Disclaimer: SM owns all things Twilight, no copyright infringement intended.
Side note before I get into the outtake. I wanted to say a huge thank you to all of you who have sent your thoughts and prayers while my daughter has been ill and in hospital. If you reviewed the last chapter of MMB then you received a reply from me yesterday that Chapter 18 of the actual story will be delayed this week. As I said my daughter has been in hospital so my RL is a bit out of control. And for those who read the a/n at the end of ch 16 my school schedule was already pushing my writing time to the back burner so with this twist in RL it's been a little bit nuts around my house. The next chapter of MMB will be posted when it's ready, hopefully by early next week. Okay....on to the outtake.
This is an outtake from Make Me Believe. This outtake was written for Bliltxgirl and Sassygeminimom for the Support Stacie Auction and they were generous enough to allow me to post it publicly. These ladies are awesome. I can't thank you enough for bidding on me and it was a pure joy to write a story for you both. Thank you for having the faith in me to offer up your donations to a wonderful cause and allow me to create a little Edward goodness for you.
Just a word to the wise to you the readers as I said this is an outtake for Make Me Believe and it is a snippet of some of Edward's experiences during his time in Georgia. It is not an E/B pairing and there is a lemon so if you are not a fan of Edward lovin' on anyone but Bella you've been warned. I would like to say that the story does give you a look into Edward at a time that otherwise is a mystery during MMB. So if you decide to brave the non E/B pairing you'll have a sense of where Edward was at a pivotal time in his life.
Thanks for more than I can tell you to my wonderful friend and beta Jessica1971.
Again before you read any further this is not an E/B pairing.
Because of you
I was nervous as hell when I admitted to Bella that I dated another girl in Georgia, but I was telling her the truth; Lynn had helped me in so many ways to figure my shit out. Although she and I hit it off from the very beginning, she seemed to know that my heart wasn't into a relationship with her or anyone outside of Bella. As I made my way to my room, the memories of Lynn and how we met flashed through my mind.
I sat in my office drinking my fourth cup of coffee. I had been up for the last twenty four hours straight and it wasn't looking like I would be getting a break anytime soon. My shift in the clinic was supposed to have ended twelve hours ago but, being the newbie, I got stuck taking an on call shift when one of the senior vet's daughters went into labor and he left unexpectedly.
I stood and stretched, trying to work the kinks out of my back and the fatigue from my muscles. I really hadn't slept well in quite a while, but going totally without sleep was starting to wear on me. I took another sip of my coffee just as Gretchen, the clinic vet tech on duty this afternoon, stuck her head in my office.
"Yeah, Gretchen, what's up?"
"That call we got a little bit ago about the lame horse?" she started and I nodded my acknowledgement, taking another long pull from my coffee cup. "They just got here. They're about to unload her now, just thought I'd let ya know."
"Thanks. I'll be out there in just a sec." I rubbed the back of my neck hoping to rid myself of the raging headache I could feel coming on.
"You look like hell, Edward. Really, you need to get some sleep. Uh," she held up a hand to stop my argument. "I know you can't very well sleep when you're pulling the shift you have been today. What I meant was that you need to go home after you're finished and get some sleep. You can't keep going like you've been going lately. You're going to burn out and be useless to anybody around here."
She shot me a look that told me she knew I wasn't sleeping even when I had the opportunity. Gretchen reminded me a lot of my mother. She was a good ten years younger than Esme, but she had the mother hen thing down to a science. Gretchen had been working in the clinic at UGA for years and had seen many new veterinarians come and go through the program. I knew her advice was something I should take to heart. Really, if I could sleep, I would love to catch even a cat nap, but it just didn't seem that my mind would shut off at night.
I walked out the back door of the clinic just as a pretty blonde was leading a beautiful black and white paint down the ramp of a Sundowner trailer. I noticed the horse was lame in its left front leg. I did a quick assessment of its gait, getting a preliminary idea of what might be the issue before getting the background information.
As I got closer to where Gretchen stood with who I assumed was the horse's owner. I heard Gretchen telling her that we would take good care of her horse. Up to that point her face had been a mask of concern and fear, I'm sure due to the fact she was worried about her horse.
