Okay, I don't know whether to be proud or embarrassed by this lol. Basically, the idea of Tony playing the piano is oh so smexy, but I couldn't resist making him play it in his own special way…
Oh yeah, the songs in this are owned by the most wonderful, Mr. Tim Minchin - stand up, musician, genius etc... So got any issues, take it up with him ;)

Tony sighed as he rubbed at his hair tiredly from his spot at his desk. The bullpen was virtually empty, and they hadn't had a call in a while. He glanced around to make sure Gibbs wouldn't just suddenly pop out of nowhere and tell him off, before sneaking out from behind his desk and going down to see Abby.

He had been told expressly not to leave while there was no one else there in case the phone rang. After an hour of nothing, he doubted that anything would happen. He'd be able to leave for half and hour, surely?

He stretched his aching legs as he waited in the elevator to reach Abby's lab. As soon as it dinged he leapt out, carefully checking to make sure neither Gibbs nor the rest of the team was down there. When he was positive they weren't, he bounced in there happily, to see Abby chatting to the Director,

"Tony!" She yelled happily, "Come in, me and the Director were just talking about Lyle's fiftieth wedding anniversary! You know Lyle!"

"Er…" He paused, trying to place a face with the name.

"Tried to look up both mine and Ziva's skirts once before Gibbs almost strangled him?" A light bulb went on in Tony's head,

"Oh yeah! Lyle - Lyle, Lyle the paedophile?" Tony joked, remembering the rumours that circulated the bullpen once because he'd tried to flirt with someone who had said they were 25 - when in actuality she was 18.

"He felt bad about it afterwards," Abby tried to stick up for him, "And he hasn't done it since."

"Anyway," The Director interrupted, "I was just asking Abby if she knew of any maestros who she thought would be able to play a few songs at the part we're having for him."

"How does a guy like that reach his fiftieth wedding anniversary?" Tony pondered.

Abby giggled before saying, "I recommended you to do it."

That wiped the smile of his face. He opened his mouth widely before shutting it again, not sure what he was going to say,

"Abby says you're quite the pianist," The Director said smoothly, "And you'd get paid."

When Tony spoke, his voice came out croaky, "I… no, no thanks Director… I haven't played the piano since I was like, 15…"

"Liar," Abby said happily, thoroughly enjoying herself, "I know you've got a piano at home."

"You ever seen me play it?" Tony shot back, begging her not to say in front of the Director that he still played it,

"Why do you keep it in tune?" She challenged, playing along with him,

"Thank you children," Jenny said, trying not to laugh, "DiNozzo, Abby told me what a brilliant pianist you are. And I'm hoping you'll come up with something momentous for the occasion. And please don't forget the Secretary of the Navy will be coming, so try not to write anything too suited to Lyle's personality."

"Wait… what? W-write? As in, compose?" Tony stuttered, "But I can't…"

"Yes you can," Abby interrupted, "You have that brilliant concerto you made for my last birthday."

"That was for your ears only," He snarled, "There's a difference. I mean, Gibbs'll hear this."

"I won't take no for an answer." Jen told him, before smiling and nodding at them both and leaving.

As soon as the door closed, Tony slid down the wall dejectedly. Abby now felt rather guilty for what she had done, and slid down with him,

"I'm sorry," She said quietly, thrilled when he put his arm around her, "I didn't think you mind that much."

"Abbs, my father made me play that god-awful instrument when I was young. It was the one thing I thought I was good at, and he crushed me the first time I played something for him. He said it was the worst piece of music he'd ever heard. Did you never wonder why it took me so long to play something to you?"

She did remember. The first time she went round his apartment, she saw the piano. It was a beautifully carved instrument, with deep oak wood and finely polished keys. At first she thought it was just there for show, but as time went on she got more curious. After nearly two years of pleading and never hearing anything, she'd finally walked in there one night to see Tony playing a symphony, slowly and smoothly. It was the nicest piece of music she'd ever heard, and afterwards she could swear she'd seen tear tracks on his face when she'd told him how amazing he was,

"I just thought you were being shy, and you didn't want to play in case I thought you were rubbish…" She whispered,

"Exactly," He answered, "Because of that man who made me play it, I was scared to do it. In case; just when I was finally getting my confidence back, someone would just shoot me down…"

