A/N: How…to explain what this is. WELL…I guess I should say this is a fanfic idea that I came up with while working on my 100-themes Challenge (on LJ-themes 69. Mine and 70. Yours, hence the title). It struck a chord with me and, with (very little) prompting I decided to upload it here. Why? To get more reader response.
The question I want to know is: Should I continue this? If yes, then this will be the Prequel, and I will start adding chapters when I get a significant plot line laid out (meaning: Updates will be slow) if not, then, well, I'll just keep this as random blurbs on my LJ, or I'll just chuck the idea to the wind (err...which I probably won't. *is bad about that*) it's all up to what the reviewers say.
Summary: Kanda and Lenalee are finally moving in together, and life seems to be looking up for once. Except, of course, for Lavi, the irritating friend, the friend who gets too drunk at the party, and the friend who...cries himself to sleep?
Warning: …mild shounen-ai, Excessive Drinking/Alcohol Consumption, oh, and this is an AU fic.
Other than that? Enjoy!
"What's mine is yours Yuu-chan," He hummed in half-drunken stupor, alcohol laden breath brushing past Kanda's ear, "S-ooo~ if ya ever wanna, y'know, borrow somethin' or…take somethin' of mine then you're more than welcome!~ 'Specially now."
"Do you always talk this cryptically while iniberated?" Lenalee wondered, faintly, next to them, eyeing them with varying degrees of concern, lips pressed in a thin but curious line.
"Oh yah know~" He playfully swatted at her, and somewhere low in his throat, Kanda growled, "An' don' be jealous Yuu-chan~ She's yer girl~ Yer girl! Bu' wha' am I?~"
His singing, they both decided, was horribly off-key. Nonetheless, "Kanda, I think Lavi's a little drunk." He gave a look, and she laughed, "Well, okay maybe not a little, can you take him up to our room? Just to rest?" Kanda gave her a much more scathing look, and she lowered her voice, "What? You don't want to be here, I can tell."
"Don't worry, I'll be fine," He glanced around the crowd, she giggled at his untrusting expression, "I can protect myself! You just take care of Lavi! He's your friend after all!" she said that last bit a little louder, just to get a reaction—and it did.
Lavi slung another arm around Kanda's neck and chuckled drunkenly, "That' cha are! We're da best a friends! C'mon, drink with me!" Though his glass was long empty (and Kanda's still half full) he raised it in a toast.
Kanda just shook his head and forced the younger boy off him, to flop awkwardly on the couch cushions, "No."
"Bu—" he cringed at the big fake tears that started to brim the other's eyes, "Bu' Yuu-cha—"
He exhaled, raised his glass to his lips, and took a rather large sip. Somewhere in the back of his mine he told himself he'd drastically regret that, but he would ignore it for now, if it shut the redhead up.
"There, happy?" He said through a scowl, and got a bobbing head in response. Then said bobbing head sort of careened forward, and he could barely ignore the glomp that sent him falling back against Lenalee, who only giggled, "Not funny." He ground out at her a moment later, attempting to shove said redhead off.
"I-I know," she tried to stifle her giggles, "just…take him upstairs. I think he's had enough."
And Kanda complied, simply because now they were drawing stares—of course they were, it was Tiedoll's grand idea to celebrate their moving in together, and Komui had been more than happy to help. It was like they thought they were going to get fucking married or something.
He shuddered inwardly at the thought. Not yet at least. Oh fuck no, as he hauled the redhead up off the couch and stumbled (Lavi was being absolutely no help, but then he seemed pretty passed out) up the stairs. He thought he heard the Moyashi claim something, but ignored it.
He nearly dropped the redhead three times before he made it to the bedroom, and dumped the package very unceremoniously on the bed. He told himself it didn't matter what side he slept on, but he was a little grateful it hadn't been Lenalee's. He would have had to punch him for that. Really.
…Though…the fact he was snuggling into his pillow and breathing in like it was a fucking life line didn't ease his stomach any.
"Oi, idiot," He kicked the boy in the side, and earned a groan, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He didn't know if he meant the pillow, or the fact he got wasted so early on at the party, or maybe he meant both.
