"Dumbledore, I am sick of you ruining my life, and I want you to know that I intend to make you pay for all the manipulating, conniving, stealing, lying, cheating, raping, pillaging, and telemarketing you have done in the name of 'for the greater good'. I have been to other dimensions and have learned things that will make you rue the day you decided that you had to run my life for me and live for the vicarious thrill of dictating terms for a being more powerful than yourself."

Dumbledore woke from the dream he had been locked in and glanced around nervously to make sure that the speech Harry had just given him had in fact been a dream. It hadn't been, but he did not realize that the phoenix sitting at the head of his bed was not Fawkes. Even when the bird turned around and launched a liquefied line of excrement across his face and blankets, he still did not get a clue. The old man simply waved his wand hand and the mess vanished. After all, Fawkes had been his familiar for a long time...

Harry flamed back to the Gryffindor common room and turned back into the sweet, mild-mannered, biddable boy whom everyone adored. (Yes, folks, he managed to morph into Draco Malfoy there for a second.) Eventually though he found his own form and after glaring at the idiots standing around staring at him, he stomped up to his dorm and with a satisfied grin, slammed the door so loudly that all four of his dorm mates woke up and started screaming like demented fan girls.

Harry smiled at them and said, "Come, my beauties. It is time we set up a few pranks for the leaving day feast. I just served warning on Dumbledore and as usual he ignored me. And, in the immortal words of Bugs Bunny, 'This means war!'.

Ron yawned, rolled over, farted, and fell back to sleep.

Seamus and Dean went back to sticking their tongues down each others throats.

Neville jumped off his bed with a resounding war cry that made the black-haired terrorist nod approvingly. The night was long and the boys had fun!

Hogwarts, the castle, did not see the harm in helping her two favorite heirs advance the terror and chaos that breeds in uneducated minds. Of course, Dumbledore being turned into a door for the day did not seem too inappropriate, and Hogwarts herself suggested that since he had become the main door that he should not open unless someone kicked him in a certain place that men do not mention in polite company. It also stood to reason that the door functioned rather like a turn-style, only one person could go through then the door closed and the process of opening it was repeated.

That was the best stunt. There were more...


Then there was the incident when everyone got off the train in London at Platform 9 & 3/4. Neither Augusta Longbottom nor Vernon Dursley were any too pleased when Neville and Harry raised their fingers in the air and began to chant, "HELL NO! WE WON'T GO!" It took the Ministry of Magic several hours to clear up the mess caused by the muggle police taking the fat man down to the station and booking him for child abuse. The old lady was reprimanded sternly by social services for making her big hulking grandson have a melt down in public. After all there had to have been something wrong with her if a six-feet-tall lad started screaming about her hitting him. And, what is with her wearing a dead vulture on her head? At least the bird in Labyrinth was alive, and we know that because he distinctly said, "IT is so stimulating being your hat!" He also said, "There goes a couple of suckers!" Does this apply to the boys or the guardians?


The real magic began when Harry was escorted home by his loving family. Vernon and Petunia stood together and demanded that Harry shape up or things would go badly for him. Harry wanted to know exactly what it was they wanted him to do. Vernon made the mistake of telling him that he did not want to see his face again for the rest of the summer.

Harry glared at him. "You have got to be kidding me. You do not want to see my face for the rest of the summer."

"That is correct, freak. You are not allowed to leave this house, but I will be damned if I have to look at you. Do you understand me?"

Harry scratched his head while giving them a confused look. "Please clarify your reasoning of why you do not want to see my face."

Petunia hissed, "You have been a burden to us ever since you were dropped on our doorstep. We do not want to see you this summer. All we ask is that you disappear."

Harry smiled. "You are sure you want me to disappear?"

Vernon boomed out, "Absolutely, boy. All summer without having to look at you."

Then there before their eyes, Harry Potter disappeared from sight.

A few seconds later Vernon's eyes bugged out of his head as he watched the kitchen door open and close for no apparent reason.

Petunia gulped unsteadily as she watched the door for a second then made eye contact with the land-locked whale that she was abnormal enough to marry and practice bestiality with. "DO you think he is gone?" She whispered fretfully.

Vernon took control of his fear. "We showed him. He has most likely gone outside to get started on his chores."

Petunia gave him an idolizing look. "Yes, of course."

Harry waited until their complacency made them careless and gave Petunia a swat to the butt just as her large son walked past her. The drink she was handing to Vernon went flying through the air to connect with Vernon, and the son stopped in mid-stride to stare at his decidedly peculiar parents. "Daddy? Mummy?"Some things just have no explanation... Vernon, however, knew exactly what had happened. Potter was loose in his house and the boy was invisible. He just knew things were going to get awkward!


A/N #1. I am not making any money from this gig so JKR does not necessarily have to stress.

A/N #2. I have plans for at least one more chapter. I am working my way up to starting my NaNo write and stil don't really feel the love... I am not particularly agitated yet since I am capable of 20,000 words in one day. (no, I did not say coherent best seller. Yes, there is a differece.)