Written by: Mikami

Summary: A really horny Shinji comes to terms with his craving of an orange-haired human.

WARNINGS: Graphic sexual dialogue and profanity. Written in first person, present tense in Shinji's POV.

This ain't what it looks like.

But it's a damn farce tryin' to convince myself and all the other voices in my head that I'm not bein' a flamin' pervert. Still, I'm opposed to admittin' out loud how many times I found myself back on this ledge—avoidin' asinine reasons has divinely worked out in my book, ya know? Although the only thing it's really done is kept the world from realizin' that I've become a bloody ponce.

I never really understood the whole homosapian urge to fuck themselves over whether it be through a narcotic binge, a liquored-up joyride…or a complex sexual obsession with a orange-headed female that's endearingly missin' a few nuts and bolts. I call it the rape of my natural psyche. Lady Luck is a hideous bitch goddess that's crossed me off her second date list.

While my ass gets sore, I'm havin' that same old mental argument for the thousandth time tonight. Instead of stickin' around this personal hell, I should be hightailin' it outta here if I wanna keep my sanity and my fuckin' cock flaccid…

That train of thought goes cold as I hear the sound of a door slammin' shut. The twat is finally inside her apartment; my gut was churnin' up somethin' nasty when I spotted him comin' this way. But I expected it and its complementary disgust. They've been datin' for months now and fuckin' like rabbits.

I told you before—this ain't what it looks like. I'm not gettin' my jollies by hoverin' by the window, listenin' to my so-called colleague have a shag. But the habit of bein' incognito on her roof dies hard—and it was a million times better when it was just her alone.

Yeah…I actually wasn't surprised to discover that Little Miss Sunshine was a regular at flickin' the bean. And no, I didn't actively investigate that tidbit (although it did cross my mind). I gotta say that I stumbled on it instead and loved what I found.

Under all that cute overload, questionable cluelessness and bra support was a horny little thing. I couldn't tell ya how long she'd been playin' that contact sport for one, but I gotta feelin' it started from pure, golden curiosity—the exact same thing that had me wanderin' around her apartment before I found out about her late night quality time.

I had been minding my own business, doin' the rounds and sick to death of Hiyori's bullshit for one night. It just so happened I was in the neighborhood and decided to drop by to say hi—never mind that it was past twelve on a school night. I got closer to the window, feelin' the difference in her reiatsu signature. It was pulsin' and throbbin' but not from power or emotion. I thought a little innocent peek wouldn't hurt but Mother of God, curiosity yields its best rewards.

Her nightgown was hiked up; panties hangin' off one ankle and two of the nicest legs spread open as far as the eye could see. Her eyes were shut tight; the look on her face said she was fightin' hard for that release.

I wanted to be that middle finger swirlin' around that pink button. I could feel the inside of my mouth goin' dry while I absently pulled at my tie. I'm not a sadist; I wanted that glorious bed-ridden creature to get to nirvana, but at the same time wanted it to last as long as possible.

Her stomach was heavin', sweat glistenin' off her skin, makin' me want to shatter that fuckin' glass window. Her mouth dropped open, her eyes rollin' back into her head as those hips lifted from the sheets. It's like she was possessed, and even if she was, possession would be damn sexy if that was the case. I couldn't hear her cry out and to see her mouth stay open in one, long silent moan caused more frustration to ride up my brain. For those achin' seconds, I wanted nothin' more than to be there inside. Sure, she could get herself off, but I'd make sure to take it ten times further.

Her wet fingers rested weakly against her inner thighs, tantalizin' me, as she stopped to breathe. I got a better look at that appetizin' netherworld now that her hands were out of the way. I could feel myself driftin' toward the glass, hypnotized like a damn ponce and cravin' a taste of that fruit.

I was so bloody hard I couldn't even keep myself afloat properly and for once I wished I wasn't wearin' such tight jeans. The arousal was slicin' through me like a fuckin' hot knife with my cock screamin' at me to get the hell in there and pound her senseless. God, zippers are painful, especially when Shinji Junior is strained up against it and beggin' to come out. I needed to find some private area fast, as sick as that sounded.

After that I could never look at her the same.

I don't know what the fuck I'm doin' here, climbin' the stairs in her apartment like any other human monkey. Can't say I like 'em—humans—but in the end I bear no ill will considerin' I'm so damn hard for one of 'em.

