I just couldn't stand there not being enough Zabuza x Haku fics on here (especially since I've only contributed a oneshot so far) so I decided to start this, although I'd be surprised if anyone reads it xD It's going to be one totally AU (alternate universe), whacked out, not-making-sense jumble of sentences to sate my creative mind. Anyway, if you DO read it, I beseech you to review. It's the only way I'll get better as a writer, and if you actually LIKE the story, it's the only way I'll update. Happy reading! :)

Also; Just a quick note, Haku's last name is never mentioned in the show or manga. So for the purposes of this fic, his family name will Hoshigaki, which is Kisame's last name. And Haku's parents are original characters, but they probably won't be too involved in the story.


The large man shifted, slightly uncomfortable in the pristine room the butler had suggested he wait in. The furniture was all blindingly white and spotlessly clean, not a speck of dust on any of the elegant knick-knacks placed around the room. He glanced down at his boots, which he were sure had dirt on the bottom of them. He frowned, telling himself that's what the maids get paid for. And he was sure they got paid quite a lot, glancing around at the huge room. He had lived in houses smaller than just this parlor.

His boss had sent him here to this address, informing him that an extremely loyal client needed a personal bodyguard for one of his sons. The job would require nearly constant attention, and would probably be a bit longer than most temporary services. Zabuza had nearly scoffed at the man, Gatou, before he had spoken again. "This job is not as easy as it sounds, Momochi." He had promised. "The Hoshigaki family is heavily involved in politics, scandals, and dark secrets." He chuckled a moment before adding, "Lots of reasons for one of their brats to get slaughtered."

"Brats?" Zabuza repeated, emphasizing the last letter.

"Yeah, plural. Let's see. . ." He trailed off, opening a plain manila folder which Zabuza assumed to be a dossier on the family. Holding a sheet of paper between his fat fingers, skimming down it quickly, he spoke again. "1 adult son, and 2 teenage sons. An extremely wealthy family. That's all." He said, tucking the paper back into the folder and shoving it toward the swordsman, who took it, glaring at his boss.

"And just how many of these sons am I supposed to be guarding?" He asked gruffly.

"Just one." Gatou answered without missing a beat. He adjusted his grossly undersized glasses before lowerng them to peer at the tall, well-built man. "Think you can handle it?" He said mockingly.

"What, playing monkey-boy to a rich, spoiled teenager?" He growled. "I think I've handled a lot more difficult before."

"Which is precisely why I told Jaken Hoshigaki that you would be happy to take the job. You are by far the most qualified of any of my employees to take this on."

"Is it really necessary to have the most qualified of your employees taking on such a meager mission?"

"I thought I already told you, Momochi. This mission is not as simple as it is portrayed to be. You will need to be alert at all times. Diligence is key." He paused, then went on. "And the Hoshigakis are quite wealthy. Both you and I will be getting paid substantially for this job."

"Right." Zabuza said quietly.

"And Jaken has requested a meeting with you, this afternoon. You'll find the address of their manor in the contents on that folder. Don't fuck this up, Momochi."

"Have I ever fucked anything up?" He snapped, pushing open the door and closing it loudly without waiting for an answer. He stalked out of the building, rummaging through the various papers of information until he found the one with what he wanted: the address.

So here he was, in the enormous mansion, waiting for some rich old man to introduce him to his snotty son whom he would be pretty much responsible for 24 hours of the day. Great. He couldn't think of a better way to spend his next few months. His head raised, looking up at someone when he heard footsteps coming towards him. The man he saw looked to be about his age, definitely not the son he was being assigned to.

"Hi." The man said good-naturedly, grinning. Zabuza noticed with slight interest that his teeth were oddly pointed.

"Good afternoon." He answered.

"Zabuza, is it?" He asked, and the bodyguard nodded. "Name's Kisame." He held out a hand for a firm handshake. "Listen, my dad knows you're here, and he just finished up what he was doing, so just go and head on up to his office."

