A Cosmic Joke

A Grey's Anatomy fic by Gigi

Disclaimer: I own diddlysquat.

Chapter 1: Scream

A/N: I was taking a nap (cuddled up next to my mom, mind you) and I got hit with this brilliantly hilarious idea. Of course, then I couldn't sleep so I lay there for two hours trying to go to sleep at the same time as ignoring my mom's small snores (she apparently snores now) and remembering my idea when I woke up. Safe to say, not much sleeping actually happened. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it because I almost burst out laughing when it occurred to me.

Two pieces of paper sat in front of Addison Forbes Montgomery as she sat at her best friend's island counter, sipping wine. "So I've narrowed it down to two guys," she announced to Naomi, the aforementioned best friend and one of the best fertility specialists in the country.

The African-American woman sighed and sat down across from Addison. "Hit me," she acquiesced.

Picking up the paper on the left, Addison set down her wine glass and began reading it aloud. "This guy is a California native and has a PhD in Physics and Astronomy from Stanford. He's six feet tall, with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He's never had braces, and his medical history is impeccable. No genetic disorders or history of cancer or diabetes. He enjoys horseback riding—I do, too—and photography."

"Impressive," Naomi nodded, "but the fact that you both enjoy horseback riding isn't really a big factor is it? This isn't a dating catalog."

Addison glared at the other woman over her paper. "What if my kid completely takes after his or her father? I need something in common with him so I can still feel like I'm even related to my son or daughter," she responded evenly. She replaced the paper on the counter and picked up the other piece. "I have a lot more in common with the second guy. He's a surgeon, and he's from Iowa."

"Sweetie, you grew up in Hartford. That's nothing like Iowa," Naomi interjected, earning herself another glare from the redhead.

"I was more focused on the surgeon part, and I wasn't saying I had my upbringing in common with him. His medical records are pretty clean, but his dad was an alcoholic and his mom had problems with drugs, according to the documented history. But judging from everything else, he's never had a problem with addiction or alcoholism. He used to be a wrestler, and he's got brown hair and dark brown eyes." Addison looked up from the paper, indecision swimming in her pale blue eyes. "I'm torn. What do you think?"

Naomi ran her finger around the edge of her wine glass as she spoke. "From my experience, if the physicist guy's record is that clean, he's hiding something major. And if your kid is a boy and takes after him, I'm afraid you'll see too much of Derek in him, because of the brown hair and blue eyes."

Addison sat back, biting her lip. "I never thought about that," she confessed. "What about the surgeon?"

"I think he's your best shot," she answered hesitantly. She reached across the counter and grabbed Addison's hand gently. "Addie, are you sure you want to do this?"

The indecision that had clouded her eyes before now firmed into the stubbornness that Naomi saw in her best friend in med school. Addison nodded. "I need my life to change, and I've always wanted kids. Pretty soon, it'll be too late, so yes, I'm very sure."


Addison was almost giddy as she stepped across the threshold of Seattle Grace Hospital after her vacation to LA. Subconsciously, she rubbed her stomach as she waited for the elevator doors to open.

One more week before I know for sure,she thought excitedly. A smile crept its way onto her face, and the light above the elevator doors lit up, signaling the approach of the cabin.

Her smile quickly melted away when the elevator doors opened to reveal Alex Karev. He looked up from his paper and awkwardly mumbled a hello as she pushed the button for the eighth floor and stood a few feet away from him.

Staring directly ahead, Addison thrust her hands in her jacket pockets and murmured a soft, "Good morning, Dr. Karev."

"How was LA?" he prompted, straining to rid the cabin of its tension. He twisted his neck and examined his boss. She was avoiding eye contact, which meant that she was going to try to pull the same thing she did when she kissed him at Joe's—avoid him at all costs.

"LA was...different," she answered after a minute, her eyes losing focus as she thought about her trip—and her possible baby.

"Good different?"

For the first time, Addison turned to look at him with considering eyes and a secretive smile. "It definitely changed me, hopefully for the better," she declared.

Alex was about to ask her what she meant by that, but then the entire elevator cabin shuddered, and the lights flickered faintly before dimming to the emergency backup lights.

Alex groaned, "Not again."

Addison almost joined him in his misery. "We are not seriously stuck on this elevator," she demanded, praying that that would make it true.

"Hate to break it to you, but I'm pretty sure we are," he responded, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Addison shot him a sideways glance that screamed "Don't mess with me" before reverting her gaze to directly in front of her.

The silence stretched on for seconds, minutes, and it became increasingly obvious to both the doctors that they would not be leaving the elevator anytime soon.

Addison started shifting on her feet, glancing down at her shoes. "I should invest in some flats," she murmured to herself, thinking about the swollen ankles and weakened ligaments to come.

Alex's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Good for you, I guess," he said slowly. Some thing was radically different about his boss, but he couldn't put his finger on it. "So who did you go visit in LA?"

"My friend Naomi. She's a fertility specialist, one of the best," the redhead answered succinctly, still avoiding eye contact.

"Geez, does Columbia just spout out world-class doctors?" Alex mumbled to himself before he did a double-take. "What's her last name?"

"Bennett, why?"

"Seriously? You went to go see Naomi Bennett?"

Thoroughly confused and annoyed, Addison finally cracked and turned to face Alex. "Yes, what of it?" she demanded.

Alex cocked his head to the side and bit his lip to keep from smiling at the flustered woman in front of him. She was kinda cute when she was pissed at him. He always knew she was hot when she hated him, but she actually looked...cute. Since when did he start thinking of her as cute? What was he, twelve?

Shaking his head, he returned to reality. He recalled where they were in their conversation, and he bit his lip harder, trying not to laugh, which only served to frustrate his boss even more. "What is it, Karev? Spit it out," she ordered.

"It's nothing, it's just that...a couple months before I moved here, I took a trip down to California, and my friend told me that a good way to earn some extra cash was to...make a contribution to a certain kind of bank," he hinted, smiling widely now.

In the low light, Alex failed to see Addison's eyes widen to the size of horrified saucers, but he did notice her sudden lack of movement...and breathing.

"Dr. Montgomery? Are you okay?" he asked, finally chancing a concerned, "Addison?"

The mention of her first name drew her attention to his face. "Please tell me you're not from Iowa," she pleaded desperately.

"Sorry. I am."

"Okay, but you never wrestled right? I mean, you're kind of puny." Addison flinched inwardly at how she phrased that. Way to insult a guy's manhood.

"I wrestled for four years for Iowa State," he declared slowly, realization dawning on his face at her questions. He was so shocked that he didn't even comment on the "puny" thing.

Their eyes met in horror, and they simultaneously traveled to Addison's currently flat stomach.

"Shit," they both whispered.

A/N: Do you understand why this made me almost wake my mother because I wanted to laugh so bad? I actually don't know if you understand or not. I'm not insulting your intelligence, but I really want you to review, so apparently I thought instigating you guys would be the best way. Haha, anyway you know what to do. It starts with RE and ends with VIEW! (And no, it's not "Rewatch the View")