I Can Still Feel You

by

Moviemom44

Author's Note: This was inspired by Collin Raye's 'I Can Still Feel You', but is not a direct song-to-story songfic in terms of the story. Instead, I tried to capture a feeling I got--an actual lump in my throat, to be honest--when I heard this song for the first time yesterday. I must give enormous credit to Wolverette, because I knew nothing about Mariko until I asked her to explain a reference she made to Logan's lost love in her review of my Rogan story, 'Tonight I Wanna Cry', another songfic that was based on part of the song of the same name, but not all. Something about the way Wolverette painted Logan and Mariko's relationship seemed to dovetail perfectly with this song--how she touched him in ways no one else could, how she was able to bring him back from his 'feral' self. Then, of course, there is the closeness he feels with Jubilee, another aspect of Logan's character I didn't know much about until I read Wolverette's stories. So, with Wolverette's encouragement, here it is--Logan's thoughts about the two very special women who are both still very much a part of his life on 'moving day'...

Author's Note II: No changes to the story, but I finally got all the lyrics to the song written down and added them at the bottom. I thought it was only right, since the song was the inspiration for the story. I just can't hear that song without thinking of Logan and Mariko and all that he's still missing...


I can still feel you.

In my darkest moments, when I get so close to finding out just how good my healing powers really are, I can still feel you as close as skin.

You're still there, in that place no one else has ever touched, or ever will touch.

No one here would ever believe how desperate I get sometimes for a little peace.

Well, maybe one someone.

She's come closer to finding you in me than anyone ever has.

And sometimes, when I'm watching her sleep, I can almost see you in her.

Almost.

But she's not you. It's not her fault, of course, and I've tried hard not to make her feel like she's not enough. I can only hope she understands, because I need her.

She has no idea how many times she's saved me, brought me back from a place so dark and deep I'd have never found my way out without her. I'd have been content to follow the blackness to whatever end awaits, but, like you, she wouldn't let me go.

Sometimes she does it without even realizing things have reached that point for me. Other times, she knows and she plunges into my nightmares with me, fights alongside me, makes me care whether I live or die.

She's got her own demons. And I like to think that I've helped her keep them at bay a time or two. She says I'm her strength when she wants to be weak, to give in and let the demons finally win.

That's how I know she's not you. You always knew that so much of my strength was just fear disguised as anger. If she's guessed that already, she hasn't said. Or maybe she just needs me to believe I'm stronger than I am so that she can believe it, too.

Neither one of us can sleep anymore without the other one, so we've stopped trying.

She moved her things into my room today and I have to say she's all but taken the place over with her makeup and her flowery smelling lotions crowding out my lonely deodorant stick and toothbrush. She made room for all those silky, lacy under things of hers by tossing all my socks in a milk crate that now lives in the closet with my shoes. I know. It makes perfect sense—to a girl.

So I wanted you to know that she's here and I'm as much hers as she is mine.

But no matter how close she is to me, or I am to her, she'll never be you.

You're still there, in that place no one but you will ever reach.

I can still feel you.


I Can Still Feel You (as sung by Collin Raye)

It's that feeling that someone is standing behind me

And I turn around and there's no one there.

And it's the sensation that someone just whispered.

Yeah, I still hear your voice but you're not really here.

Your memory is like a ghost

And my heart is its host.

I can still feel you just as close as skin every now and then

All by myself, in a crowded room, or my empty bed.

There's a place you've touched with your love

No one gets close to.

I can still feel you

I can still feel you

I can still feel you

I can still feel you.

You said you'd love me forever

Then you said, 'It's over.'

And left me without the missing link.

I thought I'd forget you

But I guess I forgot to

And lately I've been too confused to think.

When I reach for someone new,

It's like I'm touching you

I can still feel you just as close as skin every now and then

All by myself, in a crowded room, or my empty bed.

There's a place you've touched with your love

No one gets close to.

I can still feel you

I can still feel you

I can still feel you

I can still feel you.

In everything that moves

In everything I do…

I can still feel you just as close as skin every now and then

All by myself, in a crowded room, or my empty bed.

There's a place you've touched with your love

No one gets close to.

I can still feel you

I can still feel you

I can still feel you

I can still feel you

.