Disclaimer: I hate saying it but I do not own Criminal Minds

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Entirety. Ardour. Love. Hope. Essence. Pure. Whole. Adoration. Friendship. Passion. Affection. Commitment. Devotion. Family. Future. All those words seemed irrelevant in her heart as she watched him. None of them a forethought, yes they were there, but what was the point of wishing for things when the man you thought those things for was hanging on the abyss of life? When it was all your fault that he was there, hurt, beaten, attacked, fragile.

Fragile. A word she would never place with him, a word that didn't even enter her mind when she thought of him but now, now it was the only thing she could think of and it was her fault. It was her fault that she had taken away his whole essence of being the FBI's macho man, it was her fault that he was singled out and all because of a misunderstanding, he would never see her in the way the monster that she had brought saw it.

She looked down at his body again while she waited for the roar of sirens, she hated it, she was hating herself for not getting rid of the man behind this, for not pushing the monster out of her life harder and now just like her past, her best friend was laying there dying, right in her hands and there was absolutely nothing she could do but watch.

She mentally surveyed what damage she had earned herself. It was as bad as last time, no, scratch that, it was worse; she was violated in so many ways. This time though she was stronger, she'd beaten him but looking into the future, it wouldn't be the same. She couldn't stick around her best friend, her love, her heart, her everything, not with this stuck between them. The monster was gone, but not without taken her comfort away from her.

So was she the monster here or the victim much like he was? So she'd been hurt, but he was worse than her and the culprit well he was in his own way a victim, just a dead one at that.

It was then the decision slotted into her head. She was a killer. In the eye of the law she would be perceived a type of hero, self defence called for the heroic act. But to her she wasn't. She was capable of killing a human, a living breathing human and because of that she knew she'd be capable of doing it again, it would be part of her. Ingrained into her.

She had no future being around the man in her hands, and as hard as it was to admit, she needed to leave. She would be hated by his family, their family, it was her fault afterward.

Fate wouldn't be kind and let this be okay, so she'd leave and start anew. She snapped out of her trance like state as he groaned and consciousness allowed him to open his eyes.

For now she'd be Penelope Garcia, his baby girl, his best friend. Later she'd be his nothing.

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A/N: I know it's a 3rd new story, but my muse is really annoying me and new stories seem to get done in bundles so here's the final new one until I kind of catch up on myself!

I hope you enjoy!