There was silence in the lab for a while, until he said,

"You know I used to play it in college? On one of my frat brother's birthdays, I wrote him a song that was quite… explicit. I even sung it for him," Abby nodded. She knew her friend had a good voice, "But some drunken idiot in the corner stole that from me. He yelled for me to get off the stage, and that it was awful. I could hear everyone else laughing at parts of the song - parts that I thought were funny - but all I could hear was this voice inside my head telling me that the lessons he'd paid for were a waste of time…" Abby reached over and hugged him tightly,

"So why don't you write another funny one?" She asked, "You know people'll laugh, and that'll get your confidence up."

"You heard the Director," Tony sighed, heaving himself up off the floor, "I'm not allowed. I'll think about it tonight, I might get struck by inspiration." Abby agreed and said bye to him as he made his way back upstairs, thinking hard.

Little did he know that Gibbs had been about to walk in as the Director walked out, so had chosen to stay back while he and Abby talked.

And had heard every word.


Tony sat in his apartment late the night of Lyle and his wife's party. Why they were allowed to have the part at NCIS was anyone's guess. And Tony had no idea why the Secretary of the Navy was going. And he also didn't get why he'd been asked to play there when they could have hired someone better.

He scowled for the fifteenth time that night as he crumpled up some pieces of paper that had a few notes written on them and threw them into another corner of the flat. He rested his elbows on the side of the piano and rubbed at his temples tiredly. Why was it so hard? The one he'd written for Abby had been fine - it had even been fun. So why couldn't he do it now?

And then it hit him. With Abby, he could be himself. But around other people, he had this mask over his face. He was a forever joking, childish frat boy - and that person couldn't play the piano. And if he did, he would most certainly have not played beautiful pieces of melody. He'd have written ones for his frat brothers.

What was the party about again? Love. Marriage. Tony had a feeling that with Lyle and his wife, it hadn't been love at first sight. He thought Lyle would probably have stuck around her for a while - to the point of becoming annoying - until she agreed to go out with him.

Tony grinned and pressed a key firmly. That could be his angle.


He fidgeted awkwardly on their table until Abby placed a calming hand on his own. He was waiting for the Director to announce him as the first 'act'. That was what he was most worried about. He hadn't told anyone apart from Abby that he would do it. Even Lyle and his wife had no idea who would start the entertainment.

Glancing around the table, he saw McGee awkwardly pouring Ziva some more wine, and Ziva stabbing a chocolate strawberry with quite a bit of vigour on her plate. He saw Ducky telling Jimmy some old story, and he saw Jimmy trying not to fall asleep. But as he looked at Gibbs, he realised that the other man had been staring at him for a while throughout the night. His eyes were gleaming and they were almost narrowed in suspicion.

Tony narrowed his own eyes as well. What did Gibbs know that he didn't?

"Now Ladies and Gentlemen - a song specially written for this couple sat next to me," The Director announced, standing up from her seat, "Please welcome to the piano - Special Agent Tony DiNozzo."

Tony, swallowing the bile that was rising in his throat, stood up and walked over to the centre of the room, where a large grand piano was waiting for him. When he had sat down and tested a few keys quietly and nervously, he looked over to his original table. Abby was beaming, McGee was looking rather shocked and holding an empty glass (He'd spilt it upon hearing the other agent's name), Ziva had her head cocked and looked surprised, Ducky and Palmer had both stopped talking and gazed at him in awe. And Gibbs… Gibbs had just sat there and leant back a bit, as if wondering what was going to happen. Tony gulped, but spoke in the small microphone stood on the piano,

"Er… hey. I was asked by the Director, and them bullied by Miss Abby Sciuto," He paused while some people laughed, "To do this for Lyle tonight. So I was sat at home last night, wondering what I should write, when I realised that I rarely see love that's actually been 'love at first sight'," He paused as he saw the old couple beam. Gulping guiltily he said, "I really think that love is more… it's more likely to creep up on you then anything. So… so here's my interpretation. Enjoy." Everyone clapped slightly and went silent to listen to it. Getting a thumbs up from Abby, and a mild quirk of the head from Gibbs, Tony breathed out deeply, and started,

You grew on me…

He paused, glancing around quickly to see everyone already enraptured. No one had known he was so musically talented. Ah well, he snorted, better ruin it now,

Like a tumour…

Abby burst out laughing, Ducky looked amused and Lyle looked vaguely excited by the song. A mild laughter ran through the room before Tony continued, ignoring the looks on everyone's faces,

And you spread through me like malignant melanoma,
And now you're in my heart,
I should've cut you out back at the start...
Now I'm afraid there's no cure for me,
No dose of emotional chemotherapy,
Can halt my pathetic decline,
I should've had you removed back when you were benign...