I don't remember if I was once human. If I was, I sure as hell don't recall a single thing and that's prolly for the best. But ever since meetin' her, smellin' her…makes me wonder if I ever missed out on what those monkeys live through. I wondered how it feels to eat like a human, bleed like one…fuck like one.

Is this gigai even built to withstand that? A theory I'd be so willin' to test if she was game. I wanna know what she tastes like. I've thought about every one of her orifices at least twenty times in the past three fuckin' minutes as I finally reach her door.

Before leavin' the warehouse, I convinced myself I had an important message to give her about Hachi; which makes me full of shit. Climbin' the walls while thinkin' about how I can make her scream louder than Berry-tan can, I stopped resistin' that gravitational pull to her place. This time, I wasn't on her roof like a fuckin' perv, I was at her front door…which I guess makes me a bigger perv.

I knock on the door once, twice. A large part of me wants the apartment to be empty but a larger part just wants her legs around my waist—no pun intended. Three painful seconds later, I hear her shout at the door and her footsteps poundin' closer. My damn hand freezes in mid-air when she yanks the door open.

Wide gray eyes stare at me in confusion before familiarity and surprise take over. Her hair is sorta mussed, she's pantin' slightly, mouth open before her lips pull into a mega-watt smile. I see the beatin' pulse in her neck. I want to sink my teeth into it.

"Hirako-kun!" she says, all bright and shiny. "What a nice surprise! I haven't seen you since I dropped by the warehouse. How's Hachi? How's Hiyori?"

She whips questions like sharp projectiles, catchin' me off-guard for a sec. When I finally take my eyes off her mouth, I'm smooth.

"We can get to that later," I smile. "Better to talk about what you've been doin' these days, Darlin'. Trust me, what's been happenin' over at my place ain't so peachy."

"Really? You all seem so busy. I mean, with helping Kurosaki-kun and all."

Oh come on…That's what I get for thinkin' this conversation could possibly go on for five minutes without that asshat's name poppin' up.

I try not to roll my eyes when I say, "He's just doin' what he does best."

"So, he's getting the hang of it?" she says back, lookin' proud.

"Nah. Just makin' it harder for everyone else and bein' a douche."

It prolly should've offended her, seein' as how they were knockin' boots, but instead she just laughed. I honestly don't see where the hell this is all goin'.

"I'm sure he's doing fine, even if he doesn't really talk to me about it," she tells me. "But while you're here, you might as well come in."

She pushes the door wider for me to get through and I realize this is the first time I've been inside.

"I was just making up a new cookie recipe," she throws back, while headin' to the kitchen.

"Uh huh…" I trail off, lookin' around at the box she lives in.

A few seconds later, she comes back with a plate of flat green things. My stomach lurches. She said they were cookies. Those damn things are not cookies.

"Asparagus and Irish Cream cookies!" she grins proudly. "With a rhubarb and sauerkraut drizzle!"

I try not to heave ho as she shoves the plate in my face. If I eat one, I'll be shittin' in a bag for weeks.

"Try one," she offers, all excited. "I've already had three and I think they're great. Now all I need is a second opinion. You have awesome timing Hirako-kun."

Awesome timing for me to commit digestive suicide, you mean.

I really don't wanna. In fact, just lookin' down at those dirt-colored round things makes the room sway and I almost forget how much I wanna lick her to oblivion.

But one look into those eyes and I know I'm in deep shit. I'm not controllin' my hand anymore while it reaches for a cookie. I'm still not movin' my jaw of my own free will when my mouth opens.

I end up concentratin' on her smilin' face as a nauseatin' wave of torture envelops my poor tongue. Keepin' a straight face is key, keepin' my throat from closin' is vital.

"S'good," I'm barely hackin' out.

I look away for a sec, hopin' she didn't catch that last eye twitch. I use all the muscles in this body to swallow. I fuckin' swear that I'm sweatin' from all the effort.

To my relief, she seems pleased with my reaction and puts the plate down on the table. Then she trots her little self off to the sink.

"I'm glad you like it. I'll get you a drink to wash it down," she calls back to me.

I follow her voice like some starved lunatic.

"Water's fine, Beautiful," I cut in too quickly.

"Are you sure? I have some dragon fruit and bitter melon smoothie left over."

"Water," I repeated for the sake of my dyin' taste buds.

