A Kick in the Balls

A/N: It's been a whole year and all I can say is I'm sorry. They are still going to be shorter chapters since my life is twice as busy now...with my second little one. Thank you to my beta vampiremama who writes fanfic that I love and to my beta at Twilighted born2speakmirth who I hope still knows who I am.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Mini Chapterette 23– Shoe Drop


"Were you scared last night?"

"What?" I responded as I looked over to Rosalie who had a look of concern on her face. Well, maybe it wasn't concern, but a girl can hope. I think that was the expression she was hoping would come across, but it looked more like she was trying to figure something out. I started to sweat a little as she watched me, almost in a critical way, most likely hoping to catch my emotions as I thought about her line of questioning.

"I could have sworn that I heard you scream last night. Maybe it was just my imagination. That was some storm last night." She gestured casually as she looked back onto the field. I was definitely sweating after she finished her thought. What could have my response been? Yeah, that was me. I was screaming when your brother and his masterful tongue made me orgasm last night so hard that I almost forgot my last name. Or actually, it could have been in the shower, when he had one of my legs over his shoulder…thank God for the bench in there.

Rosalie and I were not there.

Not that I didn't think we could be girlfriends and share sex stories, but I didn't think I wanted the business on Emmett nearly as much as Rosalie probably wouldn't want to know about her own brother. That thought made me cringe.

"Yeah, storms have always gotten me worked up, although I don't remember screaming." I gave her a lame smile to match my lame excuse. It wasn't like giving her an easy answer would stop her train of thought, but I had to give her an answer that might lead to more questions and more verbal diarrhea. I think Edward knocked a few things loose in my brain last night.

Rosalie gave me one last hard look before she turned her attention to other things.

"So, what section are we in?" she asked as we stood at the top of one of the long staircases in the football stadium. I promised Edward that I would go early with Rosalie to the game because she wanted to watch warm-ups. Warm-ups, and several hours before warm-ups, was when most of the student body was in the parking lots tailgating before the games. The only people who actually watched warm-ups were die-hard crazy fans, stalker-type girls, parental units, and the first wives club. The first wives club is all the girls who think that their boyfriend's status as a football player gives them some superiority over the rest of us; that by association they are better. I knew half of them by name since I got some 'get out of jail free' card for being Emmett's roommate and they were borderline nice to me. I knew it irked them to no end that their boyfriends knew me or were friends with me, because that concept is foreign to those types. Emmett always told me everyone always thought we had to be fucking each other, because girls and dudes were not friends. I just told his buddies if they kept their dicks in their pants long enough maybe they might realize that chicks had more purposes then as an orifice to stick their junk into.

I looked down at the tickets. Fuck my life.

"Section 101. It's down five sections to the right," I uttered. Emmett's tickets this year were first row, right behind the bench. It made sense with him being a captain and all, but that was the heart of the first wives club.

Suddenly my head started to pound as I thought about the incessant bitching, whining, and…bitching I was going to be subjected through during the game. It wasn't like I could tone it out easily; high-pitch screeching was easily heard everywhere. I had to hope there were a lot of parents in town because then the ladies might be held in check.

"Bella, you look like I just kicked you in the balls, and since I know you don't have any, I think you ought to just spill it." Rosalie laughed as she marched us over to the closed concession stand.

I was about to stop her when, well I actually don't know how to explain what happened next, it was like Rosalie went into Barbie mode. I didn't know someone could arch their back that much.

"Sorry, but we are closed," the guy said without looking up from his register. He was going to get an eyeful when he did.

Rosalie's perfect manicured fingers started to gently tap the surface of the counter as she waited patiently for him to look up. I watched as he huffed bringing his head up to tell her off and then, bam, his eyes registered shock. Eyes, boobs, eyes, boobs, eyes, boobs…then finally back to eyes. I think in a normal circumstance Rosalie would have handed him his ass, but she obviously wanted something. It was almost scary that she wanted to practice law as I could only imagine what the poor male judge's responses to her would be.

"I'm…I'm sorry. What can I help you with?" the guy stuttered as he tried to keep his eyes on Rosalie. He had on a button, 'Support the Chess Team', and I knew by the look of him that he most likely had a poster of Leia in her bikini from Star Wars hanging over his bed. I almost wanted to tell Rosalie to be gentle with this one.

