Disclaimer : I don't own it, or the video the idea came from.
Note : Check out a youtube video called 'Alvin and the Chipmunks Disaster Movie' for the location of my muse for this idea. LMAO. OH! And I also don't know the last song they sing, or the lyrics, so I'm going by ear...
Summary : Spotting Annabelle thoroughly enjoying an animated video of three singing rodents called 'The Chipmunks', Wheeljack decides to try and build them for her. Unfortunately, someone else is about to walk in and throw everything to the pit.
Warning : Rated 'T' for violence, language, and some rather disturbing humor.
As he just happened to wander into the rec room, Wheeljack took immediate notice that it was more or less bare, but for a few exceptions. The Lennox family were sitting on the Autobot-sized couch, with Ironhide leaning over the back, their eyes and optics fixed on the screen in front of them. The 'Vette twins were also there, watching the large t.v. as well, and exchanging confused looks, before shrugging and turning back.
Wandering over, he noticed they were all watching an animated show about three talking rodents known as 'Alvin and the Chipmunks'. A quick google search told him they were a famous cartoon family, Alvin being the leading troublemaking chipmunk, with Simon and Theodore being his brothers. They all wore sweaters, Simon wearing glasses as well, and were raised by a human male.
This is hardly fascinating. He thought, tilting his head as Alvin once again got into trouble, causing Annabelle to giggle excitedly.
His optics turned to her then, and he felt his spark softening at the smile on her face. It was no secret the tiny fleshling sparkling had taken every mech and femme's sparks by surprise.
Turning back to the movie, he tilted his head, searching for every possible reference he could find on these 'Chipmunks'.
When the movie was over, he'd searched every possible site he could find, storing all remotely useful information and scrapping the rest. He watched silently as the 'Vette twins left, smirking, and Annabelle cried as Will turned off the t.v. Ironhide watched Annabelle closely a moment, before shooting 'Jack a look, and leaving after the twins, preferring to make sure they weren't up to no good and trusting the Autobot scientist to keep his family safe for a few moments.
"I know, sweetheart." Sarah cooed at her baby girl, holding her close. "But the chipmunks need to rest now. We can watch more later, ok?" Picking up the tiny girl, she held her close, before locking eyes on Wheeljack.
Without even needing to be asked, he leaned forward and offered them a hand to the ground. Once he was done, he lifted his hand once again, this time for Will, and lowered him to the ground as well. Then he bid them farewell as they made their way out of the rec room.
His optics followed the tiny crying girl, his spark longing to make her crying stop.
Turning back to the television, he frowned. They need to 'rest'? But televisions are used to portray mostly fictional creations. His information also assured him that Alvin and the Chipmunks were indeed fictional. Then why would they need to rest? Spinning back towards the door, he slowly meandered out it and down the hall, his processors doing double time.
Well, if the television chipmunks need to rest between 'shows' then perhaps I could... An idea suddenly lit up his processors and a smile formed behind his mask. Pausing in an empty hallway, Wheeljack began to plan on what he'd need and what sort of modifications he'd need to make.
(Two Days Later, Wheeljack's Private Off-Base Lab)
He turned the screwdriver one more time, satisfied it was as tightened as need be, and then set the figure up in front of him. Tilting his head a little, he reached for a rather large square of faux fur and transformed his fingers into scissors to begin cutting it. Once he had the correct measurements, it was only a matter of minutes before he had the outer shell ready.
He placed it aside though, in a small safety box, as he activated the human sparkling-sized figurine in front of him. Watching as the little round 'eyes' lit up, and it began to sing. He stepped back a long moment, and watched as long as it took for it to finish all the songs pre-programed into it's processors, before gently switching it off. A quick diagnostic showed him everything seemed to be in working order.
Thank Primus. He rolled his optics, the light blue orbs darting briefly over to where about a dozen charred figures lay in a corner of the room, one of which was still smoking. I think I finally got it right. Still, he placed the faux fur over the figure, securing it quickly, before slipping on the tiny 'sweater'. Once he was done, he activated it again, and once again stood clear as it performed.
It was just a drone. No life, no AI or intelligence. It was just....a rather advanced toy for a human sparkling.