I noticed that the girl she was speaking to had the most beautiful smile as her face broke with relief at Gretchen's reassurances. She was really quite cute with her dark blonde hair and sparkling eyes, I wasn't sure if they were green or blue. The closer I got I could see they were a dazzling hazel color. I wondered how old she was because she looked quite young.
From what I could see, the horse was having a difficult time holding any weight on the left front leg. From a distance there didn't seem to be any obvious swelling.
Gretchen noticed me then and turned to introduce me to the owner and her friend who was now holding the lead for the horse.
"Oh, Lynn, this is Dr. Edward Cullen. He'll be taking care of Cricket here."
I offered my hand, smiling, and said, "It's very nice to meet you, Lynn."
She took my hand and smiled in return, but she dropped her eyes from my gaze as though she were suddenly shy and released my hand.
"So, tell me what's going on with Cricket here. I noticed she's lame in her left front here."
I ran a hand down Cricket's leg as I listened to Lynn recount the details of what had happened to her horse and how she came to bring her into the clinic. As I reached the tendons of Cricket's leg, she immediately flinched. I could feel they were slightly swollen and warm to the touch.
"You were at an event, you say?"
"Yeah, Cricket's my best pole bending and barrel horse. We ran an event last night and she seemed fine, but then this mornin' when I went in to feed she was lame as a duck." Lynn had stepped closer to me while I was examining Cricket.
We discussed the possibilities of the injury that Cricket had most likely endured. My gut told me that she had strained the tendons in her leg and would just need a long stall rest as well as some anti-inflammatory treatment. Lynn was relieved that I didn't think it was anything more serious.
"Well, no, I don't think it is but I would really like to do a couple of x-rays just to be sure we don't have a cracked bone or anything more serious than the tendons, but I think we can take care of this pretty simply." I reassured Lynn of my diagnosis and the reasons for running tests to be sure.
Three hours later, Lynn's friend Leann was loading Cricket back on the trailer as Gretchen gave Lynn final directions for home care. As I watched her trailer pulling out of the parking lot, I had the strangest sensation as the taillights disappeared in the distance.
I really liked Lynn. She was a nice girl and I hadn't been around a nice girl in a long time.
I shook my head as the thoughts of the girl with the pretty smile flashed through my mind and made my way back to my office to write up my notes on Cricket's chart.
A week later I was still finding myself thinking about the cute girl with the easy smile and the tinkling laugh. I couldn't seem to get her out of my mind. We talked about her horse the entire time but there was something that I felt drawn to. She was funny and didn't take herself so seriously. I still wondered how old she was as I remembered thinking she was probably pretty young. But looks were deceiving, so it was possible she was older than I thought. The thought of looking up her number and just calling to check on Cricket had crossed my mind several times over the last few days. I had never done anything like that and it was really unprofessional.
Though I could technically justify calling just to check on Cricket. Of course that would be totally professional, right?
A pang of guilt over those thoughts shot through me, but it didn't seem to stop my next move as I thumbed through the files and located the correct one, opening it up and reading through her information until I found her number. I jotted down what was on her intake forms, praying it was her number and not her boyfriend's, or worse her father's and she was younger than I thought.
That would be just your luck, Cullen.
I snorted at the possibility and the fact that it truly would be just my luck. I would get some irate father on the phone wanting to know why a twenty five year old man is calling his teenage daughter. I groaned to myself at the thought that she might actually be a teenager. Well, there was really only one way to find out and that was to call her up.
I pulled the phone out of my pocket and dialed as I walked to my car once my shift was over.
After the third ring, I was just about to hang up when I heard a tiny voice come over the line.
"Hello?" I repeated.
"Hi, um….who is this?"
I struggled with the urge to just hang up. This was wrong on so many levels.
"Edward Cullen," I paused, "I treated Cricket a week or so ago. Um…is this Lynn?"
I laughed at myself, remembering that first awkward conversation. I know she thought I had lost my fucking mind, but we made plans to meet for drinks the next weekend. Thankfully she was twenty two years old, because that was definitely one worry I did not need. My mind flashed back to my reaction after calling Lynn and making plans to go out. I snorted at the slight panic attack I suffered and called one of my fraternity brothers that recently moved to Athens. Demetri and I became friends while at Auburn. We were brothers in the same fraternity, but that didn't always mean you got along with one another. There were a few of my so called 'brothers' that I fucking hated. Demetri and I had hit it off during rush week during our freshman year. He was just funny and, if I was honest, he reminded me a lot of Emmett. He always had a smile on his face. We were both struggling with being away from home. He was there when I came back after I broke things off with Bella. He knew more of my secrets than anyone, even now he was probably the only one who knew why I was a changed person when I came back for the next semester our freshman year.
