AN: Welcome to The Flights of Fate. This is my first venture into writing fan fiction so please let me know how you like it. Just in case you missed it in the summary, this will be a Jasper/Bella story.
For this chapter and all other following it, I own nothing having to do with Twilight, my best friend stole my books so I don't even own those.
Chapter 1 – Finding Bella
It was worse then what they said it would be. The pain, the burning, it was blinding. I wanted to die, to give up and fade away into blackness, but I knew that wasn't what would happen. Oh I would die but the fading away into blackness wouldn't come. No, I would die then wake up, never to rest again.
I was surprised just how aware I was of what happened and what was around me, even through the pain. I would have thought that all I could focus on was the burn, that is what they always told me anyway. But I knew where I was and that I was alone. He moved me inside, to a bedroom and then left. I heard his whispered I'm sorry but I really didn't need to. I heard him, the fight he had with himself in his mind, the moment he bit me. I didn't know if that was normal but I heard it none the less. In a sick way I was proud of him for stopping, for choosing change, for not draining me of every drop like he really wanted to. I couldn't even bring myself to hate him for killing me even if my new found knowledge ripped a hole in my heart. I heard a lot in those few moments where my life hung between meal and change. I know now he never really loved me like I loved him. Sure I opened up his heart and showed him how to love but what he felt for me wasn't near what I felt for him. I can only hope that I at least allowed him to open up enough so that when he did find his true mate he could love her with every bit of his heart and not just the fraction he allowed me to have.
I feel a hot drip fall from my eyes and down my cheek. First loves never last my mother told me. They are rarely true. I am sad to say that I now believe her.
It has been two days now since Edward bit me and left me to change. I can not move and it still hurts, a lot, but at least I am able to think around the burning. I have run through all my memories that I want to try and keep twice now. Its with noting else to occupy myself with that I start in on round three. I make it to the age of 12 when I hear the front door open then shut. Did he actually come back? And why is thinking that he did scare me to death?
Whoever it is stopped just inside the door and is just standing there. My senses are stronger but not to full strength yet so I have to strain my ears to catch any hint of who is here and where they are going. They haven't moved yet and I start to worry. It's not Edward. Edward knows where I am, hell, he is the one who put me in this bed. If it's not Edward though who is it? If a human finds me they wont have a clue as to what is going on with me and a hospital would be the worst place for me to wake up. Its with that frightening thought that I hear them slowly walk to the stairs and start to climb.
The closer to the landing they get the more upset I become. I can not have the wrong person find me. That would destroy everything, the secret can not get out.
The steps stop outside my door. I can hear a hand on the door knob slowly turning and the creek of the door as it opens. Whoever it is on the other side is being very cautious.
"Oh, fuck. Bella..." It was barley a whisper but I heard it. Then I felt the air shift around me as he ran to my side, placing a hand on my forehead. The cool of his skin was a welcome relief to the burning inferno that was my body. "Oh, Bella. What happened to you? Have you been alone this whole time? Who would leave you to go through this alone? No one should go through this at all much less have to do it alone." He sounded so sad. So broken as he moved his hand to cup my cheek. I didn't know what happened to make him sound this way but I didn't like it. I felt him move, sitting and pulling his legs up onto the bed to sit indian style on my left as he removed his hand from my face. I couldn't help the whimper that escaped my lips at the loss of the cool feeling. "It's ok Bella. I am right here next to you. This is Jasper, honey. I'll be right here until you wake up. I promise. I wont leave you to be alone again."
Jasper. It felt good not to be alone. I hadn't let myself be scared or hope that Edward would come back. Deep down I knew that he wouldn't and because of what he said during our fight I didn't dare hope that one of the others would either. I wouldn't have been able to cope with the change, the pain of Edward leaving me, and the disappointment of the Cullen's not coming to help me. But one did come back. I don't know why he, out of all of them, was here but I wasn't one to complain. I could hear him next to me pull out his phone and press a key. Please don't be calling him, please.
"Carlisle," oh thank God, he didn't call Edward. "I'm at the house in Forks...No, Edward isn't here but...Look Carlisle I don't want to talk about that right now..." He sounds angry but that broken tone is still there. I wonder what has happened in the short time since my birthday to break him so. "Either way Carlisle, you should know that I am sitting next to Bella...Ugh! Would you please let me finish a God damn sentence?...Thank you. Is everyone else there?" I heard him take a deep breath as he tried to continue. "Ok, please try not to interrupt, I will tell you what I know and will try to answer questions when I am done. I am sitting in Alice's old room in Forks with Bella who is about two days through the change. I just got here about 10 minutes ago, the freshest sent other then hers is Edwards and it is also about two days old. As far as I can tell she has been alone for that time. She has made no sounds thus far aside from a whimper or two but her emotions relaxed significantly once I spoke to her. I believe she not only knows that I am here but who I am."