"Doin'?" The boy droned, rolling onto his back and grinning messily up at him. Something seemed off, though, about the smile and the pinched quality of the others face, "What'd I do wrong Yuu-chan?~" And though the words were playful, the tone was nearly scathing.
"You know what." He barked out instead, "Getting fucking wasted." That's not like you is what he wanted to add on, but he hadn't, "Is it that fucking natural for you to act like a damned idiot?"
"Aww but Yuu-chan!"
"No buts," He ground out, "I at least expected you to be a little better than your normal self." Normal, idiotic, annoying self, yes, he could have hopes right?
"But no, you weren't. You really know how to make first impressions don't you?" Because Lenalee had invited some extended relatives over, and though their close circle of friends knew about Lavi and all his eccentric ways, they didn't. He could have sworn they had shot him a few scathing glances—which in turn turned to him because he had been the one to (grudgingly) invite the man.
"Can you blame me?" It mildly shocked him that the man sounded perfectly sober when he said that, though he was still reclining back on the bed; eyes just a bit glazed so that Kanda knew, no matter what the man sounded like, he was still drunk at least on some level.
Didn't mean he had to be any less mean about it, "Blame you? How should I fucking know what makes you act like a complete and total moron?"
He tried to pretend the hurt expression was fake. He realized it was a little hard a little too late, and then those words made it worse, "I'd like ta think you'd know cuz, well," his breath hitched, "it's your fault."
Something about the way he said it made it sound almost real, but he kept his face expressionless, and scowled instead, "Oh?" There was that horrible sniffling sound that couldn't be faked, along with a nod, "And what the fuck did I do?"
He was pretty sure the man wouldn't come up with a good reason. Which was probably why he was so surprised when he did, "You invited me without askin' if I wanted ta go."
"Lenalee wanted you here."
"Of course she did. You're dating her. You have a fucking house now, that you'll live in together until you eventually get married and have kids and move out." He was taken aback by the bitterness in the others voice, and for the first time in a while he could have sworn the emotion was real, and not something fake.
It was almost like when—
"You're still angry at me for taking Lenalee?" It was no small secret that the man had had a crush on her. Anyone could tell from the way he had flirted with her all the time. If that was the case then—but he thought he was over that and—
"Not 'taking', baka." The man rolled his eyes, "That's not what I fucking said. If you oh so can't remember correctly. You chose her."
"What's the difference?"
"You could have chosen anyone else in the world."
So he is angry.
"If you're so upset by me fucking dating her then you should have said so."
"How could I?"
"Well you fucking like her don't you?"
The man let out an exasperated sigh, "Like her, sure I like her—as a friend, fuck Yuu-chan how dense are you?"
He blinked at him.
But the idiot-rabbit just continued talking, "The reason I didn't want to fucking come tonight isn't because I'd see her happy with you, hell, she deserves to be happy! It's because you're the one making her happy. You."
"What about me?"
The mask dropped. Kanda had to say he was surprised, because what looked back at him wasn't a cheerful redhead who had always bugged him to death. No, this was someone almost entirely different. Someone who carried year's worth of bitterness on his shoulders. Kanda forced himself not to flinch.
"Did it ever occur to you that it wasn't Lenalee?" He blinked again, "Did it ever occur to you even once that the whole goddamn reason why I—dammit, Yuu-chan, it's because of you, not her. I—" his voice broke then, just a little, "I love you, not Lenalee. Never Lenalee."
There were tears now, and something blocking his throat, thick, and uncomfortable, stopping whatever words he could say in response. His brain couldn't even formulate one, but then he wasn't given a chance to anyway. The man just kept talking.
"But you never once got that. Do you know how fucking much it hurt? Why the hell do you think it's so impossible that I'd want to fucking forget just for a little while? So I could be happy for the both of you? Living together like some damn happy family," there it was, a choked sob, "why…why did…it have to be…her?"
And then the man cried, he saw them, tears—rolling down his cheeks in wet trails. It made his heart seize up for a moment, his limbs freeze in a similar movement. But it wouldn't do any good. It wouldn't.
Because the man was right. He…he hadn't noticed. And there was no taking it back.
He vaguely hoped she was happy now, with the way she always smiled, with the way she never frowned anymore, especially with the way Kanda's arm would sometimes wrap around her waist and rest there, like the perfect husband, perfectly appropriate.