"Demetri," I moaned into the phone, completely exasperated at my actions. I really couldn't believe I had just made a date with a client. It was not an ethical thing to do.
"Eddie," he said and I groaned again because he knew how much I hated that name and he did that shit just to piss me off. He laughed loudly. "What's up, man?"
"Man, I swear to god I may have just done the dumbest thing I have done in a really long time."
Truly I was freaking out. I knew Lynn was a good girl and I wanted to get to know her better, but I was hesitant. Good girls only got hurt and I didn't want to hurt Lynn. I didn't have the best track record with women. I was more the "love 'em and leave 'em" kind of guy and I knew that this girl wasn't that type. In the little bit of time I spent with her, I knew that much about her.
"What the hell did you do, Edward?" Demetri laughed again, knowing that I also had a tendency to be dramatic, or so he accused me of being more like a chic than I was comfortable with.
I proceeded to explain to him about meeting Lynn when she came to the clinic and how I had procured her number in the covert way of taking it from her file. He laughed at my theatrics and told me to stop being such a pussy and just go out with the girl.
"Damn boy, I swear sometimes you're more work than a chic. I should have gone for a psychology degree instead of the DVM just to deal with your shit."
"Shut the fuck up D. I'm being serious here. This girl's a good girl. I'm gonna screw this up, ya know," I sighed, running a hand through my hair.
"No, you're not. This doesn't have to be anything more than you getting to know a girl that you're interested in. Nothing more, nothing less, Edward. Stop freakin' out and just go have a good time. You don't have to fuck her, ya know. You could just get to know her and see what happens." He scolded with that tone he used when he lectured me about women and my less than stellar activities.
"Yeah, I know D," I said.
I felt somewhat better about going out with Lynn after hanging up with Demetri. I knew we would have a great time because she was a lot of fun; I already knew that from the short conversation we had on the phone.
Lying down in bed, I smiled thinking about our first date and how much fun it was. I was right about Lynn; she was a really good girl. She was smart and funny. Her eyes had a sparkle in them when she laughed and her nose crinkled in the cutest way when she smiled. Getting to actually know a girl was something I hadn't bothered to do in a very long time. She was actually the only girl that I tried to have something more with since Bella. The others were just…. what they were, but Lynn could have been more.
"Hey you," she giggled as I wrapped my arms around her, leaning down to place a kiss on her cheek as she reached up to pat my cheek.
"Hey yourself," I chuckled, looking down at the counter trying to figure out exactly what it was she was so wrapped up in that she hadn't heard me knocking at the door. "What are you doing?"
She laughed and began explaining that she was attempting to make an apple pie from scratch. The following day was July fourth and she was trying to make the pie to take to her parents for lunch.
Lynn and I had been dating for a few months now and I was expected to be at her family get together. I was slightly nervous about that as I wasn't exactly comfortable around her father. He was a Georgia State Patrol officer and, to be honest, he scared the shit out of me. I mean really, the man had a gun and I was sure that he knew how to make it look like self defense or an accident or some shit if I just suddenly ended up dead.
Lynn and Leann lived in a condo near campus. They were both juniors. Leann was going into social services and Lynn was getting a degree in forensic science. Like I said, the girl was smart.
Leann entered the room and clicked her tongue at me, laughing.
"Geez Edward, get off the girl so she can cook." She winked at me, taking a bottle of water from the fridge.
I chuckled, placing another kiss on Lynn's cheek before releasing her.
"So, you and D got plans tonight?" I questioned as I took a seat on one of the stools at the bar, reaching over the raised counter to grab and apple from the pie plate where Lynn had placed them in preparation for the top crust she was rolling out at the time. She slapped my hand away, scolding me for messing with her prized concoction. I laughed and threw the apple slice in my mouth, winking at her. She giggled and shook her head.
"Nothing that I know of, why? You got something in mind?" Leann sat down on the stool next to me, taking a slice of apple out of the pie as well.