Well he was right about that, I do know that he is here and that he is Jasper. It is also good to know that I am going though everything on schedule. I will admit that I was worried that with the way Edward bit me I wouldn't get a lot of venom and it would take longer. Wait. He can feel my emotions. So he feels my pain too? Oh no! I don't want him to feel that! No, no no! He shouldn't have to deal with my pain, that is not fair! I heard the phone drop to the floor.
"Bella? BELLA? Whats wrong? Calm down honey, I am right here. What is going on sweetheart? It will all be ok, you are almost done. It will all be over soon sweetheart" He was scared. I tried to take a deep breath and calm down. I guess my panic threw him off. I heard him pick up the phone again.
"Carlsile? Sorry about that...Yeah she is fine but I can't feel her anymore..." What?!? He can't feel me at all now? What happened? "No, nothing...I felt a huge spike of panic and guilt then it all went away, if it wasn't for seeing her breathing and hearing her heartbeat I would swear she was dead...Yes, that might be a good idea. How long?...Ok, see you then...I will...Goodbye." With that I heard him let out a breath and close the phone. I got the feeling that this telephone call was harder on him then it should have been, and not just because he found me changing. I feel so bad for him, I am sure that this isn't what he came back for. Although I wonder why Alice didn't call him to warn him, or for that matter, why she didn't come earlier. Shouldn't she have seen this?
I felt Jasper put his hand back on my forehead and stroke my hair. It was so soothing for such a simple gesture. I felt more relaxed then ever before even with the constant burning of my flesh. Then he began whispering encouragements to me. Just small phrases of hope. I could hear in his voice he was scared and worried about me, for me. I wanted nothing more in that moment to be able to open my eyes and let him know I was ok but somehow I knew that by opening my eyes it would break down the wall around the pain and I would no longer be able to control it or think around it. So I did the only thing I could at that moment. I reached out with my hand to find his and took a hold of it. I heard his quick intake of breath and his other hand that was on my head paused its movement. I gave his hand one small squeeze and then relaxed. I heard him exhale his held breath and move our joined hands to his lap but he did not let go and neither did I.
23 hours, 42 minutes, and 7 seconds later I felt my heart beat its last beat as I finally opened my eyes.
I turned and looked once more at the window where my wife, excuse me, ex-wife stood. I really wanted to hate her for leaving me. Especially right now, when I need her support the most. Sometimes I think she took my attack on Bella harder then even Edward did. But try as I might to hate her I couldn't. She saved me from the darkness and became my light, my reason to live, to try and be a better man. Even if she no longer returns those feelings I couldn't hate her. She had given me to much.
She was standing at her window just looking out at me. I could see the pain in her eyes. I knew she was lying when she said she didn't love me anymore but I could also feel her resolve and determination. For whatever reason she felt like she needed to do this, to break us apart, so I let her. With a sigh and a small smile for my first real love I turn around and take off into the forest.
I had no idea where I was running to I just knew that I couldn't stay with the family right now. It hurt Esme that I was leaving but she understood. I promised to keep in touch and come back to them and I fully plan on it. I just need a bit of time to find myself again. For decades I was part of something, half of Alice & Jasper. Now I am just Jasper and I don't really know how to be just Jasper.
After draining a few of the random animals I crossed paths with I came across a small clearing ringed with tall pines and a low flat rock in the center. It was so peaceful here. I settled down on the edge of the rock to think out where I was going to go, what I was going to do. Pulling my knees up I wrap my arms around my legs, lay my head on my arms and close my eyes. I sat there like that, not moving, for two days just thinking. It was twilight at the end of that second day when it happened.
I heard a rustle right in front of me. I scented the air but could catch nothing but a deer. Normally animals shy away from us, knowing we are the predator, so I open my eyes to see what had made the sound. It was a small fawn, his spots just starting to fade. He tentatively took a step from the cover of the trees into the clearing. Glancing around he lowered his head to graze on the lush grass that the break in the forest ceiling allowed to grow. Not moving I watch the fawn make his way around the clearing, nibbling the grass and weeds as he goes, until he was standing so close all I would have to do would be to reach out and I could have touched him. Never since I had been turned have I been this close to an animal except to feed from it, as none would ever have allowed it. I watched him with awe for what felt like hours.
