like it like it like that

He was a lady

Baby let me follow you down

Let me take a peek dear

Baby let me follow you down

Do me, do me, do me all night

Baby let me follow you down

Turn the other cheek dear

Baby let me follow you down

Do me, do me, do me, sue me

I stood in front of my small bathroom mirror, trying to tame my brown curls into something presentable. I held a brush in my mouth, hairdryer in between my knees and a curling iron in my left hand. Just then an elbow slammed into my ribs, causing everything to scatter and the brush to fall in the sink.

"Damn it Rose!" I yelled. "Watch what you're doing!"

I rubbed my right side as I stared her down, trying to seem angry but failing as I had to laugh at her. She was wiggling her butt around, dancing to cheesy 80's music and being way too hyped up.

I threw a hair clip at her grinning face and said, "Please, make yourself useful and go put some halfway decent music on."

She bumped her butt into my hip and bolted for the door to find the radio. I chuckled and shook my head as I bent down to pick up the curler and dryer.

"Fuck," I muttered as I noticed the curler burned a spot into my rug, leaving a three inch long blackened hard spot.

"Rosalie Hale! You made me burn my rug!"

There was silence as she stopped the CD and I know she had to have heard me yelling at her from across the apartment. She stuck her head in the doorway, started wiggling her eyebrows and said, "It's about time someone does something to your rug, Bella."

I stared at her through the mirror, too lost for a comeback, with my mouth wide open. She giggled and put her finger under my chin to close my mouth and ran back to the stereo.

A few seconds later I heard Aerosmith's "Permanent Vacation" album start. A small smile formed on my lips.

I should have known she'd pick this.

Rose had a thing for Steven Tyler and was obsessed with the band. I was forced to listen to them for way too long now.

I messed with my hair some more and got lost in my thoughts, thinking of the past, as usual. I reminisced about the high school years and wished I could go back in time for a day. Looking back on it, everything seemed so easy and carefree.

Rose has been my friend for five years now. I met her while I was a junior and she was a senior in high school. She was in the popular crowd so I never knew why she struck up a friendship with me, but she did. She was in my drama class and some of the plays. Throughout the plays we somehow struck a kinship.

She was tall and blonde and had legs that wouldn't stop. I was about six inches shorter then her and had curly, brown hair. We both had small frames but she looked like she belonged with the models and me with the chess club. We had now grown into our bodies a bit. She was just now more stunning and I had grown into my curves.

We had also met Alice in one of the plays. She wasn't in our drama class but she loved to help out and decorate our set backdrops.

She wanted to be a set director really bad. Everyone had to admit she was really good at it, though. Rose and I would sit back and laugh at her as she ran around the stage, holding a notepad, flicking her pen around at everyone and barking out orders.

She wasn't in charge of set, but everyone listened to her.

She had black, short hair, wore spunky little clothes that she made herself and was even smaller then me.

But despite her small stature, nobody dared to challenge Alice. She may had been small but she had some balls. I think that's why Rose seemed to like her. She liked people who weren't afraid to speak their minds and weren't fake.

Not much had really changed with Alice over the years. She's still the same spunky, ballsy chick that we love.

We had been inseparable ever since and I gave thanks, to whatever God, that I had them. Especially my senior year when my mother stopped speaking to me because I had finally told my parents that I was gay.

She had moved to Florida my senior year when she divorced my dad, but I demanded to stay in Forks with him. I told her over the phone and she screamed at me that, "I didn't know what I was talking about." I tried to explain everything to her but she just hung up on me and never called back.

My father seemed to take it ok and said that, "No matter what, he would always love me." But ever since then he has acted sort of strange towards me and nothing felt the same anymore.

My only constant was my two best girls.

Rose broke me out of my thoughts as she came sliding into the bathroom all "Cocktails" style, with a brush in her hand, screaming out the lyrics to "Dude Looks Like A Lady".

"Do me, do me, do me, do me!" She screamed into the brush as she dry humped my leg.

I laughed and pushed her off of me and I turned off the curler.

"Rose, I swear, you're a psycho."