We both laughed as Lynn huffed at us, exasperated with our thievery.
"Dammit you two, stop or there's not going to be anything left for the stinkin' pie!" She tried to scold us but ended up laughing herself as Leann and I held in our laughter, trying to look ashamed of our actions. It obviously wasn't working.
"Wel,l there's a band playing at the 40 watt I thought we might go check out." I stood, walking over to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.
"Oh! Yeah, that sounds like fun. I'll go call Demetri now and make sure he hasn't made plans I don't know about. I'll let ya know in a little bit, 'k?" Leann hopped off her stool and made her way toward her room down the hall.
"Yeah, that sounds good," I called to her as I heard her bedroom door close.
Leann and Demetri met a couple of weeks after my first date with Lynn. Neither one of them was dating anyone and hadn't been for a while, so Lynn and I thought it might be interesting if the two of them met and hit it off, which they did. They started dating that day and pretty much were inseparable ever since.
"So, is that alright with you?" I asked Lynn as I walked over and placed my hands on the counter on either side of her, effectively trapping her and pressing my body into hers.
"Hm," she hummed and leaned back into me. "Yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun."
She turned her head, placing a kiss on my neck.
"But if you don't let me finish this pie for tomorrow, I'm not going to be able to go anywhere with anyone. So scoot and go find something to occupy yourself until I'm finished."
I chuckled and placed another kiss on her shoulder before pushing off the counter and heading to the living room, turning the TV to ESPN and plopping down on the couch.
Several hours later, we pulled up at The 40 Watt club. The parking lot was full and I drove around looking for a spot. With the holiday the following day there were a lot of tourists in the area, as if the bars around this town weren't crowded enough on a regular basis.
I had just bought the Audi S5 a few weeks before, so I wasn't exactly excited about parking it near so many cars with drunk ass owners who would be coming into the lot at the end of the night. Finally finding a spot that was as good as it was going to get, I cut the engine and smiled at Lynn. Leaning across the console to kiss her cheek before climbing out of the car, I heard her little laugh as I opened her door.
"What?" I smiled at her, offering my hand.
"Nothing," she smiled back at me, shaking her head. "Just….you're so cute sometimes."
I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her in for a quick hug before draping an arm around her shoulders and walking to the club. I laughed, looking over my shoulder and taking in the sight of Demetri and Leann wrapped around one another.
"Don't you scratch my car, asshole," I called to Demetri as I could see him pushing her backwards toward the car.
They broke apart; I guess getting called out on their antics surprised them. Leann giggled and buried her head in Demetri's chest as he made a very inappropriate gesture. Shaking my head, I turned to place a kiss to Lynn's hair and laughed into the sandy blonde curls. I took a deep breath. I loved the scent of her hair, it reminded me of something. It was comforting.
I hoped that Lynn hadn't noticed the sign advertising the band that was playing tonight. She had mentioned sometime back that she really liked the new band Sugarland. Seeing as they were local but up and coming it was a big deal for them to be at The 40 watt tonight. The moment she noticed them she stopped dead in her tracks, turning to look at me with a wide eyed expression and a huge smile on her face.
"Oh My God! No you didn't!"
And she lunged for me, wrapping her arms around my neck and pressing her lips to mine. I laughed and wrapped my arms around her, holding her to me. Her curvy body molded to mine, her full breasts pressed against my chest had me ready to take her back home and allow her to thank me properly.
"I take it you're happy about this?" I asked as I broke the connection, brushing my lips over her cheek and to her ear. "You could just take me home now and thank me," I whispered in her ear.
I felt as much as heard the moan that escaped her as my hands roamed down her back, over her full hips, and cupping her ass to draw her even closer to me.
"Edward," she sighed, and I knew if I pressed the issue we definitely would not be staying for the concert.
I chuckled against her neck, pressing my lips once more just where her shoulder met her neck before releasing her and leading her into the bar.
I paid the cover and we made our way over to the bar. Demetri and Leann joined us as we found a table with a really good view of the stage.
I poured each of us a beer and we settled in to wait for Jennifer and Christian to take the stage.