Turning it off, he set it carefully aside and began working on the next one. Never once did his proximity alarms warn him he was being watched as he worked.
(A Week Later, Diego Garcia, with Optimus Prime)
'Has anyone seen Wheeljack as of late?'
The group of randomly milling Autobots stopped whatever it was they were doing, as they took in the looming figure of their leader. Both sets of twins exchanged looks, internally wondering the same thing, and Ratchet frowned, scanning the base and surrounding area for any sign of the mad scientist.
'Last I heard, he was working on something.' Bumblebee chimed in. 'He asked Sam and Mikeala to pick up fake fur and cloth for him a little over a week ago. Haven't seen or heard from him since.'
'You don't think he's finally blown himself up...?' Ironhide blinked a little, one optic ridge slowly raising.
'No.' Ratchet shook his head with a rather dry look. 'If he did, we'd have heard it, and he probably would have taken half the island with him.'
'Still, this doesn't explain where he is.' Optimus Prime frowned, before rolling his optics and leaving the room. 'Optimus Prime to Wheeljack, do you read?' Silence met him and he froze, turning slightly when a firm hold on his arm spoke of Ratchet's presence.
"If he's damaged, he'll need a medic." The medibot shrugged a little, and together the two continued out of the main hangar, towards the main gates of the base.
'Wheeljack, come in. Do you read me?'
A slight burst of static, and both bots relaxed when the scientist's voice carried back, slightly exhausted sounding, but otherwise seeming unhurt and not all that worried.
'Wheeljack here. If it's not important, I'm working on something at the moment.'
'Where have you been?'
Not one to be cowed by Optimus' blatant disregard of his words, Wheeljack sighed. 'Making a gift for Annabelle Lennox and checking it thoroughly to make sure it isn't dangerous. I'm almost done. Now, if you don't mind...'
He trailed off, his clear indication that if there was anything important they speak now or forever hold their peace. When they didn't speak again, instead chosing to exchange slightly worried looks, he blocked off the line, and the bots paused, before shrugging and turning back to base.
'That answer your question?' Ratchet smirked before separating from Optimus Prime and making his way over to where the Chevy twins were fighting. Again.
Shaking his head, Optimus rolled his optics, before pausing and realizing he'd picked up on one of the many human habits, sighing, and walking off. While he was curious as to what Wheeljack was working on, some hidden warning in his mind told him he didn't want to know.
(With Wheeljack, a Few Hours Later)
With a smile, he nodded, taking a long, satisfied look at his work. "Excellent work, if I do say so myself." Placing down the tool he'd been holding, he turned and left the laboratory, locking up behind him as he went. Now, time to gather the Lennox parental units to see what they think.
As he left the office, he never once took notice of the dual sets of glowing sapphire optics that almost slithered out of the shadows as he disappeared around the corner. Exchanging a look, one hacked into the lock on the door with surprising ease, and the other slipped inside ahead of him. They both paused, frowning in confusion as they stared at Wheeljack's supposed 'top secret' work.
"Toys?" One hissed, his optics wide with shock.
"Human toys?" The other confirmed, before shaking his head. "Never mind. We have our mission."
They exchanged evil looks before strolling forward. One found the instructions written on a nearby data pad, as well as the wiring reports, and more. The other managed to safely remove the faux fur without damaging it, and opened a panel on the first one's back.
"Let's see how they like their dolls modified."
Exchanging one more look, they got down to work, rewiring the dolls only slightly, and linking with them to transfer new programming. It took a little longer than they would have liked though, as they kept expecting the 'toys' to explode on them, and thus took their time, but eventually managed to get all three rewired and programed, and back in place like they'd never been touched. They'd even made sure to tamper with some of the parts, replacing and modifying them as they went.
Suddenly, a ping over both their internal networks had them stiffening up.
"That was faster than usual."
"He's excited, we should have expected this."
With a grimace, both mechs almost bashed into each other, causing one to let out a hiss of 'Watch the paint!' before they transformed and took off out of the lab, the last one out sending a signal to reactivate the locking mechanism behind them and erase all traces it had ever been tampered with.