I looked back into the mirror and saw how different we really were. Even after all these years. She looked stunning, while I seemed to look dull.

"I give up on my hair," I sighed out. "Let's start heading down to the bar."

Rose looked at me through the mirror and said, "Jesus Bella, get a grip. You look great, as usual."

I crossed my eyes and stuck my tongue out at her.

"Oh god, make sure to do that at the bar and women will come flocking to your side. With that face, how can they resist?"

I stuck my tongue back out at her and turned out of the bathroom, while shutting off the light.

I glanced at my alarm clock.

"Crap! It's already 8 o'clock. We're going to miss Alice's show, we need to hurry!"

Alice was in a band with her boyfriend Jasper. They called themselves "Designing Monkeys". Odd name, yes, I know. They were sort of a punk band, mixed in with some folk music. Alice was awesome up on stage, bouncing around with so much energy. Jasper played guitar and a few backup vocals. She was playing at the bar tonight, her first real gig.

It was about a week until Halloween but the bar was having a costume party. It was my favorite bar and I went there every weekend. It was a gay bar, but they always went with me, even though they were straight. They never let me go alone. Another thing I loved about my girls.

We stopped at my dresser to give ourselves one last look in the mirror before leaving.

Rose was dressed up as Miss USA, complete with the over-the-top dress, sash and tiara. I was dressed up as Juliet.

When I told the girls what I was going as, they laughed at me, saying that I acted older then my age. But I had a love of books, ok, slight obsession. Besides, who can deny that they wish that they could find love like that one day?

I pushed Rose's tiara crooked with one finger and giggled while running for the front door, grabbing my keys.

"Come on Miss Queen Rose. Let's head it up and move it out."

I held open the door, ushered her out and bowed to her, like the royal princess she was.

"Hey," she said, with a flick of her hair while pushing the elevator button. "You're the one who spent forever in the bathroom."

I pouted out my lip, while stepping into the elevator and said, "I can't help it if I can't look like you."

"When are you going to realize you're beauty, Bella?" she said while pushing in my bottom lip with her fingertip.


We pulled up into the bar's parking lot in Rose's BMW. She squealed around the parking lot trying to find a parking spot. I squeezed my eyes shut and gripped the dashboard, scared shitless.

"God Rose! It's a parking lot, not the fucking Daytona 500, you know."

She just tilted back her head and laughed at me. She always drove way too fast. I think she liked trying to scare me. Maybe she had some sort of personal goal of trying to push me and see how much it would take to get me to pee my pants one day.

She found a spot in a dark corner in the back, flying into the space with abilities that I didn't know existed.

She slammed the car into park while cussing under her breath about the spot. This car was her baby and leaving it in a spot like this was killing her.

We walked towards the bar, the shining neon light saying "New Beginnings" being our only way of light. The bar looked really run down and old on the outside. Paint was chipping off everywhere and the neighborhood was really sketchy. Just down the block someone was recently mugged after playing pool. The inside, however, was nothing like the outside. Of course, maybe that's just cause it's so dark in there that I can't notice if it is or not.

We climbed up the steps to the front door, already having to squeeze through too many sweaty people standing outside to cool off and get a smoke.

I stopped short at the door handle, hand frozen in midair as I stared at a picture on the door. I couldn't stop myself from taking my hand and wiping off the grime from the surface of the door to look at her better.

"Woah, she's hot," Rose said from behind me.

I nodded slightly while transfixed onto her eyes, it's green depth drawing me in with just a picture.

"Says she's playing tonight." I vaguely heard her say. "Maybe you could go talk to her."

Yeah, like I could have the balls to talk to a chick that beautiful. Just the picture of her under the grimy glass was intimadating.

"Come on, let's get inside and find Alice," she said as she pushed me through the door while I drooled some more over the picture.

We stood at the entrance, staring through the crowd, trying to find Alice. All of the sudden I saw her little head bouncing up and down, waving her arms around frantically while jumping on a table. I laughed loudly and pushed Rose over in her direction, opting for actions over words from the music's loudness surrounding us.

