Hello everyone. Welcome to the fourth chapter of Alchemy-nology. This is my first Fullmetal Alchemist fanfiction and I would appreciate it if I didn't receive any flames. This is the basic summary (based off the anime):

After Edward is killed by the homunculus Envy, Al attempts to bring his brother back to life. However, instead of going to the Gate like he expected, he and Ed are transported to the Great Hall of Hogwarts, in the middle of the Sorting Ceremony.

Pairings: None. Please don't ask, I will ignore pairing requests. This is not Elricest.

English Speaking: "Regular"

German Speaking: "Italics"

Thoughts: Italics

Note: I want to remind you that this fanfiction is based off the anime of Fullmetal Alchemist, not the manga. Starts off at the end of episode 51 and somewhat follows the fifth Harry Potter book.

Warning: I do not know the exact timeline when Fullmetal Alchemist is set, so I will just say that Edward died in 1917 at 15 years old.


Ch. 3

Umbridge the Inquisitor

The next morning Edward and Alphonse were sitting at the staff table, joking with some of the other professors while they ate. They were slightly surprised by the owl mail, but quickly got over it.

Hermione received her clip of the Daily Prophet, but let out a gasp that had Harry and Ron looking over to her. "Umbridge has been made into a High-Inquisitor!" she hissed, flattening the newspaper for them to look at. "Listen:

"In a surprise move last night the Ministry of Magic passed new legislation giving itself an unprecedented level of control at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. 'The Minister has been growing uneasy about goings-on at Hogwarts for some time,' said Junior Assistant to the Minister, Percy Weasley. 'He is now responding to concerns voiced by anxious parents, who feel the school may be moving in a direction they do not approve.' This is not the first time in recent weeks Fudge has used new laws to effect improvements at the Wizarding school. As recently as August 30th Educational Decree Twenty-two was passed, to ensure that, in the event of the current headmaster being unable to provide a candidate for a teaching post, the Ministry should select an appropriate person.

"'That's how Dolores Umbridge came to be appointed to the teaching staff at Hogwarts,' said Weasley last night. 'Dumbledore couldn't find anyone, so the Minister put in Umbridge and of course, she's been an immediate success, totally revolutionizing the teaching of Defense Against the Dark Arts and providing the Minister with the on-the-ground feedback about what's really happening at Hogwarts.' It is this last function that the Ministry has now formalized with the passing of Educational Decree Twenty-three, which creates the new position of 'Hogwarts High Inquisitor'.

"'This is an exciting new phase in the Minister's plan to get to grips with what some are calling the "falling standards" at Hogwarts,' said Weasley. 'The Inquisitor will have powers to inspect her fellow educators and make sure that they are coming up to scratch. Professor Umbridge has been offered this position in addition to her own teaching post, and we are delighted to say that she has accepted.' The Minister's new moves have received enthusiastic support from parents of students at Hogwarts.

"'I feel much easier in my mind now that I know that Dumbledore is being subjected to fair and objective evaluation,' said Mr. Lucius Malfoy, 41, speaking from his Wiltshire mansion last night. 'Many of us with our children's best interests at heart have been concerned about some of Dumbledore's eccentric decisions in the last few years and will be glad to know that the Ministry is keeping an eye on the situation.' Among those 'eccentric decisions' are undoubtedly the controversial staff appointments previously described in this newspaper, which have included the hiring of werewolf Remus Lupin, half-giant Rubeus Hagrid, and delusional ex-Auror 'Mad-Eye' Moody.

"Rumors abound, of course, that Albus Dumbledore, once Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, is no longer up to the task of managing the prestigious school of Hogwarts. 'I think the appointment of the Inquisitor is a first step toward ensuring that Hogwarts has a headmaster in whom we can all repose confidence,' said a Ministry insider last night.

"Wizengamot elders Griselda Marchbanks and Tiberius Ogden have resigned in protest at the introduction of the post of Inquisitor to Hogwarts. 'Hogwarts is a school, not an outpost of Cornelius Fudge's office,' said Madam Marchbanks. 'This is a further disgusting attempt to discredit Albus Dumbledore.' (For a full account of Madam Marchbanks' alleged links to subversive goblin groups, turn to page 17)."

"So that's how we got stuck with her," Ron muttered.

Hermione nodded vigorously. "It's outrageous!" she exclaimed. Harry looked down upon his clenched fist, where a thin white scar was labeled into his skin.

But the two teenagers were suddenly suspicious of the giant grin on Ron's face. "Oh, Umbridge – I mean Umbitch will get what's coming to her when she tries to inspect McGonagall," Ron said happily.

The others sported amused smiles at Ron's nickname for the High Inquisitor.

"Wands away," Umbridge told her class, still smiling that dreadful toad-like smile.

