There's so much craziness surrounding me,
There's so much going on it gets hard to breathe
When all my faith has gone you, bring it back to me,
You make it real for me
Well I'm not sure of my priorities,
I've lost sight of where im meant to be
And like holy water washing over me,
You make it real for me
And I am running to you baby,
You are the only one who saves me
That's why I've been missing you lately,
'Cause you make it real for me.
I couldn't believe its been six months since my birthday- since the day he left me.
Whenever I look back on the last few months of my life and think of him, it still becomes hard to breathe. Yet somehow ,for the sake of my own sanity , I was able to push the pain deep down and lock it in a little vault inside my heart.
Yes, I would always love Edward and the rest of the Cullens but I was soo exhausted and drained of being heart broken and lonely. I knew without a doubt that Edward Cullen thoroughly killed a part of my soul. A part of me wanted to hate Edward for the way he left me, the way he disregarded our relationship for nothing when he left me in the forest.
On some days I wondered if maybe, just maybe , it was all about my scent. Other days I would try to convince myself that maybe this was some sort of cruel game for the Cullens. Maybe I was nothing more than a pet in their eyes. Eternity is a very long time and maybe breaking a part of my soul was a way in which they entertained themselves.
Sometimes I found myself resenting them. All of them including Alice and Esme. How dare Alice call me her best friend? I shared secrets and laughs with her. We were like ying and yang always finishing each others sentences and laughing together. I considered her my sister, my best friend, and my confidant.
She dint know the meaning of a best friend. A best friend doesn't abandon someone they love. She regarded me for no better than a piece of trash. Something she used and got tired of.
You were like a second mother to me. She told me I was like a daughter to her. Liar. A mother doesn't abandon her daughter . Especially without a goodbye. I probably don't even cross her mind. Do any of them ever think about me? Have they completely moved on , laughing and attending high school somewhere?
Bella you foolish foolish girl.
How did you let them fool you into believing they loved you? Oh how they must have mocked and laughed behind your back when you weren't looking. Your such a stupid naïve girl. Damn those cold heartless vampires!
"Bella, honey are you awake?" Charlies voice drifted up the stairs.
Damn I must have been daydreaming again. I looked at the clock. It was 6 pm. No, no, no I let my mind wander to the Cullens again. I needed to get out of here. I needed my sunshine.
I ran down the stairs , past Charlie, and grabbed my car keys.
" Im going to see Jake , dad. Don't wait up! I love you."
I slammed the front door and jogged to my beast of a truck. My chest was clenching and I was drawing in air in gasps. Im so stupid I knew better than to think of the Cullens. I peeled out of my driveway and pushed the gas . There was only one person who could make me forget all about him. I needed Jacob.