Be Careful What You Wish For
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth stared at his computer screen in complete shock. He rubbed his eyes, blinked, and then read the headline again.
NYT BESTSELLING AUTHOR TEMPERANCE BRENNAN GETTING MARRIED!
By Staci Mitchelson
Post Beat Writer
Thanks to an anonymous tip from "a close, personal friend" of author and world renowned forensic anthropologist Dr. Temperance Brennan, The Post has learned that the author and her long-time partner (and rumored inspiration for her popular Andy Lister character), FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth, have finally decided to make it official and tie the knot. The source claims that Dr. Brennan gave Special Agent Booth a hard time about the idea of marriage, but that he was finally able to "help her catch up to her own reality" and convinced her to make it official.
Time and place for the nuptials has not been revealed, but the unnamed source promised they would be happy to provide pictures and gossip about the ceremony.
Booth sat in his chair, unable to move a muscle. He thought the article was mildly amusing, but he knew that Bones would probably blow a gasket. Even if the misinformation was in a tabloid newspaper. He was thrilled to sit back and wait for the fallout, because if he were around when she found out, he didn't want to get caught in the crossfire.
Meanwhile, at the Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab…
"ANGELA PEARLY GATES MONTENEGRO!!! Get in here right this damn minute!!!"
The scream that emanated from Dr. Temperance Brennan's office was rafter-shaking. Jack Hodgins, sitting at his station on the platform, ducked reflexively and thanked whatever deity was listening that he wasn't on the receiving end of that bellowing screech.
Angela poked her head into Brennan's office, watching her warily as she paced back and forth, waving the current issue of The Post in her hand and muttering to herself. When she finally stopped, she saw her former friend cowering in the doorway.
"Angela!! What in the hell were you thinking?" Brennan yelled. "You've done some really stupid things in your life, but this one absolutely takes the cake!!" She stood in front of Angela, chest heaving and flushed with anger.
"What on earth are you talking about, Bren?" Angela decided that absolute denial was probably the best policy at this stage.
"Oh, for God's sake! "help her catch up to her own reality'"? Do you honestly believe that I don't remember you saying that to me? I am a genius, Angela! I am not a blubbering moron!" Brennan was ready to punch something, and if Angela didn't explain herself and soon, she was going to be the intended target.
"Alright, alright." Angela sighed. "I confess. Look, Staci is a friend of mine, and we went out the other night, had a little too much 'glug-glug whoo-hoo' and this idea just…sort of…came out of my mouth before I could stop it."
"What idea, Angela?!?"
Blanching, Angela realized that her plan was not going to cone to fruition. She shouldn't have been surprised, alcohol-soaked scheming rarely worked out. "The plan to get you and Booth to finally admit your feelings for each other." she mumbled, embarrassed.
"What was that, Angela?"
Brennan and Angela both turned to look at where the question had come from. "Booth!" Angela breathed. "Oh, boy…"
Standing in Brennan's doorway and waving the newspaper in her face, Booth smirked. "I should have known you were behind this, Ang. What could you have been thinking?"
Angela glanced from Booth to Brennan and back again. Neither partner was looking at the other. "Guys, listen. I am sorry that I got drunk and played a really stupid gag. Honestly, I never thought that Staci would take me seriously. It was a joke!" Angela fervently prayed that they bought her story before they killed her. At least then she could die with absolution.
Booth finally spared Brennan a glance. To anyone else, she looked absolutely pissed. But when he caught her eye, she winked.
"Angela, you need to call your friend and have her print a retraction. My publicist has already fielded over 60 calls from real media outlets trying to confirm. It's getting ridiculous." Brennan sighed for what felt like the thousandth time that morning. "I mean, who really cares about celebrities lives like that? And let's just ignore the fact that even if Booth and I were getting married-which we are not-I certainly wouldn't announce it in a trashy paper like The Post!"
Angela felt like she was getting a reprieve from a firing squad. "I promise, Brennan. I'll call Staci right now and make this right." She looked to Booth and Brennan, a chagrined look on her face. "I really am sorry about the whole thing. Nothing like this will ever happen again."
The partners watched Angela slink out of the office with matching stern looks on their faces. "I almost feel bad for her." Booth said, smiling at Brennan.
"Almost feel bad for whom?" Cam asked, suddenly appearing from the hallway.
"Angela. Bones scared the bejeezus out of her about another one of her schemes backfiring."
"Oh, Booth…I was nicer to her than she deserved." Brennan shook her head and turned to go back to her desk. "Is there something you needed, Cam?"
"Yes, actually." Cam replied, pulling Booth into the office and closing the door behind him. "There are two places on the paperwork you submitted for your, um…status change, that need to be completed."
Brennan took the papers from Cam, scanning them quickly. "Oh. How important is it that this be completed today? I am still a little unclear on the legalities of the name change question."
"I can probably answer that for you, Brennan." Cam said, pointing to the line in question. "I can tell you that when Dr. Sawyer in paleontology got married last year, she legally changed her name but was able to use her given name professionally. Anything you put here will have to be whatever you've chosen to go by legally, because it will be on your checks or deposits from the Jeffersonian."
"Well, I filed the name change with Social Security last week, so that is my legal name as of right now. I suppose that will be what I need to file on the paperwork, then." Brennan scanned the papers again. "And what is this one? My benefits? Oh, I meant to change that from my dad to Booth and the minimum cash benefit goes to Parker in a trust. I thought I did that already."
Booth grinned and brushed a strand of hair from Brennan's face. "Bones, you've had a lot on your mind this past month. A little slip can be forgiven."
"Well, if someone would let me get a full night's rest, I probably would have remembered all this." Brennan rolled her eyes back at him, and then grinned mischievously. "I blame my lack of focus on you. Husband." She then did the most un-Brennan-like thing she'd ever done in Cam's presence, and stuck her tongue out at Booth.
As Cam laughed uproariously, Booth countered, "Hey, Wife…I cannot be blamed for your lecherous ways this time. I'm not the one who keeps waking us up at 3 AM!"
Booth and Brennan grinned at each other like a couple of idiots as Cam interjected, "Okay, you two. The less details I get the better. I would love to know when you're going to let everyone here in on the fact that you're married. I think some of our more…enthusiastic…employees are going to lose their minds over this." Both knew who Cam was referring to.
"Oh, don't worry Cam…we'll tell Angela. Eventually." Brennan laughed. "Actually, we were going to tell her today, but after that little stunt she pulled, she earned herself another week without the lights on."
"In the dark, Bones…in the dark."