When we made it over to the table, Alice jumped off of it and into my arms, almost causing us to fall on the floor.

"Well, hello to you too, ho!" I said while being squeezed into a pint size bear hug. I pulled her back to check out her outfit. She was wearing an Alice In Wonderland outfit with the skirt barely covering her ass and her boobs all pushed out.

"You look umm...."

"I know," she grinned. "Got to get the crowd going somehow!"

I looked over at Jasper, who looked like he was in pain from having to be here. He was in a cowboy outfit, looking all John Wayne. He tipped his hat at me and I screamed over the music, "Howdy partner!"

I searched for the bar, ready to get tipsy and let loose.

I leaned over to Alice's ear and yelled, "Be right back, going to go get a drink."

She nodded and I left to fight my way through the crowd. I got to the bar, somehow safely, and yelled to the bartender my drink order. While I waited I sat on a stool, put my back to the bar and scanned the crowd.

Someone bumped into me, almost knocking me off the stool. I turned to yell at the asshole and was met with the same beautiful eyes that were on the poster on the door.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry," she screamed over the music. "Are you ok?"

I was stuck, speechless, while staring into her eyes.

She touched my arm, trying to lean in by my ear so I could hear her better. I jumped as the combination of feeling her touch, looking into her eyes and her closeness became too much for me.

What the fuck, Bella? Yeah, you haven't been laid in awhile, but get a grip.

"Uh...yeah...I'm fine. No prob."

She gave me a wide smile and leaned over the bar to order her drink.

I noticed that at some point the bartender had set my drink down. I picked it up and sipped on the straw, trying to secretly check her out. She was dressed up in a white, fluffy gown and had these heels on that, I swear, made me wet. They were like these little naughty heels that gave me major naughty thoughts.

She turned to me and caught me checking out her ass. And, God bless her, she just stood there, giving me a cocky smile as I felt my face grow red and hot.

"So," she said. "What are you here for?"

Ok, slightly odd question...

I got lost again in her eyes, like her body was pulling me towards her, a force that I couldn't deny and I didn't want to.

I forced myself to think. To think of anything but grabbing her ass and making her scream my name.


"Um, yeah, uh." I nodded towards the stage. "My best friend is getting ready to play. I'm here to watch her."

God, I sounded stupid.

Her face lit up.

"Oh! The Designing Monkeys? I love them! I've got their demo out in the car and I listen to it all the time."

"Oh, really?"

I was intrigued. Beautiful and good taste in music.

We sat there at the bar, talking about everything and nothing. I was sucked into every word she said. Sucked into her beautiful green eyes and I didn't want this conversation to ever end. It was comfortable, it was right and, man, she was hot. Our bodies seemed to gravitate towards each other through out our conversation.

My concentration on her was interrupted by the whole crowd breaking out into cheers and clapping.

"Fuck! I missed her whole show. Oh my God, she's going to kill me."

I jumped off my stool and started pacing, running my fingers through my hair.

She grabbed my hand to stop me and somehow that slight touch calmed me down and made my hormones jump all at the same time.

"Hey, calm down. I can take you backstage to see her, if you want."

I flashed her a thankful smile and she smiled back, making my knees weak.

She grabbed my hand and started to lead me around the side of the bar, towards the back of the stage stairs. All I could do was stare at her ass and think about how she was touching me.

Before I even realized what I was doing, I shoved her into the bathroom that was backstage, slammed the door and locked it. She stood there, with fire burning behind her hooded eyes and stared me down like she was challenging me. I stared at her lips as she licked them, followed by another cocky smile.

"You better get ready," I warned her. My actions taking me over and having no control.

I pushed her against the sink and started to kiss her hard. She was taller then me so I slammed my hands on the sink on both sides of her and stood up on my toes. My tongue was instantly on her mouth, not wanting to wait for any pleasantries of chaste kisses. I just wanted to feel her, get inside her. My body was on fire, my breathing already labored.

She grabbed my hips and swiftly turned me around so that now I was up against the sink. I moaned into her mouth as she forced me up onto the sink and she started to kiss her way down my neck. Her hands grabbed my thighs while she started to bite my nipples through my dress.