The club went wild as they took the stage only minutes after we got seated. The music was amazing and, before I knew what was happening, the girls had Demetri and I on the dance floor. The way Lynn moved her body had me going out of my mind after only a few minutes. Her back was turned to me as she was dancing with Leann, both girls laughing and holding onto one another as they moved around each other. It was amazing to watch them dance. Demetri and I stood back, enjoying the show for only a few minutes before the girls realized we were watching and not dancing. They danced over to us and I caught the look in Demetri's eyes as Leann brought her body flush with his and slid around to stand behind him. The man almost came undone right there on the floor.
I laughed loudly and he glared at me before an evil smirk came across his face. I felt a hand on my chest, catching my attention, and I turned my head to look down into the hazel eyes of the little vixen before me.
I smirked at her as she began swaying her hips to the beat of the music, dropping down halfway to the floor and sliding her body up mine as she stood, never breaking eye contact. Lynn was sometimes self-conscious about her body but I found her sexy as hell. She could move like nothing I had seen.
My breathing sped up and I felt my pants begin to tighten. She giggled, knowing full well what she was doing to me. I ran my hands down her back, relishing the feel of her voluptuous curves under my touch and pulled her a little tighter to me as we moved to the music.
We danced a while longer before returning to our table.
An hour and two pitchers of beer later we were having a blast. Sugarland put on an unbelievable show.
I hopped off my chair, grabbing Lynn by the hand and pulling her out onto the dance floor as they slowed the mood of the music down.
She was laughing as I wrapped my arms around her and began leading her around the floor, the sound of Jennifer Nettles voice echoing throughout the room as she ran her hands up my chest and linked her fingers behind my neck. Resting her head on my shoulder as we swayed to the music, I was lost in the sounds of the music and the feel of the woman in my arms.
Leaning down, I whispered to her, "Let's get out of here."
Her only response was to nod her head and step away; she took my hand and led the way off the dance floor and out the door.
I wasn't worried about Demetri and Leann getting home. His apartment was within walking distance of the bar and I knew they weren't coming back to the girls' condo tonight.
We got to her house in record time. I probably shouldn't have been driving, but in all honesty out of the two pitchers of beer I only drank two beers. So technically I was fine to drive home.
I moved the hair away from her neck as she was placing the key in the door and began placing open mouthed kisses at the curve of her neck and shoulder, lightly dragging my lips up to the shell of her ear. I knew that drove her crazy and I wasn't disappointed in her response
We barely made it in the door before she turned and attacked my lips with the same need and desire I worked to suppress over the afternoon and evening. I finally could let that go and I didn't even try to stop the moan of pleasure that fell from me when she licked and nipped her way down my neck, unbuttoning my shirt as she continued to follow her hands with her mouth and tongue.
We had only been together a few times and every time had been amazing, but there was a different tenor to her caresses tonight. There was an urgency that had not been there in the past and, though I was enjoying the effects, I wasn't sure where it was coming from.
My hands rested on her full hips as I pressed my erection into her, getting a moan from her, I hissed as the need for more overtook all my conscious thought.
We walked locked in a kiss to her bedroom. I pushed the door open with one hand, kicked it closed with my foot, then reaching back and clicking the lock but never breaking our kiss. I brushed my tongue along her bottom lip once again before taking it into my mouth and sucking gently. I grazed it with my teeth then released it and moved down to worship her neck and shoulder. As the back of her knees hit the edge of the bed, she lowered herself slowly and I had to pull away so she could scoot up the bed. I crawled over her body. I supported myself on one arm as I settled between her legs and my fingers danced across her abdomen running the tips under the hem of her shirt. I pushed it up, revealing her lightly tanned stomach. I leaned down to place a kiss to her skin, brushing my nose along the softness of her stomach, enjoying the way her body quivered under my touch. With my hand and my face, I pushed her shirt until her voluptuous breasts were revealed to me. She slipped her shirt over her head in a fluid movement.
I took in the sight of the sexy as hell green lace bra she was wearing. I quickly unclasped that infernal thing. As much as I loved to look at her body in the lingerie, I liked it more without the interference.
"Mmmm, you're so sexy," I whispered against the swell of her breast.
She pushed my shirt down my arms and I shook it off as I brushed my lips over her nipple, feeling it pebble. She released a breathy moan and ran her fingers through my hair as she squirmed under me. I ran my free hand down her side to the waist of her jeans, popping the button and slowly lowering the zipper. I groaned at the feel of the lacy panties under her jeans. She always wore the sexiest boy shorts that drove me insane with the way they hugged her curves. She raised her hips so I could slip her jeans over her hips and down her legs. I unbuckled my belt and pushed my jeans and boxers to the floor, stepping out of them as I climbed back onto the bed.
