Accept No Substitutes


I own nothing

A/N: How does Gaila feel about her "twin"? Let's just say, Orions do not like competition. Written after viewing the "Wrong Girl" Deleted Scene


For six days, they searched the entire city of San Francisco. Scouring dive bars and diners for their hated prey, ruthlessly hunting down the woman who turned their lives upside down. Then they found her sitting in a tiny coffee shop along the Southside of campus. Her name was Neri D'Nesh Nagar, Starfleet Academy's other female Orion and living proof that Gaila's home planet had an extremely shallow gene pool.

It started simply enough, one of the Physics professors accidentally mistook Gaila for this other woman in the hallway, an honest mistake, it could happen to anyone. But soon the situation blossomed into madness. Boys knocked on her door, men she'd never slept with asking for Neri on the phone, an intergalactic banking affiliate sent a private investigator after this Neri and he thought they were the same person. A cop tried to arrest her for parking violations and Uhura had to bring her roommate's birth certificate down to the station just to prove that "Gaila" was not an alias.

So after four days, the girls decided it was time to strike back. They searched for this infamous Neri, both hoping to catch a glimpse of Gaila's evil twin. Secretly, Uhura was fascinated by the whole affair. As much as she liked having Gaila as a roommate, she didn't know a whole lot about the girl's past. Was this other Orion a clone? Another former slave trying to steal Gaila's identity? Perhaps a long lost sister or cousin? Or maybe this was Gaila's mother! Or her daughter! How old was Gaila, anyway?

But when they finally found Neri, the results were less then dramatic. Gaila just shook her head, "Meh." She muttered, "I don't see it."

It was a statement that sent Uhura's brain whirling. "How can you say that? She looks JUST LIKE YOU!"

To any rational mind, the resemblance was astounding. The woman sitting across the room was almost a carbon copy of her roommate: the same hairdo and flawless figure. Same perfect face, perfect legs, heaving chest. The girl even had the same wide, doe like eyes.

"Her boobs are too big." Gaila muttered off hand, "I mean she looks like she's going to fall over!"

"Your boobs are the same size!"

"Size, perhaps, but the shape is very different." Gaila stuck out her chest to display her most prized possessions, the twin weapons that made earth men turn into whimpering teenage boys, "Notice my subtle cone shape, the exquisite curve in my profile, now look at hers." She pointed with disgust at the oblivious Orion across the room, "Big, disgusting tear drop shapes. Ugh, I can't even look at them." Gaila took a long sip of her coffee, still trying not to look at her so called clone. "Plus she's slutty."

"Gaila, you're slutty too!"

"By prudish human standards maybe!" Gaila seemed genuinely insulted and crossed her legs in a dramatic show of virtue, "By Orion standards I am a chaste and elegant lady and that girl is a total whore."

"You've never even talked to her."

"I don't need to, look at her body language." Gaila was full on scowling now, burning holes into the distant figure of her evil twin "Eating a muffin, reading her book, and the way she drinks her coffee…what a tramp!"

"I will never understand you."

"That's because your tiny human brain simply can't comprehend perfection."

Their table descended into silence as Uhura tried to process the utter ridiculous of her friend's position. Sure, the Orions didn't have a lot of genetic diversity and that it was possible she just wasn't noticing the subtle differences…

Then another thought crossed her mind, a thought that made her smile. "Oh I need to take a picture of this." She giggled.


"Where's the camera, I want a picture." Uhura leaned forward and poked her friend in the chest with each breathless chuckle, "You." Poke, "Are." Double poke, "Jealous."

"I am not!"

"You're jealous that you're not the only mean, green sex machine on campus anymore!" Uhura was laughing now, not even disguising her amusement, "You wanted the whole planet to yourself and now there's another Orion girl out there man eating her way through the phone book and it's driving you crazy!"

Gaila didn't dignify that with a response. Instead she silently criticized her competition and prayed to the ancient gods this woman would get really fat.


Across the room, Neri sighed. Humans kept calling her "Gaila".

Personally she didn't see the resemblance. This "Gaila" person was obviously some sort of stuck up prude.

"Plus, my boobs are completely different." She muttered.

The End