AN: I am so, so sorry for making you all wait so long for this chapter, I had originally set out to post it just after posting the last chapter of my other story Consequences of Caring. Unfortunately for me I ended up in hospital and have only been out for three days, so pretty please forgive me!!!

I originally said this was the chapter where Gibbs and Tony would have a talk, however I really think this part needed to come first. I hope you enjoy reading and hope it gives you some insight on Tony and what his father may be hiding. Also as of the airing of Flesh and Blood (what an episode loved the Gibbs and Tony moments especially the final scene) this is now AU!

He needed to leave before he did something he would regret. Sure Gibbs would ream him out about it later, but leaving truly was the best alternative compared to what he would do to if he stayed. The only safe way to vent his frustrations was down in the gym. Then tonight, when he wasn't on the clock he would fall into his failsafe, reruns of Magnum and enough beer to numb his mind. But for now he had the gym, and just for a brief moment he would let his thoughts and memories run.


He knew he shouldn't be here, his father had told him never to interrupt him while he was working, but he was supposed to take his medication. His mother while in her lucid state and their house keeper Maria had drummed into him how important it was, and now, no one was around to get it for him. Cautiously he cleared his throat and opened the door to the study, "Excuse me si....." his voiced broke at the sight, the naked women in his father's office was definitely not his mother, but at least he found Maria.
"YOU!..." His father roared rushing toward him anger burning in his eyes as he grabbed the small arm twisting it brutally. Tony screamed as he heard the crack and felt the pain burn through his arm. Tears streaming down his face he gritted his teeth as he yanked his arm from the older man and ran as fast as he could, ran to find his....

Mother was drunk again; he could hear her slurred words as she yelled outside his bedroom, continually stumbling over and finding it increasingly hard to keep her balance with the alcohol coursing through her veins.
"It's over, you hear me. Over! The cheating, the shady deals I can handle. But Anthony, he's only 8.... No more. I have all the evidence I need to bring you down, you disgust me..." Watching the scene from his doorway, Tony saw his mother spit in his father's face. And then his dad lost it. Tony watched in horror as his father grabbed his mother, brutally dragged her down the stairs and out the front door, bundling her in the car and taking off down the driveway. An hour later his father returned, in a different car, without his mother. He knew the moment the officers arrived at the house, and he saw his father put his game face on that his mother's death would be ruled an accident. Anthony's little heart broke as he watched the flashing of blue and red....

Lights flashed before his eyes as another punch landed on the side of his cheek.
"A warning from your father Anthony, perhaps you should learn to keep your mouth shut and stay out of trouble."
Another blow landed painfully to his gut this time, his breath came out with a hiss. How did his father know, he had been careful only gathering small pieces of evidence at a time. He had nothing concrete yet, nothing even close to the information he would need to bring senior down.
So how did his father know? The hired help laughed mercilessly as the blows reigned down, DiNozzo Snr just watched on.
"Well Anthony, let that be a lesson to you, stay out of my business or you might need another visit from my....."

Friends, that's what they were. They had been through the Police Academy together and now, here they were, graduating and about to start celebrating the next stage of their lives. John, Pete and Jess stood together, shoulder to shoulder with him through all the joy, all the trials and he loved them for it. For the first time in his life he could really open up, for the first time he felt truly at home. Sitting around on his couch drink in hand he watched his friends and they laughed and joked, then without warning the conversation changed, his friends glanced at each other before Jess spoke up.
"Tony," she began softly "we found the file, we know about your father."
'File' and 'father' were the words that hit him; he lost his grip on the glass he was holding and it fell to the ground and....