I don't know why this little guy wasn't afraid of me. Maybe he was just as alone and lost as I was. As true darkness started to take over he finally lifted his head and looked directly at me. Animal emotions were very different then human or vampire but they still have them. They were just a lot simpler and more basic, just a step above instinct. I marveled that this little one was able to hold my stare and show not an ounce of fear. All I felt from him was safety and contentment. His big rich brown eyes were so expressive and deep I found myself getting lost as I continued to stare into them. I don't know how long we stood like that but when he finally broke the stare I felt oddly at ease, like he took all the tension away from me. He walked to where I was sitting on the rock and laid down at my feet. I reached out and slowly began to pet his head, scratching just behind his ears. The emotional roller coaster that I had been on for the last two days forgotten as I closed my eyes and reveled in the company of this tiny baby deer who was radiating nothing but happiness and trust.
The next morning dawned early when the young deer left. With slow movements he stood and turned to look back at me, his expressive human like eyes once again meeting my own for the briefest of moments before turning his back on me and leaping into the forest. As I watched him go I looked into myself and found that I was very content. The emotions of despondency and loss I had been circling around the previous days were gone, to be replaced with happiness and hope. It was then that I knew Carlisle was right. There was something or someone out there, watching over us all, vampire or not. It was also at that moment that I knew I needed to let go of my past in order to be true to myself and I knew just where to start that.
Standing I took stock of where I was. Best I could figure I was in the middle of Canada. I needed to run southwest to get back to Washington, where I would find Edward and Bella and apologize to them both before going on my way. It should only take about a day and a half for me to get to the old house, if I hurry. Now I just needed a plan,. Bella, I can imagine, would be terrified of me. I guess I shouldn't surprise her then. I wonder if I talk to Edward first that he might talk to Bella to see if she would let me apologize. Not that good a plan but I guess its a start. I was broken out of my thoughts when my cell rang. Looking at the display I was surprised to see Alice flashing. She promised not to call, to let me be for a while until I felt I could just be friends with her, just family. With a deep breath I open the phone.
"Jasper, I'm sorry to call, I really am but I am so scared! Bella disappeared Jasper!"
"What do you mean she disappeared? She ran away?"
"No, I mean her future just went black. I saw her and Edward taking a walk in the forest by the old house and then it all just went black. Not even the fog I get when there are multiple decisions that haven't been made. Just darkness." She was getting frantic, although I could understand why. I was a bit upset and scared myself.
"Its ok Alice, calm down for me please babe. Take a deep breath." I could hear her intake and attempts of calming herself down. "I was just getting ready to head back there when you called. I will find out whats going on and let you know, ok? Just sit tight. I am a little over a day away." She is quiet as I finish my thoughts. She probably slipped into a vision to see how things turn out. When she finally speaks it is just barely a whisper.
"I see you get to the house fine but I can't see what happens. I don't know whats going on. I....Jasper...Just be careful ok?"
"Sure thing Alice. You know me, always over thinking things, it will be fine. I will be fine and so will Bella. I will call when I get there." With that I hung up and took off towards Forks.
I was just about to the house when I first heard it, a faint but erratic heartbeat. I paused just at the bottom of the front stairs and looked around. The house looked the same as when we left just a week prior. I couldn't even catch any fresh scents. Edward's was around but it was a few days old and Bella's was very faint but fresher and...off. It was the same freesia but there was something else with it, something almost fresh, like the first few moments after a heavy rain. With one last look around I was satisfied that no one else was around so I went to start climbing the stairs when my phone buzzed in my pocket, I had a new message from Alice.
Your entire future just went dark. Be careful, call when you can.
So whatever caused Bella's future to go black is inside the house. I carefully make my way to the front door and walk inside, shutting it behind me. I just stand there and listen. The heartbeat, that I can now tell is from Alice's old bedroom upstairs, doesn't change, for better or worse, and there are no other sounds in the house. Scenting the air I find nothing different from outside. Slowly I make my way to the second story of the house and to Alice's door. Its strange but I never really considered this my room even though it was. I had a study on the third floor that was much more me and this room was really for Ali.
Taking a deep breath I reach for the knob and slowly creep open the door. Nothing could have prepared me for what was inside.
