Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. Maki Murakami does.

A/N: An inner turmoil of loathing that cannot be escaped. Touma cannot cope.

Rating: Hard T, M if you wish.

By Touma Seguchi

There's a whisper on the tails of a nonexistent wind that I can hear at any time of day.

The haunting call of a nightmare I do not have to sleep to have;

Taunting an existence I never asked to have.

To complain would result in nothing.

To complain is underserved – selfish – spoiled.

For the cold blanket wrapped so tightly around me,

A perfect casket for an undead body;

Filled with holds in a rotted wood that would float in the sea…

If not for the weight of darkness within it.

I deserve nothing less

And so much more

Than the nothing on my shoulder and this whisper only I can hear.


Demons and nightmares

And ropes wrapped around wrists that are knotted and tied down to the ground as bait.

Bait for what –

Something I cannot see

But know is there –

A giant shadow that walks with the sound of heartbeats

And glows like pain.

I do not know what it calls itself,

And to others it holds many names.

It is not my God, but my God's opponent,



The despair does call and beckons forward

And I think I would like to follow it

And it would like to follow me.

And together,


We could walk with our hands clasped,

Ropes dropped free, and in their place –

Blood; and bound together more than,


Either of us would like.

But it would chill and my rain would not freeze

To Ice or Snow,

And I could be caressed by the sweet Bitterness of torment

In a never-ending downstream of beauty.


And how beautiful such chilling sorrow is,

Gleaming under the light of a Sun that does not exist,

Falling to pierce my skin like merciful assassins I have begged for,

For so long.

I Live because I deserve no better,

But do not live,

Because I deserve so much less.

These two poems were written within weeks of each other, and I didn't mean for them to sound so close. I tried to combine them, but the previous poem was more proper poetic than this one, so it wouldn't work. In the end, however, I think I like it like this.

Tell me what you thought, please? :)