He also wondered, in passing, if they had even kissed yet, after all she was his and he was hers now, they were more than allowed to do that. Though he was sure if they had he would have more than heard about it now. And maybe he should be glad he stole the man's first kiss, even though the other hadn't been particularly aware of it.
But he did know, as he sat there, tears running down his cheeks in a way his body wouldn't allow him to stop, even with the strictest training. Because he was defeated, now, more than ever. He's yours he wanted to say to her, had wanted to say to her all night.
It was no wonder he decided to get drunk. It was no wonder the scathing looks he received from her friends—all prim and proper and aghast that her move-in boyfriend had such a friend.
And now said man was in front of him, and it made him feel entirely too bitter about the whole thing. Now, he probably looked like a mess, face blotchy, eyes red, fuck—he was crying on the man's own bed—that they—they shared! He was making it worse, with the half sobs that sounded like he was choking and—
Kanda—Yuu—wasn't saying a damn word. Like he expected him to, but it made his stomach feel worse, and maybe it wasn't just the alcohol that made him want to throw up.
Fuck, fuck, fuck
Maybe he should just go home after a rest. After he stopped crying. After he cleaned himself up. After the man said something, but then maybe that would tear him up even more, but—but—
He tried to control his breathing a bit. He knew Kanda wouldn't speak unless he spoke, and to speak without choking he had to calm down. Just a little bit. But it felt good to cry for once, even though he knew he'd probably have a headache from it, made worse by the alcohol.
"I-I…guess…I sh-should…leave, sh-shouldn't I?" he didn't wait for a response, he wanted to get out, because the man kept staring at him and—fuck—
Oh god don't tell me he thinks I'm—But the look on the man's face showed otherwise, as gentle hands pushed him back onto the bed. What, what--?
"You're staying here for the night."
"Lenalee wouldn't want me to send you home alone like this." He seemed to cringe after that, as much as Kanda could, anyway, "Fucking baka, you really would probably get hurt." He said that lower, but that just made it hurt worse. Or maybe feel better. He couldn't tell anymore as he receded against the hands—allowed them to push him back down on the mattress, tears and all.
When he nuzzled into the man's pillow this time, the man didn't say a word, but he was vaguely aware that he was still staring, and maybe that was a good thing, as he allowed his eyes to close, and his thoughts to drift off into darkness…
When his eyes slid shut he breathed a sigh of relief. No tears anymore, but he could still see the trails they left on the man's cheeks. It made him sick, in a way, made his heart clench, and he had the oddest sensation of being flipped upside down against his will.
But for whatever reason, he didn't leave the man's side, even when he was well aware nearly twenty minutes passed, he continued to watch as the man breathed—in, out, in, out, hitched breath, soft whimper, curl into a ball (did the man always sleep in a ball?)—soon his hand was in his hair before he could really stop it.
And he had to wonder, exactly how long he had been hurting the man. Hurting him, being oblivious…it almost felt wrong that he worried so much over it—he didn't fucking worry! He didn't—
"Yuu?" He jolted at the soft knock at the door, hand retracting immediately from the redhead's hair as Lenalee's head popped through, "Is…Lavi okay?" She immediately lowered her voice when she saw his sleeping form, her lips lifted gently into a smile, "He's asleep?"
Kanda then realized his knees had gone numb, and when he tried to stand, he nearly lost his balance, from how numb his legs were. He didn't give an answer, though, what would she say if she knew he watched him sleep? He didn't want to think about that. Didn't want to think of why he watched him sleep.
So instead he turned on his heels, and she met him halfway, but the look on her face spoke volumes. She knew something happened, and dammit he wished she didn't. But then maybe he did. He was…he was…confused.
"We'll talk about it later," She whispered softly, touching his arm in a way that was too sweet for words, "Let's…go back downstairs, now. Your…father…wants to speak with you."
At that Kanda sighed and allowed her to lead him from the room, chancing one glance back at the redhead, before shutting the door softly behind him. He was confused, yes, and he hated it. But he could worry about those things later. Whenever later was.
And there you have it. As I said at the beginning feedback would be loved, and greatly appreciated! I have never paired these particular 3 together before, and judging just from this, I like the results.
…*goes back to studying for a Test she has tomorrow morning*