"Which is. . .?" Zabuza glanced into the next room, which held two marble staircases, on opposite sides of the room, each with a matching cherrywood banister, but they seemed to head into different wings of the house.

"Just go up the left one, and keep walking down the hallway. His door should be open, and the other ones will probably be closed."

"What does the other stairs lead to?" Zabuza found himself asking, though he didn't know why. He wasn't normally interested in trivial things like stairways, but he had never seen such an elaborate place before.

"Er. Mine and my younger brothers' bedrooms, along with a library, 2 bathrooms, that sort of thing." He answered, walking toward the door. "Anyway, good luck." He called, closing the front door behind him. Zabuza supposed he was going out. He exhaled, walking through the similarly clean room. He stopped, muscles tensing when he heard quick footsteps. Someone bounding down the stairs. He nearly rolled his eyes, relaxing after a moment, reminding himself he was no longer in the streets, where a gun or a knife could be aimed at him from every side. He waited a moment as a younger blonde boy burst down the stairs, using the banister to whip around the side as quick as he could.

"Ah!" He cried out as he ran directly into Zabuza's tough chest, knocking him backwards onto the hardwood floors, his eyes wide. Zabuza, however, didn't move, even at the boy's full weight slammed onto him at full speed. "Oh. Sorry, un." The boy said, raising himself up to a standing position slowly, looking a little sheepish, tucking his hands into the black hoodie he wore. The man noticed that the boy's eyes seemed to be lined with dark make-up, giving him a slightly strange appearance. He looked quite feminine, especially since his hair was well past his shoulders and pulled back into a ponytail with a black silk ribbon, several strands of it messily covering his face.

"It's alright. I'm Zabuza Momochi. I think I'm supposed to be your new bodyguard."

The boy gave him a strange look for a second, before speaking. "Yeah? Hm. That's kinda weird, I never-"

"A-actually, you're supposed to be mine, I think." Both of them looked over quickly at the new voice. Before he could even register who the soft voice belonged to, he was surprised someone had been able to approach them without him noticing. They must have been completely silent, walking down the stairs that the blonde boy had stomped down, loudly.

Zabuza's brows furrowed together slightly, eyeing the dark-haired girl who stood at the foot of the stairs. "I don't think so." He said. "The information I was given implied I would be a guard to one of the Hoshigaki sons."

"Ha!" The blonde boy laughed loudly, crossing his arms over his chest. Zabuza noticed the dark-haired one's cheeks turned pink. "That's the 2nd time this week, Haku! Dad lied when he said you would develop more masculine features when you got older, un. Well, maybe if you stopped dressing like that." He said pointedly. Haku bristled, his cheeks turning darker.

"This is what I like to wear! It's not your business, Deidara!"

"What?" Zabuza asked, looking at the both of them.

"I. . . I am one of the Hoshigaki sons." He said the last word slowly, as the bodyguard himself had done. "My name is Haku." He added, lowering his cocoa-colored eyes. Zabuza frowned, looking the 'boy' up and down again. He was wearing a fitted black shirt that clung to his extremely slender body, and somewhat shorter-than-appropriate pair of black shorts. The bottom hem of them barely brushed the middle of his upper thigh. As the man's eyes trailed downward, bright white knee socks adorned the lower part of his legs, ending in small black tennishoes. He had to admit, if he had looked a bit closer, he might have known Haku was a boy right away. He was far too flatchested to be anything but, and his hips didn't curve out like that of a woman's. But his face was so girlish, even his brother looked manly by comparison. And unlike the long hair of Deidara, his was straight down his back, ending only inches above his waist.

"My apologies." Zabuza said gruffly, although it seemed to be sincere. He didn't want the kid he was supposed to be spending a lot of the time with over the next few months to think he was insulting him.

"It's alright." He said quietly, shrugging. "It happens. . . All the time."