"Oh, my friend and I just wanted some diet Cokes before we went to go sit down, but I understand you are closed." Rosalie spoke, but not in her normal voice, it was a cross between her own voice and Elle Woods from the Legally Blonde movies. I tried hard not to laugh as Rosalie, the hard-ass, tried her best at seeming innocent and cute - it was truly beyond hilarious.

"We are closed, but I think I can help you." He smiled as he turned to get Rosalie her drinks, knocking over a whole stack of cups in the process. In less than thirty seconds he returned with half the staff, or half the chess team I should say, and two diet Cokes. And the biggest freakin' smile I had ever seen. I think he brought his buddies over just so they could see him interact with Rosalie.

"Oh, thank you so much. How much do I owe you?" she asked sweetly.

"Oh. On the house, just make sure you come back here if you need anything," he waved as we turned to leave.

Rosalie thrust the drink in my hands and walked toward the section. It was like a light switch went off.

"Nice work, Rose. You will probably star in his dreams tonight," I laughed as she slowed in front of our section.

"So, you going to tell me what has your undies in bunch over this section, or are you just going to let me find out?" she mocked, already knowing me a little too well. I had to learn to hide my emotions a little better.

"Only if you tell me how many times you pulled that act off?" I gestured to the concession stand.

"Oh, Bella, you can't imagine how great and detrimental it all is. I am not full of myself by any means, but I don't want to have to dress and act a certain way to be taken seriously. That's why I just stick with the bitch factor I have going," she laughed.

"Rose, I don't think you're a bitch…all the time," I laughed again, and she just gave me the Cullen smirk, which apparently is hereditary.

"So, are you going to tell me?"

After that, I launched into my explanation about the section; it was almost like Rosalie was excited about the prospect of it all. There was so much about her I still did not know but she seemed to enjoy the prospect of listening to these girls gab about their boyfriends. We took our seats in the front row, and I could feel the eyes on us. Well, I could feel them on Rosalie. No one else was in our row yet, so I knew the girls were just eyeballing here trying to figure out who she belonged to. Emmett only ever had Alice and I or our friends, and his family use these tickets, so I was sure that it was going to be gossip central in t-minus forty-five minutes.

We took our seats and watched as the players went about their stretching and warm-up activities. Every once in a while the big bear would look up here and give a small half smile. It felt ridiculously weird to see Emmett like this, but also strangely enough, good. I was glad he had finally found someone, since I knew if he didn't, we would continue to live together and probably become married under common law rules.

"I am teaching you how to cook this year," I blurted out.

"Did Emmett say something to you?" Rosalie looked at me hard. I took it this was a soft spot for her.

"No, no, he didn't. My mind was on a bizarre tangent and I was just thinking I could teach you how to cook his favorites," I breathed out, wanting the scrutiny to be over. She kept looking at me, her gaze unwavering. "Or I could teach the both of you?" I offered.

"Shit, Bella. Sorry," she shook her head. "I think I would like that. My mom is a genius in the kitchen and I never learned. You just caught my thoughts in a dark place."

I felt bad for a moment remembering what it could have been like to wonder if all the things you took for granted could suddenly be gone. It was all too fresh still, although hopefully she could fulfill her regrets.

"Don't worry about it. Maybe I could get you started so when you see your mom, maybe you could cook for her. I would think she might like that," I replied.

Rosalie was quiet for a moment as she looked out onto the field. I was wondering if what I had said was too much. She turned to me slowly, eyes wet with unshed tears.

"That would be nice, Bella," she said as one tear fell over her lashes and onto her cheek. She squeezed my hand, and I realized we just had a moment. I hoped some humor would lighten the mood.

"You are kind of all over the place today, Barbie." I laughed.

"Oh, hell if I don't know that. Flow's in town and I become like a leaky faucet. My emotions are all over the place." She smiled as she cleared the last of the tears from her eyes. During that time the team had left the field and now the bleachers were starting to fill up.

I watched the people fill in around us, gave some waves to classmates and parents, and enjoyed some non-dramatic conversation with Rosalie. I was actually thinking Rosalie was one cool chick, but then my thoughts turned to Edward. He was going to join us with Jasper at game time, but insisted I go with Rosalie alone. Was he trying to get us to like each other? Was he trying to get her to like me? I was trying to wrap my head around his intentions when Rosalie's voice knocked me backed to the real world.