Once they were safely behind some large boxes, they transformed again and smirked as Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, Ironhide and Wheeljack all came rushing into view, all with their respective humans. A quick scan assured the two mechs, however, that Annabelle was not with them, and they sighed in relief, looking at each other and mirroring the expression of wiping sweat off their foreheads.
As Wheeljack pulled up in front of his laboratory, he quickly transformed and keyed in the code before striding inside. He walked right over to the dolls he'd been working on, and frowned a moment at the intructional data pad lying in front of them. I could have sworn I left that... Trailing off, he shook his head and got back to work, pushing the pad aside as he gingerly lifted the dolls and placed them one by one on the ground in front of all the adult humans. Trust the humans to turn a simple gift into the showing of a lifetime.
Sam, Mikeala and Epps had been unintended guests, as well as the Autobots, but that was nothing to detur him.
"I made these for Annabelle when she seemed unhappy her show was over." He explained. "Don't worry, I made sure to double and triple test them to make sure they won't explode."
Sam was staring at the frighteningly high pile of smoking dolls in the corner. "I can see that." He muttered, shuddering a little.
Mikeala giggled a little as Will looked down at the toys. "Aww, they're kinda cute."
"And they function rather well, too." Wheeljack's optics were bright with excitement. Picking up a small remote, he held it out to show Will, before transforming a finger into a screwdriver and tapping a button. "With a simple remote to turn them on and off."
At once, all the eyes lit up, and the three robotic chipmunks straightened immediately. Christmast music began to play, and they rocked back and forth, their furry little paws standing out as they swayed back and forth.
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
And a happy New Year.
"Kinda off season, but still cute." Will was smiling a little. He watched as their little mouths moved expertly with the words, and the exact voices of Alvin and the Chipmunks echoed forth from the dolls.
Good tidings we bring
To you and your kin
Good tidings for Christmas....
And a happy New Year.
They stopped, and all stood there a moment. Everyone had to admit, they were pretty decent, especially with Simon and his little tiny glasses. Wheeljack had really outdone himself, and he almost glowed under the smiles of Sarah and Will Lennox.
Then fresh music started up, and his optics widened with horror. I didn't program that song!
Boogie-woogie funky disco shake your bootie down!
Everyone's eyes and optics widened, and Sarah and Mikeala began to laugh, before looking at each other and beginning to sway back and forth, shaking their 'bootie's to the music.
Boogie-woogie funky disco shake your bootie down!
Looking at their respective girls, Sam and Will were grinning and soon began to join them, leaving the Autobots to chuckle at the antics of their humans. Even Epps and Bee got their 'bootie's down to the music, and Optimus covered his mouth to try and keep his laughter in, at seeing Bee swaying back and forth like the humans.
Come on and boogie!
By now all the humans and Bee were having a ball, dancing around. Wheeljack's horror slowly turned to amusement, and relief when they all seemed to still be having fun. However, it did not leave his processors that not only would he have to remove that song for sparkling Annabelle, but that someone had clearly tampered with his dolls, and this was probably not as bad as it would get.
Get it together and boogie!
Come on and boogie!
Get it together and boogie!
As the chipmunks powered down, Mikeala and Sarah were giggling happily, and Bee was bouncing around with his door wings perked high, warbling and chirping happily.
"Ok, those guys are cool!" Will announced happily, hugging Sarah close to him.
"Yeah, they're not so bad." Ironhide admitted reluctantly, still trying to act gruff.
Then the music started up again, and everyone froze in horror. The room went frighteningly silent and still as everyone just stared at the chipmunks.
Wheeljack's relief quickly fled, and his optics flashed as he listened to the chipmunks, who were changing right before his optics. Their 'eyes' rolled back in their head, showing wider, insane, bloodshot 'eyes' in their place, and foam began to form in their mouths as a heavier, death metal-type music began to play.
Mikeala and Sarah both took a step back at the darker, deeper voices that began pouring out of the chipmunks. "What the hell?" Mikeala took another step back, bumping into Optimus' foot and quickly walking around to hide half behind it.
Sarah wasn't too far behind, going as far as to climb up the frozen-in-shock Ironhide's leg, and getting to his knee joint before he shook himself out and scooped her up, holding her protectively.
"What the slag?!" Ironhide's cannons whirled to life, but he carefully powered down the one attached to the arm he was holding Sarah with. "Wheeljack..."