Wrapping my hand around her ankle, I brought it to my mouth. Looking into her eyes, I began kissing my way up her leg, nipping at the skin of her calf. When I reached the soft skin behind her knee, she whimpered as I ran my tongue along the crease in the silkiness there. I continued brushing my lips up her inner thigh, pausing to suck, lick, and nip at the skin, slowly making my way to where I knew she wanted my mouth.
"Oh God, Edward," she moaned as I ghosted my nose across her pubic bone and her hips bucked.
She fisted the sheets at her sides as I used my teeth to remove her panties. I lost myself in the softness of her skin, in the scent of her sex, as I moved down her body once again. I kissed my way back up the opposite leg and continued on my way across her abdomen and took one nipple in my mouth. I caressed the other with my hand, rolling the taut skin between my thumb and forefinger. She cried out when I bit down gently and then ran the flat of my tongue across the overly sensitive skin. I placed a kiss to the center of her chest and then took the other nipple in my mouth, giving it the same attention as I ran a hand down her side, across her hip to her lower abdomen. She sucked in a sharp breath as I slowly moved my hand over her slick, overheated skin.
I ran a finger up her slit, teasing her opening and applying pressure to her swollen clit with my thumb.
"Oh, unggg…." she moaned as I brought my lips back to hers.
Slipping a finger inside I found the spot I knew would have her begging for more and as I curled my fingers she cried out. I smiled against her lips and covered her mouth with mine, swallowing her sounds.
"Please, Edward, I need you now," she begged as I broke the kiss and nipped at the skin of her neck.
I climbed off the bed, fumbling with my jeans to find my wallet and pulling out the condom.
I tore the package and rolled it on before crawling back over her body. I positioned myself between her legs, covering her mouth with mine and sucking on her bottom lip as she wrapped her arms around my neck.
"Oh god," I groaned as my dick brushed across her wet sex.
I ran one hand down her side, over her sensous curves, caressing her thigh and grabbing her knee, then hitching it over my hip as I pushed inside her. We both groaned in pleasure as I slowly pushed in a little at a time.
She raked her nails down my back and I hissed at the sensations it sent through my body.
"Yes, Edward," she cried.
I couldn't hold back any longer with her sounds and the need I had fought throughout the day.
I pulled out and slammed back in deeper than I was before. We rocked together, building until we fell into the white abyss of pleasure. She curled into my side with a contented sigh, it wasn't long before I heard the deep rhythm of her breathing and knew she was a sleep I followed shortly afterwards with her wrapped in my arms.
Things started changing between us over the next couple of months. There was a shift in our relationship that I didn't understand at the time. And she had begun to realize that I couldn't give her more than what we had at that time. Lynn started asking questions about things I didn't understand. I couldn't figure out where they were coming from. I became increasingly uncomfortable because she made me think about situations I wasn't prepared to deal with. The mistakes I had made were obvious when she made me look at them. Eventually Lynn helped me remember where my heart truly was and see that the decisions I made were all wrong. We ended things and it hurt both of us but it was the right thing. I cared for Lynn deeply, but knew I didn't love her.
When I returned to Athens after that horrible Christmas trip home, Lynn was gone. I tried to contact her a few days after I got back into town, leaving several messages. It was wrong because I knew I could never love her but I was already becoming the selfish bastard I turned into over the next couple of years. I wanted her there to catch me as I fell. God knows I fell hard when I returned to Georgia, my heart was broken beyond all repair and I threw myself into a bottle.
After not hearing from her for several days, I finally broke and called Demetri. I hoped he could at least tell me if she was okay. I knew that he and Leann had gone to his parents for the holiday but were supposed to be home the day after New Years. I had no right to check on her, but she was a good friend and I was worried about her. I knew I hurt her but I needed her to be there. I snorted to myself as I thought about how truly selfish I had been and that was just another of the ways I exhibited my continued slide into self absorption and isolation from those I cared about.