He glanced around when everyone started laughing (Even the Secretary of the Navy). Ducky looked rather proud that Tony knew so many medical terms,

I picked you up like a virus
Like, meningococcal meningitis
Now I can't feel my legs...

Abby was, by this point, rolling around on her chair in hysterics. Even Ziva was chuckling

When you're around I can't get out of bed...
I've left it too late to risk an operation,
I know there's no hope, for a clean amputation,
The successful removal of you,
Would probably kill me too...

He upped the pace and colume of the music, feeling the rythm and easily remembering what he had composed last night; the words simply too brilliant to be forgotten,

You grew on me like carcinoma,
Crept up on me like untreated glaucoma,
Now I find it hard to see,
This untreated dose of you has blinded me...

Abby was giggling like a child; her hands over her mouth. Lyle was leaning forward in his seat in anticipation for the next lines,

I should've consulted my local physician,
I'm stuck now forever with this tunnel vision,
My periphery is screwed,
Wherever I look now, all I see is you...

When we first met you seemed fickle and shallow,
But my armour was no match for your poison arrow,
You are wedged inside my chest,
If I tried to take you out now I might bleed to death,
I'm feeling short of breath...

Everyone was clapping, cheering and whistling by now, bu by this point the music had begun to decline. Hte passion of the chords had reached its peak during the last verse, and was now slowly beggining its decent

You grew on me like a tumour,
And you spread through me like malignant melanoma,
I guess I never knew...
How fast a little mole can grow on you...

He finished the song, and didn't look up from the keys until he felt Abby leap on him, still giggling and gasping, clutching her stomach. Looking up, he grinned when he was her mascara had smudged,

"Tony! I don't care what the Director said - That. Rocked. No question! Even she laughed, look." She pointed over to the front table, and Tony beamed when he saw both Lyle nad his wife laughing, the Secretary of the Navy chuckling, and Jenny - as Abby had been doing - clutching her stomach. Tony stood up as the cheering started to fade away, and every eventually stopped clapping.

He slumped down in his seat afterwards, and looked up to see everyone else on the table staring at him,

"What?" He squawked indignantly.

"Tony..." Ziva began, "I had no idea you could play like that! Were you asked to sing a song like... that?" Tony shook his head and replied,

"I was under expressed orders not to sing a song like that. But I couldn't help it. It was too much of a temptation." He grinned as he felt a hand make contact with the back of his head. Smiling ruefully, Tony rubbed at it and said,

"Guess you didn't think much of my singing, huh Boss?" Gibbs gave him a half-smile. It was only half of one, but it was genuine,

"You did good DiNozzo." Was all he said, before,

"Tony!" He looked over to see Lyle stood up, "Tony, that was one of the best anniversary presents we've ever had!" He announced, "Do you think you'd be able to come up and do one more for us?" Tony couldn't help but grin as he was egged on by everyone. Plus, he'd remembered the song he'd sung for his frat brother,

"Okay, okay, okay," He said, finally caving in to their demands, "One more..." He stood up again and heard a wolf-whistle, "Thanks Abbs." He yelled into the room, which got several laughs. His confidence now fully restored, he glanced over at Gibbs and grinned, who actually gave him a full grin back. Shaking his head, he hopped back onto the seat in front of the piano,

Your love for me is not debatable,
Your sexual appetite's insatiable,
You never ever make me waitable,
Delectable, inflatable you...

He heard Gibbs groan from the crowd.

Hmm, I don't know why I wrote this lol, I almost regret it. So, if anyone has any issues with that (Somehow wierdly beautiful) song, complain to Tim Minchin. Gah, I love Tim :) Review? I'll definitely write a more serious 'Tony plays piano' story if I get enough...