Bella was laying on the bed. About two days through the change. "Oh, fuck. Bella..." I couldn't help but whisper out to her as I ran to her side, lightly placing my hand to her forehead. This would explain why her sent smelled off. The change will have started to affect it."Oh, Bella. What happened to you? Have you been alone this whole time? Who would leave you to go through this alone? No one should go through this at all much less have to do it alone." I just couldn't help but ramble aloud. I felt so bad for her, having been alone all this time. I mean, where the hell was Edward? He was staying here to be with her until the family came back. Why the fuck would he just abandon her, especially when she is going through the change? I know he knew she was going though it, his sent leads right here then out again. He brought her here and then left. Damn-it! Is the entire family falling apart? With a deep breath I try to get a handle on all my emotions and speak to Bella in a soothing voice. She doesn't need to hear my pain or anger right now. "It's ok Bella. I am right here next to you. This is Jasper, honey. I'll be right here until you wake up. I promise. I wont leave you to be alone again." I have to call Carlisle. Maybe he has spoken to Edward. Moving slightly I sit up on the bed next to Bella and cross my legs while digging out my phone. I don't know if she can hear me or not but I won't leave her, not even to make this call, as hard as it might be to talk to them all again so soon after my departure.
With a deep breath to seal the hurricane of different emotions swirling around inside me I press the speed dial key for my father.
"Jasper, my son. How are you?"
"Carlisle, I'm at the house in Forks" I am met with silence with that statement. I could almost hear the worry come through the phone with his next sentence though.
"Is Edward there with you?" I can't help but roll my eyes. Cause if I wanted to do anything Edward would have been able to stop me.
"No, Edward isn't here but..."
"Jasper, son, do you think that it is wise for you to be there right now? After what happened with Bella at her party..." Ugh! I so do not have time for this shit right now.
"Look Carlisle I don't want to talk about that right now..."
"Well you might not want to talk about it but Edward asked that we not come back for a while and I think that it is important that we respect his wishes on the matter." Oh he is so trying my patience right now.
"Either way Carlisle, you should know that I am sitting next to Bella..."
"What happened Jasper?!? Where is Edward?" Why wont he just let me finish a fucking thought! Oh, and thanks for the confidence there Pops, really.
"Ugh! Would you please let me finish a God damn sentence?" I heard a mumbled yes, sorry so I just kept talking. I was done with this game. The family needed to know what was going on. "Thank you. Is everyone else there?" I hear a chorus of yeses. Good. I didn't want to have to repeat myself.
"Ok, please try not to interrupt, I will tell you what I know and will try to answer questions when I am done. I am sitting in Alice's old room in Forks with Bella who is about two days through the change. I just got here about 10 minutes ago, the freshest sent other then hers is Edwards and it is also about two days old. As far as I can tell she has been alone for that time. She has made no sounds thus far aside from a whimper or two but her emotions relaxed significantly once I spoke to her. I believe she not only knows that I am here but who I am." Pausing to take a breath I felt Bella's emotions spike to panic and guilt. The force of their strength just about caused me to run screaming. I did drop the phone as I turned to Bella.
"Bella? BELLA? Whats wrong? Calm down honey, I am right here. What is going on sweetheart? It will all be ok, you are almost done. It will all be over soon, sweetheart" I couldn't help but be scared for her. She hasn't made a sound and...wait a second. I push my gift out to get a gauge on her emotions but there weren't any. I have never not felt someone. Phone...what happened to the phone. Looking around I see it next to me and hear the family on the other end going crazy asking questions over each other.
"Carlsile? Sorry about that."
"Jasper, is she alright? What happened?"
"Yeah she is fine but I can't feel her anymore..." Why can't I feel her? I hope nothing is going wrong. Please God, if you are there and listening, don't let anything be going wrong with her change!
"What do you mean you can't feel her? Can you feel anything, if nothing else you should be able to feel her pain." He sounded worried. I can't say as I blame him. I hear Alice in the background saying something about having just lost everyone's future now.
"No, nothing." Taking a deep breath to try and calm the panic I could still feel I try to calm myself down. I can't help Bella if I can't get in control. "I felt a huge spike of panic and guilt then it all went away, if it wasn't for seeing her breathing and hearing her heartbeat I would swear she was dead."
"We are on our way there Jasper." As much as I am not ready to see them yet I am so happy they are coming and I didn't have to ask.
"Yes, that might be a good idea. How long?"
"We should be there in about 15 hours. We should be there before she wakes up, we will hurry."
"Ok, see you then."
"Oh, and Jasper? Take care of yourself and call us if you need anything. Anything, son. Keep us updated."
