Today was just your average, bog standard day to be honest.

Well, if you think that dressing up as "Jedward" off the X Factor and having a singing contest with a few people is an average, bog standard day.

But to me it is. Because usually something exciting happens.

But today everyone was either out travelling (Aro, Heidi, Santiago), chavving around (Felix), wandering around like a grieving cod (Marcus), being a stressy teenage vampire (Jane) or just not doing anything (everyone else who I haven't mentioned and I can't be arsed to). So I had to make my own fun.

So after watching "The X Factor" repeat on my laptop in my room, I felt inspired.

And when I say inspired, I mean that I felt like dressing up and singing.

So I went to find someone who shared my interest for dressing up and singing.

I passed Jane's room and I could hear the small cry of pain from a pigeon. I decided that she was not the type of person who shares my interest of dressing up and singing, as I would be yelled at, tortured and accused of being gay. So I bypassed her room and went on to Afton.

Now Afton, although dating Chelsea and who pretends to be a chav with Felix, is someone who does share my interest (of dressing up and singing), so I knocked on his door (I don't like to barge in on someone who has a girlfriend).

He opened the door and greeted me like he hadn't seen me for yonks. Which wasn't true.

The last time he had seen me I was dragged up singing "Single Ladies" by Beyonce. I still haven't got over that, I think I'm scarred for life (or in my case, eternity).

Afton seemed to enjoy our performance and clapped me on the back when I finished. He clapped me a bit too hard because I fell off my heels, which set him off into hysterics.

"Sooo, my dear friend Alec, what brings you here today?"

"Well. I am bored out of my mind. I spy a karaoke machine (I heard someone snort in another room, I wander who that was...) in the corner of your room and I have recently been watching The X Factor."

"Jolly good."

"Do you see where I am going with this?"

"I do indeed."


"Okey doke. Get your hair gel matey, Jedward are officially in the building!"

"Jedward are officially out the building matey, there is not a snowball's chance in hell that I'm going to sit here listening to you *ahem* 'sing'." Jane called from her room.

"Well piss off then." Afton cheerfully replied.

"How about no."

"OH! How about you join in Jane! We could have a singing contest! Whoever wins will win... something!"

"How about no."

"The prize... the chance to torture someone of your choice for five minutes?" I said. Jane simply could not resist that.

"Ok. Fine."

And with that Jane came in in a long blonde wig with a fringe, a hair bow, black sunglasses, red lipstick, a black leotard, lace tights, a black blazer, a chain belt, black lather gloves and extraordinarily high heels (yes it's a very long list...).

"I knew my hooker clothes would come in handy." She said.

Afton and me wore an ice blue suit, black converse and styled our hair so that it stuck up a foot in the air.

"Jedward!" We said in synchronization.

"Lady Gaga!" Jane said.


Jane took the microphone and started the music.


"I want your love and, I want your revenge, you and me could write a BAD romance."

"Woah-oh-oh-oh-ohhhhhh-oh-oh-oh, caught in a bad romance!"

Her singing echoed throughout the building and randoms gathered to watch her performance. By the end of Jane's song, Felix, Corin (who was still not best pleased with his haircut), Chelsea and Renata were all cheering. Felix even wanted to join in, and confirmed that he was going to "rap" for us.

It was our turn next, so we took to the "stage" and searched for a cheesy song to sing.

"Hot'n'Cold" by Katy Perry was good enough.

"We, used to be, just like twins, so in sync."

"The same, energy, now's a dead, battery."

"Cos' you're hot then you're cold!"

"You're yes than you're no!"

"You, you don't really wanna stay no!"

"But you, you don't really wanna g-go!"

"Cos' you're hot then you're cold!"

I thought we were brill beyond words. And everyone crammed together in the small space of Afton's room seemed to agree, which was good.

Then Felix took the microphone.

"Jus' wanna day ya'll, this is improvised, innit!"

He cleared his throat and went onto sing in a chav like manner.

"So ya wassup, yo all staring at me!"

"Me name is Felix, yeah the F to the E!"

"Yeah L to the I, I to the X!"

"So now you're all thinking, what's he gonna sing next?"

"I'll tell ya, one thing, about me life."

"I'm a hoodie and proud but I don't carry a knife."

"Ya all think that I'm, a full on chav,"

"Well ya may be right, but I ain't daft!"

"Check it!"

To say he was awfully dimwitted for a vampire, I actually liked his rap.

Then it was voting time.

Corin voted for Felix, and Renata and Chelsea voted for Jane.

Which was just as well really, because the prize was meant for her.

And guess who she chose to torture for five minutes?

You guessed it.



Alec Volturi.

P.S. I think I maybe crippled. I was being tortured in an awkward position and I think my limbs have permanantly stayed in an awkward position. :(

Haha I made Felix' rap up within the space of ten minutes. I had writer's block there (well, actually rapper's block).

If you don't know who Jedward is, Google them. The X Factor is the English version of American Idol, and not many people like Jedward because they're annoying, but they entertain me so I quite like them.