Title: Christmas Greetings

Author: immortal jedi aka jedipati

Wordcount: 884

Rating: PG

Characters/Pairings: Sam, Dean, Castiel, Lucifer

Warnings: crackish

Spoilers: Through Season Five, to be safe

Disclaimer: I don't own SPN, nor any of the characters here.

Summary: It was the weirdest phone call Sam had ever had. Considering his line of work and what he'd talked about on the phone before, that was saying something.

A/N: I really have no idea where this one came from. But, uh, I like to think this little ficlet is good for a laugh.

Many, many thanks go to taintedlove on livejournal for the beta.


Sam sat down on the bed farthest from the door with a sigh. "Another busy holiday season," Dean groaned as he sat down on the other bed.

"I hate the holidays," Sam grumbled as he allowed himself to fall back so that his upper body was flat on the bed. They'd been dealing with cases- demonic, ghosts, even a run in with angels- with no break since just after Thanksgiving, and it was Christmas Eve already. It was exhausting, and Sam just wanted to relax now.

Castiel sat down in the room's armchair. Even the angel looked tired.

They all groaned when Sam's phone rang.

Sam sat up and checked the phone. It was an unknown number, which had Sam narrowing his eyes as he answered. "Hello?"

"Hello, Sam, it's good to hear your voice."

Sam frowned. The voice was somewhat familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. "Who is this?" he asked.

"Oh, Sam, do you really not recognize me?"

Sam froze as he finally recognized the voice. "How… how did you get this number?"

Dean sat up straight and Castiel turned to look at Sam.

"Relax, Sam. I don't actually have your phone number. It's complicated, but I'm sure Castiel could explain to you how I just directly connected to your phone, even if I don't know where you are," Lucifer said calmly.

Sam relaxed slightly. "Ok…" he said slowly. "Why are you calling me?"

His caller chuckled. "I just called to wish you a Merry Christmas."

Sam couldn't think of anything to say for a long moment. Finally, he regained the use of his voice. "You're telling me that you called me… just to say Merry Christmas? You? Why would you even care?"

"Sam, who is it?" Dean asked.

Sam waved his hand around. He didn't want to explain just yet. How could he, really? Dean frowned but nodded. He started to pace, shooting glances at Sam all the while.

"Yes, of course, Sam. I do, after all, have some courtesy. Especially for you."

Sam couldn't reply to that if he tried. This had to be the weirdest phone call he'd ever had. And considering what he did and the types of things he'd talked about on the phone before, that was saying something.

Lucifer laughed. "Oh, Sam. Why are you so surprised?"

Sam took a deep breath. "I would think that you'd hate Christmas."

Lucifer chuckled gently. "Why would I? It's a wonderful season. And it shows me that perhaps some humans are worthy of my Father's attention. And that my Father has not abandoned them as he abandoned me."

Sam's eyebrows went up. "I see," he managed. He was not going to feel sorry for the devil.

Lucifer coughed. "Never mind that," he finally said. "I'd appreciate it if you'd convey my greetings to your brother, Sam. And mine as well, if you see him."

"Your brother?"

"Castiel, of course," Lucifer said; an amused note in his voice. "My very foolish younger brother. Still, if he did have to fall in with a couple of humans, at least he chose you."

Lucifer laughed again. "He did manage to choose well, at least. Merry Christmas, Sam. I will see you again, and when I do, we'll talk. You'll say yes then."

Sam heard a click and then the dead air of a disconnected call. Moving mechanically, he ended the call and lowered his hand slowly.

"Sam? Who was it?" Dean asked.

Sam closed his eyes. "Who do you think?" he asked, a little hysterically.

"I don't know, you'll have to tell me," Dean said, stopping right next to Sam's bed.

Sam closed his eyes and let himself fall back. "I can't believe he called me," he moaned.

"Who?" Castiel asked.

Sam opened his eyes and turned to look at the angel. "Your brother," he said. "He wanted to wish me a Merry Christmas."

"What?" Dean and Castiel chorused.

Sam felt hysteria just waiting, but he took a deep breath. "Lucifer just called to wish me a Merry Christmas." His voice broke on the last word.

Dean sat down hard right next to him. "The Devil called to say Merry Christmas," he parroted.

Sam nodded.

"Why?"

"I don't know!" Just like that, Sam's fragile control broke and he started laughing. It quickly became clear that he couldn't stop.

Castiel stood up and placed his hand on Sam's forehead. Calm flowed through Sam and he took a few shaky breaths. "Thanks," he said.

Castiel nodded. "Why would he call?" he asked.

"I don't know," Sam repeated. "But he said to tell the two of you Merry Christmas too."

Castiel nodded. "Lucifer was never one for lies. He probably did wish to simply extend his greetings. Why, I don't know."

Dean pushed himself back so he and Sam were laying down side by side. Castiel sat on the other bed. "Take it a face value?" Dean asked.

Castiel frowned for an instant. "For now," he agreed.

The three of them were silent for a long time before Sam sat up. "So… anyone else want to celebrate? I think I know where we can get some pizza."

"God, yes, let's just forget about this," Dean said. "How much weirder can our lives get?"

"Well, he could be calling to wish us luck," Sam said.


End Notes: Maybe this story would fit better closer to the holiday itself, but the muse strikes when the muse strikes. Plus, I'm reasonably certain that it wouldn't fit the mood after the last two episodes before hiatus (no spoilers, just a hunch). So you all get to read this story a month and a half early.