Then her hand started to ride up my thigh, grazing my clit.

"God," she breathed into my neck as she made her way back to my lips. I gripped the edge of the sink, hard, while her fingers dipped into my underwear, rubbing up and down. When her fingers entered me I gasped and started to claw her back, unable to catch my breath and loving every minute of it.

She reached her other hand under my skirt and started to rub circles on my clit, over my underwear. The feeling of her in me while on top of my underwear was insane. The different feeling between the two bringing me close to orgasm as my head fell back onto the mirror.

My eyes were squeezed shut, trying to not get off yet, wanting to prolong the feeling of her. My breathing and moans were becoming so loud that I was afraid that someone would hear me. I threw my arm over my mouth, trying to muffle the sounds.

She removed her hand from the top of my underwear, grabbed my arm and slammed it back down to the sink counter.

"Don't," she breathed out. "I want to hear you."

She pulled out her fingers and I had to squeeze the counter with the loss of her fingers.

She looked up at me, locking her eyes with mine before her hands moved the bottom of my dress all the way to my hips. She kept her eyes locked onto mine as I watched her bend down and her tongue reached out to lick me over my underwear.

I screamed out at the feeling and she closed her eyes and concentrated on torturing me by lightly running her tongue in circles over my underwear and gently biting me on the inside of my thighs.

I was getting so close and her tongue hadn't even touched the skin of it yet.

"Take it off," I breathed out. "Take your fucking dress off."

She pulled away, her eyes burning into mine and smiled.

She turned around slowly and said, "Unzip it."

I quickly reached my hands up and with shaking hands I jerked her zipper down, grabbing a handful of ass along the way.

I kissed the back of her neck, working my way around to the side and started biting her up to her ear. I pulled back and pushed her dress off of her sholders so she could turn around.

And that's when I saw it.

A dick.

A dick, straining against pantyhose.


She, crap, he started to lean in to kiss me again and I quickly dodged him and jumped off the sink.

"What the fuck is that?" I yelled while pointing at the offending member.

She, shit, he said, "'s a dick..."

He was looking at me like I had lost my mind.

I started to laugh and then Aerosmith's song went through my head.

She wipped out her gun and then she blew me away.

I started to laugh even harder, clutching my stomach and falling to the floor.

He slid down on the floor across from me, his legs indian style.

Meanwhile, I was trying to compose myself, realizing how rude I was being. Still holding back a smile and wiping away tears, I looked over at him.

He was just sitting there, looking wounded, wig thrown off and running his fingers through his hair. I instantly felt horrible.

"Seriously, dude. I'm gay. Like, totally gay, I've never had sex with a guy before. I thought you were a chick."

"No. I do drag shows here. I'm a regular, that's why my posters are up all over the place. My real name's Edward," he said with a sad tone while picking at his pantyhose.

"So, you're not gay?"

He hid his face in his hands and sighed, "No, not gay. I just like to do drag shows. It's fun and sometimes pays good money in tips."

Now I really felt like crap.

I started to crawl over to him and placed my hands on his knees.

"Hey, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to laugh like that. It's just, really, I didn't expect all of this."

I sat back on my heels and placed my hands on the sides of his face, forcing him to look at me.

"Look at me, please."

The moment his eyes lifted and locked onto mine that spark came back. Everything I felt before came flooding back tenfold.

I sat there, frozen, gaping at him as my heart started to speed up against my will.

"Oh fuck it" I sighed as I shook my head.

I jumped into his lap, wrapped my fingers into his hair and continued where we left off at.


Ok, a few things.

I totally loved turning them into these characters. :) Alot of crazy people say that Rob looks like a feminine male, so I thought it would be funny to turn him into a drag queen. I, on the other hand, just find Rob too sexy to handle and all manly man.

The band name: I mixed Alice's love of clothes and Jackson's band "100 Monkeys".

The bar: There is actually a gay bar I used to go to around here that is named "New Beginnings" and hosts drag shows. So I used that for the description of the building. I liked the name of the bar for the story cause it is Bella's new beginning of being with a man.