The few hopefuls with their wands out grudgingly stashed them away, wishing they could hex the damn professor if that didn't get them in trouble.

Before Umbridge began her lesson, however, someone knocked on her classroom door. "Come in!" she called, secretly hoping for the person to be a late student so she could mark off tardy points in her class.

The door opened . . .

Many of the students started in surprise when they saw Edward Elric standing in the doorway, a seemingly-forced pleasant smile on his charming face.

"Pleased to meet your acquaintance, Professor Umbridge," he greeted cordially. "My brother and I have a free period, so we decided to visit various classes to see what the students are learning."

Umbridge sniffed disapprovingly. "Very well, stand in the back and watch," she said.

She turned to the class. "Well? As we have finished chapter one last lesson, I would like you to turn to page nineteen and read chapter two, 'Common Defensive Theories and Their Derivation.' Please keep quiet."

Hermione's hand rose as the rest of the class groaned quietly and turned to page nineteen in the book.

Edward was puzzled. This class was supposed to be Defense Against the Dark Arts, right? Shouldn't they be practicing defensive spells and learning about how to counter Dark creatures, not just reading?

"Yes, Miss Granger?" Umbridge bent down next to Hermione and whispered.

"I have already read the whole book," the bushy-haired girl replied.

"Well, what does Slinkhard say about counterjinxes in chapter fifteen?"

"He says that counterjinxes are names that people give to their jinxes to make them sound more acceptable," Hermione said. "But I disagree."

Edward nearly cracked a smile. Smart girl.

Umbridge's gaze turned icy. "You disagree?" she repeated.

"Yes, I do," Hermione said firmly. Many of the students were already looking in her direction, hearing her clearly.

Umbridge straightened her posture and replied, a touch coldly, "I'm afraid that it is Mister Slinkhard's opinion that matters, not yours, in this classroom."

"But –"

"I shall have to take five points from Gryffindor for your cheek," Umbridge said.

"What?!" Harry protested angrily.

"Harry," Hermione whispered. "Don't –"

"Professor Umbridge," Edward interrupted. The class turned to him in surprise, having forgotten he was there. "I believe that as a teacher, you should listen to what students have to say, not just dismiss them."

"This is my class, Elric, and I will run it however I want," Umbridge retorted.

"Bogging down your students with books on defensive theories and not having them practice is not a good teaching method," Edward said. "For every class, there is the matter of theory and practical application."

Umbridge's eyes narrowed. "Get out of my classroom, Elric," she hissed.

"Not until I see some application in this classroom."

"There is no reason for them to practice!" Umbridge said sweetly. "Why ever would they need to?"

Edward's gaze hardened. "I don't know, maybe because you are in the middle of a war with an evil man and students need to learn how to defend themselves?" he suggested, with a hint of mockery.

Umbridge laughed. "Oh, Elric! Poor fool, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is certainly not back!" she said. "That boy has just been spouting lies –"

Harry stood furiously. "Excuse me, Professor," he said loudly, "but are you calling me a liar?"

Umbridge blinked. "Of course! The Dark Lord cannot be back! Why, that is quite absurd!" she said.

"Damn it! I saw him last year!" Harry said, his voice increasing in volume. He ignored Hermione's pleas to sit down. "Voldemort murdered Cedric Diggory last year! I saw him!"

Umbridge paused. "Perhaps another week of detention will help you," she said sleekly.

"With all due respect, Professor Umbridge," Edward said calmly, "the boy is right. I cannot understand why your Ministry would turn a blind eye to such pressing matters – but I'm afraid I will be calling off Potter's detention."

Umbridge turned a furious red. "Get out!" she roared, gesturing furiously to the door. "Potter will be attending detention with me, Elric."

Edward raised an eyebrow. He sighed and headed towards the door. As he exited, he said, "Don't say you haven't been warned. I will be visiting these so-called detentions – surely you can do one right."

That evening Edward and Alphonse appeared in Umbridge's office, standing in the far shadows. Umbridge handed Harry a quill and instructed him to write 'I must not tell lies' on the parchment until she was satisfied.

Harry braced himself for the pain and began to write, ignoring the searing pain cutting into the back of his hand.

A clap sounded and suddenly two gloved hands covered the quill. Blue light sparked from it, causing Umbridge to frown. When the light died, the quill still looked to same. Harry began writing again, but to his astonishment, as blood-red ink appeared, his right hand did not hurt.

Umbridge did not see that his hand was no longer bleeding. Satisfied, she went back to her work without checking Harry's hand.

Edward, who had transmuted the quill, winked at Harry as he and Alphonse left, closing the door after them.

An hour later, Umbridge's scream of fury could be heard from those closer to her classroom door.

Within their dorm, Edward and Alphonse grinned at each other.

Shorter than the last chapter, but it's still a chapter, nonetheless. Reviews are welcome, flames are not.