"So, are you going to tell me about your scream last night, or should I just guess that you and my brother were playing hide the pickle?" Rosalie mocked.

Shit. I had just taken a slip of soda, but luckily I just swallowed it awkwardly instead of having it coming out my nose. I knew she had something up her sleeve on this one; maybe I should have just answered her straight off when she had asked before.

"Do you actually want me to answer that?" I asked because I seriously wanted to know. "I am not going to ask you what you are doing with Sasquatch because that is too weird for me."

"Firstly, Bella, he is not that hairy. And second of all, he is my brother and I want to make sure that you are being gentle with him. It is not like he doesn't have his baggage too," she continued.

Okay, she was concerned and I could see this was something we had to get out there so we could be on some sort of similar page on the subject. I wondered what she thought of Heidi.

"I know he does, and honestly Rosalie, things are going so good that I am expecting the other shoe to drop soon. Nothing this good has ever lasted for me," I replied, my mind shifting to a multitude of memories of when the other shoe dropped. It had happened so many times, that my line of thinking was normal to me.

I saw that Rosalie's emotions were shifting as she tried to hold her face to one emotion. I knew she was trying to be tough on her exterior, but I hoped she understood that hurting Edward was the farthest thing from my mind.

"Rosalie, I thought your brother was coming with you?"

Rose and I both spun to see Esme standing in the aisle next to our row.

"Mom, I thought you weren't coming. What are you doing here? Do you need to sit?" Rosalie rambled quickly, obviously ill at ease with Esme standing in the aisle.

There was something different about her as I studied her face. Nothing drastic, almost like a breath of fresh air surrounded her, a small twinkle in her eye.

"Rosalie, stop being such a bother, I am fine," she stated in a motherly, yet slightly annoyed tone. "Your brother?"

"Sorry, Mom. He's back at our place playing with Bella's piano. Apparently, old habits die hard." Rose laughed. She might have even snickered. I would have to ask her about that.

Esme gave me an appraisal at that point, that damn telltale Cullen smirk slowly crept onto her face. I would have paid a million dollars to know what was knocking around in her head at that moment.

Damn the smirk.

"Girls, I just had a wonderful idea. Why don't you all come over tonight for a dinner at our house? Jasper and Alice, too," she finished, the smirk threatening a hostile takeover of her whole face. Esme had, in my mind, at that point become a formable force of something. Something that I had no idea what it was exactly but, I did know for certain that she had a few tricks up her sleeve.

Before I could even spit out a response, that would most likely be rushed with a possible voice crack, Rosalie beat me to the punch.

"I have an even better idea. Dinner at our house," she replied turning her head to make eye contact with me.


"We'll cook," Rose added.

"That does sound nice. Does seven work for you?"

Rosalie and Esme were staring at me intently. Oh, shit, here we go again. This was going to be interesting.

"That sounds great, Mrs. Cullen," I responded.

"It's Esme, dear, and we will see you both tonight." She laughed, like she knew full well she was setting this up to be quite the entertaining night.

As we watched her slowly descend the stairs to the arena floor, I grabbed my 24 ounce beer sitting in front of me and finished it.

"That was both impressive and alarming. What are you stressing about?" Rosalie stressed the 'you' in her question.


"Oh, me? Well, my boyfriend's parents are coming over. Parents who may or may not know that I have some baggage that has me pullin' some crazy-ass stunts lately, and I think they have no idea that I am dating their one-and-only beloved son, and…I have to cook!" I rushed.

"Since when do you have a boyfriend?"

Of all the times the boy could sit down next to me…it had to be in the middle of my diatribe of the situation I had just found myself in.

"Nice of you two to show up. We are having Papa and Mama C over for dinner tonight. Bella and I are cooking," Rosalie said not bothering a look in any of our directions. The team was being lead on the field by Emmett and the rest of the captains. There may have been drool.

"Does that make me your boyfriend?" Edward laughed and I could see that damn smirk from the corner of my eye.

Where was my beer? Oh, right, I finished it.

Here we go again.