Shattered was a good way to describe how he was feeling, combine that with shock, grief, guilt, anger and a desperation that clouded his very soul. All these emotions and more swirled around inside him as he finally lay to rest John, the last of his friends to be buried after the horrible accident that claimed his three friend's lives. It had been ruled an accident, however Tony was not so sure, something wasn't right and he had a feeling his father had played a very large part in that 'accident', it was all to coincidental happening so soon after his friends had approached him about the file they had found. He vowed to himself that he would catch the bastard of a man and make him pay, he would continue his work and bring senior down. He also vowed that he would never again risk getting close to anyone again – the risk far outweighed any benefit - as soon as he felt himself getting comfortable somewhere he would leave. After all it wasn't like he had anyone to worry about him if he did leave, his friends were gone and he had no....

Family, somewhere along the line he had slipped up and now his team at N.C.I.S had become something he had always wanted, but could never safely have. He was still investigating his father on the side, but now he would have to be extra cautious, they could never know. He could not lose them too; he had to protect them, even if it killed him.

------ END FLASHBACK-----------

As the entourage of memories came to an end he continued to think about his next move, Gibbs would want to know what was going on, want to know what had happened, if only to stop it from interfering in his work. But he couldn't let him in yet, in his years of working at N.C.I.S the older man had become more of a father figure to him than his own flesh and blood – of course Gibbs did not know that, and definitely share didn't those feelings – but that's how it was. Tony really couldn't risk his friends finding out. Not yet it wasn't safe, but soon, he was so close to brining senior down. Perhaps after his meeting with Krista and the final piece of evidence he needed was given to him - the piece that would finally nail the bastard – then he might at long last be able to let his team, his family in, but for now everything was still too risky, Senior was a slippery SOB and Tony couldn't jeopardise anything until he was sure there was no escape.

Tim and Ziva hadn't understood, sure they didn't know about the beatings he had endured – they do now – Tony thought bitterly, but that was not the only reason he reacted as he had. He was conflicted, they thought he hadn't realised what a perfect match his liver would be for his father; however that couldn't be further from the truth. The issue now was his conflicting emotions on his motives. He had already made up his mind; he would go through with the transplant surgery, but why? Was it because of his sick, twisted mind which sought approval off the man – off anyone - despite everything he knew about him, the abuse, the shady deals, the deaths of those he loved? Was it because for once in his life he was actually wanted by his father - sure it was only for body parts - but wanted that was something Tony had never thought he would be? - Anthony you truly are damaged – Or perhaps it was more to do with justice, justice for those his father had hurt over the years and the promise he had made to himself that he would bring his 'father' down.. Tony was no fool he knew that death would be the easy way out for his father; somethings in life were worse than death and for Anthony DiNozzo Snr that would be losing face before his peers, losing his fortune and jail. Maybe that was the reason, he honestly didn't know and maybe he never would. But for now he would run, run out his frustrations, anger and sadness until there was nothing left. He was always running - he knew no better.

Gibbs was relieved to find Tony's beloved car still in its spot in the parking garage. That at least was a good sign, it meant Tony was still in the building and there was only one place an angry, frustrated DiNozzo would go, the gym. Gibbs hoped the bonehead had enough sense to stay off the punching bag, his hand wasn't broken but if he went at it with his usual ferocity it soon would be.

The gym was silent except for the slapping of feet as Tony ran out his frustrations, anger and whatever those other emotions were Gibbs saw in haunted green eyes. Gibbs watched silently from the sidelines content to let him go a little longer, it was only when Tony's breath caught and he stumbled slightly that Gibbs spoke up, none of his usual gruffness in his voice.

"Tony.... You can stop running now."

Those few words held more weight than either man could comprehend, but it was the reply that shattered Gibbs to the very core of his soul and opened up a truth no one was really ready to face.

"I...... I don't think I can Boss."

There you go, will Tony tell Gibbs the truth? You'll find out soon!

Tell me what you thought and give me lots of reviews to read while Im stuck in bed, they keep me sane!

The next chapter will be up as soon as possible, but please be patient as I have a few trips to the hospital planned out for the next few weeks to, put in the words of one Anthony DiNozzo "be pricked like a pin cushion." Wish me luck! ;0)