Disclaimer: Whedon owns Buffy and Faith, Kripke owns Dean, Sam and Castiel.
I'm just a poor student with an overactive imagination.
Language, sexual situations and silly bartering up ahead!
Enjoy and remember, reviews give me the happies!
Castiel audibly swallowed as his throat suddenly became very, very dry. The brunette woman in front of him was stroking the lapels of what her friend laughingly referred to as his 'holy tax accountant' coat. She turned to look at her blonde companion.
"So can we B, pleeease?" her plea sounded like a petulant twelve year old asking for a new Barbie.
B, who had earlier introduced herself as Buffy, shook her head in exasperation and pinched the bridge of her nose as she exhaled noisily.
"Faith, we are *not* going to help them with their apocalypse just so you can get laid."
The brunette terror, *Faith*- Castiel had to remind himself of her name, just smiled beautifically.
"Oh come on B, don't tell me you're not getting bored. With all the mini-slays popping out of the wood like freakin' roaches, me and you are getting a little lazy in our old age. Besides, the next big apocalypse is scheduled for next month. We're good to party till then."
She licked her lips as her gaze travelled up and down, enveloping Castiel with heat and thoughts of terror, uncertainty and dare he say it? A little anticipation. Maybe his vessel's bodily functions were a lot more dominant than the angel had previously considered.
Castiel whipped his head around to beseech his ex-charge for help in this highly unbecoming situation, only to find that Dean was standing in front of them with a contemplative look in his green eyes and a silly smile on his lips. Samuel just stood at the blonde's side giving the whole group incredulous looks, like he couldn't believe what was about to happen.
Buffy gave a loud sigh of acquiescence.
"Fine. You're right, it is getting a tiny bit boring in the land of tweed. Besides, it might be fun to have a full blown apocalypse on home soil again." She smiled.
Sounding almost wistful she added, "It's been a long time since I've gone up against a god, I figure Lucifer should be a challenge."
A cough of shock sounded from Samuel, everybody swiveled their heads around to look at him.
"I'm ok…*cough, cough* Just go back to discussing whatever you were discussing before."
Castiel started looking around for any miraculous reinforcements that might decide to pop in.
Dean gave a loud laugh and smacked his thigh with glee.
"Well alrighty then. You ladies will help us stop the apocalypse, and in return, we promise you a month with Cas over here."
Castiel finally found his voice again. He shoved Dean away from the two women.
"You *cannot* do this! I will not be bartered back and forth like a fallen woman!"
Dean shoved him back and hissed, his voice low so that the others would have a hard time hearing him.
"Now listen here, you pulled me into this fucking war and you expect me to finish it. These two girls have stopped twelve apocalypses by their last count, they've gone up against frikin GODS! We need all the help that we can get, so if that means you have to go play Suzy Homemaker with a hot chick for a month, then that means that you'll learn to bake pie and whatever the hell she wants you to do!"
Castiel bowed his head and nodded, he knew that with his defection from the Heavenly garrison they would have no backup. Other hunters had given up on helping the Winchesters on account of them screwing up more often lately. They really had no choice, and besides, if he was honest with himself, the tiny spark of excitement inside his chest insured that this would be yet another experience in humanity that Castiel might appreciate in the long run.
They turned back to the women and he cleared his throat, hesitatingly he voiced his acknowledgement of their terms.
"Fucking awesome B!" the brunette slayer was practically bouncing with excitement.
"This is so wicked, now I'll be able to tell people that I popped an angel's cherry! Hell yeah!" she was practically vibrating with energy.
Buffy tilted her head at the angel, subconsciously parroting Castiel's most often used move.
"How do you know he's a virgin?"
Faith scoffed at her sister slayer.
"Dude, I can tell a virgin by like a mile away."
Her blonde friend cackled, "Yeah, it's one of your lesser known talents."
Dean started laughing as he slapped Castiel on the back.
"Sometimes, you just gotta take on for the team."
He leered at Faith.
"Although I really wish I was the one doing all the heavy sacrificing."
She snorted inelegantly, "Please Dean-o, if I wanted to screw myself I'd just stick to masturbation."
Buffy snickered at the situation.
Faith was practically salivating about getting her hands on a three thousand year old virgin, Dean was laughing along with her and only Sam seemed disturbed by it all. He voiced his displeasure loudly, wearing what Dean later told her was his 'bitch face.'
"Dean, you do realize that we just pimped out an angel?"