"I will. Goodbye." Closing the phone I set it next to me. Reaching out I slowly run my fingers through Bella's hair hoping to bring at least a small amount of comfort to her. I softly whisper positive thoughts of friendship and family, letting her know that I was here and that the family loved her while thinking about the situation. It was so strange, I felt her pain when I first got here so I knew she was going through the change normally but she was so quiet. Normally someone going through the change would be screaming their fool head off. I know I did when I had to go through it. And then to suddenly have all her emotions cut off? I didn't like it. I could understand why Edward was so fascinated by not being able to hear her mind now. It was just....wrong not to feel emotions from her when she was clearly feeling them.
Suddenly her left hand grabs a hold of my own and I freeze. She then gives me a gentle, reassuring, squeeze. She shouldn't be able to move let alone control her motions! Moving our hands to my lap I start stroking through her hair again. I feel her relax just a fraction so I keep talking to her. She never made another move but for whatever reason I could tell she understood every word I spoke, so I talked to her about just about everything. We covered what few memories from my human years I could remember, I told her about Maria and the years after my change (although I might have left out some of the really horrible things I did) and of meeting Alice and the Cullens. I told her of my travels around the world and the little things that have changed since my human years. I told her about Peter and Charlotte. I told her about my struggles with the animal only diet and how sorry I was for her birthday party. I told her about Alice and our breakup. Anything and everything that I could think of I talked to her about, including many things that I had not even spoke to Alice about. It had been 16 hours that I had been talking to Bella almost constantly when I heard cars pull up the drive.
"Bella, sweetheart, the rest of the family is here. Well, everyone but Edward, we don't know where he is." I felt her hand tighten on mine. "Don't worry, I won't leave you. I'll stay right here next to you until you wake up, just like I promised." I heard the front door open and in a half a second the bedroom door was next. Alice was first followed by Esme and Emmett. Rose and Carlisle not far behind. Looking into their shocked faces I knew that they really hadn't believed me when I told them what I had come home to. Shock was the main reaction but that was quickly followed by anger. Sending some calm out to the room I just let them have their moment to come to grips with the situation. I saw Carlisle pull his phone out and quickly type a message before he looked to me and slowly walked towards us.
"Son, she is so quiet. Can you get any read on her at all?"
He sat on her other side and reached up to brush her cheek when she flinched away. "Nothing emotionally although she did tighten her grip on my hand when I told her you all were here." His eyes snapped to mine as he lowered his hand. "Bella, honey, it's just Carlisle. There isn't anything to be afraid of. I am here with you, I won't let anything happen to you." She relaxed and I nodded to Carlisle. She let him touch her this time.
"I don't know Carlisle. She doesn't move often and it seems to be a great effort when she does. She doesn't really respond to anything I have said but I have a feeling she has understood everything. She has not made a sound outside of a few whimpers since I arrived. I felt her pain and fear when I first got here so I know everything was progressing normally. Then I was able to feel her trust and happiness when I first spoke to her but since our telephone call I have not felt a single thing from her." And I didn't like it. I have watched over countless newborns and none have ever acted like this. Or even close to this. I just hope that everything is fine and she isn't stuck in some limbo.
The family filtered out of the room at this point and just kind of milled around the house waiting. Esme tried to relieve me of Bella's side once but she would not let go of my hand so I just smiled at my mother and let her know I was fine. And surprisingly I was. My verbal purge, to an all but unconscious, Bella helped me more then I would have thought possible. I still want to make my way back to Texas but the need to go now wasn't as strong. As I was reflecting on this Alice popped her head in. Waving her over she sat across from me on Bella's other side and started to stroke her hair. After a few quiet moments she looked up to me with unshedable tears in her eyes.
"I'm sorry Jasper. I know you don't want to be around me right now..."
"Alice, stop. I am fine." Again, I surprisingly was. It still hurt, a lot, but I somehow felt like it would all be ok in time. I was where I was needed at this moment. "Don't get me wrong, it still hurts that we aren't together but I think I can agree with you now. We ran our coarse and it was time to call it. Please, lets just try and be friends, Bella is going to need us both I think."
"Your right, she is. Just know that I never wanted to hurt you and a part of me will always love you."
"I know." We sat there in silence for another few hours until I finally heard Bella's heartbeat speed up. Her last moments alive were upon us. In moments her heart would cease to beat and she would open her eyes to a whole new existence. Quietly the rest of the family came into the bedroom as Alice got up to go stand with them.
As we heard the final beat of Bella's heart she opened her eyes and turned to look directly into mine.