Author's note: Yeaahhh so.. I'm sorry... It's been awhile... I hope this entertains you. Came up with this while having fever delusions and bein sick without sleep and shtuff. Here you go.
Chapter 16: What, We're Not Crossing Universes?
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you... The FLASH!
No we're not.
Wait, you mean we're not doing DC characters yet?
Did you not hear what I just said?
No. Please tell me again.
Ugh, The Flash isn't in this chapter. Neither is Batman. Or Superman. Or a Yellow Lantern.
What about the Pink Lanterns?
Are they DC?
Stop lying you duck!
You're a peppermint candycane that's been sitting out for awhile.. Take that you fiend!
Ouch, your insults hurt me so bad. However will I survive.
Your sarcasm is scathing.
No offense but you're terrible at insulting people.
Here I was, laying on the couch, being bored while Deadpool was off doing something. I don't even know what he's up to, I think he said something about a bank earlier but I'm not entirely sure... And then he mentioned Deathstroke... Maybe that's why I'm obsessed with another universe today! It all makes sense now!
Are you serious? NOTHING makes sense. I repeat, NOTHING. This is just some crazy fanfic turned crackfic written by a teenager who isn't even thinking about going into the writing field! Nothing ever makes sense in this story.
Haha here we go again with the candy cursewords, sugar cookie.
You're really annoying.
Again, I'm just an extension of yourself. Therefore you have a problem with yourself. Therefore you have low self-esteem! I thought we already talked about this issue before! Gosh.
I flipped through the channels to see what was on and something caught my eye. There was Deadpool standing in the middle of a barricade of cops thrusting a pair of panties in the air with one hand and holding a cherry blossom in the other, all the while laughing maniacally and hopping up and down. Very very odd... Oh crap! I just remembered he wanted me to finish that list by tomorrow!
Yeah? That shouldn't be a problem for you.
Um yeah.. About that...
BY ODIN'S BEARD, no you didn't!
I seemed to have 'misplaced' the list..
Master Pool is going to kill you. His groceries were on the back of that!
I think I'm in trouble. I don't even remember how many tasks I've completed. But I'm not sure I want to become a master at them. Because then that would automatically mean a Taskmaster cameo, and since I've just mentioned it, it's inherently impossible. Yay paradoxes! I am Hungary.
Maybe you should Czech the fridge.
I'm Russian to the kitchen!
Yeah, but it's covered in a layer of Greece. There's Norway I'm eating that.
Yeah but it says "Nacho Cheese" and there's a sticky note on it that says 'You hear that Sophia? Not yo cheese, now get out of my fridge. 3 Deadpool'. I think that means I'm not supposed to eat it.
Well then, you must know what time it is now, don't you?
Adventure Time? WHERE'S FINN AND JAKE?
Um.. No. Go get your taco, woman.
So I stumbled down the stairs because I'm clumsy and somehow found myself outside. Then I had an epiphany. If I had these awesome mutant genes, why couldn't I use them to benefit myself, and, inherently, Deadpool? Afterall, Batman isn't inherently good, why should Anti-heroes be inherently neutral? To the Taco Stand!
"Awaaayyyyy!" I shouted as I pointed my right index finger to the sky and ran towards the taco stand rather stupidly. I say this because I was still kinda messed up from that trip to see X-Man and my balance was waaayyy more off than usual. Everyone on the sidewalk was staring at me like I was a pariah. I sidled up next to the taco cart and-
You have such good vocabulary. You act like you're going to get an award for doing this and it's rather entertaining.
Don't you dare try to crush my dreams! You.. You... Dream killer!
Ouch, that cut deep. I'm so hurt. How will I ever go on?
Stop it with your sarcasm!
Okay, the taco guy was staring at me even worse than the others were. I think I can do this.
"Excuse me sir," I said, "would you mind telling me what color my eyes are?" I turned on the charm by glowing green.. Yeah, forgot I could do that, huh audience? Bringin it back into the storyline, ohhh yeeauuhhh.
"Um, I think.. Greeeennnnn.." His face went mindlessly blank as he stared into my luxurious green eyes glowing like the fervent imagination of a paranoid schizophrenic. Now is my chance!
I waved my hand in front of his face. "You will give me one taco for freeeeee." I said, coating my voice like velvet.
"I'm.. I'm afraid I can't do that ma'am, you're going to have to pay.."
Cupcakes! That sucks. One more thing to try..
"No I don't, I'm your most favorite customer and I earned a free tacooo.." Voice like a silk charmer, oh so smooth.
It's not that impressive..
"Yes you have earned your free taco! What a wonderful customer!" The taco vendor reached into his cart and pulled out a taco just the way I like it. "Taco for the best customer!"
"Oh why thank you!" I gushed. "I'm so honored!"
"You deserve it! Now get outta here, no need to draw a crowd!" He shooed me away. I couldn't complain. I gots me a taco!
Thank you for this lovely idea, inner voice.
There we go, that's more like it.
Hmmm we should probably do something for Deadpool to make up for losing the list...
I kinda just want to get him a super awesome churro with hot fudge and a bunch of other stuff on it.
I sat down on a bench next to a pregnant woman. Being the polite person I am, I decided to talk to her. She looked lonely. Most pregnant women do when not around their husbands. Sad reality.
"Is it a boy or a girl?" I asked very politely.
"Oh it doesn't matter, as long as it's healthy," the woman cooed.
"Really? Because I don't feel that those things are related at all, it's an either or question."
OH JEEZE, why did you say THAT?
Kinda slipped out..
"As long as it's healthy, we'll be happy. Hmmmm" She cooed again.
"Have you even found out the gender yet?"
"Oh, we know, but we're not telling." Again, a coo was uttered.
"Have you picked out a name?"
"Oh, we know, but we're not telling." insert coo here
"Well it's been real nice talking to you, have a nice day.." I said, politely.
"Everything's so trivial now that I'm pregnant, hmmmm goodbyyyeee." Another frickin coo!
A thought just occurred to me as I walked away from this...odd woman.
And what, pray tell, might that be?
Pregnant women are smug. To the grocery store!
"Awwaaayyyyy!" I pointed my finger skyward once more and galloped away like a stallion.
Endnote: Go listen to the song 'Pregnant Women Are Smug' by Garfunkel and Oates, it's hilarious and where I stole this last dialogue from. I'm sorry but I couldn't help myself! :(