Title: We Do Have Standards After All
Rating: T
Genre: Um…humor.
Pairing: could be read pre-Dean/Cas or as Cas screwing w/ Dean
Spoilers: Um…Cas is an angel? Heh.
Warnings: Lack of Plot. ;)
Word Count: 763
Summary: For a stakeout Cas is playing human, with mixed results. If you're looking for any sort of plot, look elsewhere, haha…

./.

We Do Have Standards After All…

./.

Castiel, Dean reflected, wasn't a good person to have doing surveillance. The angel was the opposite of inconspicuous, and Dean mentally winced as Cas practically fell off the barstool, once more drawing eyes.

"Cas, what the hell?" Dean hissed, yanking him none-too-gently upright. "You said angels don't even process alcohol like—"

"I am not intoxicated," Castiel murmured, leaning in just too god damn close to Dean. "However, you said I must keep up a pretense of being human, and given the amount of alcohol I have consumed I thought it—"

"Yeah yeah yeah, whatever, Cas," Dean sighed, "Low profile, okay?"

"Dean, I don't—" Castiel started, and then he hiccupped. Dean turned and stared as Castiel blinked and then hiccupped again. Dean's eyes widened and he really, really tried not to snort with laughter as the angel full-out appeared to be considering exactly what was happening.

"Odd…" he frowned. "There appears to be a spasm in the back of the throat that's causing—"

"Hiccups, Cas," Dean smirked. "They're hiccups."

"Ah," Castiel nodded, still frowning. Dean rolled his eyes and went back to nursing his beer. When he turned back, Castiel had disappeared to watch the game of pool, and with extensive cursing underneath his breath, Dean went and grabbed his arm.

"Cas—low profile, remember?" he half-snarled, pulling the angel over to the nearest wall. "The guy we're—" Dean blinked, scanning the room. "Shit, where is he?"

"I believe he's noticed our ruse," Castiel interjected, eyes flicking to the side, where Dean could see out of his peripheral the oh-so-very-large man and five of his no doubt nearest and dearest friends cracking their knuckles.

"Well this hunt is officially screwed," he groaned, wondering how he was going to get out of this without getting the shit beaten out of him, given Castiel's rather unfortunate habit of over- or underdoing any sort of help with depressing results. "There's no way we're going to find the amulet now, unless he drops it while he's rearranging my face. And damnit, I like my face how it is!"

Castiel wasn't even looking at the group of men now headed their way, however. Instead he was staring intently at Dean, as if considering matters, but when Dean opened his mouth to snap at him, Castiel grabbed hold of Dean's jacket with both hands and full out shoved him against the wall, practically attacking his mouth with his own.

Dean let out a startled noise of surprise, hands finding purchase on Castiel's arms and his eyes snapping open, but Castiel was a surprisingly good kisser, and it's not like his life was at stake or something. Castiel would have a reason for doing this, and it was hard not to enjoy the moment.

After a minute or so he heard someone asking questions in a demanding sort of way, but didn't really pay them much attention until Castiel was pulled away, evidently still playing the human!Card and the limited strength that went with it.

Dean wasn't really considering that, though, he was seeing red the way he usually only did when someone was manhandling Sammy, and when he pushed away from the wall it was with a growl. "Get your fucking hands off him!"

The head guy cocked an eyebrow. "Not trying to hurt your boyfriend, honey, just trying to find out why you were staring at me all night."

"We meant no offense," Castiel cut in. "We were simply discussing if you'd be interested in certain…group activities with us, but seeing as you are not…"

Dean could felt his cheeks start to burn as Castiel easily slipped away from the men and linked his arm through Dean's.

"Hey now, sorry," the other man said, looking a bit upset. "I thought you were—well. I didn't say I wouldn't be interested," he added, now full-out leering, and Dean turned to Castiel but the angel was just looking at the other man with disdain.

"After the way you've acted? We no longer are. Have a good night," he added, haughty as all get out, and then with a tug led Dean out of the bar, smooth as can be.

Dean was gaping at Castiel as they got into the Impala.

"What—what was that?" he choked out once he could remember how to speak. Castiel frowned.

"You told me repeatedly to blend in, and we were in a homosexual bar… I simply extrapolated the rest."

"But—and you…"Dean stammered, and Castiel just smiled an odd, almost satisfied smile.

"I thought I managed it quite well. Don't you?"

./.

Finis