While her back is turned, I pull a paper napkin from my blazer pocket and bury the cookie. Then I shove the bundle back in, decidin' to use it later against some poor soul—like Kensei or Love.

Standin' behind her in the middle of the kitchen has its perks. I get to watch that mini skirt brush her thighs as she moves to the cupboard to get me a glass. The shelf is too high, so she ends up tiptoein' and makin' that skirt ride higher. My eyes are paintin' the back of her thighs raw—that line of blue fabric obscurin' that slick place I want to flick my tongue ring against.

While she pours me a glass of water, I already thought of at least a hundred ways I could slam her against the fridge and hike that fuckin' skirt up. All I'd need to do is slide a finger inside her and give it a little stir, much like I would a cocktail.

"Here you go—oh!" she jumps.

The hand with the glass just knocked me in the chest and almost spilled. My fault, I guess. I had no clue how I ended up behind her so quickly. I did say earlier how I forfeited bodily control at the door.

I reach for the glass but I'm not payin' any attention to how cold my fingers are gettin'.

I've seen that look on her face before. I saw it the first time I hit on her—when I was just psychin' her out on my first day of school. Apprehension…God, that's such a depressin' word. At that time she was kinda uncomfortable but was either unsure or too nice to tell me to fuck off. Makes me wonder if she's got it in her to do it now.

She thinks I'm standin' too close; 'bout half a foot away when I finally chug the water. I could feel those gray eyes watchin' me as I put the glass down behind her on the counter. Her pulse start to race and she realizes that I don't plan on movin'.

I always wanted to read her up close but half a foot between us still isn't enough, so I inch forward a little more. Those big, watery eyes just widen in curiosity and fear. There's somethin' both erotic and disgustin' about me feelin' randy because of that. I like that she doesn't know what to expect—that she doesn't know what this sick puppy is capable of. But I know curiosity when I see it.

"Hirako-kun…" she barely whispers. I hear a small tremble on 'kun' and it makes me smile.

I don't give a rat's ass anymore if I'm bein' bloody obvious. My eyes rake hungrily over her face, from orange hairline to chin, wonderin' if her curtains match the carpet underneath that skirt. God, I hope so. That one time when I caught her ridin' the hobbyhorse for one, it was still too dark to see everythin'. And I wanted detail—every drippin', slippery, pink detail.

I don't realize I'm startin' to heave, prolly lookin' like a starved animal in a cage, with bars between him and a gourmet feast. She makes me insane and I wanna eat her alive.

"He doesn't deserve you, Beautiful," I hear my voice get husky. "Does he make you happy?"

The question hangs in the small space between us. That blasted look of confusion passes through her eyes. Fuck.

"Yes," she tells me. "Ichigo makes me very happy."

It was the first time I ever heard her use his first name but that mattered little to me.

"That's not what I meant, Darlin'."

My face is serious when I say that, only because I mean it and more. She has no idea what I can give her. She has no idea what she wants until I show her, so the next time she's with him, all she can think about is fuckin' me.

I crane my head forward, my nose nuzzlin' the tip of hers as I avoid her tremblin' lips. But no matter how much I wanna bury myself inside that hot, slick paradise, I'm not the type of chap that goes without the green light. So I choose to fuckin' suffer instead.

"Ask me," I say, an inch from her mouth. I bite my tongue quickly after, worried it might come out of its own accord.

She swallows hard. I can feel that she's torn. Oh yes, I think the saint is considerin' a sinner's doin'. I don't wanna push but I wanna taste. A little one, even if it only comes to that.

My hand reaches up toward that decadent, pink mouth. My index finger traces her bottom lip before my middle one joins it, sinkin' into the warm moisture beneath it. It only took a second; the tips of my two fingers wet with her and I wished it were from down south instead. I make sure she's watchin' me, lockin' her eyes as I put my digits into my mouth to give them a suck.

"Tastes good," I say. "Think about it."

Then I back off.

"Thanks for the refreshments, love," I force out in a normal tone.

She's still ridin' the previous moment and I don't blame her. She looks kinda stunned so I give her a trustworthy grin. Poor girl doesn't even fathom that I'm turnin' to leave but I add a wave just in case she doesn't commit my visit to memory.

As I walk out her door and shut it behind me, I can't bloody help but wonder about the state I'd leave her in after eatin' her senseless. On the other hand, I just fuckin' screwed myself over and need to jump into a freezing river.