I don't want to sleep…
I just want to lie here and feel your heartbeat…
Your breathing hushed against me…
I don't want to sleep when I get to feel this peace.
There was something in him that always caused his eyes to flutter open to moonlight pouring around him. Something in him made his instincts rise at this time. This night the moon was nearly full as it spread its illuminating effects through the open window to the side of his bed. The room held eerie elegance as the light draped its creamy decadence over every surface. His cyan eyes couldn't help but to stray to his side where she was lying. The illumination gave him ease of seeing her and the perfect shadows outlining her form beside him.
It was so unusual to have her touching him. He flinched when it first started; he tried to twist as far as he could to stay away from her. She is so persistent. She always had been. Every time he tried to seclude himself from socialization, she was there to push him deeper into her life. She didn't allow him to walk off into the shadows and disappear to his own thoughts. She never had allowed him to say no to her, she was everything he never expected of a person.
He had never wanted to be close to anyone. They were all trash to him, all speckles of dust littering the atmosphere. But her…
Shifting slightly, he tried to escape total envelopment; her head was pressed against his chest, one of her arms lying silently across his stomach. Why is she so comfortable with me? What does she see in me? It was odd for him to see her so relaxed and silent. She was always so full of life, always prodding him to do this or that. However, at these moments when he woke to midnight, he could see a different side of her, just as she had seen of him… somehow.
He found her strange from the beginning. He remembered meeting her, seeing there was something different in her to separate her from the rest of the herd. She wasn't part of the flow of people, she was an opposite, and he caught on right away to her personality difference. She was easygoing, and she didn't stay with the crowds. Instead, she bothered him. Sure, it was annoying, but she was peculiar. She was attracted to him, which was an unusual motive to add onto other characteristics of her.
"Ulquiorra, huh? Well, you certainly aren't the friendly type, are you?" She asked with humor in her words as she fell onto the bench beside him. I shifted then to. I moved away from her.
It was amazing how far they had come. How he allowed her to press herself against him, in the same bedroom, let alone under the same blankets sharing the same warmth. Again, he felt insecurity when he realized this closeness. He wasn't made for relationships. That much he was sure of. Or he had been sure of that, but now she had him oblivious to interaction. He was sure he was made to observe and stand at the sidelines, watching the world revolve in its meaningless manner. She made him think otherwise at times like these.
He liked this time of the night. He liked seeing her be the silent one while his mind raced through every aspect of them. He liked seeing the moonlight wash over them with mysterious intent. Everything he saw was real. Everything in his vision, he could believe was possible. The moon allowed him to see her lying beside him, and the shadow of their connection sweep across the floor.
He could feel the heat radiate off her and her heartbeat slowly pacing with her light breaths that he could embrace with the closeness. He wasn't tense anymore, he was relaxed and contemplative. He looked toward the ceiling now, trying to close his eyes to his hushed breathing intertwining with her own. Instead of putting him to sleep, it left him feeling jaded to the whole idea.
None of this is right.
Even now when he wanted to escape and save her by leaving her behind, he couldn't. She would wake up and notice him leaving with suspicion. He had lived through that before countless times when he had tried to disappear from her life.
Instead of trying to get away, he pondered at these times. He didn't think it was fair to give in, so instead he used the time to think. His eyes would close lightly, just barely allowing the moon to filter through, and he would concentrate on all the events that made up their past. He used this time to try to find a valid reason for why they were so close when he didn't belong in anyone's arms.
He even held a hint of enjoyment, which perhaps he could fully accept someday when he could put the pieces perfectly in place. For now, he dealt with it, enjoying the silence and the crisp air that filtered through the room as a final stitch to hold the picture of them together as a moonlight ensemble.
He didn't want to sleep; he wanted to stay awake forever at these times.
A/N: Another one-shot to keep me writing ^^ It's super short, and OOC for Ulqui I think… but it was fun to write nonetheless. I guess I tried to out mush my last mushy one-shot, lol. I thank Shay for the topic idea, as it is part of a word challenge she made for me.
Thanks for reading ^^ Reviews are appreciated.