When I finally got in touch with Demetri, he explained that Lynn had left the day after Christmas. She had accepted an offer for a full scholarship at Florida State. He said she got my messages but felt it was better if we made a clean break and that my decisions had been made, it would be easier on us both if we didn't have any further contact. Leann got on the phone and explained that Lynn wasn't upset over the way we ended things, she just felt that it was better this way. And she was right. I wasn't in any shape to be anywhere near her or anyone else at that time.
A few weeks after I had tucked tail and ran back to Georgia, I got a letter from Lynn. At the time I was wallowing and drowning my heartache.
The letter was pure Lynn.
She had a knack for calling me out on my shit. Though I wasn't ready to hear her words at the time, I could never forget them.
I'm so very sorry I wasn't there when you came back to Georgia. I just couldn't be there this time, Edward. The move to Florida was honestly something that I contemplated for a really long time. I was given an offer and I had to take it. I know it seemed sudden to you, but honestly I applied there before coming to UGA and it just didn't work out at the time. They had the opening now and I took it. It's a great opportunity for me and I really think I'll be happy here.
Edward, I'm so sorry for what happened between you and Bella. I know that was difficult for you. Yeah, yeah I know about it. Leann called me shortly after you got back into town and told me what happened. I can't tell you how truly, truly sorry I am things didn't work out as you had hoped.
You're a good man, Edward. You need to remember that fact and don't forget how good you are deep inside. I know you're wallowing in your doubts and thinking about all the ways you messed up with Bella and us. Honey, you know as well as I do there wasn't ever really an us. That doesn't change how I feel about you, but we both know that you've only ever loved one woman. And that's okay, really, because I want you to know how much I thank you for showing me how to love someone. For helping me to realize that I deserve to find a man that loves me as much as you love Bella.
I'm sorry it wasn't with you that I found that, but you helped open my eyes to the way it should be. I love you for that and there will always be a special place in my heart for you. I know that you weren't the one for me, but because of you I know that there is someone out there. Thank you for being a good friend, a good man, Edward. Don't forget that, because I know what you're doing right now and I have no doubt that you're sitting in your room with a bottle of some sort thinking that you'll find the answer at the bottom. But you won't, and you know that. Don't lose yourself, Edward; don't lose what makes you who you are. Bella will come back to you one day; I know that, just as I know that somewhere out there is my Edward. And because of you I know I'll find him. Take care of yourself.
Love you always,
I couldn't wrap my head around her words at the time. She was right about so many things. She was right about the fact that I was looking for the answers and some salve for my soul at the bottom of a bottle of Jack. She was more right than I wanted to admit that I wouldn't find what I was looking for there.
But most of all, now that I could look back on our time and see it for what it was I needed her in my life. And just as she said to me, Lynn would always hold a special place in my heart. I also knew I would have only hurt her more if she were there when I returned.
It took me months to come out of the stupor I drank myself into after that Christmas trip home. Thankfully Demetri helped me out of that and I was able to keep my job only because he dragged my ass out of bed every day for two months, making sure I was at least somewhat presentable. But even after I sobered up I couldn't bring myself to carry on any kind of normal life outside the clinic. I couldn't get past the hurt and the anger at the time to see what anyone was trying to help me understand. I didn't really understand what Lynn was telling me in her letter at the time, but now I did; now I knew she saw something in what she and I had shared and in my feelings for Bella that I couldn't.
Demetri called a few months ago to tell me Lynn had met a great guy at school in Florida and that she was getting married later this year. I really couldn't have been happier for her. I was glad she had found a man that could see her for what she was, a great person with a huge heart. She deserved it as much as anyone I had ever known. As I drifted off to sleep, I appreciated even more what a great friend Lynn had really been to me. And with a smile on my face, I thanked god she had been right, my Bella was coming back to me.
Okay so there it is....I hope you enjoyed it.
Again I have to say thank you to Bliltxgirl and Sassygeminimom for allowing me to spin this little story for them. Thank you ladies for being super amazing. Smooches to you both!!
One last thing: I posted in the last chapter of MMB about the Fandom Gives Back. The auction threads are open for viewing the bidding will begin November 15th through November 20th. I have offered up an outtake o/s of buyers choice. It can be from MMB, or either of my contest entry o/s. Take a look at the blog there are some awesome authors offering up great stuff. So check it out, it's for a great cause and you can't go wrong with helping a child. www(dot)thefandomgivesback(dot)com