Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. Maki Murakami does.
A/N: An inner turmoil of loathing that cannot be escaped. Touma cannot cope.
Rating: Hard T, M if you wish.
By Touma Seguchi
There's a whisper on the tails of a nonexistent wind that I can hear at any time of day.
The haunting call of a nightmare I do not have to sleep to have;
Taunting an existence I never asked to have.
To complain would result in nothing.
To complain is underserved – selfish – spoiled.
For the cold blanket wrapped so tightly around me,
A perfect casket for an undead body;
Filled with holds in a rotted wood that would float in the sea…
If not for the weight of darkness within it.
I deserve nothing less
And so much more
Than the nothing on my shoulder and this whisper only I can hear.
Demons and nightmares
And ropes wrapped around wrists that are knotted and tied down to the ground as bait.
Bait for what –
Something I cannot see
But know is there –
A giant shadow that walks with the sound of heartbeats
And glows like pain.
I do not know what it calls itself,
And to others it holds many names.
It is not my God, but my God's opponent,
The despair does call and beckons forward
And I think I would like to follow it
And it would like to follow me.
We could walk with our hands clasped,
Ropes dropped free, and in their place –
Blood; and bound together more than,
Either of us would like.
But it would chill and my rain would not freeze
To Ice or Snow,
And I could be caressed by the sweet Bitterness of torment
In a never-ending downstream of beauty.
And how beautiful such chilling sorrow is,
Gleaming under the light of a Sun that does not exist,
Falling to pierce my skin like merciful assassins I have begged for,
For so long.
I Live because I deserve no better,
But do not live,
Because I deserve so much less.
These two poems were written within weeks of each other, and I didn't mean for them to sound so close. I tried to combine them, but the previous poem was more proper poetic than this one, so it wouldn't work. In the end, however, I think I like it like this.
Tell me what you thought, please? :)