"Dad's office is up the other stairs, un." Deidara said, pointing helpfully. It's like. . . The 4th door on the left, I think, un. It should be open, anyway." He said, bouncing off toward the entrance room. "I'm going out." He said loudly, before both Zabuza and Haku heard the door close.

"Well. . . Aren't you going out?" Zabuza asked the boy, who shook his head quickly.

"I'm not allowed."


Haku shook his head again, sighing. "No. I never get in trouble." He said, then turned around. "I. . . Heard an unfamiliar voice, and wanted to see you."

"Oh." Zabuza said, because he could think of nothing to say. What a strange boy. "Well, your father is waiting for me. I'll see you in a few, alright?"

"Yes." The dark-haired boy answered, taking a seat on an expensive-looking white leather loveseat.

The man ascended the stairs, finally, and found the door with as much ease as Kisame and Deidara had told him he would. It was the 4th door on the left, and it was the only one open. He supposed the other doors were the master bedroom, a bathroom, maybe another library. . . But there 5 doors in the hallway besides this one. He couldn't possibly think of enough kinds of rooms to have that many doors for. He shook his head, entering the office. Not his business.

"Ah, Momochi." The man said amicably enough. "Pleased to meet you."

"Thanks." He said, offering the hand that was offered to him. Again.

"Gatou has informed you of the arrangement, right?"


After working out necessary details, Zabuza exited the office, leaving the man named Jaken alone to continue with. . . Whatever he was doing. It had been at least a half hour, so when he descended the stairs and found Haku still sitting on the couch, daydreaming, he was a little surprised.

He cleared his throat, making the dark-haired boy jump, then relax when he saw what the sudden noise was. "Er. . . Your dad told me you'd show me around."

"Alright." Haku said, standing. He glanced back toward the door in which Zabuza had entered the house for the first time. "In there is the entrance hall. My mom calls it the parlor sometimes. And in here is the living room." He pointed to the left staircase which Zabuza had just walked down. "The left wing of the house has my parent's bedroom, my dad's office, my mom's office, the master bathroom, some guest rooms, I think. He turned toward the right staircase. "All 3 of our bedrooms are there, me, Dara, and Kisame that is. A library, 2 bathrooms, and a guest room. . ." He turned toward Zabuza again, gazing up at him. "That's where you'll be sleeping, I'm sure."

"Yeah." He said. "I didn't bring my shit yet. Gotta grab some things from my apartment." He shrugged.

"Do you want me to show it to you, anyway?" Haku asked quietly.


The boy turned immediately, walking up quicker than he had before. Zabuza followed casually, then his eyes widened in shock.

At the upward angle at which they were walking, and the fact that Haku was little more than a few steps ahead of him, he was faced with long, coltish legs. Inches away from his face. His eyes trailed from the top hem of the long socks up porcelain white thighs, which he noticed looked extremely smooth. The shorts that he had barely noticed before now seemed even shorter and far tighter as they were pulled upward with every step the younger boy took. Zabuza stopped dead in his tracks, freezing. What the fuck was he thinking? Eyeing a little boy, Christ it had been too long since he had gotten laid.

Haku turned when he reached the top of the stairs, and noticed the man was only about 3/4 of the way up. "Are you. . . Alright?" He asked softly, folding his hands behind him.

"Yeah." He said, a little harshly. "Fine. I was just looking at. . . This banister. It's cherrywood, right?"

"I think so?" Haku said, cocking his head. "Uhh, anyway, your room is this way." He said, turning again, and walking out of the man's sight before he finished the stairs and was taller than Haku again. He noticed the boy standing in front of an open door, gesturing into it.

"Thanks, I can take it from here, kid." He said quickly, closing the door behind him, and sighing. That was weird.


Haha, pervy Zabuza ~ Anyway, if you like, review and I'll update. ^^; I plan on this being quite a few chapters, but only if people are reading it!

- Jesse