"I have a feeling I've been pranked." The scientist ground out, his optics flashing red. He watched the chipmunks, now rather rabid-looking, headbang to the music, singing in much deeper voices. And I'm going to find out who did this and weld these little dolls up their afts!
Death and Damnation
Sam shuddered, eyes wide as he stared at the center chipmunk, who was dribbling white foam from his mouth. As they stopped singing, he swallowed heavily and took a step back. "I think that one's got rabies." He pointed to the drooling, foamy chipmunk, and then yelped as it turned insane eyes on him, taking a step back.
"Where do you think you're going, punk ass??" He asked in a twisted version of Alvin's voice.
As the chipmunk growled and launched itself at Sam, who screamed like a little girl, everyone winced as it bit down on his crotch and his voice went even higher. He grabbed at the chipmunk, pulling for all he was worth, but the little robot was firmly attached.
"Wow, I always heard chipmunks liked nuts, but..." Epps shivered, and winced as Sam, still screaming like a little girl, began grabbing whatever he could to beat the chipmunk off his crotch.
"It's a good thing I never installed teeth into their mouths, and made sure they had safety protocols not to bite too hard." Wheeljack winced as he heard dogs starting to bark over at the base, from the pitch Sam's screaming was taking.
Sam was now standing next to a pile of wooden boxes, bashing his crotch against them as hard as he could, repeatedly, looking for all the world like he was humping the boxes, and causing Sarah to laugh uncontrollably from up in Ironhide's grasp, even though she was trying to apologize and stop herself.
"Get it off! Get it off!"
Will blinked from his vantage point at Ironhide's other knee joint, and shuddered in horror. "Damn, man! You sound like Michael Jackson!" He shuddered again, took one look at the other two dolls, and began hurriedly climbing the big black bot in front of him once again.
Mikeala took that point to run forward. She grabbed a random pipe from the ground and with one good swing, tried to whack the chipmunk with all her might.
....Just as Wheeljack came back to himself, deactivated the doll, and watched it fall lifelessly to the ground, leaving Mikeala with an all access pass to Sam's balls.
Even so, she still missed her intended target, thank GOD, and only ended up hitting him in his upper, inner thigh. Everyone winced, even the bots, as Sam gasped and froze. Mikeala's jaw dropped as Sam keeled over sideways, tears streaming down his face and high pitched whimpers echoing from his throat.
Didn't 'get' him, but still too close. Crap! She dropped the pipe and stood there, frozen in horror and horrified amusement as her boyfriend gave a groan and glared at her. "I'm sorry!"
Giggles erupted around the room, and Mikeala collapsed to her knees with laughter. "I'm sorry!" She giggled again.
"Wow, someone needs to let up on the helium." Epps stood out from behind Ironhide's leg, snickering away. "You could give Alvin and the Chipmunks a run for their money."
"No one..." Sam gasped sharply. "Ever....mention....chipmunks again." He glared at everyone from watery eyes.
"All I have to do is fix the rewiring and-"
"NO!" Everyone shouted, even as Optimus stepped forward and stomped on the two other dolls. Bee gently lifted the rabid-looking, lifeless 'Alvin' off Sam, and grimaced as he chuckled the doll over and Optimus stepped on that one too.
"I'll never look at chipmunks the same way again." Will groaned, finally having reached his wife in Ironhide's hand, and holding her to him. "And thanks for the lift, buddy." He glared slightly at Ironhide.
Ironhide was glancing around, and blinked a long moment at Will, as if not noticing he was there. With a grumble, he looked around again, before hurrying out of the room, muttering about glitch rodents and people out to get him.
"Him?!" Sam was sitting up by now, but still looking rather pale and sounding rather girly. "He's not the one who got a chipmunk and a bat to the nuts!" Though technically, he didn't get the bat in the balls. Luckily. VERY luckily. He groaned and doubled over again, curling up. "My testicles."
Needless to say, the chipmunk doll idea did not go over well.
Note : No offence meant to Michael Jackson (R.I.P), just trying to prove a point on how high Sam's voice was at that point. *Snickers* Oh, I can NOT watch that vid without laughing my aft off! Oh Primus! LOL!
Hope you like it.